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Just another second, another second of darkness, another second of waiting. Waiting until I could join Him, my father, once more.
I missed Him so much, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could wait. The house had run out of food, I had been relying on my only friend to help me. I bet he’d be glad to not feel like he had to help anymore. I’d miss him too, but this was for the best.
Everything around me was still dark, probably still uploading my conscience or something. I would wait, I would be patient, but haven’t I been patient enough? Sure, I was a bit hasty with deciding I was ready, but I didn’t regret it. Not fully, at least.
It felt like an eternity before the darkness finally faded, it was still a bit dim. I noted the lack of sun, or sky, this place seemed to be fully clouds. Though there was an absence of the fog I was used to, maybe the fog only showed up on the CD.
The ground below me was solid, it seemed to be rock. This rock seemed to stretch on for miles in every direction, hills rolling on just in the distance but even as I took a step closer they remained as far as ever.
This was not the place I was used to.
This was okay, though. Maybe it was a new area, a place for me to wander until He got a warm welcome set up.
I started walking, picking a random direction. There seemed to be nothing, not a single sign of life. No presents, no houses, no warm beds, no stone men. Only the landscape, only myself.
I wasn’t worried, or maybe I was. It was hard for me to tell like this, and my horrid headache wasn’t making this much better.
The walk was peaceful, silent though. No music to interrupt my thoughts, no voices calling out of the blue. Only the landscape, the ever unreachable hills, the echo of my shoes against stone.
What even was this place? That was the only question on my mind. Father had never shown me this before, though he hadn’t shown me everything before I decided to join him.
The wandering didn’t seem to tire me, maybe that was a gift, or a curse, or maybe I was already too tired to realize.
“Hey there!” A voice from behind me startled me, the floor had turned to water, soaking through my shoes and making my socks soggy.
When did that happen?
I turned, confused, It wasn’t His voice. A person who seemed to be around my age was there, they seemed shocked when I turned around.
“You’re not-… my bad, I thought you were someone I know.” They spoke, grinning at me, although embarrassed. I smiled back, trying to assure this person.
“That’s okay!” I paused, not sure what to say. What could I say? I didn’t know this person. “I’ll uh, get going…”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“What? Why?”
“I’ll explain once I bring you back to the house.” They grabbed my arm before I could protest, dragging me along. I almost tripped, multiple times.
Eventually a house did come into view, it didn’t look like mine, or any that I recognized, for that matter.
The person didn’t stop their march though, and their grip never faltered. They marched up to the door and pulled me inside, shutting it firmly.
I didn’t try to fight them anymore, since I was already in an unfamiliar place, and they seemed to want me to be safe.
I slipped my shoes off, the cold from the floor quickly seeping into my still wet socks.
“Where are we?” I tried to ask, but it wasn’t answered.
“Questions are second, first is getting you cleaned up.” They stated, sitting me down on a couch before disappearing. I took a minute to look around, the space wasn’t very large, but it was cozy. Photos lined the walls, it looked like a proper home.
I spotted my old family photo on the wall near me, though I decided to not question it. One other photo caught my eye though, it was laying on the table, no frame, just a picture. I picked it up.
I regretted picking it up. Not in the sense that it scared me, but it made me sad.
It was a photo of Lucas. One that I took the year his family took me on their annual hike. That had been one of my best days, I didn’t have to worry. Not about work, not about bills, about how mom left, or how dad died, or how the house was an absolute mess. I could just be a teenager.
I could feel tears already gathering, I didn’t mean to leave him. I was finally starting to regret it, even if I got to join Father, which who knows if I ever will, I still left behind my only friend, my best friend.
My reminiscing was interrupted by the other teenager returning with a damp cloth. They didn’t seem bothered by my teary state.
“Sit still.”
“Why?” I managed to get out before my face was being wiped down quite aggressively.
I sputtered, trying to swat at them, but it didn’t work.
“Why won’t it go away?” they groaned, clearly frustrated. They pulled away, the cloth now a deep purple. I was so confused.
“Why is it purple now?” I asked, worry seeping into my tone.
“Are you.. How do you.. What?!”
“What do you mean, ‘What?!’ You just attacked me with a cloth and now it’s purple!”
“Yeah, because your face is absolutely coated in some sort of purple goo!”
“No it’s not?!”
“It absolutely is! I’m looking at you right now!”
“Then why can’t I see it!”
We argued, they were frustrated, I was scared, that wasn’t a good mix. I decided to prove them wrong, I brought a hand up to my face and swiped it across.
“See? Nothi- oh.” I cut myself off, seeing that my hand was now coated in a warm, purple substance. “Ew.”
They brought me to the kitchen in silence, allowing me to wash my hand in shame.
“Why can I see just fine if I’m covered?” I pondered, meant to be just for myself, but I said it out loud anyways.
“I dunno, but it’s not like we haven’t dealt with this before. We have another person with a similar problem.”
“Ah. So that’s why you’re not freaking out.”
We fell into silence after that, though when we turned to go back out of the kitchen, there was a person watching us from the stairs. I jumped, stunned by how I hadn’t noticed them earlier.
“Who’s this?” The person spoke, stepping down to the main floor now.
“Oh! This is… I didn’t get his name.” The teenager turned to me, waiting for my answer.
“Jacob, my name’s jacob.”
“Jacob! Nice, I’m Ace! I probably should’ve introduced myself before attacking your face with a rag, but it’s fine-”
“You did what now.” The adult spoke, walking over to the doorway now.
“Like I said, it’s fine!” Ace tried to defend, the adult didn’t even seem mad, just disappointed, which is always worse.
They just shook their head, carefully bringing me aside.
“Sorry about your rather… chaotic introduction to the house. I’m Sean.” He grinned, his voice was kind. It let me relax a little, I trusted him. I trusted a lot of people, maybe too many, but I trusted him.
“It’s okay, I promise! I wasn’t scared, just surprised.” I was quick to reassure, a smile quick to follow my words; it wouldn’t be seen though, not through the apparent mess that was my face.
“Maybe let’s find your room in this place so you can settle in before we get you fully introduced.” He suggested, leading the way through the house.
We started upstairs, opening doors that lead to closets or bathrooms, but no bedroom. We’d skip over doors, doors that were already other rooms. He didn’t want to disturb those places, I didn't either.
We made it back to the main floor, Ace was already gone, probably to his room. We went through the same process, opening and closing doors, until we finally stumbled upon it.
My room.
It was just as messy as the day I… left. Empty boxes strewn across the floor alongside papers from random writing or homework I never finished. Every surface available was cluttered with dishes or takeout containers. I had given up on trying to buy groceries and cook in the last few weeks. My laundry still sat untouched, spilling out of bags onto the floor. My computer was off, the CD sat just barely out of the PC. My lamp was on though, glowing faintly.
My mattress sat in the corner of the room, I’d sold my bed frame when I had been struggling with bills. My weighted blanket sat on top, an old hoodie laid across it too. My pillow sat propped against the wall, and my favourite lamb plush sat in the corner.
“It’s kinda messy…” I mumbled, embarrassed. Sean didn’t seem to mind though. He walked into the room after me, starting to stack the boxes.
“That’s okay, we’ll work on it together. You’re part of the household now.”
“...”
“Thank you.”
Sean helped me clean my room over the next hour, piling boxes and bringing them out, gathering papers to throw in the recycling. I kept a few of my stories, a few of my letters. Whenever we found photos I’d snatch them up to put on my wall.
I found myself smiling by the time that we’d cleared the floor. The laundry now sat neatly in the bags, and the dust had been swept up.
“Onto the desk!” I cheered, already starting to gather dishes. I would’ve done the wardrobe, but I had actually done a good job at keeping it clean. The only things up there were some old family photos, and a roll of bandages. In case I got hurt.
I brought the dishes to the sink, carefully dumping them. Sean had said that they’d likely disappear in the morning. Not that I knew when that was anymore.
I sat on the edge of my mattress once we’d finished, tired, but proud of my work. We’d struggled a new sheet on too, so it was a lot more comfortable.
“You should probably sleep, it’s pretty late.” Sean suggested, giving me a quick hug before exiting the room.
He was like the guardian I never had, not a dad, that was for sure. Nobody could replace him. Maybe an uncle, or a brother.
I let my thoughts wander as I laid down, the light from the lamp casting moons and stars across my walls. I wasn’t afraid of the dark, but it made me a little nervous now.
I closed my eyes, hoping to get a full night of rest, to not be woken up by Father’s voice. Would he be mad that I didn’t join him?
That was my last thought before I drifted into unconsciousness, and instead of nightmares, there was nothing.
I woke up to the sound of rain, it hit the window just above my head, resulting in a constant tap loud enough to make sleep release its grip on me.
I sat up and stretched, not wanting to open my eyes yet. All the cleaning done yesterday still felt unreal. I never thought I’d be able to see my own floor again.
Maybe it was unreal. That was my first thought when I finally opened my eyes. The mess was back, if I hadn’t lived with it for months, I would’ve thought it was worse than before.
The only hints that it had actually happened were the photos still neatly hung on my wall, and the sheets still covering my mattress.
I wanted to cry, it was cruel. Cruel that I went through all that work, only to have the tiny bit of hope, hope for a better life, or afterlife, crushed. I just sat there, staring at the mess like an offended glance could get it to go back to how it was.
It was pointless, though, it always had been.
I got up, not bothering to change out of my pyjamas. I marched over to my desk, the computer wouldn’t turn on, I didn’t even try. I had been told how things work.
I picked up the CD from its place, the tray for it had been opened. I stared down at it in my hands, tears already streaming down my face. I understood now, or I thought I did. I wasn’t meant to join Him, I never was.
I threw the CD against the wall, the force causing it to shatter. It was loud, so loud, like a thousand screams that filled my room all at once. It gave me a headache, I felt dizzy.
I don’t even know why I threw it.
I was on the floor before I knew it, my head spinning. I heard footsteps approaching my room rather fast. Maybe it was Lucas, maybe he heard the screaming too, maybe he was worried about me.
The door opened, and someone ran over to me.
It wasn’t Lucas. How could it be? He was still alive, I wasn’t. I needed to remember that.
The person was trying to speak to me, but it was all mumbly, I couldn’t make it out. They looked scared, or maybe just concerned? They had something bright around their head too, something that was spinning.
I reached up to touch it, or maybe to cover my eyes, I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I dropped my hand once I was picked up though, squirming. I didn’t like people carrying me, I felt helpless, vulnerable. I hated being vulnerable.
I tried kicking, hitting, but my limbs felt heavy and my brain wasn’t letting me move a lot.
I tried speaking, too, but it came out garbled. I was set back down on a couch. Right, I was there, not my house.
I laid there for a minute, listening to the muffled words of different worried tones and voices. Eventually something was being pushed against my mouth, my first instinct was to push it away, so I did. Whatever it was backed off thankfully.
“He needs to be sitting!” I could finally make out the words, just not who was saying them. I was pulled up by my shoulders, now half-sitting. It was the best that they could do without me sliding back down. The object returned to my mouth and this time my arms were held down.
I hesitantly opened my mouth, confused, and starting to get scared.
Water.
It was water. Cold, clean, water. The first sip was painful, I hadn’t drank much in a long time, but once I swallowed it, I wanted more. My arms weren’t being held down anymore, so I quickly grabbed the cup, I didn’t want it to be taken away. I was drinking fast enough that choking was a hazard, and for that, it got taken away.
I whined in protest, not wanting to use my voice yet. I had already forgotten what made me like this.
My vision had cleared up, letting me see who had brought me out of my room, and who was around me. I recognized the glowing thing, and my eyes were drawn there first. It was Sean, he looked terrified, a little more pale than usual.
Beside him was Ace, who looked more confused than worried, but it was still there.
The third person, I didn’t recognize. They were the one who had been giving me water. Now, they stood by the coffee table, holding the cup away from me. They looked a lot like me, just younger, and their eyes were a lot brighter, almost yellow too.
“What happened??” Sean was the first to speak, his voice a bit strained. I considered not answering, my mouth still felt dry, but I tried anyway.
“CD…” Was all I managed to get out before coughing overtook me, prompting the third person to hand me the water cup again, albeit hesitantly. I drank slowly this time, I didn’t want to worry these people more.
Sean just quietly nodded in response to my unfortunate one word answer. He had been curious about the CD the night before, I hadn’t explained.
Once I was done with the water, I set it down on the table. Only silence followed, I didn’t know what to say, and I was sure everyone else didn’t either.
“Since we’re all here, shouldn’t we get those two introduced?” Ace asked Sean, gesturing to me and the other kid.
“Probably,” Sean hummed, before turning to me, “Are you alright enough to speak?”
I nodded, which was probably counterproductive but I didn’t really want to use the energy unless I had to.
The other kid introduced himself first, giving me time to think. He was a little offended that the others met me before him, but he understood that it was just circumstance.
I introduced myself after, even though it was still a little hard. Once that was over with, it was time to explain what happened.
“I broke the CD,” I huffed, earning a few confused glances, “I’m not sure how that caused my head to get all funny, but it did, and if that thing comes back I know not to do that again.” I concluded, already wanting to just go back to bed, even if it meant facing the mess again.
Instead, I was tucked in on the couch, an old TV playing in the background. It was peaceful, more peaceful than my room would’ve been. It reminded me of how things used to be, before Dad died.
I ended up falling back asleep, my headache fading into the background.