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It's a good thing Chris has him pinned down - heavy body in his lap, hands cupping his cheeks, eyes looking into his with the intensity of a sun - when he tells Leon I love you.
Leon still manages to throw him halfway out of his lap. "Don't," he says, raw and desperate, ice cooling the fire in his veins, the heat from having Chris pressed against him, "Fucking- don't-"
"Leon-"
"Don't," he whispers, shaking beneath Chris, even though some small part of him is just as desperate to hear him say it again.
Chris doesn't move, but he doesn't say those words again. He just looks down at Leon to ask, "Why not? Why can't I?"
"Because-" He laughs, ragged and shaking. Because Chris can't love him. Because no one can, because Chris can't. "This isn't like that. This is just- this isn't- you shouldn't," he finally says, "You should find someone nicer than me and settle down. That's what you deserve." That's what he can't give Chris.
The room is silent except for their harsh breathing and the hum of the air conditioning for a long moment. "Are you saying that because you really think that's what I want, or because you think that'll make me leave you?"
"Does it matter?"
"Well both of them make you fucking stupid," Chris mutters, and shifts his weight on Leon's thighs, but he doesn't let him up, "But one of them makes you more of an idiot than the other one. I don't want to settle down with someone nice, Leon, I don't- I'm not going to leave you either. Not unless you really, honestly don't love me."
"I don't," Leon says, but there's no conviction in it, just a halfhearted reaction, a snap from a feral dog that doesn't know why he's biting either.
"I don't believe you."
He doesn't say anything to that, because he doesn't really have a defense against it.
Chris reaches for him, and he flinches away, but Chris kisses him anyway. "I love you. I love you," he says, and doesn't stop saying it till Leon stops flinching again every time he does, and the kisses taste like salt, and Leon trembles, and Chris keeps kissing him in between whispers.