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“Is it gonna a problem?” Kevin asked with a white knuckled grip on his orange racquet. It was a stupid question. Allison’s goals had always been clear when on court, she’d left her life behind to be able to play Exy and Kevin knew that, but he needed her to take it more seriously since her attitude in the court, according to him, made Exy look childish.
“If Seth wasn’t a problem, what makes you believe Renee will?” Allison answered feeling triumphant with the way Kevin looked around them searching for an answer.
“Seth was a problem for this entire team, even more so when he was dead” Allison pursed her lips in response and sighed.
“Was Riko ever a problem to you since, you know, you were soulmates and all that?” Kevin flinched at her quick and rage fuelled words, remembering how during Neil’s recovery he’d suddenly stopped being able to see the orange that made him feel so alive during his own recovery. “Don’t you dare get Renee into this” She continued, her hand grasping Kevin’s shoulder hard enough to stop herself from punching him.
Allison knew it wasn’t fair to talk about the Ravens, but her grin showed otherwise. She was tired of people taking a look at her in her pink heels and a tight dress and thinking she was nothing but yet another publicity stunt. Just because their team was made of past failures and broken messes it didn’t mean every one of her steps had to be watched and her parents had to be informed. Kevin, more than anybody, didn’t have the right to judge her, because he knew what being on the public eye was like.
Allison considered herself unfortunate enough after having been disowned, but Seth’s death had changed her and put back together all the tiny pieces of her she’d left scattered somewhere else to get her shit together. She was unfortunate, indeed, for not noticing Renee was there looking for her too.
But then there was Kevin, an obsessed asshole, whose owner and abuser had been his soulmate. He was trying to do the same thing now Allison had done with herself, trying to find what being himself truly meant but he couldn’t forget how much Riko enjoyed the fact he was destined to be second best, always by his side, being manipulated by Tetsuji and his nephew. Except Riko’d forgotten the queen was deadlier than a king with no men.
Seeing in black and white felt like redemption and freedom. He’d lived each one of his days hoping he’d wake up and see in shades of grey all around him. The Ravens’ black uniform had always been a way to keep their players focused on their game, because colours meant nothing to them. You couldn’t go to Castle Evermore and expect to be welcomed if you could see colours, but Riko and Kevin had been an exception since they’d grown up as brothers, inseparable soulmates even when all one of them wanted to do was to destroy the other with his own hands.
They continued with drills when Dan allowed Neil to guide the rest of practice.
Neil had always been okay leaving Allison to answer all colour related questions, which were almost non-existent as none of them really gave a damn. As Foxes, they’d never really believed in anything that was supposed to mean completion and destined love, whatever kind of love it was, though Dan liked to believe she’d found her soulmates in her sisters even though colour had never appeared in front of her eyes. They’d been through too much to believe colours meant anything else than getting excited over colourful cocktails, like Nicky did.
Allison was grateful she got the chance to distinguish their fans in their audience, though. Kevin was right, colours were intoxicating, but her need to be loved was too, and she couldn’t help any of those things.
“What does it feel like to know you made your monster see colours, though? Isn’t it scary being his soulmate?” She asked, always too bold, brave and strong and unbreakable, not needing any type of armour to look like nothing could touch her. Neil was the only other person who’d had a similar experience to hers, it’d been too messy for both of them but she’d grown used to being unapologetically herself through it.
“Fuck off, don’t forget who taught him to fight with knives, Allison” He answered as poisonous and angry as Neil could get at the mention of Andrew’s nickname. Allison didn’t even try to bite back her grin, she’d never forget Renee’s bruised figure and how she’d said good bye to her knives and her past to embrace a more honest Renee and leave the memories of the gang behind.
“At least I don’t have to keep her on a leash”.
“That’s because she got one of her own around her neck” Neil answered. Religion didn’t mean shit to Allison, but she still listened in silence to Renee’s prayers every night, waiting for her name and Renee’s laughter. Her religion was nowhere near as sharp as her knives but she didn’t need any weapon to defend herself.
The conversation finished with one of her bright and honest smiles, “You got it wrong, Josten. She keeps me on a leash” She said and left Neil to his own very dramatic and tragic existence. They’d been trying to have a proper friendship for a while and, though they considered they were friends, both of them were too antagonistic to avoid saying hurtful things. Allison asked things no one dared ask him under Dan’s horrified mum look.
Allison was fearless and, even though Renee had a soft spot for her foxes, she was deadly and sharp-edged. They fit together like a Swiss knife next to a gun.
She had to recognise, however, she was enjoying colours way too much now she saw the beauty in Renee’s wisdom. It gave her perspective and a new kind of thrill every time they went on a date.
She’d never been an anxious person, but she lost it for a few seconds every time she planned a date with an unnecessary amount of attention focused on Renee. She enjoyed her easy smile and how she played with strands of her hair when Allison was giving her a look. She always tried to hide her blush with her can of soda but Allison could see it, and it made her happy.
Uncertainty felt completely foreign to her as they shared lazy and slow kisses, shy touches and lipstick carefully kept on Allison’s lips while the movie played. She rested her head on Renee’s shoulder, the colours of her hair completing what the big screen showed: dawn, an overcast sky, birds examining their surroundings curiously, and a field of yellow tulips around a pale woman’s bare feet. It didn’t make a lot of sense since she’d missed half the movie focusing on Renee.
She was quiet during the rest of the movie after the main character kissed whoever she’d been pining for. Renee’d been excited to finally see it and her grin made Allison huff to get her attention back.
“Babe, I’m telling you, if you ever need to stab somebody let me hand you my stilettos, no more knives” Allison suggested later in their room. Renee sighed at her words trying to find the funny side of remembering those years.
“Thank you, but I think my hands are enough” She responded smiling at Allison who was sitting on the couch watching as she collected knickknacks and boxes hidden in the closet.
“Your hands are enough for a lot of things” Allison said raising her eyebrow suggestively. When the goalkeeper didn’t say anything back she scoffed, rolled her eyes and slumped on the couch back to her initial position.
She’d asked for it, that tension seeping through Renee’s skin as she looked for her almost forgotten past in her belongings. She looked stressed, so much so it made Allison uncomfortable. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. Come here” She said opening a cardboard box wrapped in brownish tape. Allison walked toward her, bare feet and back to her 5’7’’ without her high heels on. She sat on her legs right next to Renee on the carpet, waiting patiently for her to share some more.
There were mostly letters inside the box, letters Renee’d received while in juvie because that was the only way her old gang tried to communicate with her before witness protection, she’d never written back and she’d never do it.
Allison knew her past from what she’d confessed during girls’ night and conversations when they couldn’t sleep, which were basically the same. There weren’t many details out there, but at least she had enough to feel a little bit less disoriented.
She knew Renee’d been in danger but she’d chosen to be there, she’d accepted the conditions and enjoyed it while she still could, maybe letting out all the violence she’d been born with. She was good at hurting people and defending herself and Allison understood that being a gang member had shaped her into this version of Nathalie Renee Walker that felt like she could burn at the touch.
“The guy I killed-“ Renee said and interrupted herself with a sigh. Allison nodded to encourage her to talk. She didn’t care, she just wanted her to give her something to stop thinking about how much time she’d wasted being deceived by the sweet catholic girl Renee was. There was only half a truth in that. “I don’t regret it, though, so I might go to hell” She continued grinning as she held the letters in her hands, “I don’t miss them, but I still pray of them”.
Typical Renee, she thought. Renee took her hand carefully and guided it toward the back of her neck. Allison felt the scars she’d felt multiple times and remembered the tattoo, always covered by clothes. “Why is your hair short, then? There’s surgery if you want to get rid of it”.
“I like it short, plus I can’t hide it now, can I?” Allison shrugged. There was nothing she could offer so she just caressed her skin until Renee’s back relaxed.
“I don’t want you to read them, you don’t have to” She added, her fingers now playing with the tips of Renee’s hair, separating the pink ones from the mint green ones.
Renee’d been fiddling with the letters for a while when she finally let them fall from her hands into the box. Allison’s fingers went back to massage the back of her neck and she hummed approvingly when Renee let go of the box and scooted closer to her.
“Did you like the movie?” She asked with genuine curiosity before grinning and giving her a peck on the lips. Allison hummed again, “Did you even watch it?” Renee said laughing and Allison stared into her eyes pretending to be offended until she gave up and snorted.
“Babe, I couldn’t stop looking at how pretty you looked with all those colours” She whispered before taking hold of Renee’s cross and tugging it lightly to get her to give her a proper kiss. She blushed and looked down at her hands resting on her thighs. Allison reached for them with her free hand and placed them on her upper thighs.
“You’re so shamelessly adorable” Renee said beaming, her eyes searching for nothing in particular in Allison’s. Allison was so much more than that, but she loved seeing this quiet and content side of her.
“I know” Allison answered, all confidence and with a wink, before finally smashing their lips together, her tongue slowly moving against Renee’s as her hand gripped her cross. “I can’t believe we have sex with this thing on, you’re so going to hell”.
“Guess I’ll see the rest of the foxes there too”.