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“The island is probably a million little broken pieces floating in the ocean by now.”
The thought made Komaeda shiver. Had they not found a way to sneak past those ships, their bodies would have been floating among those little pieces. Thanks to Hinata's quick thinking and everyone's cooperation, they had made it out of there quickly, but Komaeda had the distinct feeling that they weren't safe quite yet.
His hand was shaking...
His real one.
“You're probably right,” Komaeda agreed. He wasn't able to lift his eyes. If he did, he was afraid that Hinata would have seen the kinds of unsettled thoughts and feelings that were swirling around in his head. Nothing had been the same since he woke up. He couldn't figure out who he was, and Hinata... He couldn't figure out who Hinata was, either. “Maybe you should have... left me.”
Those words left his mouth in a bare whisper. He expected the wind to carry them away, but the ocean was completely still despite the messy disruption he felt inside.
“Why?” Hinata asked, leaning on the railing next to him. Komaeda could feel him watching, but he kept his eyes fixed on the waves, even as Hinata continued. “Are you afraid of getting in our way? Or... do you think your luck is going to sink this ship?”
If there was one thing he could always rely on, it was his luck. Even if he lost all of his memories, even if he became a different person, his luck was always destined to follow him for good or bad, finding more and more intricate ways to make him and everyone around him suffer. Looking up at the blood-red sky above the deeper waves, it was hard to see how hope would emerge from the bad luck that found them in their situation. There was nothing but darkness out there on the horizon.
Didn't Hinata see it?
“This is because of me,” he said.
Hinata's eyes were still upon him. “What do you mean? You were unconscious. Doesn't it sound kind of presumptuous of you to assume that everything that's been happening is somehow because of you? I know how much you love to blame yourself, but that sounds more like arrogance to me.”
“You're wrong...” Komaeda knew he was wrong. He knew because he remembered the moment when it all began. With apprehension clogging up his throat, he finally turned toward Hinata, his fists clenched, and tried to look at him with his dizzy eyes. “I made a mistake.”
Saying that, he felt the backs of his eyes begin to sting. There was a hysterical laugh lodged in his chest that wanted to escape so it could ridicule him.
“Hello, everyone!”
At the worst moment, Ibuki wedged herself in between their conversation, one hand in the air, a big dumb grin on her face.
“Mioda-san, uh-” Hinata closed his mouth and shook his head, dismissing his thoughts. “What is it? Do you know how long it will be before we arrive?”
She nodded, eyes closed with her arms crossed proudly over her chest. “Just a little bit more. We're almost there. And then we'll show those Future Foundation guys, won't we!” When she opened her eyes, her smile slowly slid off her face. “Uh... Yo, what's up with this nasty atmosphere? Was Komaeda bugging you, Hajime-chan?”
“It's not like that. We were just-”
“Bring everyone here,” Komaeda said.
Ibuki's step hesitated, unsure whether she should do what he said. She looked at Hinata, but he didn't tell her anything. That may have been enough to indicate that he was interested in hearing what he had to say, too. She turned and looked over her shoulder right as a few of the others appeared, drawn by the irresistible pull of the strange atmosphere that was forming around them.
Tanaka looked between them and narrowed his eyes at Komaeda skeptically. “What is this cruel malice I detect? It is as though this space is being possessed by the foul imaginings of the wicked.”
Sonia joined him, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. “I'm sure it's nothing. It's just Komae-” She stopped talking when she looked at him and her attitude changed immediately. “What is this dark presence!” she cried, voicing exaggerated dismay. “Something sinister is afoot!”
All of the others joined them as well, with the exception of Souda who was busy at the helm.
“This is everyone,” Hinata said, looking back at Komaeda with his brows drawn together. “What did you want to say?”
His throat still felt dry. Just looking at Hinata, it was hard to see him as the same person who he'd held hands with. From the moment he awoke, he'd sensed something different about him, but he hadn't had the time to sort through what it meant. There was a familiar air of disinterest behind his eyes. The moment he opened his eyes and saw him above him, he'd been sure that the person he was looking at wasn't Hinata...
Yet, his heart had leapt at the illusion he'd glimpsed.
Whether he was Hinata or whether he was Kamukura Izuru who he was meant to forget, it didn't make a lot of difference. He had separate feelings for the two of them, but... Nonetheless, he had feelings for them both.
But his feelings weren't what mattered. His life was spent shouting from behind a pane of impenetrable glass, his wishes to never be heard. The things he wanted most were never what he received. Even after his luck produced the most awful, atrocious catastrophes, it seemed that he was never going to be given some recompense for his suffering. Compared to the cold eyes that watched him, Komaeda would have much rather been rewarded with the release of death.
At least then, he wouldn't have been able to hurt anyone else ever again. Hopefully then, his luck would have dispersed into the air and flown away with the worthless ashes he'd have left behind.
“This is because of my luck. Everything is.”
Kuzuryuu stood with his back straight, staring at him with the piercing gaze of his single eye. “The hell are you talking about? Everything? Don't tell me you had something to do with that Enoshima bitch. Well? Spit it out, already!”
Beside him, Pekoyama's expression became equally severe. Her hand rested on the hilt of the katana at her side as if daring him to admit his guilt.
“Everyone, please.” Koizumi waved her hands, trying to get them to calm down before they heard what he was going to tell them. “We all did terrible things, didn't we? While we were in despair, there was... We had no choice but to do those things. I... I still remember everything that I did. All of us are responsible in some part for the way that things have turned out. Even if we were being controlled, it wouldn't be right to place the blame on one single person. I'm sure this must be some kind of mis... under... standing?”
Her words slowed as she looked at him.
Whenever any of them looked in his direction, they all seemed to realize how serious he was being. Komaeda was glad that they were finally willing to give him their attention, even if it had to be under such circumstances. Since it was all his fault, he wanted to at least take responsibility for it, and if they wished to tear him apart limb from limb afterwards, then that would've been alright. It would've been what he deserved.
Once it seemed like he had their undivided attention, Komaeda continued.
“Everything is because of my luck. Even if you think that sounds ridiculous, please allow me to explain.” He took a breath, feeling the world shift around him, but he tried to keep his eyes forward, to face them with dignity. “It's always been with me, from the moment I was born. Honestly, I wouldn't call it a talent. Even if it makes me seem special, it's just a curse. It took my parents from me when I was young. Before I came to Hope's Peak, I was given a terrible diagnosis. I should be dead right now, yet I'm still here for some reason. I can't keep making excuses for it. No matter how much good luck I receive, none of it is going to make up for the bad luck that has affected all of you.”
Hinata appeared to be thinking. “I still don't see what that has to do with us.”
“Do you... know of a man named Tengan?”
“Who?” Nidai asked. The others appeared to be equally clueless.
But Hinata's eyes were wide suddenly. “Tengan...?”
Komaeda nodded for him. “You know of him? He used to be the headmaster of Hope's Peak. After his retirement, he became an advisor to the school's board of directors. I was betrayed by that man. Or, rather...” He laughed to himself and needed to stop himself before it could grow into the hysterical laugh he was trying to suppress. “I should have never trusted him to begin with.”
Suddenly, Hinata grabbed him by the shoulders and was very close, an intense look on his face. “I remember him. Before I agreed to the Kamukura Project, he tried to counsel me. But- He was a nice man, wasn't he? I don't remember anything unusual about him. But...”
“So he got you too.”
“Wh-...” There was a vulnerable kind of surprise to be seen in his eyes for a fraction of a second. Hinata's grip on his shoulders intensified before he pushed him away. “Don't try to turn this into a conspiracy!”
Komaeda grabbed the railing on the side of the ship and caught his balance. Shakily, he stood up straight and looked back up at Hinata. “I bet you didn't know a thing about his unnamed project.”
“This is ridiculous,” Kuzuryuu muttered. “This shithead's talking nonsense like usual. We should've left him back there on the island. Don't listen to him, Hinata.”
The Imposter stepped between Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama and the two of them bounced off of him. “Be quiet. I want to hear what he has to say about this. Out of the lot of us, I believe that Komaeda would have been privy to things we were unaware of. He's a weasel, but that's precisely why this should be worth listening to.”
He could have sounded less rude, but Komaeda was happy to have someone's confidence. In the end, the Imposter wasn't the real Byakuya Togami, but he was as good at unifying the others as Komaeda remembered.
Once he was sure that they were listening again, Komaeda turned his eyes back to Hinata and addressed him specifically. “I was aware of the Kamukura Project – but only after it had already begun. I was about to be expelled for an incident I caused on campus when I was approached by Tengan. He and the board allowed me to stay enrolled at the school as long as I participated in one of their projects. They made it sound ideal. My luck was something they'd never seen before, so they wanted to study it. They made me feel special.”
It was difficult to remember everything that happened back then, during their project. Like the half-eaten remains of a nightmare, the details had became vague in his brain, but all of the upsetting feelings were still there. After waking up from the New World Program, he remembered a lot of things that he'd been forced to forget, but there were things from that time that still remained closed behind mental locks. It was like his own brain was trying to tell him that those things weren't worth remembering for the sake of his sanity.
He remembered the ways they tested his luck. It started innocently. He felt special to be a part of something important.
But then their tests became more intense and it became harder for him to justify his participation. It seemed like they didn't care about his good luck. They were only interested in finding ways to draw out his bad luck. At the point that they were risking his life to make it activate, that was when he checked out.
He couldn't remember anything from then. He just remembered wandering away from the wreckage of a downed plane. The image he saw when he looked over his shoulder was still burned onto the backs of his eyelids; the black smoke climbing to the sky, the blood on the windows... It'd been completely still and silent.
“I think they were trying to turn my bad luck into some kind of time bomb. I don't know why, though,” Komaeda said, searching his memory. “Tengan had spoken to me a lot about hope. He seemed to enjoy talking to me, but maybe he had just been indulging me. After the project began, I didn't see him a lot. There were just researchers from the school. I thought that it would all be for the sake of hope in the end... That was what I was led to believe.”
Owari pushed her way through the others and charged up to him. She grabbed Komaeda by the front of his jacket and lifted him off his feet. “This is because of that damned obsession of yours, then?! 'Hope this, hope that'! That's all we ever heard out of you!”
Hinata held up a hand and she sent a searing glance in his direction.
“Please, Owari-san. At least let him finish. I know who he was talking about, and now I'm worried that I may have had something to do with this, too.”
She looked confused, but she did as he requested. She let go and Komaeda fell to the deck.
Brushing his hands over his jacket, Komaeda warily watched as she went back to stand next to Nidai. “Right... A-anyway... The moment when everything went wrong was when...” Nervously, he glanced at Hinata. “When I came back to class after my 'suspension'. I couldn't tell everyone about what I had been through because I knew no one would have listened to me anyway. I went back to the labs where the project was being conducted, but everyone there had already been killed. I ran into Tengan and he was the one who told me who was responsible. I realized, as long as I killed Enoshima Junko, then everything should have gone back to normal.”
Hinata clicked his tongue. Eyes shut, he turned his head away, looking like he'd heard something he didn't want to hear. “So... My luck...”
“That's right,” Komaeda said. He was glad that Hinata was following along. “Your luck interfered with my own, so I was unable to kill Enoshima. At the time, I thought I was experiencing incredible good luck for all of the things I'd been put through. There he was, right in front of me – the school's symbol of hope, the culmination of Hope's Peak Academy's finest talents; Kamukura Izuru. I felt so honored to finally meet you! You were the one person in the entire world who shared my luck.”
“That's...” Hinata took a step back. There was no doubt – the look of horror in his eyes most certainly belonged to Hinata. “They used me? They gave me your luck for such a reason...?”
“I bet they made you feel special too.”
“Shut up...”
“Imagine if I'd been able to kill Enoshima Junko then. Please, by all means, everyone, imagine it for yourselves. Would we be here right now, as we are?” Throwing his arms out to his sides, lifting them toward the red sky, Komaeda tipped his head back and finally let that terrible laugh mock him. “Everything! All of it was bad luck from that moment forward! Our teacher was taken from us. Nanami-san, too. We fell right into Enoshima's hands. This world filled with despair, torn apart by heinous atrocities, was devastated by the catastrophic bad luck produced by my talent!”
The others were quiet in light of his revelation.
Koizumi's gaze slowly lifted from her feet. “N... No way... We know you have some impressive luck, but isn't that too much? Th-there's no way... I mean, it was Junko's fault. She was the one who led us into that situation. Are you saying that your luck really manipulated us?”
“Of course not,” Komaeda said, putting his hands back down at his sides. “My luck just gave the dominoes a little push. From there, it was all a matter of course. We're in the timeline where everything has been ruined thanks to my luck. Of course, it couldn't have happened without a little help from our friend Kamukura Izuru. I really did intend to kill her, you know.”
“What nonsense do you speak now?” Tanaka asked. He turned toward Hinata. “Did you have something to do with this?”
However, Hinata didn't appear to be capable of giving them an answer. His eyes had gone blank. They were blindly searching the surface of the deck as if he were looking for the memory that would explain what happened. “Why did I...?”
“Why did you stop me from killing her? Is that what you're wondering?” Komaeda asked. He leaned an elbow on the railing and casually put his chin in his palm. “Hm. Oh, I don't know. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt this time around, though. My luck probably just took advantage of yours and made you do it. Between the two of us, do you really think that your luck is stronger than mine, Kamukura-kun? My luck isn't something that could be duplicated artificially.”
“No...” Hinata rubbed a hand over his forehead as he collected his thoughts. “No, I chose to stop you on my own. When the gun jammed, I felt... Excited? Maybe that word's too strong to describe what I felt, but I was definitely curious. I wanted to see whose luck was stronger. I was impressed that you lived after I shot you, but...”
“Hmm... Having regrets? You shouldn't have wasted that bullet on someone like me. You should've saved it for Enoshima. I'm flattered, though.”
Kuzuryuu put his hands on his head. “Wait. You shot Komaeda? Man, who would've thought that would be a mistake?”
“S-stop it!” Tsumiki stuttered. “It sounds like Komaeda-kun was trying to help everyone, even if it meant... E-even if it meant killing Junko...” Her affection for the Ultimate Despair hadn't been completely forgotten yet, but she wasn't able to deny that it would have been wiser to stop her reign before it had a chance to begin.
“Still...” Pekoyama relaxed the hand on the hilt of her sword, but the rest of her still remained tense. “It was Komaeda's luck that forced this situation into motion.”
“I'm just as responsible for this,” Hinata said. “I was there. I was the one who shot the bullet that was meant for Junko. I just don't know what Tengan was aiming for by manipulating the two of us that way.”
Looking at the cold darkness gathered along the horizon, Komaeda had no doubt of Tengan's intentions. “I think Tengan really did care about hope... to a truly despairful degree. You may think that I have some kind of obsession, but it's only natural for me. With my luck, I have to believe in hope, otherwise everything I've been through would feel like it's been for nothing. But for Tengan... I think he may have been willing to let the entire world fall into despair if it meant it would provoke the forces of luck to birth an even greater hope.”
“You speak of luck as though it is one of the mysterious cosmic forces,” Tanaka commented.
“Isn't it?” Komaeda said, shrugging. “I don't know what it is. All I know is that it isn't something you should play around with – not like he did. He knew about Enoshima and yet he allowed her to remain at the school. If he was using her as a way of intensifying the consequences of my bad luck, then he must have been expecting a marvelous hope to be born from my resulting good luck.” He gave a short, bitter laugh. “That stupid old man. He isn't going to get anything. My luck isn't that generous.”
Hope?
Hope didn't exist.
After he awoke, that was what he realized. The world around him was dark. The light of hope had been snuffed out and it was his fault. His heart felt completely numb as he looked around at the accusing expressions of his classmates.
Nothing had ever gone his way. They weren't his friends. His luck would never benefit anyone. He was probably destined to be the last person alive, forced to watch everything burn around him.
The entire world existed to make him suffer.
Komaeda wished that he could close his eyes and find a new world in front of him when he opened them. He wished to open them in darkness and discover a universe where he never existed. That way, in some other world, the rest of them could live happily without him.
Nanami would have been there, hand in hand with their teacher.
If the two of them were there, things would've been different. No one would've needed him. No one would've noticed he was missing.
“Hey, look!” Ibuki pointed toward the distance where they could see land approaching from the fog. “There it is! We're almost there-”
As they got closer, they could see what was happening around the Future Foundation building. The haze before their ship hadn't been caused by the ocean but the smoke that rose from the collapsed building in front of them. There was a helicopter arriving to the scene while there were already a few others on land. Men in black suits were lifting motionless bodies into body bags, frantically carting others on stretchers toward the helicopters.
The scene somehow didn't feel surprising to Komaeda who had become resigned enough to anticipate such a scene. The others were all hollering, trying to get Souda to speed them up so they could go help. Whatever they tried to do, Komaeda thought their efforts would be worthless. He'd given up on expecting hope from them, and it would've been foolish of him to expect anything from his luck to help change the situation.
If he jumped overboard and let himself drown, would that have helped...?
That was the only thing he was thinking.
After they docked crudely along the shore, everyone rushed off the boat. Komaeda remained on the deck, watching them run toward the smoldering wreckage of the once-promising Future Foundation building.
“Aren't you coming?” Hinata asked.
He couldn't. Not after-
“You're coming.” Hinata grabbed his left wrist and pulled him along after him. “Forget I asked. You don't have a choice now. You're going to make up for everything that's happened. And besides,” he said, looking over his shoulder with a smile that surprised the breath right out of Komaeda's lungs, “I need to keep an eye on you. Your luck shouldn't go haywire as long as mine keeps it in check.”
“Are you sure that's how that works?”
“Might as well be. What's our alternative? You'd probably sit all cozy on the boat and watch as the building crushed us. I'm not going to let that happen if I can help it.”
Komaeda didn't have it in him to object. All of his attention was on the hand Hinata had wrapped around his wrist. He couldn't physically feel it, but it made his chest fill up with a certain kind of warmth. Even if he seemed kind of different, and even if it was hard to tell him apart from Kamukura at times, Hinata was definitely still inside him. They were both there.
He wanted to ask him a question just for the sake of his own ego. “Hey... You said... you felt excited?”
Hinata's step faltered for a moment that was just long enough to be perceptible. He didn't look back at him, but Komaeda had the feeling he was speaking to Kamukura when he heard his voice. “You were disappointingly weak. I did not shoot you because I thought you deserve to die or because the world would be better off without you or anything like that. I may have even been happy that you survived.”
What a stupid situation to feel verklempt over...
Someone pointed a gun at him and he fell in love.
There wasn't any hope left...? When had he started thinking like that, again? There seemed to be a little glimmer right in front of him, leading him by the hand.
However, it was difficult to hang on to that bright feeling once they met up with the others. In the shadow of the building, bodies decorated the ground. Some of them were still trapped under the rubble, so Owari and Nidai began using their strength to free them. Tsumiki pulled out her medical kit to treat them, but there was only one of her and many injured Future Foundation agents. It was clear that they weren't going to be able to help everyone.
“This is my fault...” Komaeda muttered. He wished he could turn his eyes away from the destruction, but it was unavoidable. Everywhere he looked, his eyes caught something they didn't want to see.
Hinata tightened his hold on his wrist and pulled him around to look at him. “Even if that's true, just repeating that over and over isn't going to help anyone. We need to find out what's going on here. I know that you can help me with that. Stop pretending like you're good for nothing.”
Hearing him say that, Komaeda remembered the time they spent together on the island. Even in that terrible situation, they had managed to work together well as a team to uncover the culprits behind each murder. But in the end, he felt like he hadn't really done anything. He closed his eyes before the spear struck him, before he breathed in the poison, and he left them thinking that he may have finally been of some use, but when he opened his eyes again, he discovered that he hadn't left any impact. The world outside was unchanged.
He really wanted to believe in Hinata. He wanted to trust him when he said that he would be able to help, but he hadn't seen a single piece of proof to say that he was right.
Before he could say anything, they heard a sound.
All around them, they heard the ringing of cellphones, like a strange, electronic chorus rising out of the rubble. The Future Foundation members stopped what they were doing and opened their phones at the same time, and the rest of them waited, wondering if they had received some kind of important message about what was happening inside.
Although they couldn't see what they were looking at on their phones, they could hear the disturbingly cheerful music that accompanied the messages they'd received. All together, Hinata and the others looked around at each other, sharing a bad feeling about that familiar music that sent shivers down their backs. It took them all but a second to realize what the Future Foundation members were being shown.
“No! We need to stop this!” Tsumiki cried. The man she was treating attempted to pull his phone out of his pocket, but she slapped it away. “They're being brainwashed! Don't watch!”
Any question that agent would have had was dispelled the moment he saw the other members drop their phones. They stood stock still, staring into nothingness. As if orchestrated, they reached into their jackets and produced their firearms, aimed them at their temples, and...
“What's going on here?” The Imposter questioned, watching in dismay as more and more Future Foundation members fell to the ground. “They're... They're killing themselves. But why? It looked like they all received the same message, but who was it coming from? Enoshima Junko should be dead.”
As the others continued to theorize, Komaeda left Hinata's side and picked up the cellphone that Tsumiki had smacked out of the hand of the man she was treating. The message hadn’t been opened yet, fortunately, so he could see the name of the sender displayed on the screen. “It's from Tengan,” he said. Exactly as he'd feared. “He's the one behind this. The ex-headmaster and the director of the Future Foundation... He's the mastermind behind this whole incident. We need to find him.”
“That will be impossible,” came an answer from an unfamiliar voice.
They looked up and found a much more slender Togami Byakuya approaching them, a man with wild hair and glasses in tow. The two of them appeared to be somewhat battered from the collapse of the building, but they were still standing.
When he reached them, Togami silently looked over Hinata, then extended a hand. Hinata grasped it in a firm shake. Although Komaeda hadn't met him personally, he recognized Togami and knew who he was. It was a relief to see his face among the survivors. The man behind him, if he wasn't mistaken, was Hagakure Yasuhiro, the Ultimate Fortune-teller. The things he'd read about him didn't make him sound very reliable, but Komaeda was somewhat impressed if he was still alive despite his reported clumsiness.
“So tell us,” Hinata inquired. “Why will it be impossible for us to find Tengan? We have some business to settle with him – Komaeda and I in particular.”
“Uh... About that,” Hagakure mumbled, nervously cleaning his glasses with the front of his shirt. He slid them back over his eyes and wrung his hands together. “He's kind of dead. We don't get what's going on around here, either. We discovered his body inside the building – there was no mistaking that it was him.”
Togami nodded solemnly. “The message everyone received must have been automated. We received it as well, but we already knew that Tengan was dead, so we didn't look at it. However, the message wasn't limited to the Future Foundation. I've already received word that it's being seen across the world, meaning that anyone who sees the contained video will be brainwashed into committing suicide.”
Everyone's attention was drawn toward the front of the building when they heard a new voice and saw a man in a white suit running toward them. Hinata braced for a second when he saw the sword the man was carrying, but he seemed to relax quickly, like he knew who he was. Komaeda reserved his right to remain skeptical, however. His appearance was rather intimidating; his clothes were totally torn to shreds and there was a strip of cloth tied across one of his eyes like a makeshift eyepatch. There was dried blood on his face and all over his clothes.
When that man reached them, he paused, seeing all of them.
“Munakata Kyousuke, I presume,” Hinata said, confirming Komaeda's suspicion.
That was the man who had sent those ships toward Jabberwock Island. He was the one who had attempted to kill the lot of them, convinced that they were still Despair. It was like he hadn't understood a thing about their situation, but, judging by the guilt-ridden look on his face at that moment, Komaeda had the feeling that he'd finally realized his mistake. He simply wasn't prepared to admit it.
“We... need your help,” he told Hinata through clenched teeth. “Naegi Makoto and Asahina Aoi are still within the building. Presently, they're restraining Mitarai Ryouta, preventing him from killing himself. We think he might be the only person who will know how to stop the spread of this despair video. So... Please.”
“Mitarai?” The Imposter asked, pressing forward. His expression became serious, overriding his surprise. “Take us to him.”
Munakata turned on his heel and gestured for them to follow. As everyone began to quickly follow after him, Komaeda stayed frozen where he was, again afraid to move another step. It was enough that he'd already caused them so many problems. He didn't want to get in their way any more.
And not only that. He didn't feel like he was worthy of that moment.
Even thinking optimistically, if they all went inside and found Mitarai and helped him recover from the video's effects, then that was their victory. Komaeda didn't feel like he had a place among them in such a moment. It was because of him that they were in that position to begin with. He was the originator of their problems, so it would have been arrogant of him to also enjoy their happy ending.
If they even received such a happy ending...
He couldn't see how that was going to be possible. If what they said was true, then, at that moment, the video was spreading everywhere. For each breath he took, tens, hundreds, thousands of people were dying.
“Hey. Can you hear me?”
He looked up. Only one person had remained behind with him. Hinata's eyes looked at him with a look that Komaeda wished to selfishly recognize as concern. He had a hand extended to him, but Komaeda couldn't bring himself to take it. His throat felt dry and he couldn't even find the words to form the simplest response.
Komaeda's eyes drifted to the debris around his feet, to the numerous lifeless bodies.
“I... can't.”
“I don't care,” Hinata said. “I already told you – I can't leave you alone. Things could only get worse if I did. That aside, if you really think you're responsible for all of this, then you owe it to them to go with them and see it through to the end. You don't have the luxury of sitting out here with your head in your hands. You're coming with me.”
Really, he was so stubborn. “You almost made it sound like I had a choice for a second there.” He still didn't know what Hinata expected him to do with the hand he had between them. Just thinking about touching his hand made Komaeda's insides feel mixed up and made his palm sweat. His fingers were still quivering too, but...
Hinata grasped his hand so he didn't have to decide.
“Don't forget, Komaeda – I'm still the person you met in the program. You were always confusing us and you acted deceiving, but I really trusted you. You were confusing all the way up to the end, but I was willing to put my stakes in you.” He paused immediately and squinted. “Sorry, probably not the best choice of words...”
“Please don't,” Komaeda laughed. “I didn't enjoy having a spear in my stomach.”
Hinata squeezed his hand, smiling softly. “Come on. I don't think we have a second to be wasting out here.”
“Right.”
Despite what Hinata said, Komaeda believed he really had changed in significant ways. But... Even still, he really was still Hinata. Somehow, just by talking, he was able to pick him up from the dark places his thoughts had wandered into. Just like before, he was the only one who was willing to wait for him, who was willing to listen and include him. Even if everything was his fault, it was like Hinata was still determined to find ways to forgive him.
Komaeda couldn't understand it, but he was grateful that there was someone.
He probably didn't deserve to feel even that little bit of happiness, but before another wave of guilt could overwhelm him, he gripped Hinata's hand and quickened his pace behind him.
After entering the building, they followed the sound of the others' footsteps up until they could hear shouting coming from a certain room. They headed inside and found the rest of them already there, surrounding a screaming Mitarai who was being restrained by Naegi and Asahina.
Komaeda's eyes narrowed when he saw Naegi, remembered the flame of jealousy he used to feel when he found out that he was the one who had defeated Junko. Back then, he thought that her despair had been defeated, but he clearly couldn't have been more wrong. Even after Naegi had survived her game, the despair she had infected the world with only continued to spread. In the end, Naegi hadn't accomplished much of anything, as far as Komaeda was concerned. That wasn't something to be jealous of...
It was hard to say anymore whether he even still wished that he could've killed her himself. The thought used to tempt him, even if it was impossible. But once he came to realize that everything had been because of his luck, then everything else felt pointless. All of his past aspirations... All of his guilt... It was really all for nothing.
Junko hadn't been the one to send them into despair, he felt. It was more complicated than that. It was just painful to think that the person who he used to hate with every fibre of his being turned out to be just one cog in a machine too big for the eye to see.
“It's no use!” Naegi said, struggling to hold Mitarai down on the floor.
Asahina looked like a strong girl, but even she was breaking a sweat. “He won't listen to any of us!”
Nidai stepped forward, cracking his knuckles. “Step aside, you two. Let me hold him for you.”
Once Naegi and Asahina carefully let go of him, Mitarai attempted to scramble to his feet. Before he could get anywhere, Nidai grabbed him from behind and hoisted him off his feet, holding him around the middle with his arms trapped. He kept screaming like he was possessed, but there was nothing he could do to break himself free from Nidai's powerful hold.
“Let me go!” he shouted. “I deserve... I deserve this! Everything is because of me!”
Those words sounded familiar.
Hearing Mitarai say that was like hearing himself, Komaeda thought. Mitarai probably thought that he was the one who deserved to be blamed because it was his brainwashing video that had helped Junko manipulate them into despair. He had no idea that he was just one of those tiny cogs. If there was one thing he could do for him, Komaeda wished that he could make Mitarai listen for a moment so he could tell him who was truly to blame.
Her hands clasped over her heart, Tsumiki stepped closer to Mitarai. “If you think that you're guilty, then there are ways you can make up for it. You don't have to hurt yourself.”
“She's right,” Nidai said, holding him firmly. “You gotta listen to us. Killing yourself isn't the answer here. Nobody's going to blame you, so settle down.”
They wouldn't...?
No one was going to blame Mitarai? Even though he was so willing to take responsibility for everything that was happening? That sounded awfully comical, considering how none of them had been willing to afford him that kind of consideration. They'd only looked at him spitefully, ready to accept his guilt – ready to kill him for it.
And they were willing to forgive Mitarai? He hadn't even been a real part of their class.
No one had ever been willing to listen to him like that...
No one except...
“This isn't working,” the Imposter said, hanging his head. “We aren't getting through to him...”
They looked like they were almost ready to give up. Mitarai was their last hope, but they were already getting that look on their faces that said that they were becoming resigned, ready to accept their failure. Indeed, they had been through the brainwashing themselves, so they understood how powerful its effects were, but were they really alright with giving up like that?
Komaeda couldn't stand to watch them accepting defeat while he was right there next to the only person who had always been willing to listen to him.
“You're giving up?” he asked, stepping in front of them all. Even Mitarai seemed to become quieter for a second at the sound of his voice. “Look at yourselves. The classmates I cherished wouldn't have given up like this. When it involves one of your friends, you try and you try and you try. Did you give up on Nanami-san just because she was a loner? I know you didn't! Were you willing to stand still when Yukizome-sensei was in trouble? Of course you weren't! Have you all gone soft? You aren't acting like yourselves. This time, you're the only ones who can do it! Mitarai-kun needs you!”
Even if they would never care about him...
For the sake of everyone else, he had to remind them of who they used to be.
A silence followed. The others looked around at each other awkwardly, avoiding looking in his direction as if they were too ashamed. It seemed that he'd managed to get through to them somehow. He didn't expect them to trust him or act like he was right after that, but as long as it got them moving in the right direction, then that was enough.
Komaeda chanced a glance toward Hinata and found him looking at him with an expression that was difficult to read. Whatever that faraway gaze meant, it sent heat spiraling into Komaeda's stomach. He couldn't bear to look at him for more than an instant, so he pulled his eyes away.
At that point, the class had finally collected themselves.
“Komaeda's right,” Tsumiki said, lifting her head, looking straight ahead at Mitarai. “Please, Mitarai, you need to listen to us. I know you think that you're responsible for the video, but now you're the only one who can help us. No matter how deep your guilt is, we won't abandon you. You're very important to us. You're... You're very important to me.” Tsumiki's lips quivered and tears collected in her eyes as she forced herself to keep speaking, even if Mitarai was still yelling too loud to listen. “When I felt like I was all alone, you were there for me. You were my first real friend – the first person who didn't judge me at all. You treated me so kindly. I was so grateful for the time I spent together with you.”
Mitarai stopped for a moment and they all held their breath. It seemed like he must have heard her, but then he broke out into even louder shouts, tears rolling down his face. He was trying to say something, but everything that came out of his mouth sounded unintelligible.
“Mitarai, you have to listen to us!” the Imposter insisted. “I believed in you. I was so impressed by how dedicated you were to your anime, it... made me jealous. By becoming your doppelganger, I was hoping I could become a little more like you. I believed in the work you were doing. I would hate it if you killed yourself here before everyone gets to see the anime you spent your whole life working on!”
Again, Mitarai settled down for a moment. That time, his whole body began to shake, but his shouting had stopped. Naegi and Asahina shared a hopeful look with each other. Just when it seemed like they may have broken through the brainwashing, an unsettling laugh crawled out from between Mitarai's lips.
“It's... my fault... Because of me... You all... All of you...” He looked up and faced them but his eyes were swirling sightlessly. “Because of me, you all died!”
“Wh-What's up with this guy?” Souda asked, making a face. “It's like he doesn't realize we're here. Does he think we're dead? Or... No way, don't tell me we're actually ghosts!” He sounded genuinely startled by that 'realization'.
Kuzuryuu punched him in the arm. “Idiot, of course we aren't ghosts! He's probably hallucinating. He doesn't realize that we all made it out of the New World Program safely. Nobody must've told him about the ones who woke up.”
“Mitarai!” Tsumiki cried.
The Imposter went up to him and held the sides of his face in his hands, forcing their eyes to meet. “We're right here, Mitarai! Open your eyes!”
His tears continued to fall, wetting the Imposter's hands. Gradually, his expression became more tame and his sobbing began to quiet. He choked on some words he wasn't able to speak properly as his eyes began to clear, taking in the person who was standing right there in front of him. When he realized who it was, his tears returned along with an astonished smile.
“Y... You're really...”
The Imposter gently let go of him and backed up a step, allowing Nidai to let go of Mitarai. “That's right. I'm fine. So is Tsumiki. And so is everyone else. If you feel like you need to apologize, then we'll be willing to listen. We're here for you.”
Tripping over his own feet, Mitarai stumbled forward and threw his arms around the Imposter, crying loudly. At least that time, they knew that he was alright, so they let him take a moment so he could get it out. Tsumiki joined them, timidly putting her arms around the two of them.
Even Komaeda's frozen heart felt warmed by the sight of the three of them. In the past, he might've said that it was a sight to inspire hope. Instead, as he watched them, he just felt a painful stab of jealousy. Mitarai hadn't really even been one of them and yet he was the one who they embraced despite his guilt.
As sweet and as picture-perfect as that moment was, Togami interrupted them to remind them of the dire situation they were in. “Mitarai, I apologize if this feels sudden, but we require your help with the brainwashing video. Do you know of any way to stop it?”
“Do you know where it's streaming from?” Naegi asked.
Togami narrowed his eyes, silently admitting that they hadn't figured that out yet. Munakata spoke up and told them that he had scoured all of the rooms they were familiar with, but he hadn't found its source.
Just when the situation felt like it had reached its most hopeless point, someone new appeared in the doorway.
It was a girl who Komaeda didn't recognize. She was breathing heavily, like she'd just been running. She kept her head down as she took in one gasping breath after another. Her hair was clinging to her sweaty forehead, obscuring her face. It was difficult to see her features, but he noticed an unusual discoloration on the left side of her face; purple like a bruise.
When she looked up, Naegi collapsed to the floor.
That must've meant she was someone he was familiar with. Komaeda had never seen her before in his life, though...
Or... Maybe he had. She resembled an underclassman he only barely remembered. Perhaps she was the one known as the Ultimate Detective. If she was, then it felt fitting that someone like her would show up when they had lost all their leads.
“There's no time,” she said, clutching her chest as though it were difficult for her to breathe. “I know where the video broadcast is coming from, but I was unable to stop it. I think Mitarai might be able to...”
“Kyouko-chan!” Quickly, Asahina ran to her side and grabbed her before she could collapse. “I thought...! I thought that you were...! Wh-why? We saw that you had been injected with the poison, so how are you still alive?”
She shook her head. “That isn't the question you should be asking right now. We need to stop Tengan's plan. I refuse to let him have the last laugh.”
Naegi looked up at her with a lost expression. “Kirigiri...”
Togami and Hagakure went to him and pulled him back to his feet.
Kirigiri narrowed her eyes but sent him a smirk. “I said I'd be with you, Naegi-kun. You really thought I would've left you before I got to see the end of this mystery?” She gave a small laugh. “No. That's alright. I'm glad you believed me. Thank you. I was able to investigate without interruption.”
“I'm also glad to see you,” Munakata added. She looked surprised to hear that from him. “I'm sure that Sakakura would have been happy that one more person was able to pull through this. It's thanks to you that we finally realized where we'd gone wrong. You have my gratitude. I apologize for having been so blind.”
“Everyone, um...” Mitarai wobbled away from his friends. He dug his hand into his pocket and pulled something out; a small USB key with an embarrassing keychain of an anime character hanging from it. “Please, Kirigiri-san, take me to where the broadcast is coming from. I don't know if I'll be able to do anything to stop it, but I have to try.”
Even his resolve made Komaeda feel jealous. Looking at him was like looking at a version of himself from another dimension where he'd been able to get along with the class, where he was always accepted no matter how many times he screwed up.
He wanted to resent him.
He wanted to... but he was honestly really impressed by him at the same time. If that had been him instead, Komaeda thought he wouldn't have been as strong. He would've probably put his head in his hands and accepted that nothing was going to change.
But... It was because of the others, too. Mitarai was able to be that strong because the others believed in him. That was why he kept going. The encouragement Komaeda gave them hadn't been lip service, even if he'd just been repeating the things Nanami might've said once. The reason he was even there to witness that moment was because someone had believed in him and gave him the strength to be there.
They really did still shine.
No man was an island.
In order for them to shine their brightest, they needed to be together. If they kept going in that direction, then there was a chance that they could still become hope, he thought. His luck would probably demand that he remain as an outsider, but at least it made Komaeda feel happy for an instant when he thought about the others triumphing over the despair his luck had caused.
They followed Kirigiri to a previously inaccessible area. After walking down a long and quiet hallway that still shook from the instability of the building, they entered a circular room with a tall ceiling. At the center of the room was a terminal with a large monitor and a keyboard. The space was cramped, but they all fit themselves in together and waited as Mitarai inserted the USB into the terminal and began fiddling with the keys.
Hinata was watching the monitor with an intense look. Komaeda felt afraid that they had been too late, imagining all the people who had probably been too weak to resist the suggestions of the brainwashing video. He put his arms around himself and moved a little closer to Hinata's side, his shoulders trembling slightly. When Hinata looked at him, Komaeda looked away.
“I don't think I can stop the video,” Mitarai said. A few dismayed responses quickly arose from the group. “But... I think I might be able to play my anime on top of it. This machine seems like it's automatically sending a stream of the video to every device on the planet. Th-the implications of that are terrifying to say the least, but if I play my anime, then maybe...”
“Just shut up and do it already!” Souda begged.
Mitarai hunched over nervously, his hands on the controls. “U-um... Well, alright. I hope that everyone enjoys my anime. I really did work hard on it. Even if Enoshima ended up tainting my work, this anime was made from my true feelings.”
With that, he initiated the video.
It began in a humble way. At first, Komaeda wondered what was supposed to be so special about it. It just seemed like a regular anime to him. Predictably, the boy who was introduced in the beginning seemed a lot like Mitarai. Even if there was no spoken dialog, it was easy to understand the story through the characters' actions.
Very quickly, Komaeda found himself being absorbed by its story and the realistic interactions between the characters. The scenes were all short, so it was easy to tell that it had been made by one person, but its quality was on another level. Every line had been clearly drawn with love. Every motion felt fluid and natural. Komaeda felt like he could see the hours that had been poured into each second of its animation.
It couldn't have lasted more than twenty minutes, but Komaeda believed in the story it told. It successfully wove together every character into an emotional narrative that left him feeling like he could cry.
In fact, there were tears on his face. And when he looked around, he saw that it was the same for everyone else.
As the animation looped and began to play again from the beginning, everyone took their eyes away from the screen. They all laughed and wiped at their tears, embarrassed to be crying in front of each other, yet there was a light feeling in the air. It was like that experience had somehow brought them all closer. Being able to cry together was a powerful thing.
They could look at each other and say that they experienced the same feeling.
“It was even better than I remembered,” Tsumiki said through her tears. “It felt special to watch it with everyone.”
Mitarai smiled, relieved that they had enjoyed his work. “Thank you. I wouldn't have been able to finish it if it hadn't been for all of you.”
“Oh...” Pekoyama stroked her chin. “Could it be... Were the characters supposed to be like us?”
“K-kind of,” Mitarai said, glancing away bashfully. “I was never really a part of the class, so my only connection to the rest of you was through the stories that they would tell me,” he said, looking at Tsumiki and the Imposter. “I kept writing and rewriting my script, wondering what kind of anime would be able to spread hope to the whole world. That was why I ended up researching techniques in hypnotism... But then, when I heard about all of you, I realized that nothing is capable of spreading hope more than people acting like real people – just living, being together, struggling to find happiness. 'Hope' isn't just a happy ending. It's the whole journey and the people who push you forward along the way.”
Was that really true...?
Komaeda wasn't so sure, but his heart responded to Mitarai's words as if it were in agreement.
Someone's phone rang and everyone stiffened.
Togami pulled out his phone and looked at the screen before answering. He gave a few short responses to whoever was on the other end, thanked them, then ended the call.
“Congratulations. It seems like your anime is working,” he said. A round of relieved sighs went around the room. “I received a report from the outside. They said that your anime appears to be countering the effects of the brainwashing video. As long as the victims are able to see the new video, they aren't succumbing to the brainwashing.”
So relieved, Mitarai let out a shaky sigh of his own and slowly sunk to the floor in front of the terminal. “Thank goodness.”
There was another moment of silence after that. It was like they were waiting for something else to happen.
But nothing happened. It was just quiet. Mitarai's anime continued to play on the monitor and nothing seemed amiss.
“So, uh. Do I gotta be the one to ask?” Souda asked, breaking the silence. “...Is it safe now? Does this mean it's over? Did we defeat despair?”
Pekoyama pushed up her glasses with one finger. “It has to be. The culprit is dead and we foiled his plan.”
If only it were that easy.
“It's never over,” Komaeda said. Every eye in the room turned toward him, staring at him as if they were accusing him of crushing their hope. He knew that they just wanted it to be over, but it wasn't that simple. It couldn't be. “Despair can still return. Something like this could still happen again. You all don't know what it's like – how easy it is for despair to find you, even without a reason.”
It looked like Hinata was ready to refute that claim. “Don't you realize how hard Junko had to work to infect the world with her despair? Did you learn nothing from Mitarai's anime? It's true that despair might occur for no reason sometimes, but it's human nature to search for hope. Junko had to resort to using brainwashing to infect people with her despair. Simply by its nature, hope will always win.”
“That's wrong, Hinata-kun.” For some reason, it hurt to say that. “Not everyone is strong enough to believe in hope like that. There are certainly times when despair wins.”
Looking back at his own life, Komaeda couldn't remember a time when hope had ever won. His life was a series of misfortunes; one little bad thing after another, slowly snowballing, turning into greater disasters and losses. He'd only been deluding himself if he ever thought that things would get better. He didn't want to think negatively, but he didn't have a choice. Plain and simple, it was experience that told him that Hinata was wrong.
Hinata put his hands at his sides. “You're right. But then so what? What's your point?” It sounded like he was already done with their conversation. “If you think it's really that hopeless, then you might as well give up. But I know you, Komaeda – I know that you wouldn't be willing to give in to despair that easily.” He moved closer, bringing himself a step away from Komaeda. The look he gave him was one of unwavering certainty. “If what you're really saying is that you need something to believe in, then believe in the future.”
That sounded like a joke to Komaeda's ears, but he wasn't laughing. “The future? Hinata-kun, don't insult me. For someone like me, the future doesn't exist. There's no hope there.”
That was what he'd been trying to tell him.
It should have been obvious, yet Hinata was looking at him like he was hurt by something he'd said. Everyone else was quiet, too. It made Komaeda feel like he was on trial; he was just waiting for them to pass their judgment.
“You don't sound like yourself. I guess that means you really don't get it,” Hinata said. “There's hope in you. You might not believe it, but I don't think you could have ever believed so strongly in hope unless you already had some of your own. That's what I was trying to say; without even thinking about it, just by living normally, you begin to find hope.”
Living normally...
Didn't Hinata realize that something like that was impossible for him? How many times did he need to tell him? He was just one of the small dogs who was destined to continually be kicked into obedience by the life he was given. No amount of hope would change that fate.
So then, even knowing that, why was it that he wanted to listen to him?
“As long as we all continue to spread hope to the world in our individual ways, then despair will never return. It's up to you to make sure that it doesn't,” Hinata said, looking at the others around them who smiled back in agreement. “I used to be so afraid of being normal, I ended up making a terrible decision. It was thanks to you that I realized that being normal must be the greatest thing anyone could ever wish for. Having no talent isn't something to fear. That doesn't make you hopeless. A person who can be happy living a modest life already has everything they could ask for.”
It almost sounded like Hinata was taunting him by talking like that. It was nice that Hinata had gotten his wish and was able to become talented, but...
“But... I'll never...”
“You will,” Hinata said. “You still can. As long as I'm with you, your luck will never hurt anyone. You'll never experience bad luck, and maybe you'll never experience good luck again either, but is that a bad thing? Anyone can change the world with hope. You don't need to have a talent for that. You just need to be yourself.”
That was absurd.
Komaeda was ready to push him away, instinctively backing himself toward the door one small step at a time.
“You would stay with a person like me just to make sure that my bad luck never affects anyone again...?” Komaeda didn't believe him, but he wanted to. He heard Hinata's words and felt the cracks in his heart widening with the fear that he'd only been exaggerating.
He wanted to be ordinary. He wanted to trade places with him.
Hinata rubbed at his cheek. “Y-you make that sound like it would be a burden.”
“I-isn't it?” Komaeda asked.
Apparently unable to stand the tension of their conversation, Ibuki put her hands on Hinata's back and pushed him forward, making him stumble into Komaeda. “Jeez, you two. Just make out, already!” she said with pretend exasperation.
Souda gave her a look. “What? What are you talking about? They're not-”
Their lips met. (Souda lost his mind.)
Maybe it was just because they were already standing so closely. Maybe it was because the situation was demanding that the tension be relieved in some dramatic way. In whatever case, at that moment, Komaeda didn't really care what the reasons were. It felt to him like whoever had been overseeing his life had finally picked up a pen and decided to add a line of happiness to his story.
Komaeda wished that they could stay in that moment, but it was over all too soon. He expected to be met with even greater scorn from his classmates, but, when he and Hinata pulled away from each other, he saw that they were all smiling, like everyone was happy with that conclusion.
Hinata placed his hands on Komaeda's shoulders. “From now on, you won't be an Ultimate anymore. Are you okay with that?”
He still couldn't believe it. It sounded like Hinata was saying that he was willing to always stay with him. Komaeda doubted that Hinata would've kissed him unless he was being totally serious, though.
So... It couldn't have been a lie.
“Is this... my good luck? After all of that, I finally...” Funny. He was crying again. “A-am I allow to accept this?”
To have someone... Just one person who would always be with him...
That was the only thing he'd ever wished for.
Tengan really must have been foolish if he thought that he could've manipulated his luck to produce true hope. Or perhaps he'd been brilliant. It was really hard to say. After all, when Komaeda looked at the faces of the others from over Hinata's shoulder, for the first time, he had the impression that he might be able to call them his friends. If someone like him who had been endlessly battered by a fate he couldn't control could be given a future in which he was able to say that he had many friends and someone who would always stay by his side, then there was hope for anyone.
Komaeda leaned into Hinata's arms and heard the voices of his classmates.
“Hey,” Souda said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh... Sorry, y'know? I don't know what we were all expecting from you. Or- Nah, I should just speak for myself, huh? ...Sorry.”
Kuzuryuu shared a similar feeling. “Back then, Peko even told me to run. I don't know why I didn't listen. We should've... I should've listened to you both.”
“It looks like you really did have our best interests at heart,” Pekoyama said. “I apologize.”
Owari grumbled loudly. “Uugh, this sucks! Now I seriously feel like a jerk. You were just so creepy, you know? But I guess that doesn't excuse me for treating you like that. S-sorry.”
“What do you mean? He's still creepy,” Saionji said, rolling her eyes. Huffing, she crossed her arms and tried her best not to look too guilty. “But even if he's creepy, he is kind of nice sometimes.”
That must have been his good luck. Apologies were more than he could have ever asked for. Komaeda thought for sure that they were going to hate him forever. He thought they would never give him an opportunity. It was like the spell he'd been under had finally been broken the moment he let himself believe in Hinata. As long as he was standing by his side, their luck in balance, the others treated him like anyone else. He was totally ordinary.
And there was nothing wrong with that.
It was just like Hinata said. Talent wasn't what would bring hope. The power to turn that moment into reality had come from inside of him.
“What a nice class,” Kirigiri said. She gave a concerningly violent cough, and Naegi put a hand on her back.
“Kirigiri-san, maybe we should go get you some help...”
“I'm fine,” she said with a straight face, a rivulet of blood rolling down from the corner of her mouth. No matter what she had to say about it, she clearly wasn't fine at all!
The one who had nearly killed all of them, Munakata, seemed to be soaking in his regrets. “I know it would be too much to ask anything of you now, especially after what I did, but...”
“I think we'd be glad to help you however we can,” Hinata said. He kept an arm around Komaeda and looked back at everyone else. “Right?”
There were no objections.
The future they'd almost lost was stretched out before their eyes. There was nothing left in their way to stop them from stepping forward and seizing it with their own hands. There were bound to be troubles, and despair would always be there, but Komaeda didn't feel afraid. Seeing Hinata's smile, a splendid hope was born in his heart.
He was going to be alright.
There was a future.