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The first trigger had been when that frat boy who stole the ambulance asking her the worst possible question, right when she had rushed to judge him.
“Haven't you ever done anything stupid?”
That left Victoria more defensive than usual, because it was the first time she realized that… no. She hadn’t. She hadn’t understood why they had done that, because it had never even crossed her mind to do something like that.
Her life had always been reduced to studying, passing, practicing, and becoming a doctor as soon as possible, with her mother correcting her posture and pushing her from behind.
She had never even considered the possibility of not following the future plans that had been set for her since she learned how to walk. Much less had she questioned how, while those kids were getting drunk, she had been… locked away studying.
And even when Victoria prided herself on her intelligence, she was starting to realize just how far behind she was in everything else.
Like when Mel talked about patients flirting with them. Like when Mateo mentioned his outings with McKay. Or worse, when Santos and Whitaker would bicker stupidly just to spend time together. Javadi hadn’t had a single similar experience, she hadn’t even slept over at someone else’s house.
And even though she tried to push that new awareness of her situation away, focusing on her career, she couldn’t help but feel less like a girl her age.
It got worse when she finally turned twenty-one and the only privilege she gained was passing her driving test, car included, a gift from her parents. But nothing else.
She couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever get to have the teenage rebellion she had never had.
For that very reason, during the last hours of this shift, unable to stop thinking about it after turning it over and over in her head until it wore her down, she decided to sit at her desk. She pulled out her notes and with her purple gel pen, started writing down her goals, along with their limits and conditions.
- Get drunk (to the point of throwing up, dramatically)
- Dye my hair (just the ends)
- Geta tattoo (even if it’s somewhere hidden)
- Do drugs (at least weed)
- Have my first time (in any way… yeah)
Seeing it on paper made her feel even more pathetic. Worse still when it hit her that she didn’t have many ways to actually carry out her ideas. Getting drunk alone in her parents’ house sounded depressing also, she had no idea how to get marijuana and… well, there were things she clearly couldn’t do alone.
Victoria looked up, tapping her chin with the pen, trying to find a solution to her problems. And that solution ended up taking the form of… Trinity Santos.
Her brown eyes found Trinity, who was huffing while typing on her computer. And despite her better judgment, Javadi considered her the coolest girl she had ever met, without a doubt the only one who could help her.
“Hey…” Victoria started, shyly, pushing her chair closer to hers.
Trinity kept typing, making her hesitate for a second, but she continued. “Do you and Whitaker go out a lot? I mean, do you hang out?”
Trinity rolled her eyes in annoyance before answering, almost to herself. “We live together. Running into each other in the kitchen at three in the morning counts as going out.”
“Yeah, right, of course.” Victoria nodded quickly, uncomfortable. “I meant more like… parties. Like bars?”
The typing stopped abruptly. Trinity turned her head toward her, stunned. “Oh, this is gold… you? Victoria Javadi wants to go to a gay bar?”
“…you guys go to gay bars?” Javadi asked in a whisper, looking around.
Trinity’s expression turned even more dramatic and she let out an incredulous laugh. “And you want to come with us? Since when did you become fun?”
“I’ve always been fun,” Victoria shot back quickly, defensive. “I… don’t have plans this weekend, so…”
Trinity took her time thinking it over. She nodded slowly, leaving her hanging in anticipation.
“You could come. We need a designated driver.”
“Great! I can drive.” Victoria replied immediately, but hearing herself, she shrank a little. “Although I won’t be able to drive because I’m planning to… drink.”
“You don’t drink.” Trinity narrowed her eyes. “I’ve never seen you drink.”
“I… plan to start now,” Victoria declared, trying to sound confident.
Trinity didn’t buy it for a second. “What is all this about?”
“What? Nothing,” Javadi answered too quickly.
“Yeah, you’re not convincing anyone, seriously.” Trinity crossed her arms. “If you want to go out, you have to tell me the truth.”
Victoria mirrored her stance, defiant. “It’s my business, not yours.”
Telling her about her stupid list would be like volunteering for public humiliation, full of sarcastic comments far too specific not to sting.
But her response didn’t make Trinity drop the subject. She simply shrugged, losing interest.
And Victoria felt her youth slipping away right in front of her eyes. As if she were doomed to be, forever, a mommy’s girl.
“Fine. Fine, I’ll tell you…” she blurted out, regaining her attention.
“I’m listening.” Trinity looked away from the screen. “Go ahead, you’ve got a minute…”
“Well… as you know, I’m officially legal now and… well…” Victoria tried to explain herself, but Santos’s intense stare made her even more nervous. Before she realized it, she was confessing. “I made a list…”
They both fell silent at the mention of it, the list hanging in the air between them.
And when she noticed the slow blink of Santos’s greenish eyes, Javadi covered her mouth with both hands in embarrassment.
Trinity, on the other hand, bit down hard on her lower lip to keep from bursting into laughter.
“…a list? Seriously?” Trinity repeated. Victoria nodded slowly. “Can I see it?”
Javadi’s hands dropped from her face immediately. “No way. No, never. Ever.”
“Javadi, I can’t know what we’re working with if I don’t read it…” Trinity pointed out, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not going to make fun of you. I promise.”
“You promise?” Victoria raised her pinky.
“I’m a woman whose word is enough, believe me”. Trinity shook her head without linking her pinky with hers.
Victoria hesitated for a few seconds. Finally, she sighed and handed over the paper. Immediately, she turned away and went back to her desk, unable to face her reaction.
Not even two seconds passed before a stifled laugh slipped from Santos’s lips.
Victoria shot to her feet, outraged. “You promised you wouldn’t make fun of me!”
“I didn’t pinky swear!” Trinity shot back, going over the list again. “But seriously, Crash… this? Dye your hair, but just the ends? Wow, somebody call the police.”
Quickly, Javadi stepped forward and covered her mouth with her hand. “Stop, stop.”
“First time sex! She needs to get laid!” Trinity exclaimed, trying to pull away.
“Oh my God, I never mentioned sex! I’m fine with a kiss!” Javadi corrected, desperate.
The nurses were already staring at them. And that statement… hit just right to shut down Santos’s dramatic outburst.
“You’ve never kissed anyone,” Trinity murmured, surprised, under her hand.
“What? Yes, I have!” Victoria argues, taking a breath to calm herself before adding in a lower voice. “Look, It’s stupid, I know… but I spent my whole life studying and I…”
Trinity watched her in silence. She didn’t know if it was her big brown eyes, filled with something almost nostalgic, or her shyness in asking for help… but something convinced her.
“Fine, I guess I can help you.” She shrugged. “Don’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t thank me,” she added quickly, pointing at her.
Javadi raised both hands in surrender, nodding enthusiastically.
“Oh God, I can’t believe how charitable I am with everyone,” Trinity muttered. Then she held out her hand. “Give me your phone so I can put my number in.”
“Oh, right, yeah.” Victoria grabbed her lilac phone from the desk and handed it to her. “The password is my birthday.”
Trinity rolled her eyes as she typed in the digits, ignoring the wallpaper, and saved her contact.
“I’ll text you the address and the time. We’ll meet at the bar, okay? No backing out.” She handed the phone back, staring at her.“Seriously, Crash. You’re going to get drunk as fuck”.
“Sure, yeah… I’m fine with that,” Victoria replied, brushing it off. “Thanks for…”
Javadi started to say, but Santos immediately pointed at her in warning, so she simply pressed her lips together and sealed them shut.
1. Get drunk (to the point of throwing up, dramatically)
Javadi had never felt as stupid in her life as she did in that moment, standing outside a run-down bar, dressed completely… different from everyone else.
Maybe she had put too much enthusiasm into this meet-up: she had worn her lilac polka dot top for the first time and a shiny miniskirt that, without a doubt, had been riding down since she stepped out of the car.
Her brown eyes darted from side to side, searching for cues on how to behave. She noticed people smoking while she waited, and she had never wanted an addiction so badly just to know what to do with her hands.
Victoria Javadi could do any mental calculation, memorize every bone in the body, and recite word for word a text she had read minutes earlier. But she definitely couldn’t do this.
It always felt like she was trying too hard, like it didn’t come naturally to her the way it did to everyone else.
She adjusted her hair to one side, letting the straight strands fall over her neckline in an attempt to cover herself.
It wasn’t until she recognized Whitaker that the nervous tapping of her heels against the ground finally stopped.
“Javadi! Hey!” Whitaker called out, walking toward her.
Behind him came Santos, who greeted her with a slight tilt of her chin.
“Hey… you guys look…,” Victoria started, trying to sound casual. Except she trailed off halfway through the sentence…
She had never seen them in anything other than scrubs, and their new look felt strange. Even though she seemed more comfortable in scrubs herself, they looked completely at ease in their own skin.
“We have to go in now. Right now. It gets packed later and it’s a nightmare trying to push through people,” Trinity cut in, grabbing Whitaker by the wrist to drag him along.
“We stick together everywhere so we don’t lose each other,” Dennis explained, taking Victoria’s wrist to form a chain between them. “The place is big and, if it’s your first time, you can get lost.”
“Oh, right, I get it. Thanks,” Victoria replied, letting herself be guided toward the entrance.
“Good thing it’s not cold tonight,” Trinity muttered, adjusting her tight black shirt. Javadi couldn’t help but notice the glint of a piercing in her navel.
“I brought my jacket, in case anyone needs it,” Whitaker added.
“Don’t ruin your outfit, Javadi,” Trinity commented mockingly, looking her up and down.
Victoria crossed her arms immediately, trying to cover herself. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary, but thanks.”
Whitaker watched her for a moment before leaning closer.
“I think you look good,” he whispered, offering a reassuring smile.
Victoria tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled back, relieved. Even more so when she noticed the group of girls ahead of them dressed similarly to her.
“Come on, let’s go, let’s go!” Trinity urged again, pushing them inside.
Whitaker glanced back and grabbed Javadi’s wrist again to make sure she didn’t drift away. And the moment she stepped inside, she understood everything she had been missing.
The lights shifted slowly from blue to pink. Victoria looked up at the second floor, where people were already kissing against the railing, and between the pillars.
She followed Whitaker, saying excuse me and sorry as she squeezed through the crowd, until they reached the bar. She leaned against the wood, trying to take it all in.
“What do you want to drink? Trinity and I usually get vodka cranberry,” Dennis said, watching her closely.
Victoria’s mind went blank, the early 2000s music pounding in her ears, unable to form an actual answer that wasn’t just mumbling along to Britney lyrics. She couldn’t come up with anything.
She tried to read the names on the drink menu and took a risk on the one that sounded the least threatening. “One… panoma.”
Trinity threw her head back, squeezing her eyes shut to keep from laughing. Dennis blinked a couple of times before getting it.
“Oh, a Paloma? Right?” he asked, without any malice.
Victoria simply nodded before she could open her mouth again and make it worse.
“It’s okay, it’s okay…” Whitaker reassured her. “It’s a good drink, right, Trin?”
Trinity shook her head, trying to compose herself. “Yeah, sweet, pink… not bad.”
Javadi forced a tight smile, still refusing to speak, deciding she would wait until the drinks were ready while Whitaker turned to order for the three of them.
A minute after they got their drinks, Whitaker and Santos took a moment to watch Javadi expectantly, her glass in hand.
“Go slow…” Whitaker advised.
“Down it!” Trinity shouted.
Feeling strangely watched, Victoria pressed her lips to the straw, taking a first sip, letting it linger on her tongue before forcing herself to swallow. Even if it burned her throat at first, she took another sip, more determined this time.
She nodded almost immediately, and both of them clapped, Victoria giving a small exaggerated bow in thanks.
“Drink from the rim, for the salt. It’s way better,” Trinity suggested.
Victoria hesitated for a few seconds before simply pushing the straw aside, lifting the glass to her lips and taking a longer sip than before, tasting the bittersweet flavors on her tongue.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but… you were right,” she admitted reluctantly, immediately taking another sip, chasing the taste again.
Trinity smiled smugly and clinked her glass with Dennis’s.
Victoria noticed how they both drank the same amount at the same time, as if spending so much time together had conditioned them to move in sync.
She also noticed how easily they handled the alcohol without hesitation, which encouraged her to take another long sip, setting her glass down against the bar when she realized she had finished it.
“Want another?” Trinity asked, raising her eyebrows.
“I think so…” Victoria replied, running her tongue over her lips.
And that’s where the downhill spiral began, because Javadi wanted to feel again the intensity she had felt the first time. With her second drink, then the third, and she didn’t make it to a fourth because Whitaker pulled her toward the dance floor to get her away from the bar.
“After this, we’re doing shots!” Trinity shouted.
“Vodka or tequila?” Victoria asked, surprising her.
“Both,” Trinity replied with a wide smile.
Neither of them had time to continue the conversation when Victoria immediately recognized the pulse of electronic music starting to pound through the speakers, and she couldn’t help but jump in place.
“Oh my God, oh my God,” Victoria exclaimed, recognizing Charli XCX’s voice. “I love this song!”
It didn’t take long for her to join Whitaker and Santos, who were shouting the lyrics instead of singing, jumping in place with energy, while Javadi tried her best to blend in, watching how Trinity effortlessly looked cool, moving her head to the rhythm, and Dennis raising his arm, completely into it.
They danced through the whole song, Victoria doing her best to imitate their moves until they were sweaty from the energy and thirsty from shouting until their voices gave out.
Before she realized it, Javadi was already accepting a round of five tequila shots as if she could compete with Santos, who looked like a professional, licking the salt off the back of her hand before downing the shot like it was water.
Victoria tried to keep up, but after the first shot she let out a choked sound, setting the glass down harder than necessary against the wood.
“Trin, I don’t think she…,” Whitaker started.
But it was already too late.
By the third shot, Victoria was breathing deeply, feeling everything spin and her tongue go numb.
“…oh my God,” she murmured, running a hand over her lips. Everything felt slow.
Whitaker and Santos exchanged glances when Victoria started laughing to herself.
“It’s… really hot in here, isn’t it?” she asked, letting out a small burp before covering her mouth and laughing.
“Fuck, fuck,” Trinity muttered, starting to panic.
“I told you it was too much,” Whitaker replied, moving closer. “I can’t go into the girls’ bathroom.”
“No, no… I’m fine. Fine,” Victoria insisted, frowning. “Although… I might need to pee.”
“I’ll take her,” Trinity said, taking her weight when Dennis let go. “Stay here. We’ll be right back…”
That was the last thing Trinity said to her best friend, pushing Victoria’s bag into his chest before dragging her toward the girls’ bathroom, squeezing in with her into the same stall.
Victoria was about to complain, but a shiver ran down her spine, her stomach churning, and in that moment she understood she needed to kneel before it was too late.
Almost immediately, she felt it rise up her throat, resulting in a mess of burning vomit, just like the alcohol had burned on the way down.
Trinity did the decent thing of holding her long hair back, pulling the dark strands away from her face so she could throw up without making more of a mess.
“It’s okay, it’s okay…” she murmured, with unexpected softness, rubbing her back.
Victoria gagged again before she could speak, throwing up once more, feeling like the most miserable and punished person on the planet.
When it finally stopped, she pulled away from the toilet, sitting against the stall wall, still on the floor, feeling tears start to blur her vision.
“Hey, no, no…” Trinity said, crouching down to her level and giving her a small pat on the cheek. “It’s okay. It’s normal. You drank… a lot.”
“I’m so pathetic,” Victoria sobbed, knocking her head lightly against the wall.
“Oh my God…” Trinity sighed, rolling her eyes. “Up, Javadi. Come on.”
She helped her to her feet, but Victoria clung to her, trembling and with no other option, and Trinity held onto her, guiding her to the sink. She turned on the tap, cupped water in her hands, and patiently cleaned her mouth.
“Thank you, thank you…” Victoria kept repeating, sniffling.
“It’s nothing. I owed Whitaker one,” Trinity replied. “Do you feel better?”
Victoria nodded, pouting. “Sorry… I’m ridiculous.”
Trinity didn’t answer, she just kept her hold on her as she led her out of the bathroom to meet Whitaker, who was waiting outside and when he saw Victoria with smeared mascara, he moved his mouth to the side.
“Should I call an Uber?” he asked.
“No! Let’s use my car,” Victoria insisted immediately.
Trinity shot Dennis a look, raising one eyebrow like, are you sober enough? And he just nodded, reaching into Victoria’s bag for the keys.
It was safe to say the night hadn’t ended anything like Victoria had imagined.
She was in the back seat of her car, her head resting on Trinity’s lap, trying not to throw up again. The dizziness from the movement slowly faded, replaced by the feeling of her fingers running through her hair.
“…you’re the coolest girl I know,” she murmured, her eyes closing.
Trinity went still. She looked down, surprised, only to find Victoria completely asleep. And even though she probably should have moved her… she didn’t.
“Do you think we can leave her like this at her parents house?” Trinity asked, trying to sound mocking.
“What? No, she can’t even walk,” Whitaker replied, turning the wheel. “I’ll take her to the apartment. I’ll sleep on the couch, she can have my bed.”
“As long as it’s not mine that ends up covered in vomit,” Trinity said.
“…do you think she’s going to keep throwing up?” he asked, glancing in the mirror.
Trinity looked down at Victoria, asleep and calm. “Good luck with that.”
2. Dye my hair (just the ends)
The following week, Javadi spends her time completely ignoring both Santos and Whitaker’s presence. Even If Dennis tries to talk to her and let her know there’s nothing to be ashamed of, she can’t even hear the topic mentioned without feeling a deep wave of embarrassment and the urge to disappear.
It’s easier with Santos, who seems to understand her discomfort right away and ignores her just the same, without interfering, even if Javadi knows perfectly well she has a thousand jokes lined up in her head that she’s dying to use against her.
Well, she had her taste of rebellion, and it ended terribly, with her waking up in an unfamiliar room filled with pictures of Whitaker and Santos, which she looked at with a splitting headache before deciding to quietly flee back to her father’s house, hiding under her covers.
In the past few days, she has thought about giving up on the list, considering it more than enough experience to have thrown up in that awful bathroom and to know she cried in front of Santos, remembering only just enough to abandon her stupid goals, even if the list is still crumpled in the pocket of her scrubs.
She refuses to open it, if only to hold on to the small victory of being able to check off throwing up as an accomplished goal, because the mere act of looking at all those expectations makes her feel childish, and if it weren’t about herself, she would no doubt mock those goals endlessly.
The end of her shift finds Victoria walking toward her car, Olivia Rodrigo blending into her thoughts through tangled wired earbuds, just as messy as her mind.
It isn’t until Santos yanks one of the earbuds out of her ear that she notices her standing in front of her, holding a plastic bag.
“What the…?” she starts to say, but doesn’t get to finish before Santos silences her with a sharp shh.
“The next thing on your stupid list is dyeing your hair… or something like that.” She justifies it, lifting the bag into view. “Bleach and purple.”
“What? I, I…” Javadi stammers, unable to believe she still remembers. “You want to keep doing this?”
“I gave you my word, you know?” Trinity replies with a shrug. “We’ll do it at my place. Whitaker’s not there.”
Victoria bites her lower lip in doubt before finally nodding. “Have you ever done this before…?”
The only answer she gets from Trinity is an eye roll as she leans against her car door.
“Right, yeah, stupid question on my part,” Javadi replies, rolling her eyes back, pulling out her keys to unlock her car.
“Doubting my skills, fucking Crash,” she hears Trinity mutter under her breath as she gets into the seat.
And honestly, the drive to Trinity’s apartment, guided by her directions, is pretty… awkward. Neither of them talks, because they both know the only topic available is off-limits.
So Trinity decides to push somewhere else. “Is your mom going to say anything?”
Victoria lets out an annoyed scoff at the question. “No, I’m an adult. I make my own decisions.”
Trinity raises both hands in surrender, leaving it there, until she pokes again. “And your dad?”
The sharp press of the brakes as they pull up in front of the apartment leaves Trinity without an answer, other than getting out and guiding her upstairs to her personal hair salon.
There’s no turning back once the bluish mixture in a bowl is set in front of her, with Trinity putting on gloves like she’s about to perform high-risk surgery.
Victoria watches her from where she sits on the bed, completely nervous, hands clenched over the reddish sheets, realizing what’s about to happen.
“Javadi, it’s just the ends of your hair we’re bleaching,” Trinity reminds her, crouching in front of her and undoing her hairstyle.
The long dark strands fall over Victoria’s chest as she lets out a heavy breath. “This is such a bad idea…”
“Everything on your little list is a bad idea,” Trinity replies with a shrug.
Trinity covers the back section of her hair with foil already smeared with bleach, then works on the front strands with careful brush strokes, wrapping them tightly in the shiny paper.
“I should’ve gone to a salon, not let you do this in the middle of the night,” Victoria mutters, wrinkling her nose at the sting of the product. “…you don’t have to do this.”
“We’ve already talked about this,” Trinity comments, rolling her eyes as she continues with the other half of her hair.
“I… I just thought you wouldn’t want to after what I did,” she explains, bringing up the memory.
Trinity stays quiet, continuing her work like it’s nothing, before murmuring, “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was an expected reaction.”
“I threw up and cried in front of you like… like a baby,” Victoria says, now feeling her cheeks burn with embarrassment too.
“You didn’t disgust me, not even a little, Javadi,” Trinity admits, lifting her gaze, realizing she’s closer to her than expected.
Feeling her warm breath so close to her skin, Javadi shivers slightly, her back arching just a little.
“…no?” she questions, unsure, not fully buying it.
“You’re not the first girl I’ve seen throwing up, please,” Trinity says dismissively.
“No, but this time it was me, not just any girl…” Victoria starts, feeling ridiculous just thinking it. “I thought you’d make more fun of me.”
A mocking laugh escapes through Trinity’s nose. “I thought about it.”
That’s enough for Victoria to finally relax, seeing Trinity genuinely not making a big deal out of it.
“How kind of you,” she comments, rolling her eyes automatically.
Trinity shrugs, finally finishing her work and pulling off her gloves in one motion. “Now we just wait.”
“…how long?” Victoria dares to ask, a mix of impatience and insecurity in her voice.
“Thirty minutes with how dark your hair is,” Trinity replies, standing up. “And if it doesn’t take, we’ll bleach it again.”
“It’ll take”. Victoria insists, lowering her gaze to the ends of her hair wrapped in warmth. “…it’s not going to fall out, right?”
“Uh, no… I’m good at what I do,” Trinity defends herself, pressing her lips into a line.
The thirty minutes of waiting can be summed up with Javadi wandering around Santos’s room, observing every little detail, from rhythmic gymnastics trophies to framed pictures of her with Whitaker and… a girl she didn’t recognize. She slips her hands into her pockets to stop herself from grabbing the frame and looking at it more closely.
Trinity notices immediately from where she’s lying on the bed and, without really knowing why, speaks. “She was my best friend.”
“Did you two have a fight or something?” Victoria asks, looking at her with wide, curious eyes.
“Not really…” Trinity answers, slowly shaking her head.
And seeing the melancholic expression, without the usual smirk at the corner of her lips, Victoria understands without needing more words.
“I’m really sorry,” Javadi whispers, fidgeting with her hands. “You… you look so happy,” she adds with a soft smile.
She says it so genuinely that Santos can’t help but return one of her own. “…thanks.”
It’s the most sincerity Victoria has ever heard in Trinity’s voice, and she wants to say something else, but she’s already getting up from the mattress.
“Let’s wash your hair so we can put the purple in,” Trinity announces, grabbing her by the wrist.
Victoria lets herself be guided to the bathroom, allowing Trinity to wash her hair under the sink, and feeling her long fingers running through her strands brings back a strangely familiar sensation.
“…I, I… never thanked you for taking care of me,” she says in a shy whisper.
Trinity lets out a casual scoff. “It was nothing.”
“I still want to,” she insists quickly. “Thank you, Santos…”
They hold each other’s gaze, brown eyes meeting green for a moment longer than necessary, and in that moment the thought returns to Victoria that Trinity is, without a doubt, the coolest girl she knows.
“The bleach did its job, the color will take,” Trinity suddenly interrupts, stepping back.
Victoria nods slowly, standing in front of the mirror, waiting for instructions.
“Do it yourself, Javadi… God, I can’t do all the work here,” Santos complains, tossing the box of dye toward her.
Javadi catches it clumsily as best as she can.
“It’s the easiest part, you can’t mess it up,” Trinity adds, closing the bathroom door behind her, leaving her… alone.
3. Get a tattoo (even if it’s somewhere hidden)
From that point on, looking at her reflection every morning became… pleasant. Brushing her hair and tying it into a bun or a ponytail where the violet ends stood out against the darkness of her hair made her smile stupidly, almost obsessed with her own image, even if she didn’t want to be egocentric.
She genuinely considered this the best she had ever looked, and maybe it had much more to do with how comfortable she was starting to feel being herself.
Still, maintaining it was a whole challenge, organizing her schedule to dye it on specific days so it would look vibrant when going out and not faded, which happened more often than not because of her preference for hot showers that washed the color away.
And yes, the mention of going out had started to become part of Victoria Javadi’s life. She had finally experienced what it was like to sleep over at someone else’s place, more specifically sleeping on a mattress on the floor alongside Whitaker and Santos.
Even if most of the time Whitaker was the first to fall asleep, leaving them alone with a feeling that this was too… intimate to just be a silly friends’ sleepover where they watched romantic movies and criticized their coworkers.
All the giggles went with Whitaker, leaving her whispering with Santos about… pretty much anything.
“My mom almost killed me when she found out,” Victoria whispered, lying on her side on the pillow so she could look at her. “She went on this whole speech about my virgin hair that had never even been cut.”
“You should shave it, then,” Trinity suggested, immediately earning a light hit on her shoulder from Victoria. “What? It’s true. Make her even more mad.”
“No, no… I don’t want to fight with my mom,” Victoria said quickly, frowning. “I just want… I want to define myself.”
“And? That process makes your mom mad,” Trinity replied, rolling her eyes. “That just makes it better.”
“I actually thought you were going to be kind of a fan of my mom,” Victoria answered hesitantly. “You know, now’s probably a good time to admit you’re using me to get a reference.”
A scoff escaped Trinity’s lips as she turned onto her back, staring up at the ceiling, no longer facing Victoria.
“…sorry,” Victoria murmured suddenly. “It was… such a dumb joke”
“You’re fine,” Trinity replied coldly.
Victoria didn’t even bother moving, still lying on her side, watching her profile and the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. These past weeks had only shown her how wrong she had been about her.
“You’re not as bad as you seem,” she whispered, even if she didn’t know why she said it out loud.
But seeing Trinity’s eyes open in surprise, she didn’t regret it.
“And you’re not as… pathetic,” Trinity replied. It almost sounded like a compliment, coming from her.
It was enough for Victoria, who shifted a little closer, curling up under her arm, even if she feared being pushed away. Trinity didn’t. Instead, she wrapped her arm around her.
“The tattoo’s still on the list. Do you still want to do it or…?” Trinity asked suddenly, trying to distract herself from how good the warmth felt.
“I was thinking of getting it on my hip, actually,” Victoria answered thoughtfully. “The flower of my birth month. Water lily.”
A laugh slipped from Trinity’s lips. “Oh my god, seriously? You are such a basic girl.”
Victoria elbowed her in the ribs without hesitation, cutting off her laughter.
“Okay, okay… it’s nice, yeah?” Trinity offered, catching her breath.
“Of course it’s nice,” Victoria replied, rolling her eyes.
“Kind of sexy…” Trinity teased, earning another elbow. “Oh God, Javadi, you’re sensitive today.”
Victoria opened her mouth, offended. “Now because of that, you have to hold my hand the entire time during the tattoo.”
Trinity threw her head back in exhaustion, but never actually said anything to refuse or reject the idea.
And when the day came, with Javadi lying back on the tattoo artist’s chair, pulling down her lilac shorts to reveal the skin of her hip, she gripped Santos’s hand tightly as the needle started piercing her skin.
“You’ll be fine. We ate before coming…” Whitaker assured her, sitting on her other side.
“Don’t throw up again,” Santos added teasingly, immediately feeling Javadi’s nails dig into the back of her hand. “Okay, okay! I got it, yeah?”
Victoria didn’t respond, not a single word, focused on the sound and the pain starting to tingle across her skin, holding her breath when the needle got too close to a sensitive spot, trying not to move.
“Do you need a break?” the tattoo artist asked, looking up at her, pausing her movements.
Javadi quickly shook her head and tightened her grip on Santos’s hand when the machine started again.
“Your girlfriend is handling it well…” the artist commented, working near her hip bone.
There was no doubt the comment was directed at Santos, who once again didn’t deny anything, just shrugged.
“She can take it,” she said casually.
The simple sentence made Javadi shiver more than any needle piercing her skin, and she let out a heavy breath that the others attributed to the tattoo.
When it was over, Victoria got off the chair to look at the result, while Dennis typed notes on his phone about aftercare and what products to buy for healing.
“It’s really sexy,” Trinity murmured, her breath brushing against Victoria’s neck as she stepped up behind her.
Before Victoria could react, she caught their reflection in the mirror, Trinity’s hand resting on her waist.
The moment their eyes met in the mirror, she swore her knees went weak.
“Guys, come on or we’re going to miss the movie!” Whitaker announced, breaking the tension of their gaze.
Santos was the first to step away as if nothing had happened, with Javadi following behind her, convinced she was having heart palpitations, because a heart attack seemed like the only explanation for how fast her heart was beating. She blamed it on the adrenaline from getting the tattoo more than… Santos’s touch.
However, when they stepped out of the tattoo shop, the realization hit Javadi like a bucket of cold water in the middle of winter, and she looked down at her tattooed skin, realizing it would be there forever.
“No way!” she exclaimed, not even bothering to fix her now low-rise shorts.
Trinity was the first to turn around, concerned, watching Victoria’s eyes widen.
“I did it! I… I did it,” Victoria said, incredulous, letting out a small laugh.
And before Trinity could tease her, she felt Victoria’s arms wrap around her neck, pulling her into a hug.
“Thank you, thank you! I never would’ve dared to do it alone,” Victoria confessed, holding onto her.
Trinity’s hand hovered in the air before finally resting on her back, giving her a couple of light pats, glancing over her shoulder for help from Whitaker.
“And you too!” Victoria added, letting go of Trinity to grab Dennis instead. “This is amazing!”
Dennis had no problem hugging her back, unable to stop telling her how great the tattoo looked, and… Trinity watched them with a small smile slowly forming on her lips.
4. Do drugs (at least weed)
5. Have my first time (in any way… yeah)
Victoria Javadi has no idea what’s been happening to her brain chemistry or why she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Santos.
About everything related to her, from small details like the dimple that forms at the corner of her lips when she smiles, to the soft trail of hair that shows when she wears that white tank top and lifts her arm to do something as simple as putting her hands behind her head.
Every movement she makes, Victoria admires it, lightly biting her lower lip to keep from letting out a sound when Santos catches her staring and winks at her.
Even if it’s hard to admit, she has to admit she’s had several wet dreams involving Trinity’s figure, teasing her before guiding her with the softest touch, making her wake up soaked in her lace underwear.
And it was even worse when it happened during one of their sleepovers, when she opened her eyes to find Trinity’s leg resting comfortably over her hip.
Maybe she was going crazy, but she had flashes of her spinning in the club, dancing under the lights, in the bathroom of that club, her hand on her face, and when she touched her hair to dye it, and even worse when she held her hand during the tattoo.
Maybe it all had to do with the fact that right now she was very high, with Trinity’s head resting between her legs while they talked about nonsense and… she couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty she was.
“…I didn’t know you were a gymnast,” Victoria starts, swallowing.
“Oh yeah, when I was a teenager. It wasn’t a big deal,” Trinity replies, uninterested. “Did you do any sports in high school?”
“I, I… well, no,” Victoria answers, embarrassed. “I finished really early, so I don’t know, I’m not good with teams, you know?”
“Yeah, me neither, trust me,” Santos says, nodding slowly in understanding. “That’s why gymnastics worked, it was just me, so…”
They both fall silent for a few minutes until it’s Trinity’s turn to ask, “Was it weird? Starting college and being, what, fifteen, surrounded by people in their twenties?”
“Yeah, definitely… all the crushes I had were kind of… fruitless,” Javadi admits, letting out smoke with a small laugh.
And in that moment, she realizes they had all been impossible loves, admired from afar without ever getting close because of how inappropriate it felt. But Trinity was her first… possible crush. They were close in age and interacted more than normal.
She takes another drag from the joint, choking on the smoke at the realization, which only overwhelms her more, and it gets worse when Trinity moves away from her legs, turning to face her.
“Now I want the truth… have you ever kissed anyone?” Trinity asks, taking the joint from her fingers to take a drag herself.
Shyly, Victoria shakes her head. “… no”.
“Sit up,” she tells her in a low voice, like it’s the most private secret between them.
Without thinking, Javadi shifts, sitting up on the sheets, facing Santos, watching her with her big brown eyes full of uncertainty and inevitable… curiosity.
Her gaze follows the movement as Trinity brings the joint to her lips, taking a drag.
She blinks slowly when she notices Trinity’s face moving closer to hers, their noses brushing as she puckers her lips and exhales the smoke.
Almost on instinct, Javadi inhales the smoke from her mouth as if she were trying to steal her soul, tilting her head slightly and accidentally bumping her nose against hers.
Trinity’s lips settle over hers, joining in a brief, lazy kiss that leaves Victoria frozen in place, not knowing where to put her hands or whether to close her eyes.
Shit, what is happening? she thinks, panicking when she feels another soft peck against her lips. Should I close my eyes? she wonders.
Timidly, she presses her eyes shut, trying her best to follow Trinity’s lips, meeting them again in another clumsy peck.
Santos pulls back slowly after that brief contact, looking at her carefully, making sure of what’s happening.
“Do you want this?” Trinity whispers against her lips while setting the roach down on the nightstand.
“Fuck yeah,” Victoria answers, way too enthusiastically to just mean kissing.
Trinity lets out a small laugh, using her hands to guide Javadi’s to her waist.
Obediently, Javadi places them there, not moving them, while Trinity’s hands slide to the back of her neck, threading into her hair as her lips meet hers again, slowly.
Victoria’s heartbeat returns to that familiar tachycardia caused by Santos when she feels the softness of her lips again, and this time she doesn’t hesitate to kiss her back, tightening her grip on her waist, sinking into the sensation of their lips meeting, slow and open, the wet sound filling her ears.
She has to pull away to catch her breath, but she’s interrupted by a soft moan when Trinity’s teeth catch her lower lip, tugging it back, taking advantage of her parted mouth so their tongues can meet.
Clumsily, she tries to keep up, exploring her mouth, focusing on breathing through her nose as the new sensations overwhelm her, her tongue brushing along the inside of Trinity’s cheek.
When their tongues meet, Victoria feels Trinity’s grip tighten in her hair, adjusting the angle of her head, deepening the kiss, pulling her closer until she ends up straddling her lap, unable to stay away from her lips for more than a second before reconnecting.
Victoria’s hands move without thinking to her hips, then lower, squeezing her against her while her tongue brushes her teeth, stealing a shaky breath from her that makes everything inside her tremble.
Finally, Trinity pulls away, breathing heavily, pausing just to brush the tip of her nose against Victoria’s, watching her dazed smile.
“…oh my God,” Victoria blurts out breathlessly, her chin shining with saliva. “Oh my God.”
Trinity’s hips shift slightly against her as she tilts her head back with a soft laugh.
Victoria doesn’t process a single word she says, too caught up in her own thoughts about how amazing it felt to kiss someone, regretting not doing it sooner because it was genuinely… more than stimulating.
Part of her knows it’s also because Trinity is a good kisser, and that it wouldn’t feel like this with just anyone, not just because of her skill but because of how attracted she is to her.
Victoria leans in again, pressing a soft peck to her lips before pulling back. “…you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
Trinity melts instantly, her grip in her hair softening into gentle touches at the back of her neck.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” Trinity admits, returning the kiss, though hers is less sweet and more desperate.
Before she realizes it, Victoria is being pushed back onto the mattress by Trinity.
Her hands slide over her hips, tracing her sides up and down.
“I want to kiss you all day…” Victoria confesses, completely intoxicated by the feeling.
“…just kiss me?” Trinity teases, raising an eyebrow.
“No! No, no,” Victoria rushes to clarify, surprising even herself. “…I, well… you’ve been amazing to me, and you’re… you’re amazing on your own.”
“What, are you in love with me or something?” Trinity jokes, as a defense.
“…maybe,” Victoria admits without any shame. “Do you think you and I… could go out? Not just with Whitaker, but just us?”
“A date?” Trinity asks, raising an eyebrow, and when Victoria nods, she adds, “That wasn’t anywhere on your list.”
“But I want it just as badly,” Victoria whispers.
Trinity lets out a shaky breath and slowly shakes her head. “Look, Victoria… you’re incredible, okay? And you’re way too smart to not realize I’m not what’s best for you.”
“I’m too closed off. I don’t let anyone in, and I… I’ll push you away when things get weird,” she adds quietly.
“You let me in, Trinity. We’ve slept together more than once, you’ve seen me cry and get angry and…” Victoria points at her firmly. “…I want this, whatever this is.”
“You say that now, but later…”
Victoria cuts her off quickly. “Later I’ll fall even more in love with you, because I see you, Trinity. I know every flaw you have and… I don’t mind. I love the way you are.”
Trinity looks away, suddenly shy, more exposed than she has ever felt, about to get up from her lap when Victoria holds her right there.
“And you know me. You know I’m more than the prodigy or the human calculator. Believe me,” Victoria insists, almost desperate.
“You’re the only one who’s seen me throwing up, crying, angry… God, I didn’t even know I could feel this many things.”
Trinity’s hands move from her hair to cup her face, and slowly, her eyes return to hers.
“There’s no going back after this, Victoria,”
she repeats softly. “This could… I don’t know, it could actually work?”
“Just give me one date,” Victoria says, pouting slightly.
And Trinity has no choice but to nod, holding back a small, stupid smile as those brown eyes look at her like she’s everything.
6. Dating the coolest girl !
It was kind of awkward, waiting for Trinity outside her apartment, leaning against her car, trying not to crouch down to clean her Mary Jane shoes for the seventh time since she had put them on. But it was inevitable, she was more nervous than ever for her first date, and chewing gum between her teeth had stopped being enough.
It wasn’t until Trinity’s figure appeared, her hands behind her back, wearing jorts and that white tank top, that all her worries eased. Victoria quickly lifted a hand in greeting, and Trinity walked toward her, revealing what she had been hiding, a bouquet of the same flowers tattooed on Victoria’s skin.
“Oh my God! Oh my God!” Victoria started exclaiming immediately, taking the bouquet. It was the first time someone who wasn’t her father had given her flowers.
“It’s not that big of a deal, and besides…” Trinity started to say, but the words got stuck in her throat when she felt Javadi’s arms wrap around her neck.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she repeated nonstop, pressing kisses all over her face.
Trinity let out a small laugh, trying to get her off without much effort. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, Vick.”
Victoria pulled away, not before placing another kiss on her cheek, leaving a red lipstick mark on her skin.
“Come on, come on, or we’re going to miss the movie!” Trinity insisted, just as flushed as the lipstick on her cheek, taking her hand.
Without hesitation, Javadi opened the car door for her with exaggerated gallantry, met by an equally exaggerated curtsy from Santos, and they both immediately burst into laughter that melted into a brief peck when their lips met.