Work Text:
Hyunjin is a painter. He creates works of arts that move people to tears. He's a dancer as well, his body one with the music. He is elegance. He's free flowing, like raindrops on a window. He's beautiful and stunning. He's the envy of omegas. The desire of alphas and betas. He is everything and omega should be. He would be an acceptable beta. He is everything an alpha is not.
Alphas are rough on the edges. They're brutish and strong. They're filled with hormonal tendencies that cause them to lash out. They hold most of the blue collar jobs. They fit inside those "dirty" jobs perfectly. They flourish in them even. They're not the free flowing of a river. They don't dance amongst the stars. They are just there. No less, no more.
Omegas are elegance and beauty. They're the artists. They bring dreams to life. They are the light on the horizon in the dark days. They're full of emotion and passion. They are the nurturers and caretakers. They are the ones trusted with the pups. They hold the most medical positions. They're the ones who hare vital to remind everyone of their humanity.
Betas are the calm and collected. The ones unburdened by hormonal changes. They're the ones in positions of power, able to stay neutral and consider the masses evenly. They're the lawyers and mediators. They're the ones you go to for a steady shoulder to cry on. They are a constant in everything.
There are some betas found in omega jobs and omegas in beta positions. You can even find betas in alpha jobs and some alphas in beta positions, not many though. Omegas and alphas rarely overlap, too much of an opposite. The brute versus the elegance and beauty. The only place they overlap is in the home, caring for their pups.
So, when Hyunjin finally presents and the thick musty smell of fire and oak burns through him, he slaps on a scent patch and hides it. He doesn't hate it, not fully. Being an alpha—that's just who he is. But, being an alpha in their world—in his world? The world of art and beauty? That isn't possible. Not when rivers of gold flow from his paint brush. He needs people to not know, not to judge his work based on his subgender. He locks it up. He takes the suppressants necessary to hide his scent and his behaviours. When he locks himself away for his rut, he allows everyone to whisper of his heat. Because why would he be anything else?
"It's gorgeous. One of your best pieces yet." Chan mutters into the back of his scalp. He had come up behind Hyunjin, who is sitting on a stool, as he finished the piece, wrapping his arms around the other and taking his time to scan over the entire canvas. Hyunjin likes that, when Chan takes his time to fully observe his works and not just praise them blindly. He cares, deeply. He cares deeply for Hyunjin.
Hyunjin scans over the piece. It's a faceless dancer, a ballet dancer specifically. They're wearing a purple dress with long flowing tulle, almost to their ankles—not the traditional short stiff skirts—that bleeds into the blue and gold background, like a stream trickling into the ocean. Their hair is coming undone from the bun, hiding their face, running wild and loose. They're carefree and happy in their own little world.
"Whoever it is, they're breaking free from everything they are expected to be. They're dancing for them, aren't they? Not an audience." Chan continues and Hyunjin melts into his hold. He wasn't fully sure what it was himself, but that makes sense. Of course it makes sense. Chan has always been able to read the stories he paints.
Chan kisses the crown of his head, "You wanna take a break?"
Hyunjin nods, still staring at the dancer, "Yeah." The dancer appears to move in front of him. He can see their hair come fully undone, the hair tie falling to the floor forgotten. They're laughing as they dance, a deep joyful one. Something similar to the ringing of a round wind chime.
"I'll go make some dinner, you take care of what you need here." Chan kisses him one last time before separating and disappearing back out of the room.
Hyunjin sits there, the arms around his shoulders and the kiss on his head still holding him in place like a ghost. He doesn't feel like he deserves Chan some days. Most days, actually, since he has never even told the other his subgender. Chan, probably and rightfully so, assumes that Hyunjin is an omega, a perfect omega. A picture perfect match to his own alpha. When he asked him out, Hyunjin was too excited to even think about it at the time and now he's almost a year deep into the lie. Because that's what it is, a lie by omission.
This is the only time he does fully hate his subgender. Chan is so perfect and loving and caring. He deserves an actual omega to dote on, just like he thinks he is doing. He's never questioned Hyunjin's lack of a nest in his apartment. Chan has made a few of his own which have felt like a knife to the chest for Hyunjin. He clearly feels like he's missing a piece of his omega and is trying to fill it on his own. He's asked Hyunjin a few times to join him and it hurts Hyunjin just as much when he sees the hurt from his rejection in Chan's eyes.
Nor has he ever asked to join Hyunjin for his cycle. They had only been dating for a month when Hyunjin's first rut hit and he banned Chan from even coming to his apartment building, terrified he couldn't hide the scent of an alpha in rut and not wanting the other to think he was cheating with a different alpha because he would never. Chan is one of a kind and Hyunjin wants to hold onto that as long as he can, selfishly.
Chan has never asked during his other cycles since. He simply stocks up Hyunjin's fridge and makes sure plenty of his own clothes are "forgotten" here in case he needs them. He had offered his own rut up to Hyunjin once and wasn't hurt when the other said he wasn't ready and that cycles were too important and vulnerable for him, even if all Chan did was feed him during it. He's never offered it since. The line was drawn and Chan accepted it.
Hyunjin also hasn't had sex with him, in general. Not that it is required for a relationship, but it's clear that it's missing in theirs. They have heated makeout sessions and will occasionally rut against each other, but Hyunjin always backs off before it gets too much. Before it's obvious he won't be slicking up. Chan accepts this too. They had a talk after the first time, when Hyunjin left in a panic.
"Did I go to far?" Chan asked him through the bathroom door. "I'm sorry if I did. I won't again, I promise. Just tell me what your limits are. If you wanna just kiss, we can. Nothing else expected or needed."
Hyunjin wanted to cry. The issue is he wanted Chan to go farther, but he couldn't allow it. This relationship is too precious to him to even risk losing. "I'm not ready, that's it. I don't know when I will be." He had answered when he finally got his scent and voice under control.
"That's okay. We don't need to rush anything, Jinnie. I care too much about you. If we never have sex, that's okay."
Chan is too perfect for this relationship. Hyunjin knew that then and it still beats in the back of his chest, every time his heart beats for the alpha, the guilt beats right back.
Hyunjin washes his brushes off in the adjacent bathroom. It's only a half bath, which is perfect for his makeshift studio. There's paint all over the sink, stained from years in here. He could easily afford an actual studio downtown, he makes enough money selling his works, but he likes having his paintings nearby. He has a strong fear that something would happen to them if they were in a completely different building
He washes his hands and looks in the mirror, there's a streak of paint on the tip of his nose, probably from him scratching it at some point. He doesn't wash it off, knowing that Chan will do it for him.
The smell of cooked food greets him in the kitchen and he has to stop to take in all the food. Food that definitely took more than 10 minutes he cleaned up to make.
"When did you…" He trails off as he surveys the meal. It looks delicious.
Chan chuckles as he takes in the amazed look from Hyunjin, "I peeked in at you a while ago and could tell you were wrapping up for the most part."
Hyunjin doesn't ask how he could tell that. Chan just seems to know everything.
"You've got a little…" Chan gestures to his nose. Hyunjin purposely misses where he knows the paint is which only cause Chan to chuckle again. He wets one of the dish towels, "I'll get it."
Hyunjin holds still and lets Chan wipe at his nose, once he seems happy with it, he presses a kiss to the tip of his nose. Hyunjin's cheeks flood pink and when Chan pulls away he steals a quick kiss on his boyfriend's lips before he gets too far.
This time Chan flushes and he turns to hide his blush by setting about dishing the food out.
Hyunjin lets him serve the food and set the table and soon enough they are both sitting at the table, kiddie corner from each other. Their knees brush against each other and Hyunjin feels safe and content with it all.
"The painting is really good, Jinnie." Chan speaks up after a while of eating in peaceful silence. "Are you submitting it to a gallery or selling it?"
Hyunjin shrugs as he finishes his bite of food. "Don't know yet. Why?"
"Well…" Chan pushes some of his food around on the table before speaking again, "There's that gallery being hosted by The Kim Place for nontraditional artists. You could always submit it there."
A feeling of cold spreads through Hyunjin, because there's only one part of him that is nontraditional when it comes to be an artist. The guilt beats loudly in his ears, drowning out his own thoughts.
Chan sets down his utensils and takes the utensils out of Hyunjin's grasp, when the he notices the other freeze, setting them to the side so he can hold his hands. "I don't mean to pressure you. If you're not ready to tell the world, that's fine. The painting just screams you. You are the artist performing for yourself, not the audience. You are free flowing and running wild. It just fits so perfectly to represent the fact that you've never subscribed to what they expect from an alpha."
Hyunjin blinks, the information still processing. Finally, he finds his voice, "You knew?"
Chan furrows his brow, "Knew what?"
"That I'm an alpha?"
"Well, yeah?" Confusion bleeds into his tone, "I knew before we started dating? You told me? Do you not—Wait, is that why you've been so scared when we get intimate? Oh, Jinnie." He moves his hands to cradle Hyunjin's face, "Hyunjin, love, for starters, I'm not attracted to omegas. If we're talking intimately, I rather get a knot up my ass then ever touch an omega's slick. Actually, I really do want a knot, yours specifically, but I'm also fine waiting for as long as you need, even if you need forever."
Hyunjin sniffles, a few tears having broken free, because this is not what he was expecting. He though Chan would up and leave him once he knew, and not that it is something he actually knew the entire time and loves him not in spite of, but because of.
"You told me the night I met you, at the gallery. You were explaining your painting to me, the one with the two men having grown old together. The one's with their backs turned towards us? You said they had turned their backs on society for deeming their relationship wrong, that two alphas together was against nature. So, they fought back in the best way they could, by growing old together."
Hyunjin does remember that day, but he doesn't remember saying he was an alpha.
"You said you were just like them. That you'd fight back in the only way you knew, by being so purely you that anyone who couldn't stand it would simply leave. I understood that as you saying you were an alpha who liked other alphas." Chan dips his head in embarrassment, "I thought you were blatantly flirting with me, to be honest. I wouldn't have been so quick to ask you out otherwise."
"Oh." Hyunjin mumbles out. He guesses it could be interpreted that way. Chan somehow knew his own story from the painting.
"Every time you shun away from being intimate, I thought it was because you weren't ready, that you were still scared on how you'd be perceived, even if it's what you want. That's why I started to be more open with things I want, like making nests. I would have a permanent nest set up here if you would let me, honestly."
Hyunjin blinks at that, at the raw honesty in Chan's eyes. "Can-can we have a nest? Tonight?" He asks, because maybe he can indulge in that. He likes the nests when Chan has made them because they're his boyfriend's nests, especially if they're for him. He just thought it was Chan trying to get him to nest, so he chose not to like them. He didn't like the guilt that ate at him when he saw them. The hurt he saw when he rejected them makes more sense now. He wasn't rejecting Chan's attempt to get him to nest, he was rejecting the nest of his boyfriend.
Chan smiles, "Of course we can. Let's finish dinner first so we can have a food coma in the nest and not wake until tomorrow."
That sounds good. Hyunjin picks his utensils back up after Chan releases his face. And he thinks, maybe, just maybe he will submit the piece to that gallery.