Work Text:
I keep on trying
Every single day
I wake up early in the morning
Earlier than most people
Where night meets silence
Peace is what my brain needed
That’s when I feel alive
I revise more than other students
I keep in track of my progress
I pay attention to small details rather than relying on books
I study ahead of time, faster than the deadlines
I immediately correct my clumsy mistakes
But nobody knew the effort & sacrifice I put in my grades
Every mistake that I make is something I cannot take
Just one red mark, it would ruin my day
I take a break in the bathroom, saying it’s okay
And then I leave, letting that past self of mine in that place stay
Though, I feel like my whole life is at sake
For only that stupid test I didn’t perfect
I studied, and studied
But there would always be someone who’s better, right?
People see me as competent, intelligent
But not the other side of me
Useless, indolent
Wasting time?
I do that too
My reflection stared right back at me
Half disappointed, half exhausted
Red eyes rimmed, fingers clenched
My current state is something nobody wondered
After countless of sleepless nights, hunger, and anxiety?
All of that still were not enough