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It was dark.
Everything was dark, darker than the usual nights she spent staring at her ceiling because sleep would never dare to spare her. Darker than the swirling patterns behind her own eyelids whenever she foolishly tried to rest, or when she closed them to try to hold back tears in vain.
The ground beneath her was cold, or maybe wet? She couldn’t tell. She couldn’t see. She could only feel.
She felt like she couldn’t move, her limbs felt heavy. Heavier than the days where she couldn’t get out of bed.
She tried to roll over, so that her face wasn’t half-smushed into the cold, or was it wet? It didn’t matter.
Her attempts to move proved fruitless, only a twitch of a leg, an outstretch of an arm, a more uncomfortable pose.
Her hair felt sticky, like it was matted. She wouldn’t be surprised if it was, she never tried to brush it, not anymore.
She couldn’t hear anything, as if her ears were clogged or even crueler, cut off. The only exception to the silence was her heart beat, a constant reminder that she was still alive, still able to suffer, still able to be tormented.
Then she heard something else, a sloshing of sorts. Slow at first, then stopped, then rushed.
She felt the cold spread for a moment, then there was no ground beneath her. She wanted to squirm, to feel the cold, or wet, ground again instead of being suspended midair by who knows what, But it was useless, she was still incapable of moving much more than small twitches.
She kept drifting in and out, her mind going blank, everything losing all feeling, and then it would all come back. Briefly.
This time though, she found herself able to open her eyes. Whatever dream that was, was over.
Until she actually did open her eyes. She wasn’t in her room, instead, a living room, one she hadn’t recognized at first.
It was one she had been in many times before, Sean’s living room.
“What the hell…?” She mumbled, sluggishly swatting at whatever had woken her, a repeated poking at her forehead.
“Oh! You’re awake!” A voice spoke from in front of her, clearly surprised by her sudden return to consciousness. “Are you alright, miss?”
“Yeah, I’m good..” She trailed off, the response automatic.
The child in front of her nodded, watching curiously as she sat up.
“What’s your name?” She asked politely, scanning the room. She spotted another child, albeit slightly older, sitting at a computer on the opposite side of the room. They seemed to be on some sort of blog, either reading or posting, she couldn’t tell.
She could smell food being cooked in the kitchen, likely where Sean was.
“Brandon!” The child replied sweetly, clambering onto the couch beside her.
“That’s a nice name, I’m Aubree, a friend of Sean’s.”
“Are you staying here permanently? The house didn’t add another room…”
She paused at that statement, confused. She didn’t know what that meant, had Sean been doing renovations?
That confused her even more, the more she thought, the more questions she had.
How was she even here? Sean had been dead for years.
“No, Aubree’s not staying with us. She’s just visiting… I hope.” Her friend’s voice came from the doorway, stern towards the end.
“Sean! What’s happening?” Her voice came out far more strained than she meant it to, she was just confused, scared.
Sean crossed the room, sitting down on the other side of her and pulling her into a half-hug.
“I’m gonna need you to not panic so I can explain.” He sighed, placing a hand on her head and ruffling her hair.
She hadn’t even realized her “Hat” had been taken off, though it made sense, she hadn’t been wearing it before falling asleep.
“Okay, I’m calm.”
“Yeah, I totally believe that.”
“I’m as calm as I can be in this situation..”
“That’s better.” He laughed a little, sitting back to look at her. It felt like she was being studied, like a specimen.
“I’m going to assume you’re not dead.” Those were the first words Sean said after a minute, his tone flat.
“I don’t think I am?” Was all she could offer, but that was good enough, because Sean nodded.
“Okay, good… which means you are just visiting. Sorry, this hasn’t happened before so I’m not sure how to go about this.” He explained, giving her a reassuring smile.
They sat in silence for a minute, taking in the fact that they were seeing each other outside of just through a screen. They had only met in person a handful of times, usually by accident.
Brandon had eventually gotten up and went to bug the other child at the computer, their conversation becoming hushed background noise.
“So… you guys live here.”
“Yeah, it used to be just me, but then the kids got here and… well, it’s been less lonely.”
“I’m glad.” she whispered, her voice cracking with tears.
“How have you been holding up?” He asked, noticing her current state.
“I… could be better. I’m not isolating as much, but that means that it has been getting to me more.” Aubree explained, still trying to keep her composure.
That didn’t last long though. She ended up breaking into sobs once Sean had hugged her again, accidentally startling the other people in the room, though they didn’t say anything.
It felt nice to see Sean again, he had been her best friend through everything. Ever since he foolishly tried to investigate what was happening to her, they grew up together.
He was the first one to know when she had decided to transition, to stop lying to others and herself.
He had helped her with all the knowledge she needed, gave her resources, support, everything.
She had been the first person he called when he got asked to a first date with Rebecca, she had helped him pick out an outfit, helped him with his hair.
She had kept in contact with him even when she refused to turn on her computer for weeks on end, leaving her other friends in the dark.
Aubree had missed Sean.
So much.
She eventually composed herself, sitting back up. “Sorry about that.”
She tried to offer apologies, which only earned her a stern head shake.
“Nope, not accepting apologies, I don’t care if you cry.” He sighed, he didn’t sound entirely mad, but his lack of variation in tones made it hard to tell sometimes.
She nodded, watching him stand up.
“I was actually making food before you woke up… so you get to join us for dinner.” He grinned, walking over to the two children and telling them to sit down.
Sean had never had a dinner table, so everyone decided to sit on the floor around the coffee table. He’d never seen a point in having a dinner table when it had been just him in his house.
Everyone ate happily, chatting, it was nice. She hadn’t had this much company in months, she missed it. Aubree didn’t even say much, just stayed silent, enjoying the voices around her.
They were talking about some exploration that had happened before she showed up, and how they were looking for new “Zones.”
They felt like something was going to change around here, not even just her visiting, but something else too. She didn’t understand much, but she still listened anyway, showing interest.
After eating, the kids were sent to bed, one rushing upstairs and the other… down to a basement where there was a closet before.
“Wasn’t that-?”
“Yeah. Yeah it was.”
“How?” She asked, perplexed by the sudden basement.
“I don’t even know, some weird house thing or something…” Sean trailed off, picking up the dishes and bringing them back to the kitchen.
Aubree followed, gathering a few dishes herself. It was only polite, she knew she didn’t have to. She wanted to. She could see the signs of stress on him, likely due to the knowledge of knowing children were here, that children were dying, being condemned to the prison of a plastic body that he too, had to endure.
It stressed her out too, to be honest. She wanted to help as much as she could, though she knew she couldn’t die yet. She worked so hard to get to the point where she was, she wouldn’t disappoint Sean, she wouldn’t disappoint her dad, nor her friends, and she sure as hell wouldn’t disappoint her mom.
They talked the rest of the night, about anything they could think of. How life was going, how their friends were, anything.
Eventually though, she felt a pull. A pull away from this reality. She said her goodbyes, giving Sean a hug before finally waking up, facing the same computer she saw every day, from across the same room.