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Toni had been into Amelia Shepherd since the day they met.
Orientation week was an organized chaos, meant to get to know the faculty and — at least as important — their new classmates. A week filled with countless tours, activities, names and impressions. It was a lot, too much to process, really. But in the midst of all that mayhem was Amelia.
This rather small girl, easy to overlook, but impossible to miss.
Cute, but fierce. Stunning, but scarred - hiding a dark past behind the brightest smile. Toni didn't know her yet, but that much she could tell. This girl had lived already. More than most other students combined. That didn't scare Toni, though. It intrigued her. Made her want to be close to her, learn everything about her.
But she never got the chance.
After she took one shot, supported by a bottle of liquid courage, she never dared to try anything again - too unsure if Amelia was even queer. And over time, when her crush only grew bigger while Amelia's interest in her clearly didn't, Toni realized she needed distance if she ever wanted to become a surgeon.
Avoiding her helped, enough to make it through med school. Enough to take the next steps into her career, and into a life with people who liked her back - loved her even.
She dated, with varying success. She built something real. She got married.
Yet she never forgot about Amelia.
When people talked about first real crushes, when Harvard got mentioned, when she met someone with that same ball-of-fire energy, then she was there. Always. Popping back up in her memory, with that bold, challenging grin of hers that never failed to leave Toni speechless.
So there she was, living in the back of her head, like old crushes do. Until twenty years, some career moves and a failed marriage later she became real again, when Toni accepted a job at Grey Sloan, skimmed through the staff overview... and then stopped.
Amelia Shepherd.
Her name emblazoned on top of the neurology department. Her picture right beside it.
She looked older, just like herself. Fine lines where there hadn't been any before. Experience written on her face. But her eyes looked the same, and they still locked with Toni's, even through the screen - just like they had on that first day.
And so she knew they were gonna meet again. Not straight away, as Amelia was on sabbatical, but inevitably. Still, there was no preparing for their reunion. Toni could tell herself a thousand times that things had changed — that they were true adults now, and that Amelia probably didn't even interest her anymore — but her nerves told her otherwise. Just like her old instinct to avoid her, that instantly turned her into her twentysomething idiotic self again.
However, as it turned out, Amelia hadn't changed that much either.
Still a fearless little badass, she confronted her head-on, and — with that one move — reset them to their very first meeting in a much, much better way.
Because here they are now.
Together.
And it's not just better than Toni ever imagined, it's better than she's ever experienced.
Sure, it's just been a few weeks. It's nothing real yet. But it's fun. Easy. Exactly what she needs. What she craved for after years of suffocation.
Toni glances at her, across the OR. She's focused on her job, of course. On the damaged hand in front of her, on the magnified image on the screen, on the precision required. But every chance she gets, she looks at Amelia.
Watches her work, watches her be.
This morning, Amelia found out about Celine, Toni's ex-wife, and it wasn't hard to tell that it... shifted something. For the first time, Amelia seemed insecure, needing her achievements to mean something to Toni. It dragged Toni back to a time, a relationship she left behind for a reason. A relationship she couldn't breathe in. A situation she could never go back to. Not even with Amelia.
Could history repeat itself?
The thought had scared her. But now, watching Amelia help their resident, hearing her offer to close the procedure herself, to do the work that doesn't earn her any credits, her worry suddenly seems absurd.
Amelia doesn't take space the way Celine did. She couldn't if she tried.
Even with the weight of her brother's legacy on her shoulders. The constant drive because of it. The need to prove that she belongs in here just as much. Even with all that, she doesn't consume the room. She moves within it. Leaves room for others.
Amelia is nothing like Celine. She doesn't take air.
She is air.
"Dr. Wright," Amelia breaks her thoughts without looking up.
Toni's gaze lingers, like she lost all control over it. "Yes?"
"You're staring."
There's no hesitation in her voice. Just quiet certainty.
Toni blinks, quickly moving her gaze back to the big screen. "I'm working," she murmurs.
Amelia hums in this amused sure you are kind of way, but doesn't push.
A brief silence follows. The steady rhythm of the OR settles back in. Soft-spoken instructions, gentle clanging of instruments, steady beeping of monitors. Toni refocuses. Adjusts. Keeps working - for real this time.
But then Amelia speaks up again.
"You know," she says, like she's picking up a completely unrelated thought, "it's impressive how people can do two things at once."
Despite herself, Toni glances back at her. "Is it?"
"Mm," Amelia hums. "Yeah. One part of the brain stays on task..."
Toni's eyes narrow slightly. "Don't."
"...while another part," Amelia continues anyway, calm and precise, "is clearly somewhere else."
There's a beat. Then Toni tilts her head, just slightly. "Funny. Seems like yours is doing exactly that."
Amelia considers that, just long enough to acknowledge it.
"Like I said," she replies, easy and unbothered, "impressive."
Toni's lips press together, searching for a response, but nothing comes.
Then, finally, Amelia looks up, just for a second. Her eyes meet Toni's — bright, unmistakably pleased, a quiet little gotcha! flickering through them — before she drops her gaze back to the surgical field like nothing happened.
Toni shakes her head, a soft chuckle slipping out from under her breath. "Smart ass…"
After that, Amelia doesn't look at her again, her focus fully back on their patient. Yet there's a quiet ease to her now, like she's settled something small and satisfying.
Not much later, she's done with her part of the surgery. Stepping back, she strips off her gloves and heads out of the OR to scrub out.
Toni watches her go.
And in that moment, it all comes together. Nothing new, not really, just... clearer. Sharper.
Amelia Shepherd.
Badass.
Smart ass.
And—
Toni's gaze drops before she can help it, following the line of movement as Amelia disappears through the door.
Oh yes. There it is.
Great ass.
She laughs behind her mask, something warm and light settling in her chest.
Cause of course, achievements are honorable. But really, if anything deserves a little recognition... it's this Holy Trinity.
... ...