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When Grian wakes up, it’s to a crippling loneliness. She reaches out a hand to the other side of her bed, clenching the cool sheets tightly. It’s just the same as they had been the past 23 days and 3 hours. She slept in today, the ache being too much.
Remembering always hurt, to recall her past life with the soulmate she shared her life with. Now she’s alone, having to go day after day without her beautiful face to greet her every morning.
It’s dramatic and a little bit pathetic. It hasn’t even been a month yet. All those previous lives they lived, they always found each other again. Sometimes they remembered before, sometimes after, but they always fell in love again.
Logically, Grian’s fears are groundless. She shouldn’t be this sad over not meeting Scar yet, she just needs to be patient. She’ll find Scar again and everything will be right in this world again.
Grian could never drop the fear that clenches her heart though, the thought that one day Scar won’t remember. That Scar won’t love her again. That Scar stopped loving her after so many centuries of doing so already.
The ‘what ifs’ cloud her mind so much that she can’t get out of bed, wallowing in the fears. Grian doesn’t know if she’ll survive. It takes a couple hours passing for her stomach to start its protests, demanding to be fed.
Grian sighs sadly, reluctantly untangling her hand from the bedsheets and getting up. She mindlessly goes through her morning tasks, getting read and dressing without thought. It’s only after she made breakfast does she snap out of it, realizing she made breakfast for two.
It makes her ache again, it’s enough to block out her confusion. Grian rarely was the one to cook for them, Scar had always been so much better at it than Grian after all. She always had her own tasks to do for them in return.
Did Scar grow tired of that too?
Their history doesn’t help of course, way back in their first lives. First seven lives? Grian doesn’t know how to qualify any of what happened back then. When their lives were surrounded by death and violence.
Scar had forgiven her for it, forgiven every wrong thing Grian had done to her, but Grian never could forgive herself. How could someone be forgiven for killing the love of her life so many times…?
To stop herself from spiraling too far, Grian pulls out her phone to call a very familiar number. Pearl, someone else who knows, someone who’s always family to her. Sometimes by closeness, sometimes as siblings, this time as twins.
Pearl answers after three rings, her voice groggy as she mumbles, “Hello?”
“Hey,” Grian says, attempting for casual but knowing Pearl will see through it. To avoid that discussion, she continues on, “Want to visit for breakfast?”
There’s a long pause before Pearl replies, “I’ll be over shortly.” It’s clear she wanted to press, Grian resigns herself for that conversation when she gets here.
Now pulled out of that spiral, she’s also aware of the pair of cats meowing at her, upset at the delay. Grian quickly feeds them, murmuring an apology. They’re quick to start eating, ignoring Grian now that they got what they want.
That leaves Grian to waiting. As a way to pass the time, Grian ensures to keep the food warm without burning it. It’s only bacon and eggs, but that would have been a luxury back then. That’s not true now, hasn’t for a long time, but Grian still hesitates regardless. Maybe that’s why Scar usually cooks for them, she seemed to get over those so called games a lot more easily.
Grian always envied her for it.
She’s yanked out of her thoughts by the front door opening, Pearl not even bothering to knock. “You promised breakfast?” She greets, mercifully avoiding the topic.
Grian hums, “Yup!” She always prefers avoiding this topic like the plague, even if it haunts her every thought in the quiet of her house.
Breakfast is mostly quiet as they eat, the only words being spoke casual and surface level conversation. Nothing deep or hidden secrets of past lives.
It’s only when Grian is cleaning the dishes Pearl brings it up, “So… thinking about her again?”
Grian stiffens, eyes laser focused on the plate in her hands, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She barely stops herself from flinching at the words, repeating what she never should have said then.
Pearl rolls her eyes, but is gentle when she places a hand on Grian’s shoulder. “She won, she’ll remember.”
Grian continues to focus on the plates, “But what if she doesn’t care anymore?”
Pearl doesn’t reply for a minute, and Grian appreciates the attempt to phrase it kindly. “Griba, she stares at you like you created the galaxy, like you’re the only important person in the world. The world will end before she stops caring.”
That finally gets Grian to meet her gaze, “You think so?”
“I know so,” Pearl asserts.
Grian smiles, small but there, “Thanks.”
“Always.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It takes another 11 days and 8 hours for the wait to end. It’s in the grocery store of all places.
Grian mindlessly stares at the shelves, debating if she should cave and get some chocolate snacks. She’s dragged out of those thoughts as an arm loops around her waist.
It’s immediately followed by a second and a nose pressing into her hair. Instantly Grian’s fight or flight reflex goes off, and she pulls an arm forwards in preparation to drive an elbow back.
Grian stops not even an inch away as a voice mumbles against the crown of her head, “Hey light of my life.”
As quickly as it came, the adrenaline fades, and Grian slumps back into the person holding her. She soaks in the warmth she so desperately missed. Grian wants to turn around, but she fears breaking the hold if she does.
“Hi beautiful,” she whispers quietly, scared that speaking loudly will also shatter the moment.
Scar hums, squeezing her tightly, “I missed you.”
Grian grabs onto her hands, trying not to sound to wrecked as she murmurs, “Missed you too.”
They stay like that for what feels like hours, even though it probably was only minutes. Scar slowly starts to pull back, and Grian makes a panicked noise as she tightens her grip.
Scar lightly chuckles, pulling free and turning Grian around. Hands still on her shoulders, she grins down at her. Neither of them speak, both too busy looking the other up and down, drinking in the sight. It’s been way too long since they’ve last seen each other.
After even more uncountable minutes, Scar leans down to press a kiss against Grian’s forehead. She then presses a kiss to her nose, then each cheek, then chin, until Grian starts giggling, all stress melting away.
Scar stares at her, expression lovestruck, as she slides her hands down to hold Grian’s. While maintaining eye contact, she raises them up to press a kiss to the knuckles on both. Grian can feel herself blush under the attention, but it does sufficiently break up the dark clouds hovering over her.
Of course Scar remembers how Grian keeps having them in each new life. It’s why Grian loves her as deeply as she does, Scar always makes her feel seen. She ducks her face, trying to hide it in her shoulder, flushing under the attention.
Scar drops one hand to gently nudge Grian’s head up, “C’mon darling, look at me.” Embarrassed, Grian does so. Scar grins when she does, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“One month, four days, and eleven hours,” Grian whispers, glancing away again.
Scar doesn’t laugh at her precise count, just tilting her head to make eye contact and giving Grian the sweetest smile possible. “Let’s go back home, yeah?”
Grian quickly nods, any remaining thoughts about shopping gone from her head. There’s no question needed about home, because home is always where the other is, not any building they stay in.
The walk is a blur, all Grian can focus on is Scar as they head to her place. Once there, they end up inside the enclosed back porch. They sit on the love seat together, fully pressed against each other. Scar loops an arm around Grian’s waist to keep her close.
“How are you feeling?” Scar murmurs, hitting Grian right in the center of her insecurities.
Grian doesn’t respond right away, gaze focused on the sky beyond the window, watching as it turns orange and pink with the sunset. “Bad,” she whispers, barely audible.
Scar hums in response, just as quietly. She doesn’t say a word, letting Grian sort out her thoughts. Grian’s grateful she does.
“It… it’s always the same worry,” Grian eventually admits, “that one of these life times you just won’t remember.” There’s also the fear that Scar won’t love her anymore, but Grian isn’t brave enough to say that yet, this is vulnerable enough as is.
Scar gives her another squeeze, “Even if I don’t, I’ll always fall in love with you again.” It strikes such a deep chord in Grian, her confidence trying to dispel the second worry as well.
Her fears aren’t that easy to erase, however, but Scar’s words do help weaken their grip on Grian. They linger, but it’s not as oppressive as before. With her head much quieter in fear and much louder in love, she drops her head on Scar’s shoulder, cuddling close.
Scar drops her head against Grian, humming a cheerful tune quietly as they watch the sunset together.
Needing as many connection points as possible, Grian reaches her hand out to grab Scar’s, lacing their fingers together. Scar gives her hand a squeeze in return.
Grian could never be more grateful that they no longer reincarnate into another death game, letting them have these peaceful moments of love and lacking the fear of death.