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Hayden Pike was not a conspiracy theorist. Not even a little bit. Unlike many professional athletes, he had not received enough head injuries to be won over by crazies on the internet claiming that the earth was flat or that jet fuel can't melt steel beams. No, Hayden was a straightforward man who believed in facts and logic. He didn't overthink events or analyze interactions for hidden meanings. He was generally content to accept things people told him at face value, especially if those people were his best friend of nearly a decade.
So when Shane started driving to Ottawa more often, he didn't initially think much of it... at least at first. He didn't dwell on it when Shane started "visiting his parents" every other weekend. Maybe there was some kind of family issue going on, or a health thing. Hayden knew from years of knowing Shane that asking too many pointed, personal questions would cause Shane to shut down and go full media trained hockey player mode (one time he had asked one too many questions about what Shane was doing for his Mom's birthday and Shane had replied "you know, it's always a team effort" with the bland smile he normally reserved for ESPN). So Hayden didn't push, although he tried to remind Shane at semi-regular, non-overwhelming intervals, that he was always there if he wanted to talk.
However, sometimes patterns and coincidences start piling up so high that even the most uncurious of men is forced to start pulling out the red string. Especially when said man's true crime officianado wife gets involved.
Everything began, as it so often did for Hayden, with a child-related crisis.
"Damn it" Said Jackie, hanging up the phone, "Emily is sick. She can't watch the kids."
"Fuck-"
"Swear jar."
"Sorry. Can any of your friends fill in?" It was their anniversary and Hayden was desperate to have one night with his wife that didn't involve any children, in-laws, or other hockey players. It was a rare occurrence in his life.
Jackie was already typing on her phone, "I'm asking them now, can you ask Shane?" Despite there being several fathers on the Voyageurs, Shane was the only one of his teammates Jackie allowed to babysit. When Hayden had asked why one of the men on the team with actual parenting experience couldn't do it, she had just snorted and said "I talk to their wives- I know how much 'parenting' they do. If any one of those dudebros can change a diaper, then I will wash all their gross hockey socks for a week. No, we stick with Shane. The first time I asked him to babysit he read a full book on infant care and subscribed to like 5 parenting podcasts. He's the only one that passes the test."
That checked out. Shane was reliable to a fault and never went into anything blind. He always had a plan. And true to form he texted Hayden back within 5 minutes. Hayden sighed, "Shane says he can't. He's in Ottawa."
"Wasn't he in Ottawa two weeks ago?" asked Jackie.
"Yea he's been going there a lot lately, I don't know why"
"Huh, I hope nothing's wrong with his parents"
"I don't think so - they seemed fine at the game last week. But you know Shane. His grandmother could be dying of cancer and he wouldn't mention it unless her funeral interfered with practice or something."
Jackie shook her head, "I just don't get it. He's so - oh!" She looked down at her phone, which had just pinged, "Oh lovely - Sara can fill in."
"Thank God!" Shane's Ottawa trips were again pushed aside in the relief of having secured a babysitter.
________________________________________
"Maybe he's seeing someone."
Hayden looked up at Jackie from the plate of pasta which he had been carefully focusing on not scarfing down. Four kids and a professional hockey career made slow eating a luxury he rarely got to enjoy "Who?"
"Shane" she said, looking pensive, "maybe he's seeing someone in Ottawa - it would explain why he’s there so much, and why he never lets me set him up." Shane's coming out had not made Jackie any less eager to set Hayden up with one of her friends. She had big dreams, of double dates and dinner parties and couples trips, and those dreams did not require a woman - just a person who would be worthy of Shane and be good with kids and be willing to gossip about NHL players with her over a bottle of chardonnay.
"Maybe..." Said Hayden, "He's so cagey about that stuff. Anytime I bring up dating he looks like he's about to bolt."
"Really? Even now that he's out?"
"Yea - I mean he's always been a pretty private guy- the only people I've ever known about are Rose Landry and Boston Lily and even then I didn't find about them from him directly."
"Wait." Jackie put her glass of wine down "Who's Boston Lily?"
Hayden shifted awkwardly. He had always been hesitant to talk about Lily, even with Jackie. Shane was just so awkward about her, even more than Shane's usual level of awkwardness. "Um... she's just this girl - or actually I think she's probably a guy... who Shane used to hook up with in Boston. She - or he - was saved in Shane's phone as "Lily" but I think in hindsight that was probably just a cover."
"Used to?"
"Yea it used to be that he would go to meet up with her- sorry him- every time we were in Boston- but this season he hasn't really."
"Oh my god! How did I not know this?"
"I don't know, I never even talked about it with him! Any time I asked about it he would lie and say, 'I'm just going for a walk' or 'I'm going to meet a friend'. But I'd see the texts on his phone and some of them were definitely... dirty. And he'd get this look on his face that I have never seen him make. Also, sometimes he would spend the whole night out and come home with different clothes. Especially last season." He shrugged, "Eventually I stopped asking because it clearly made him uncomfortable - and also because he played really well against Boston, I didn't want to do anything that could mess with that."
Jackie smacked his arm, "I can't believe you never told me this! I'm your wife! Didn't you know 'what's mine is yours' also applies to gossip? I have been trying to set Shane up with someone for ages! How long were he and "Lily" a thing?"
"I don't know... years probably?" Hayden said, which elicited a shocked squeak from Jackie, "I mean I remember him sneaking out from hotel rooms from like, 2012 at least? Maybe earlier. And they also would text before all our games with Boston.
"I think they had a big fight right before Shane started dating Rose though because Shane came back from a meetup looking really rough and clearly wearing another man's clothes because they were way too big... That's another thing that makes way more sense in hindsight, at the time I thought Lily had cheated on him or something. He played really terribly that game...
"But then last year after he and Rose broke up I think they got back together. He was way less subtle about it too, even though he still refused to acknowledge what was happening. Every time we were in Boston he would barely make it to the hotel room before leaving. He didn't even bother coming up with lame excuses anymore."
"And then this season?"
Hayden shrugged, "Nothing. When we go to Boston he just hangs out at the hotel or uses the gym. It's kind of annoying; I had kind of gotten used to my Boston alone time."
"Huh." Jackie said, leaning back, "That's weird, isn't it?"
Hayden shrugged, "That's Shane."
"He doesn't seem... I don't know upset at all?"
"Not really - maybe they broke up over the summer and so he's kind of moved on?"
"From a years-long relationship?"
"A years-long, long-distance, on again off again relationship- yea."
"Huh." Jackie looked thoughtful, then she sat up, "Wait you said they text before every Boston game? Even the ones in Montreal?"
"Um... yea... I guess so... I mean I think they texted a lot in general, Shane would always go all... soft whenever Lily texted. But they seemed to text more when we played Boston."
"Huh. And he plays better against Boston? Because of Lily?"
"Well, he did, I think that was probably also partially his rivalry with Rosanov, now they're just kind of another team. But it did seem like when he was with Lily he would be in an extra good mood for Boston games. When he dated Rose Landry, he was way less fun."
"That seems weird, doesn't it?"
"I mean...I don't know?"
"Do you think that maybe this "Lily" is involved with the Bears somehow - and he, like, travels with them?"
"Maybe, I mean it would be a bit weird to date someone who works for a rival team, but then again Shane is pretty much only interested in hockey so it would make sense that he date someone also obsessed with hockey. And..." Hayden winced, it was hard to picture Shane doing something that could be even perceived as unethical but then, it was also hard to imagine Shane in a secret years-long relationship, "I guess that would explain why it was such a secret, even after he came out."
Jackie's eyes widened "Oh my god! You know I always thought he'd be into someone athletic - that's why I was always trying to find, like, yoga instructors and personal trainers for him- but what... " she looked around to make sure no one was listening. No one was. It was 8pm on a Tuesday night and the restaurant was empty. One benefit of a hockey schedule was dining at odd hours when restaurants weren't crazy. Also, Hayden wasn't exactly a "celebrity" the way Shane was, so no one ever bothered him when he was out. Still, Jackie lowered her voice and whispered, "what if it's another player. Wouldn't that be crazy!?"
Hayden dropped his head into his hands, wishing that it didn't make sense. Wishing that Shane Hollander, who spent his free time watching game tape and reading Rocket Richard biographies, wouldn't absolutely be into hockey players, "Ugh that would be insane..."
Jackie kept going, now on a role, "Maybe that's why he isn't upset about the breakup! Maybe he and "Lily" didn't break up at all, he just got traded or something."
Hayden froze. A horrifying possibility unfurling before him. This- this is why he never thought too hard about things, because it led to horrifying speculation about his best friends sex life and conclusions that definitely couldn't be true because if they were Hayden would die of an aneurism.
Jackie clearly hadn't come to the same conclusion as him yet because she kept going, "Oooh! Maybe that's why he's always going to Ottawa! Maybe Lily left the Bears to... Oh my god."
Hayden's head shot up from his hands, trying to somehow interrupt her train of thought, "No."
Jackie's hands were covering her mouth, "Oh my god!"
He glared at her, willing himself to develop mind control powers and somehow wipe this whole conversation from both their minds, "Jackie. No. It's not possible."
Jackie was slowly shaking her head, "It... It actually makes perfect sense."
"It makes noooo sense. They hate each other!"
"Do they really though? I mean... They've known each other for what - 10 years and their careers have kind of paralleled each other. They've played together on all stars, been at awards shows. Do you really think they still hate each other that much?"
"Yes!" Hayden shouted, then quickly lowered his voice, "Jackie. You don't see it, maybe it doesn't show on the screens or from the stands but on the ice there's this... tension... when they play together. It's like their lives depend on beating each other. Every time they face off they look like they're about to drop gloves. It's like no one else is even on the ice!"
Hayden regrets his final few words as soon as they leave his mouth. Jackie raises an eyebrow.
"Okay. Yea, I just heard how that sounded but really, it's a crazy idea. Let's just drop it. I don't need to talk about my best friend and his hypothetical, definitely not real relationship with a Russian asshole on our anniversary. Let's talk about something else, like how hot my wife is." He grabbed Jackie's hand and gave his most charming grin, fake teeth and all.
She rolled her eyes but still smiled, "Okay, okay I'll drop it. Please keep complimenting me."
________________________________________
"I couldn't drop it"
"What?"
It was a few days later and Hayden had just gotten back from practice. They were gearing up for a long road trip and coach was pushing them to their limits. He was exhausted and looking forward to a relaxing night with his family (or as relaxing as a night could be with four children). The house had been remarkably quiet when he got home, Amber and Arthur were napping, and the twins were drawing on the kitchen table. It was a shockingly peaceful scene, marred only by his beautiful wife, curled up on the couch, sniffling and wiping away tears as she watched something on her iPad. She looked up at him, tear tracks on her cheeks.
"I couldn't drop the... the Shane thing."
Hayden sighed. If he was being honest, he hadn't either. To the point where he had broken his own rule and asked Shane directly about his weekend in Ottawa. Shane had blushed furiously and stammered something about "quality family time" before skating away. It had not been comforting.
"Just look at this." Jackie said, pointing to her iPad. Hayden took it reluctantly. It was footage from their game a couple years ago in Boston, the one where Marlow had knocked out Shane. He winced as he watched him slam into Shane and Shane's body went limp on the ice. He could see himself, rushing over and plowing into Marlow as Shane laid there, motionless.
"Ugh Jackie, I don't need to watch this. I was there and that was awful enough."
She waved his concerns away, "I know, I know, but don't watch Shane- look at Rosanov"
"What?" Said Hayden, because what could that possibly- "Oh."
Jackie sat up and stared at him intently "You see it right?"
Hayden swallowed as he watched Rosanov, one of the most famously unflappable players in the league, stand frozen on the ice, just... staring at Shane. He watched as the refs and medics had to forcefully push him back to his bench. How Rosanov yelled back at them, looking not angry but... worried. Shit.
"He's probably just freaked out." He said, not sounding convincing, even to himself, "it was a pretty scary hit"
"Ilya Rosanov?" Said Jackie, flatly, "The guy who once knocked out two of Dallas Kent's teeth with one punch?"
"I don't know! It makes more sense than the... other thing..."
"He looks... wrecked, Hayden."
Hayden sighed, "I know"
"Like everything he loves is about to be taken away..."
"I mean, I don't know if we can say that..."
"He looks the way I look when you get injured on the ice."
"Fuck." Hayden blew out a breath, "That's... Yea. He does. Doesn't he." It boggled his mind that Ilya Rosenov, a man who had once told Hayden he "looked like he had to write an L and an R on his skates to put them on correctly" might feel the way Jackie felt about him, about Shane. Shane Hollander, hockey's golden boy, a guy whose favourite beer was ginger ale, who stayed late with rookies after practice to help them with their stick handling technique, who once spent 4 hours playing blocks with Arthur when the twins had food poisoning and the baby had colic.
Jackie sniffled again, "Ugh that poor boy."
Hayden's face scrunched in disgust, "Ew! Don't call Ilya Rosanov a poor boy!"
"I can't help it! Look at him! I can't imagine what it would be like if you got hurt like that and I couldn't go to you - couldn't even talk to anyone about why I was upset. I mean, you said it's been years, right? That Shane and Lily have been... something?"
"Yea...no... yea... probably... better part of a decade..." Hayden admitted quietly.
"I can't even imagine what that's been like."
"I... Me neither."
"Are you going to talk to Shane about it?"
"I-I don't know... I don't know how I'd even broach it you know? We don't talk about this stuff. And this is so...so huge. And it's not like I have real proof- he could just deny it."
"Yea... but maybe it would be good - if he knew you knew- it would give him someone to talk about it with."
"Yea... maybe" Hayden wasn't sure if it would. If he would be a helpful person for Shane to talk to. I mean what advice could he even give? He had fallen in love with the most objectively awesome and beautiful woman on the planet, gotten married, and had 4 beautiful kids. He was the poster boy for the simple, picket fence life. He had always thought that Shane would want something similar (albeit with slightly fewer kids and a significantly less female wife). But instead, Shane seemingly wanted... Ilya Rosanov? A man whose bloodstream was 50% vodka and who had slept with half the women in North America and probably a good portion of Eastern Europe?
He shook his head - this was crazy- they had no proof beyond speculation and some out of context hockey footage. Hadn't Rosanov's dad died like right before that game? He was probably in a vulnerable state. Plus, Jackie was right, he and Shane had had sort of parallel careers, he had every reason to be freaked out. And there were lots of reasons for Shane to be secretive about Lily, and to break up with Lily, and to visit Ottawa like a bajillion times. There was interesting stuff in Ottawa... right? Maybe Shane had gotten an annual museum pass or something.
He wouldn't say anything - not until he got irrefutable proof.
________________________________________
Irrefutable proof came about a week later at a sports bar in Boston.
They had just played an honestly pretty tepid game against the Bears, winning 1-0 with the only goal scored in the first period. Hayden and J.J. had gone out with a bunch of the other Voyageurs (not including Shane who had been in weird mood after the game and opted to go back to the hotel right after) to a bar to celebrate. They had run into some of the Bears players, including Marlow, St. Simons, and Lavoie. Despite the on-ice rivalry between the teams, Hayden actually liked a lot of the guys on the Bears, so it didn’t feel that weird to migrate to booth together.
They were all several drinks in when J.J. brought up the elephant in the room, "Man I hate to admit it, but these games aren't the same without Rosanov. I mean, I don't miss playing against that jackass but the rivalry with him and Hollzy always hyped everyone up. It's less fun now that he plays for Ottawa."
Marlow groaned, "Tell me about it. I really hope that girl of his is worth it."
Hayden froze, "His... what?"
St. Simons snorted, "Marly has this theory that Roz moved to Ottawa for a girl."
J.J. burst out laughing. Hayden forced himself to join in but internally he was reeling.
"Hey now it's not crazier than any of the other theories!" Said Marlow, " Look. Here are the facts. Number one: Roz has had a regular hook up in Montreal for years that he is, like, fully obsessed with. Right?"
The other Bears nodded along like this is common knowledge and Hayden felt his blood run cold.
"Two: A year or so before the Ottawa trade Roz stops hooking up - like he still goes to clubs and flirts, but he never does anything. Except in Montreal."
Again, nods. Hayden’s pulse picked up.
"Three: Roz couldn't go to Montreal, you guys don't have the cap space plus you already have a star center. But the closest city to Montreal that has an NHL team is..."
"...Ottawa. Yea, yea." Said St. Simons, like he's heard this all before, "I still think it's crazy. I mean who is this girl who none of us have ever met but who is so amazing that she would make Ilya Rozanov move to a city that people actually call 'the city that fun forgot'."
"Maybe someone who's not a girl at all..." Hayden thinks treacherously. He desperately hopes his face isn't doing anything weird.
Marlow shrugs, "Hey I never said I have all the answers. The day I fully understand why Roz does anything is the day I quit hockey because I've achieved the unachievable... It's too bad though, because he was actually a great captain."
"That he was." Agrees St. Simon.
"Really?" Asks J.J., "That asshole?"
"I know, I know," Says St. Simon, "But he is actually really good with people - he always seemed to understand everyone on the team and what they needed."
"Yea, I always thought that was why he was so good at getting under Hollander's skin." Said Lavoie, "I remember the first time we played you guys, and I said something like 'Wow. Hollander really is a machine.' and Rosanov says" (Lavoie put on a truly terrible Russian accent) "'No. Do not think this. This is what he wants you to think. If you think he is machine, then you think he is unbeatable and he has already won. But this is bullshit. Hollander is human - smart human? Yes. fast human? Sure. But human being yes, with feelings and everything. Just because he acts like boring robot when he talks to press doesn't mean he is real life robot.'"
Hayden had to keep his mouth from dropping open. Because here was fucking solid proof that Ilya Rosanov understood Shane better than most of the league, hell most of the Voyageurs. He could see that Shane was more than the stiff, stoic, unflappable front he put up and, what's more, clearly had some idea of how to break through to the person underneath. Even Hayden still struggled with that. Shit.
The conversation started to move on and flow away from the topic of Rosanov but before they had fully shifted Hayden couldn't help but ask Marlow, "Hey. Totally random. What was the name of Rozanov's Montreal girl?"
"Oh. I think I saw once on his screen the name Jane? I think that might have been her. Why?"
Hayden swallowed, "Oh no reason - I figured she might be someone I knew what with Montreal and hockey and all, but I don't think I know a Jane." He lied.
________________________________________
By the time Hayden got back to the room he was mostly sober, unfortunately. He expected Shane to be asleep, but he was up with his laptop on his bed, laughing; a bright open laugh Hayden rarely heard from him. As the door opened Hayden heard him say, "Oh, gotta go bye!" and closed his laptop.
"Sorry if I'm interrupting anything." Hayden said.
Shane blushed, "Oh no - you weren't - that was just... my parents."
Hayden raised an eyebrow, "You were video calling your parents at midnight?"
Shane couldn't meet his eyes, "Um... well you know... they wanted to chat about the game and..."
"It's Rosanov isn't it?" Hayden blurted out, unable to stand a second more of this desperate flailing. Okay, so maybe he wasn't 100% sober.
Shane froze, "What?"
"Rosanov. Ilya Rosanov. Who you were calling just now. Or should I say, Lily."
Shane blanched and all of Hayden's final doubts vanished.
"I- no- what? -I'm not-" Shane sighed, all the fight draining out of him. He put his head in his hands, "How did you figure it out?"
Hayden let out a shaky sigh. Okay, so they were doing this. "I mean Jackie and I fist started to piece it together-"
"Jackie?!"
"Yea she claimed joint custody over my gossip, sorry. Anyways, we started to figure it out when you stopped going out in Boston but started going to Ottawa all the time. We figured that either you and Boston Lily had broken up or he had moved to Ottawa. But the Rosanov of it all was mostly speculation based on the idea that you might have a thing for hockey players considering... you know... your entire personality."
Shane looked up, his face adjusting back from ghostly white to blushing again, "Yea... I guess that is a fair assumption..."
"And then tonight Marlow told me this whole theory he had about Rozanov moving to Ottawa to be closer to this girl in Montreal named Jane and... well... that kind of confirmed it... I mean Jane and Lily?"
Shane sighed and flopped back on the bed, "In my defense, Ilya came up with those names when we were rookies, and we thought this would just be a casual thing. It was never supposed to become... this."
Hayden sat down heavily on his own bed, trying to re-ground himself after this cosmic shift, "And what is...'this'?"
For the first time in the conversation, a tentative, dreamy, smile started to grow on Shane's face, "We're...you know... boyfriends. We're... in love. God Hayd, I love him so much it makes me feel crazy sometimes."
Hayden stared at his best friend. He had never seen him like this, this open. It hurt to think of all the years Shane had been carefully sectioning himself away, even from those closest to him. It still freaked him out that it was Rosanov but he knew that the most important thing in this moment was his friend, and making sure he didn't do anything to make him retreat back into "Captain Shane Hollander" mode.
"I'm- I'm happy for you man." He said.
Shane looked at him wide-eyed, "You... are?"
"Yea. Of course I am. All I've ever wanted for you is to find someone that makes you happy. And if that's Ilya fucking Rosanov I guess I'll just have to deal with that."
Shane beamed at him, "Really?"
It broke Hayden's heart a little, how surprised Shane looked. "Yea buddy, of course. I don't... I don't want to lie and say I understand it completely, but I was talking with some of the Bears tonight and they talked about how Rozanov was as a captain, how good he was with people, and earlier Jackie and I rewatched the footage of Rosanov after your hit and I... I think I'm starting to get it."
Shane nods, relief plain on his face, "The first time I met him it was like he saw right through to the core of me. I never... I can never pretend with him. It was almost scary at first, how well he seemed to understand me. But now... now it's really nice."
Hayden nods, "That's awesome bud - I'm glad you have that and-" He finally processes something Shane said a few moments ago, "I'm sorry rookies!?"
Shane groans, "I know. I know it's insane... And actually technically it started the summer before."
"Holy shit Shane."
"I know"
"That's before I even met you."
"I know."
Hayden stares at him for a long moment. "Okay I know you hate talking about this stuff, but Jackie may divorce me if I don't get all the details so for the sake of my marriage I'm going to need you to spill."
Shane rolled his eyes but patted the bed next to him, "Ugh fine. What do you want to know?"
________________________________________
In the end, there were upsides and downsides to Hayden's foray into investigation of Shane’s love life. The upside was that the trust between him and Shane had grown to the point where Shane would occasionally share unprompted personal life updates. They were able to talk more freely, and Hayden found himself tiptoeing less and less around his best friend. It was nice, even if some of the personal updates involved gushing rants about Rosanov that occasionally made Hayden feel vaguely nauseous.
The downside was that Ilya Rosanov was apparently now a permanent fixture in his life. This became apparent a few weeks later when he came home from a home game against LA to find Ilya Rosanov on his couch with his wife, with his two-year-old daughter curled against his chest, drinking chardonnay and… giggling. It was not the first time Rosanov had been in their house, there had been a painfully awkward dinner party about a week after Hayden found out. But it was the first time without Shane.
"What the fuck?"
"Oh hey babe!" Said Jackie, in her "slightly buzzed" voice, "Ilya came into town a few hours early so we watched the game together. Congrats on your win!"
"It was good game." Said Ilya, "You played slightly better than expected. Good job."
Hayden didn't know what was weirder, finding Ilya Rosanov alone with his wife or not being worried about Ilya Rosanov being alone with his wife because he had now seen first-hand that he was absolutely whipped for Shane.
"Um thank you?"
Ilya nodded benevolently, "I will go now. Need to go congratulate real star of the game." He winked and gently passed Amber over to Jackie, "This was fun - we should do this again."
Then sauntered out the door.
"Oh my god." Said Hayden.
"I know right? He's perfect!" Said Jackie, "Watching with him is so fun. He has dirt on, like, every player in L.A."
"Ugh. I can't believe Ilya Rosanov is your new...” he searched for an appropriate term, “girlfriend?" He sat down heavily on the couch, "I think I preferred it when Lily was a mystery."
Jackie rolled her eyes, "No you don't."
Hayden sighed, "You're right. I don't." He groaned, "Ugh, I can't believe I have to start liking Rosanov now. This is what I get for being nosy."
“So, you’re saying you don’t want to speculate any more about your team’s private lives anymore?”
“Ugh. No, definitely not.”
“Because Ilya just told me the craziest thing about Comeau. But if you don’t want to hear it…”
Damn it, Hayden did want to hear it. God, what had he become? He missed the days when he was content to live in ignorance of whatever the guys he worked with had going on.
“Okay, okay, tell me. But if it turns out he’s in a secret relationship with Dallas Kent I’m going to break something.”