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The blood is the life, and that was something that Flins was most knowledgeable of.
Blood is the thing that gives life living beings, and humans dependon on it heavily. Beings that he himself admired, truly. Blood is a part of humanity
Something can be in their blood, someone can make one's blood boil, something can be done in cold blood..
It's all in language as well.
And Flins was no different on the surface, the rule of blood giving life also applied to him, though unconventionally.
If people were to find out firsthand, there was one way to describe hypothetical reaction; their blood would run cold. And ironically, he would feel it deliberately, making him almost dizzy. The pulse being faster, trembling. It would be messy, cruel to do.
Far away from the image he wanted to maintain, as someone who was fascinated with humans. And especially when starting living among them, he had to forsake such cruelty that he was never really prone to act on, and appear as human as it would be possible.
Yes, blood was tempting, but even more was being a part of whatever humanity was. And there would be other, not necessarily demanding ways to fulfill some animalistic hunger in him, anyway.
It could be kept in check, surely.
And of course he could do just that, for the sake of keeping the pretense. He didn't wish to overuse humans gullibility for his own pleasure, and on terms of survival.. another ways would suffice, for the sake of not ruining the perfect human being image.
And while after years of successfully holding back his own hunger between humans, there was one who made him question his own desires.
And that someone just happened to enter his own humble abode with no second thought and no questioning towards the resident, freely.
At that point, it had become some kind of a routine for Flins to be visited by his good collegaue Illuga. Among all of that, it made him feel somehow more human, to even experience somehow built purely on being a lightkeeper as well. It was good, to be seen as equal, not as a preying creature. Even if all that was hidden behind a careful mask, it didn't matter, for his own feelings towards him were almost pure and came from real care.
And somehow, it brought the hunger for real blood back, something he would consider long forgotten and controlled. And it was even worse, since mere thought of being able to have a taste would make him reconsider every of his life choice or whatever that was in his mind.
And each of his feeling about such a hypothetical situation were practically contradicting one another. Yes, he wanted, longed for tasting Illuga's blood himself, and only himself. But then, all of his work to built a human image would crumble, and poor Illuga would not see Flins as a lightkeeper and his dear friend, but for what he really was, whatever he decided to conceal for so long.
Secondly, even if he were to do that, it would be full of selfishness that he didn't want to acknowledge even before himself. To grab someone and sink his teeth, deeply into the flesh and to feel something.. oh, how pleasing it would be, considering his whole fondness for Illuga. He would feel his pulse, a sharp hold on his shoulder or arm, grabbing him. He would look down to see that face, full of.. what would it be full of? Fear, awe, submission, or maybe something totally different? It made Flins both interested and disgusted with himself, why would he even make Illuga full of dread at the sight of him?
No, if such thing was to happen (but of course it wouldn't, he thought to himself), he wouldn't take everything just for himself, just for his own fulfillment. No, he would take just a taste, not everything, to make himself grounded. Greed was something that could be easy to follow, but he would abandon it.
Abandon the constant hunger, the image of Illuga, the thoughts, the lingering desire..
"Sir Flins, are you alright?" Flins heard a voice from the opposite side of the table and was brought to reality, though he didn't know when he even had lost the touch with it. He looked up, facing Illuga. "You seem troubled. And paler than usual." He added the second part after a while of thinking.
"I am most grateful for your concern, dear young master, but I am truly not. I merely got lost in thought." He smiled softly to upheld his composure, his hand drifting to the glass of wine before him. Yes, he had offered his dear guest it before, praising how good it was, a good host would share such thing. Yes, it was most useful to upheld the image of being a good host, a good human, an ordinary one.. "Your hand is cut, master Illuga." He pointed out.
The cut was barely something that one would care about, especially Illuga. Not the first one and not the last one. Probably from a paper while writing a report, or anything that could happen when he was on his way to the cementery. And of course, poor Illuga would try to convince Flins that there is no need to be so worried, but all of that didn't matter. "Excuse me for a moment, young master. I will get something to clean it." He stated as he stood up, and really, he felt like he either needed to throw a whole bucket of water onto his head or a huge, painful slap on his face. Really, he felt like a moth to a flame, because all of that desperation to have a chance to just take a closer look at Illuga would do him no good.
As he came back with a bandage and some water to clean the cut, Illuga was still sitting and following his moves in some embarrassment. "Really, there is no need for doing that-"
He was quickly cut as Flins knelt down and decisively took his hand. "Oh, but why would you go around like that, when there are ways to tend it?" He asked teasingly as he looked up at Illuga, who then felt even more awkward with seeing Flins below him, leaving no room for objection. "Truly, you should take care of yourself more and don't oppose to being cared for, dear Illuga."
That comment made Illuga silent, so Flins decided to quietly tend him. He looked down at his hand with no gloves no, which was a rare sight as he mostly used them for work. Dry, a few calluses here and there, the cut that he mentioned.. and blood arond it, of course. Fresh, even, as if someone on purpose would tear it all over again.
His mouth opened, only slightly, with some kind of amazement, as if it was the first time he ever saw it, reminding him of that deeply rotten hunger. And he quickly realized how wrong it was, to stare so obviously and to let his mask slip only a bit, so he did his best to return to his calm, unbothered self.
He quickly took water and poured a bit of it there, which earned a not surprising gasp from Illuga at the touch. So very human. He placed a bangade there, and was almost both thankful and regretful at not being able to see what he had seen just a moment before.
As he wanted to look up at Illuga and to stand up, he felt a touch on the top of his head that made him stay still, not daring to look up yet.
"You're not human, Sir Flins."
The sole sound of that sentence made his heart beat somehow faster.
And suddenly, the hand that was carefully held on his head moved to his face and to his mouth, confidently opening it and touching his teeth. At the sole firm motion Flins's eyes widened, and only then he looked up. He felt his finger dragging around his fang that he just realized was there all along. A mistake on his part, he had to forget himself just when he saw that trace of blood and when he couldn't contain his thoughts anymore.
Illuga's eyes were studying him carefully and quietly, as if he was some research subject just for him. Flins didn't see fear in them, though. Only curiosity. As if it was something that he always knew (he couldn't, could he?) and was just making sure it's real. "How perceptive of you, young master," he mumbled. The whole situation was making him unsteady and even more conflicted with himself.
"I'm not blind, Sir Flins. I saw how you looked at that little trace of blood."
"Did you do that on purpose, young master?"
Illuga leaned down so their faces were just a few inches a part with Flins kneeling before him. His hand moved to his chin to hold it, and really, Flins felt like some object at some kind of an exhibition. But being such for Illuga, it felt appealing, almost. "Perhaps I did, or I did not."
"With how you are studying me, I would say the former."
Illuga laughed, which made Flins want to respond to it with a smile, too. "I can't outsmart you, really."
"Oh, but you do have me on my knees. So a part of me has fallen into your trap."
And it takes another chuckle from Illuga to feel like if anything didn't happen in a span of few seconds, Flins would go crazy.
And a few seconds later he finds Illuga's lips on his own, and his hand that was on his mouth just before on his cheek. For some balance he moved his hand to hold onto Illuga's thigh. The kiss was soft at first, but with each second both of them would almost yearn for more, more. And just before Flins would feel bold enough to even think of involving his tongue in it, Illuga pulled away, his back falling onto the chair, panting heavily. "You're hungry, right? Of course you must be," he breathed, his hand carresing Flins's face.
Flins couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What?"
"Yes, those fairytales make sense now," He said, but almost as if convincing himself rather than talking to Flins. "How long has it been since you've had some?" His hand pointed at the cut hand, now covered.
"I believe this shouldn't be your concern, young master. I can take care of myself just fine-"
"But that doesn't help with wanting, does it? Nothing will replace real blood, will it?" His speech was somehow now faster, as if wanting to convince Flins.
And truth be told, yes, nothing would replace it or completely silence the want, and Flins was most aware of it. But it could be lived with without acting upon it, he has somehow learnt to go through life like that.
So why with every look at Illuga he feels that holding back was so wrong?
Yes, if only he could, he would grab Illuga with his hands, hold him by his shoulders, then he would lean down to his neck, place his teeth just barely above it, feel his pulse, all of his emotions, and then..
how heavenly would that feel.
But he couldn't let himself drown in such dreams. "Young master, maybe you have had too much wine to say such things." He got up from the floor and would turn around if only his arm wasn't grabbed by the man in front of him.
"Flins, I would give all that you would need."
How dangerous was such an offer for him. "A word of advice, master Illuga. I would like you to be careful with your words. I happen to consider myself to be much composed, but if you spoke them to someone much more malicious than me, it could be used against you, in ways you would both not think of and would not like."
Illuga's grip on his arm tightened. "But I am saying this to you. And I would like to do just that." Flins gaze that was set on Illuga, now drifted everywhere but not on him. All of what he was saying he understood very well, even if trying to convince himself to not take it so seriously. It had to be the wine, surely. Even if there wasn't too much of it for Illuga to be even in much influence of it, and Flins was most aware of it. But it had to be, no one in normal state of mind would say such things to a creature like him.
Illuga had to have no idea what such words could mean and how tempting it seemed. 'all that you need', it repeated constantly in Flins's mind, and by saying 'all', he probably had no idea what it meant to Flins. There was no way to fulfill whatever he wanted, it had no defied amount. Would he give himself to him? Not only blood that would do something to some natural hunger of his, but his whole being, soul, human emotions, all of the things that made Illuga who he was before him?
It all seemed so wrong yet so right, and it made him feel the hunger even more, more than ever before. It would not be silenced.
"Flins, you could drink my blood now. I know you want it and I wouldn't oppose to give it to you."
"That 'all' you mentioned.." He began, and got closer to Illuga and put the hand that wasn't held by him on his shoulder, hovering over him with an intimidating attitude. "What if it mean giving me your whole existence? Would you really do that? Have you considered it? You are not aware of how full of greed I may become, dear Illuga. You would give me an inch and I would take a mile before you would realize it, even beyond that."
"Well," Illuga coughed. "If you would want it, then I would. Just let me feel it. And if you were to take my life, then well.. just don't do that instantly. And maybe tell me beforehand."
The last part seemed hilarious to him, and Illuga said that as if it was the most normal thing to say. And at that point, he was really close to give up and take whatever Illuga was willing to give him.
"Would you.." He swallowed, not being convinced if letting go was really the way. "Would you mind standing up?" He said hesitantly, using his hand to gesture.
Illuga did as he asked, and so now Flins was the one sitting. And truth be told, the more real it could become, the weirder he felt about it. Like some tension building up in him that he couldn't specify if it was good to feel or bad. But there was no way to argue that he wanted to use the offer of Illluga sharing his blood with him, and.. and like a moth to a flame, it was too strong to back down. And he was such a weak man, especially when it came to Illuga.
He looked at Illuga, who was now aimlessly standing before him. He bit his lips in stressed manner and spoke quietly. "You could.." he looked down.
"Oh, right." The latter probably had to realize what Flins meant to say, so he decided to place himself on Flins's lap, his hands holding onto his shoulders.
Flins moved his hands to Illuga's neck, but only to touch, really. He moved his fingers softly and slowly, as if it was the first time he had seen it. A few moments later, he could feel Illuga's pulse beneath his fingers. Somehow faster than usual one, so he took a glance at his face, but it showed no apparent fear. Maybe something that he couldn't recognize. "Are you scared, Illuga?"
Illuga looked down at him, locking their gazes. "Of you? No. I am just waiting."
He had never heard of a human who willingly would wait for them to be bitten and consumed for blood.
Flins got closer to Illuga's neck himself, now tracing it with his lips, taking his time. And there was some urge to bite him, not to cause any outcome, but to maybe give Illuga a taste of whatever he wanted him to do. So he did that, repeating the motion a few times.
Illuga had to move his hands to hold Flins's waist because after doing that, he felt himself being brought closer by his back. "W-what are you doing, sir Flins?" He asked, and Flins could hear his breath getting heavier.
"Whatever I need to do, as you allowed me to." He responded, nuzzling against him. "Is it wrong all of the sudden?"
"No, but.." he stopped, feeling Flins's teeth touching his skin again, gaining a gasp out of him, his face reddening. "I just.. didn't expect that."
"Hm.. that is alright, too." Flins sighed, and seeing Illuga being so impatient about practically giving himself to whatever whims of Flins, he decided to not postpone the inevitable. With such reactions with simple touches, how else would he react, when the cruel part would come?
And so, he dragged his teeth along him once more, and bit the flesh.
The first drop of blood made him feel like it would intoxicate him with a span of seconds. And the scene was such; him bitting into Illuga's neck, Illuga pulling him closer at the sudden, harsh but not as much as it could be for his possibilities bite, followed by a trail of blood, and again followed by Illuga's sharp gasp and biting his own lips to maintain the pain.
It felt so delightful, so animalistic and so grotesque that he couldn't help but take a look at Illuga's face, who was holding him as if his whole life depended on it.
He looked so human, so full of emotions, so..
it made him want more. To see more of those emotions on his face, to feel him more, to consume all of what could be left. To have all of that in himself, for it to become a part of him as well.
"Flins.." He heard a shaky voice, which earned an interested hum from him. "You may.. consume me wholly.. drink all that's left in me, even if I would, ah-"
Oh, how tempting it would be, and how beautifully it sounded in his voice.
With each bite and each swallow of blood, that had the same metallic taste yet something for him made it feel almost sweet and much pleasant that any other that he would ever taste, he heard more of noises coming from Illuga and he felt like if he himself stopped, it would kill him instantly. Yes, now holding a mere human felt like holding to something that his life depended on, both the blood and his own person. It was all making him dizzy, such long forgotten desire now coming true felt almost unreal.
At some point, when even he had to contain himself and take a breath, he heard Illuga urging him to go on. 'why would you stop' with all of those breathy gasps of his, or something along the lines, but even he lost himself in all of that.
and he would go on, as long as Illuga would allow. To any length of that.
But at some point, he pulled away, as he felt Illuga collapsing on him. It made the latter look at him as well, with dizziness almost equal to that of Flins.
He felt the blood still on his lips, so he made a quick choice to lick it off. "It hurts, doesn't it?" Illuga nodded, but managed to crack a smile. "You poor thing, dear Illuga."
"If you want more, then.." the latter barely breathed out. "Go forward, I wouldn't mind if-"
He was cut by Flins bringing their lips together, "Shush, young master. You did a great job." And once again, pulled him for a kiss.
Lazy and barely coordinated, mostly keeping each other as close as possible. Flins could still taste the metallic taste on his tongue as he explored the other's mouth, but he was too caught up in the moment to actually care.
This time, it was Illuga who pulled away, taking sharp breaths, though acting on some almost natural instinct at that point, Flins wanted to steal another kiss once again. "I feel like I'm going to pass out, Flins."
It would be weirder if he didn't feel like it after losing so much blood at once, Flins thought, but decided not to speak that out loud. Instead, he moved his hands to Illuga's waist. "Then lets get you to rest, shall we?"
Illuga brought his face to Flins neck in agreement, so Flins decided not to torture him any longer but that he would just simply pick him up himself and carry him to bed, especially with how he was clinging to him.
And as he put him down, he could hear him muttering half asleep some nonsense that he couldn't make out anything meaningful from, besides hearing his own name repeated a few times. It made him want to smile tenderly, almost.
Kneeling on the bed and watching Illuga drift away in his sleep made him look at his neck, or rather how red it was. Tomorrow, it would be like hell to bear after touching for him, he assumed. Curiosity was sometimes not to be followed, but his precious human would come to understand it. But he would take care of it and of Illuga himself, of course he would.
He slowly brought his hands to hold Illuga's face and placed a soft kiss on his forehead, and then decided to lay just beside him and the place that he himself lingered on just a while ago, silently watching his chest making up and down movements, a proof of him being alive.
____________________________________________________
As Illuga woke up on the next day, sleeping unknowingly for how long, he was meet by a sharp pain in his neck, which made him groan in frustration. And the first thing he saw after opening his eyes was none other that Flins, sitting beside.
"You must be hurting quite a lot, young master." He spoke calmly with a soothing expression. "Good morning."
Illuga decided to try to shift into more of a sitting position. "Good morning, sir Flins." He touched the source of his pain, which turned out to not be the best idea.
"You better not touch it, let me help." He offered as he took water and a paper to clean it. "It will be brief, dear Illuga. You can hold onto me if that would make you feel better."
"I've survived more pain, you see, especially the last night." He saying teasingly, which made Flins smile, too.
"Oh, so you do remember. I was afraid it was the wine that made you so bold and you wouldn't make out much after waking up, truly."
"I remember you doing the same thing with tending me yesterday, too. And it started from that, did it not?" He remarked as Flins fingers were working on covering up all the wounds, though the touches were as gentle as possible.
"I feel much satisfied even now, no need to worry. I am able to survive a lot of circumstances, you see." He stated, though because of his own curiosity Illuga moved his hand to Flins's mouth all over again, only to see his teeth being as normal as a human's would be. "Surprised?" He asked, making illuga flustered.
"You surely are able to hide quite a lot, sir Flins."
"That I am."
A moment of silence followed, that was then broken by Illuga. "You.. remember the things I said, yeah?"
"Of course I do, young master. I also assumed that it could be the wine talking."
"I meant them all."
"Oh, do you really mean that? Would you sacrifice yourself to me, even if I would be much crueler?"
Illuga took a moment to think what to say. Technically he wasn't surpised that Flins started considering how true it was, hell, even he was surpised at how bold he became with the whole situation.
"It's okay, you don't have to think much of it, i understand it all. Saying things that normally you wouldn't say happens even to the best." He spoke after a moment of silence, probably in order to comfort him.
"I would let you do that. And yes, maybe I wouldn't say it out loud in normal circumstances, but.. if you would need it, you could consume me, in your own way."
That made Flins go silent that time. As he was done with tending the wounds, he simply laid his head on Illuga's shoulder, quietly. In such silence, Illuga wrapped his arms around Flins to keep him there, just for one moment more.