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I don’t feel a single thing.
I am numb everywhere, I can’t feel anything.
Have the pills done too much?
I look over to the bottles of pills next to me: Pain Killers, Anti-Depressants, some for panic attacks, and sleep pills.
Haven’t caught up with my friends in weeks and now we’re out of touch.
I haven’t spoken to anyone in weeks, maybe months. It’s been that long since Tony died, May died a few weeks after. I haven’t gone back to school, haven’t gone out as Spiderman, haven’t seen any of my friends.
I’ve been driving in L.A. and the world feels too big. Like a floating ball that’s bound to break, snap my psyche like a twig.
I’m close to the edge of the building now. I just want to end it all.
And I just want to see if you feel the same as me.
No one understands, not Ned, not MJ, not my teachers, no one.
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life like you’re not really happy but you don’t want to die.
I want to go, but I can't just now. I want to go see Mr. Stark and Mom and Dad and Ben and May. But I still have people here I have to take care of. But yet…
Like you're hanging by a thread, but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
I’m at the edge now, I look down at the bustling streets of New York, so peaceful from up here.
Like your body's in the room, but you're not really there
Like you have empathy inside, but you don't really care
Like you're fresh out of love, but it's been in the air
Am I past repair?
I let out a choked sob as I think of every one in my life, both dead and alive. Memories flash before my eyes and I fall to the floor of the roof, crying.
A little bit tired of trying to care when I don't
A little bit tired of quick repairs to cope
There is a knife next to me. I grab in and drag it down my arm, trying to drown out all the voices in my head.
A little bit tired of sinking, there's water in my boat
I'm barely breathing, trying to stay afloat
So, I've got these quick repairs to cope
Guess I'm just broken and broke
It’s like I’m drowning. I don’t know what to do. I claw at my neck trying to get air into my lungs.
The prescription's on its way
With a name I can't pronounce
And the dose I gotta take
Boy, I wish that I could count
'Cause I just want to see if this could make me happy
I grab some of the pills to help panic attacks and swallow them, feeling them as they go down my throat. Then I grab some of the anti-depressants.
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life?
Like you're not really happy, but you don't wanna die
I’m crying again as I keep dragging the now bloody knife down my arms and legs. I take a step closer to the edge.
Like you're hanging by a thread, but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
I hear two screams as I’m about to step off the edge and I turn around. Ned and MJ are running towards me, identical looks of horror and sadness.
Like your body's in the room, but you're not really there
Like you have empathy inside, but you don't really care
They reach me and pull me away from the edge, holding me as if they were afraid what was going to happen if they let go.
Like you're fresh out of love, but it's been in the air
Am I past repair?
They are crying hard, telling me that they got me, to not scare them like that again.
A little bit tired of trying to care when I don't
A little bit tired of quick repairs to cope
I’m hugging them back. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
A little bit tired of sinking, there's water in my boat
I'm barely breathing, trying to stay afloat
I’m choking on sobs as they tell me not to be sorry. That they should’ve been there more for me.
So, I've got these quick repairs to cope
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life?
Like you're not really happy, but you don't wanna die
They walk me away from the edge, supporting me the entire way, not daring to let go of me for even a second. I’m glad they pulled me away from the edge. I will not ever fully recover, but as long as I still have them, I know I have someone to help me. I still got a lot to live for, even if I’m at a really low part, I can pull through.
Like a numb little bug that's gotta survive
That's gotta survive