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Sean had been looking at him weird recently.
It started with curious glances when he hung more crosses up all around, checking in with them nightly. Then confused when he started hanging up the green bricks
Today he was gonna put out the light bins he spent all week making. He learned how to make them when his dad actually spent time teaching him. His dad had made most of the ones around his old house, so he didn’t have a lot of practice, but these were good enough.
Brandon carefully pushed his door open with his leg, carrying one of the many light bins he planned to put around the house.
This one was set down in the hallway, just in the corner. It didn’t take up too much space, and it only emitted a little bit of light, he didn’t want to make it too bright.
He smiled at his work, making a small dash back to his room to grab another one to put at the end of the stairs.
It was a little awkward to get down the stairs, Brandon nearly tripped a few times, but he got it down and set it just out of the way by the stairs.
He turned around to go back up and grab another one-
“What are you doing, kid?” Sean’s voice rang out, causing him to turn back around with a smile.
“Just putting some light bins around!!” He grinned wider, proud of himself. He didn’t mind the confused look on Sean’s face, he didn’t even notice the slight unease either.
Sean walked over from the kitchen, placing a gentle yet firm hand on his shoulder. “Okay… we need to talk buddy. Let’s go to the couch.”
Brandon was confused, usually Sean would just talk with him while he was doing things, why couldn’t he keep putting the light bins down while they talked? “What’s going on?!”
His voice came out more panicked than he wanted it to. He sat down on the couch, already tucking his knees to his chest.
Sean sat down on the other side of the couch, a sigh leaving his mouth. “So… you’re doing these things because of your.. religion, right?”
What an odd first question. Brandon tilted his head, a little bit of unease creeping into his body. “…of course, I wanna be a good downer so I can make it to paradise.”
Sean glanced over at one of the walls, it was covered in photos, crosses, and green. Then he looked back, there was something akin to pity in his eyes. “I don’t think this religion of yours is healthy, Brandon.”
He shifted back a little, shocked by the statement. Why would Sean say such a thing?! His eyes had widened and his chest already felt a little tight. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” Sean started, “They make you do all these things, they control every aspect of your life. That’s not something normal religions do.”
“But-“ Brandon tried to protest before he was lightly cut off.
“Yes, I know, normal religions still have ‘rules’, but those are more guidelines, not strict routines.” Sean kept his voice steady, Brandon knew it was because he could already sense his panic.
“It isn’t normal for your religion to be controlling every aspect of your life. Take.. I dunno, shows for example. Sure, some shows may be less savoury, but you’re still allowed to watch them.” Brandon couldn’t fight the logic Sean was using, he had thought it was a little weird at first.
“They’re just keeping me safe…!” He tried to argue, albeit weakly. He’d never been good at arguing, usually just taking the yelling and staying silent whenever his dad was mad.
Sean frowned, but it wasn’t one of anger, or frustration. It was just sadness, or maybe worry. “Are they? Or are they just trying to keep you listening to everything they say? Think about it, please. Good leaders don’t tell everyone how to do everything, they give advice.”
Brandon just stayed silent now, he was frustrated, they hadn’t said anything about his practices before. Why were they only now saying things?
“…Why are you telling me this?” He was a little bit angry right now, he couldn’t help it. He would forgive later, like he’d been taught to, but for now he was angry.
“Because I’m worried, you hardly act on anything other than what you’ve been told to do. I know you used to play games and hang out with people you were probably told you shouldn’t, but now you just stay inside your room, making things to hang up or praying.” Sean was right in that, but still, this couldn’t be fueled by worry. Nobody worried about Brandon before, there wasn’t any need to!
He couldn’t think of an argument, all of this was empowering that evil in him, the evil that told him that maybe it was all a lie. That side had always been almost as strong as his belief.
Brandon burst into tears, he was stressed, upset, and heavily conflicted with himself.
He ran back up to his room, closing and locking the door. He turned the lights off and curled into a ball on the floor, letting himself cry.
He just laid there for a while, thinking everything over. Maybe Sean was right, maybe the sundowners weren’t healthy for him. If they were, why wasn’t he in paradise right now?!
Maybe paradise wasn’t even real, maybe none of it was real. He didn’t know anymore.
A knock on the door made him lift his head from the floor.
Brandon sighed and walked over, unlocking it. “Come in…”
He went back to sitting on the floor in the dark, all his creations pushed into a corner. He was probably gonna destroy them later anyways.
The person in Brandon’s room didn’t let him lay in his own despair for too long though, as they ended up lifting him from the floor and into a hug.
“I’m sorry…” It was Sean again.
He couldn’t help but sob into Sean’s shoulders, he didn’t think he was mad anymore, just scared.
“I just… I don’t understand. Why would they-“ Brandon could hardly finish sentences at this point, his world had been shattered in a matter of a few minutes.
He was shushed, being allowed to just stay quiet until he calmed down.
He focused on his breathing, he didn’t want to pass out. He was already tired enough to do so, he wanted to go to bed after all this was over.
He wanted to get away from here, to see his friends again, even if it was just a dream.