Chapter Text
Fuck, this couldn’t be happening. How was this possible?
It wasn’t the first time Dennis Whitaker had thought this to himself, and it wouldn’t be the last. It was easy enough to logically answer how he had gotten here, so much so he figuratively knocked himself over the head for it. A puzzle with only two pieces.
Well, three. Three puzzle pieces.
He just couldn’t fathom why this was happening to him, right now, in his life. Just as he felt he had sorted himself out, created a stable life here in Pittsburgh. But of course, Dennis still struggled with his faults, such as his inability to care for himself and his wellbeing. Which in this moment had come back to haunt him, and tasked him with a decision he had no idea how to make.
It had started right after he had clocked in. He had perhaps been walking too fast, darting around his co-workers, when his stomach started to disagree with him, jarred by the pace. He was able to quickly make it to the bathroom and throw up his breakfast in there, no one around to witness his retching sounds. After heaving over the toilet for a solid minute, he felt more stable, clear headed.
That was weird, he thought. He wasn’t really someone with a queasy stomach, so this perplexed him. He couldn't think much of it though, he still had plenty of work to do before the official start of his shift. As he got up off his knees, he just hoped no one had seen him rush in here. He cleaned up his face and hands after flushing the mess, and exited the bathroom, locking eyes with Trinity from her station across the way. By the way her eyebrows were raised, he figured she’d seen him dart in there, and so he made his way over to her to squash the curiosity.
“Geez Huck, so soon this morning? What do they have you eating over there at the Robinavitch-Abbot house?” She snarks as he takes a seat in the open chair next to her at his own desk. “Honestly, I’m kind of jealous, I wish I was more regular.” Dennis scrunches his face in disgust at the implication.
“I did not need to know that.” She smiles at his grimace, happy to gross him out whenever she can. He sighs, and then continues “But no it wasn’t that, I just threw up a great breakfast.” He really meant what he’d said, Jack had made these amazing breakfast burritos, prepped and ready to microwave on the way out of the door. They kept him full for at least a good few hours if not more. The grin on Trinity’s face falters hearing that.
“Damn, that sucks. What did you bring with you for snacks?”
“A few granola bars, an apple, chips, a ham and cheese sandwich…” He tapers off, thinking if he’s missed anything. “That’s it.” Trinity’s mouth twists to the side, before reaching behind her monitor for the secret stash of snacks she kept on hand for the newbies. They were always underprepared, and it made them trail after her calling ‘Dr. Santos, can I get another snack?’ ‘Dr. Santos, can I present this case to you?’ ‘Wow, Dr. Santos you’re so amazing, how are you doing a double residency?’ ‘Dr. Santos, I think I’m in love with-’
“Which flavor?” Trinity asks, interrupting his wandering mind.
“Chocolate”
As soon as the words are out, she lobs it at him. He always picked the same flavor, and she always threw it at him like he was 10 feet away instead of 2. He usually caught it, never having missed it since the first time. Today broke his streak. The bar thwacked harshly against his face, his hand not even in the near vicinity to catch it. It fell into his lap, rather than on the floor at least. Dennis should have been annoyed that he had just been pummeled by a protein bar of all things. Instead he yawned, picked up the bar, opened it, and chomped down in quick succession. It wouldn’t tide him over long, but he’d be able to sneak a minute or two to eat his apple or sandwich in an hour right? It was still the morning, it’d be quiet enough.
“Thanks, Trin, I owe you.” He swiveled behind him to his own monitor, logging in to prep himself for the handover from night shift. Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell Trinity was staring at him, in what he assumed was confusion. For what reason, he couldn’t quite conjure at that moment. He was tired, so he couldn’t be bothered to ask her anyways. He’d been groggy coming into work for a few days now, maybe a week, but today it was really hitting him hard. Sleep wasn’t the problem, as the bed he slept in with Robby and Jack had worked wonders when he had moved in with them. He had never slept better. He just needed to wake up, and that meant getting his head into work.
The second time he threw up had been a bit more dramatic than the first, and with many more witnesses. He’d been able to eat half his apple and his sandwich at around 8:30. That had been about an hour ago. So far they had continued to stay relatively quiet, and the few intense cases had been resolved quickly and with minimal stress. Dennis was at his desk, typing in an update into one of his patient’s charts, when a familiar pair of arms leaned on the ledge behind his screen.
“Dr. Whitaker.” His name said with a lilt, a playful teasing only perceptible to Dennis’ ears. He can’t help but meet Robby’s eyes, creased in a soft gaze directed at him. He also can’t help the matching smile that crosses his face, bordering on too adoring, before he schools it into something slightly more neutral, professional.
“Dr. Robby, how can I help?”
“How would you feel about teaching our students how to sew up a lac?” Dennis loved hearing the words ‘our students’. Ours. The Pitt was his just as much as it was Robby's or Jack’s, now being a senior resident. It filled him with pride.
“Sure, of course, lead the way.” Dennis is out of his seat in a jiffy, walking around the console and into step with Robby. It seems every time he stands up this morning the energy is already sapped from him, he can’t help but yawn multiple times as they walk. Of course, Robby notices this.
“Tired already?”
“Yeah, I had a celsius an hour ago to try to perk up. Looks like it’s not working.” Robby frowns at this. He doesn’t say any more, knowing Dennis wouldn’t want him to pull favors to lessen his load, but the concern doesn’t leave his face. They arrive at the room, where the med students are standing just outside waiting for them. They’ve been here now a couple of days, but Dennis still has trouble recalling their names, especially with his brain fogged the way it is. Thankfully, Robby is there to remind him.
“Rodrigez, Gustafson, Yee, Dr. Whitaker will be showing you the ropes today on this case.” Robby steps aside to let Dennis lead, walking off to handle the next patient coming into the trauma bay. Dennis turns to them, smiling to put them a bit at ease, hands in his pockets.
“Okay, who wants to present the case?”
They turn to look at each other, wondering who will be brave enough to speak. After a beat, the boy in the middle, Gustafson, speaks.
“Larry Holt, white male, age 43. Was out biking when his bike slipped on a rock and came down on him. Gears seem to have grazed the meniscus and patellar ligament, most of the damage was done to the nerves and fat pocket above. Plan of treatment is to sew the muscles back together with Vicryl and the exterior with Nylon. Then give him a leg brace to keep the stitches in place while it heals.” When he’s done Gustafson looks up nervously at Dennis. It’s nice for once there’s a guy shorter than Dennis in the ED. Dennis nods approvingly.
“Good, let’s get him taken care of.” Dennis enters first, holding the door open. “Hi Mr. Holt, I’m Dr. Whitaker. Do you mind if we have some med students observe?”
After Mr. Holt nods his consent, Dennis steps inside to allow the med students to file in after him. Dennis rattles through the basics, speaking to Mr.Holt about what they’re going to do to sew him up and the aftercare. The materials are already prepped and Mr. Holt is numbed, so Dennis gloves up and sits down to start. He talks through his movements, beginning with the muscles, three pairs of eyes intently watching his every move.
It’s when he’s on the third suture that he feels it. Being bent over at the angle he is, careful in his movements, he starts to feel the nausea. It’s only slight at first, so he’s able to ignore it and carry on. He finishes the muscles, leaning back to give his back a break.
Once he preps the suture to sew the skin together, he leans forward again. He feels his balance tip a little farther than he’d like. Saliva fills his mouth. It takes everything in him to not vomit right then and there. He takes a deep breath, and continues narrating to the students, specifying the difference on how to sew muscles versus skin.
Once he’s hit the fourth suture, he’s once again fighting against vomiting. He takes another deep breath, ties the knot into the thread, and slowly scoots back. All eyes are on him, confused why he’s suddenly stopped.
“Sorry, if you’ll excuse me for a second.” He stands as he says this, thinks he’s said this to them before he’s rigidly pushing the door open, holding his body together enough so he can find the bathroom again.
He can see it, if he can just walk the 10 steps to get there. He gets five, just out of sight of the med students and Mr.Holt, before he’s having to find the nearest receptacle to throw up into. It’s a bed pan on a cart. He grabs it hastily and empties the contents of his stomach into it, turned toward the wall as he does so. The moment he’s done, he can hear the lull in the usual noise of the Pitt. Fortunately or unfortunately, he’s right by the hub. He turns from the wall and makes eye contact with Dana, Victoria, and Trinity as they corner him.
“Alright, let’s get Whitaker to a room, Dana what’s open?”
“8 is free”
“Hey, can you walk?” Javadi has hooked her arm into the crook of Dennis’ elbow, and is now asking a question. Everything happened so quickly, but his mind has caught up enough to nod. Dana gently pulls the bed pan from his grasp, leaving his other forearm free for Trinity to grab with her hand, gently leading all three of them to room 8.
Javadi and Trinity move around him in quick succession, getting him settled on the bed before they start performing the routine checks. Normal blood pressure, oxygen is good. Once they’ve done all of that, they both settle on chairs on either side of the bed. Even as people have come and gone at the Pitt, Javadi, Trinity, and him had been the constant in each other’s lives down here. They’d been bonded since that first day, but it’s only grown since. It only made sense they were the ones to check on him.
Trinity sighs.
“What was it this time, Dennis?” The use of his first name told him Trinity was actually really worried about him. And for as much as he was still in the throes of recovering from vomiting, again, he couldn’t help but be pleased at her concern. Dennis shook his head.
“I don’t know, I was teaching the med students how to suture and suddenly I needed to vomit.”
“It could be food poisoning, Do you have stomach cramps?” Victoria asks. Dennis shrugs his shoulders.
“Sort of?
“No fever though.” Trinity chimes in. “Are you drinking enough water? How often are you going to the bathroom?” Dennis thinks it over.
“I have my water jug sitting by my desk, I think it’s about half gone by now.” The jug was, well, a jug. It could definitely take someone out if he were to swing it. He was peeing more since he got it, but that was pretty normal considering. Trinity looks at him for a moment, before something seems to cross her mind as her eyes widen slightly. She crosses her arms.
“So you’ve been vomiting, you’ve got stomach cramps, you’re peeing more, and you’re fatigued.”
Dennis scoffs. “I’m not fatigued.” Trinity raises her eyebrows, unimpressed. He stares back at her, goading her to say what’s on her mind. Instead, she turns to Victoria.
“Could you grab a pregnancy test?” White noise fills his hearing at the request. Victoria looks shocked for a second, surprise and confusion crossing her face. She chances a glance at Dennis, who is just as gobsmacked at Trinity’s request.
Victoria must sense this is a request not only for the test, but a chance for Trinity and Dennis to have a conversation alone for a second, because she says “Sure, I’ll go get that. I’ll be back in ten. Or longer. However long you need.” She glances between them as she exists, making sure the door closes behind her. The minute it clicks shut, Dennis flips his shit.
“Trinity, what the fuck!” Dennis doesn’t hold back the anger in his voice.
“You know, you’ve been dead on your feet for at least a solid week, if not more. I thought it was a little abnormal, I should’ve asked you about it earlier when you let me smack you with a protein bar at terminal velocity.” Trinity says, all the nonchalance in the world as she wheels herself around the room in her chair. Like she hasn’t just dropped a bomb on him. Dennis sputters at this.
“Okay? I’ve been a little more tired than usual, why…?” He can’t even finish the sentence, can’t speak the words out loud. Won’t admit what she’s implying.
“Huckleberry, we have to check all the options, I’m just doing my due diligence.”
“Due diligence my ass, there’s no way I could be-!” Dennis’ voice has climbed an octave, defensive as all can be. Again he can’t bring himself to say the word. He pivots from the fear crawling up his throat to anger again. “And thanks for implying that in front of Victoria. Real nice.”
Trinity takes her face into her hands, sighing.
“Alright look I’m sorry about that, I could have asked her to step out. I just didn’t think. I mean we know pretty much everything about each other now. I figured it’d be okay.”
That was true, when he said they had gotten close he meant it. When he and Trinity were still living together, Javadi would come over every so often to hangout. They’d watch movies, bitch about the frustrating patients they had, and have deep conversations until the early hours of the morning. Trinity and Victoria were the only two who knew for a while that he was trans. So it wasn’t so much that Trinity had outed him. He was only really pissed because she might be right. Dennis was quiet as he let the thought sink in. Trinity grabbed his hand, grounding him.
“You’re probably not pregnant. I mean the chances of those old men being fertile still? Highly unlikely.” Trinity smirks at him, and he scoffs, his thoughts a little lighter at her attempt to joke.
There was some truth to the statement, Robby and Jack were both in their fifties. Statistically it was more difficult than if they had been younger. And of course, if they had been wearing protection all the time it would have been more unlikely. Even more unlikely yet if Dennis had been consistent in taking his birth control like he should have. Unfortunately, he was a victim of thinking himself infertile as well, because he’d been on testosterone in the past. He was off it now, for health reasons, but the misconception hadn’t disappeared from his mind. Even if he was a doctor who knew it to be untrue. His own health and body were the last things on his mind. So there may have been times more recently where Robby, Jack, and him had gone without a condom, either because they’d forgotten to buy more or simply being irresponsible. Usually they would buy a plan B for him, that was their routine.
Victoria entered the room at that moment, a pink box in hand. She must have figured they were done talking with the way they were quietly in each other’s presence.
“Here you go, Dennis.”
“Thanks, Victoria” He smiles at her, a bit forced. “I guess I’ll go take this now.” As he starts to get up Victoria stops him.
“Do you want us to wait with you? For the results?” She looked hesitantly at him, seeming afraid to upset him. He appreciated the gesture, and since they both knew he was taking it he might as well not be alone when he learns…
“Sure, I’d like that. Don’t stop attending to your patients on my account though.” Victoria smiles at him, giving him a squeeze on his arm, before passing through the door.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can!”
Trinity trails after her, giving Dennis a light pat on the back as she does so.
“We’re here for you, Huck.”
The door closes. And then it’s just him. He slips out as well, heading for the men’s bathroom with the pink box in hand. The sight of it is so embarrassing, he can’t bring himself to bring the whole thing in there. He tosses out the box in the trash, only bringing the test and its instructions with him. He makes a beeline for a stall, closing it quickly behind him.
He thinks he knows how to take this test, has seen it in plenty of movies, but reads the instructions just to be sure. Of course, it’s pretty straightforward. And since they’re in a hospital, it’s one of the fancier ones, with a little electronic screen. The box read “99% accurate!” He proceeds to do the test, capping it once it’s done. He stuffs both the instructions and the test into his pocket, flushes, and washes his hands before going back to room 8 to wait out his results. He pulls out the test and puts it far away from him, waiting for Victoria and Trinity to come back to bear witness together to whatever result comes through. He lies on the bed, a shaking nervous wreck.
He needed to calm down. There were two results that were possible. Either he was pregnant, or he was not. And now he was scared shitless of Robby coming to check up on him. He was kind of surprised he hadn’t been in the vicinity when it happened. Who had finished up the sutures on Mr.Holt? Was he still waiting there? Were the med students dumbfounded at their senior resident’s episode? He was never gonna be cool in their eyes now.
And again, where was Robby? Robby tried in every way not to treat him differently than their coworkers. Keyword tried. Sometimes he just couldn’t help himself, especially if Dennis got hurt at work. So he was curious how long it would take before he would learn Dennis had upchucked halfway through his lesson and come running to this room. He could only hope he was caught up in some big trauma so Dennis had time to learn if he was actually pregnant or not and process how he felt about that. It seemed luck was on his side, as a couple minutes later Trinity turned up again, Victoria soon behind her.
“So we stitched up Mr. Holt for you, he’s headed home now. Our other patients are in stable condition, and there’s no new trauma coming in for the foreseeable next couple of minutes.” Trinity explained.
All of this information Dennis took in stride, nodding his head. Trinity looked at him, a question in her eyes. She was looking at him like he was a delicate glass flower. Maybe he was in that moment. If the other ball dropped, he might shatter to pieces.
Finally, she asked him: “Do you want to see the results?”
Dennis looked up at her, and suddenly he felt all the fear come back in full force. This was real. He was here, at this moment, about to find out something that might change his entire life. He really did not want to see the test, but he knew he had to. He had to face reality. He nodded, a small bob that Trinity took to mean yes.
She reached over to the counter where he’d placed the test and handed it to him.
He grabbed the stick by the end she wasn’t holding, adjusting it so it was clutched by both of his hands, his eyes landing on the word etched in the electronic lettering. Word. Singular.
Pregnant.
…Fuck.
Fuck!