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Now Phillip would never claim to be as observant as Benoit, as good at teasing out hidden secrets or piecing together obscure details. It was just one of the things he loved about his partner, his brain that never turned off and that keen eye that made him difficult to lie to. (Not impossible though, not if you had enough experience with how his mind worked). But Phillip was also not a fool. He knew his husband well, better than anyone. He knew what kind of cases he looked for, his behavior when he was consumed by a mystery, as well as his experiences with religion and those who practiced it. All of this was to say, Phillip knew something was different when Blanc gave him an update about his latest case.
P: How’s your impossible priest stabbing going? Solved it yet?
He didn’t actually get a response back for several hours. Typical of Benoit on a case, probably only forced to pause now because everyone involved had stymied him by going to sleep at night.
B: While some aspects remain nebulous, my tracings of the threads of this web already have me circling the solution, I can feel it. However, this is shaping up to be a uniquely devious puzzle even by my standards.
P: Devious in that you’ve basically been forced to go to church or is there more?
How are you doing with…that aspect of it?
B: I’m not liable to go up in flames.
Then after dots appeared and disappeared several times came
The priest is interesting. Different than I expected.
P: What, the victim?
Again, Benoit changed what he was writing before sending another message.
B: No, he was a straightforward jackass. But the younger priest, he’s…hard to explain.
That had Phillip raising an eyebrow. Blanc never had trouble finding the words to express himself, quite famously the opposite. Before he could press for what that meant, another text comes through.
B: Everyone thinks he did it. Just a matter of how.
P: Ah. And I take it he’s innocent?
B: Absolutely.
I found him praying on his knees in the church drowning himself in guilt. It appears he was at odds with the dead man and seems to think his mere thoughts have brought the wrath of god down to smite his enemy. They’ve clearly done a number on him with all this nonsensical self-loathing and lambasting. Catholics…
But he dropped all of that to try to connect with me the moment I walk in his door. And then he starts talking about storytelling and faith. Saying something like it could all be a lie or it could be expressing profound truth in storytelling. Not your typical priest spiel. And he started crying in front of me, not even over being accused of murder but over losing his place as a priest. I don’t quite know what to make of him. Despite it all, he just seems…kind and humble and surprisingly open-minded. I find myself drawn to help him…the boy’s all alone here with the vultures closing in.
Very interesting…Phillip could almost hear his husband’s voice, full of fascination. And maybe a particular lilt that Phillip usually only heard directed at himself…Oh, Benoit was definitely into this priest fellow. Even if he didn’t know it yet.
Is he fit? Phillip couldn’t resist sending, knowing he was pressing at least one of his husband’s buttons. Sue him; surely he knew what he was doing telling Phillip about some guilty little priest on his knees. He was only human, and it was quite an evocative image.
B: Now you know full well that has nothing to do with any of this. He’s in way over his head with this murder and they’re one scrap of evidence away from arresting him.
P: I’m only teasing love.
Blanc took two full minutes before responding.
B: Well. He is rather good looking. Since you asked.
Phillip smirked.
P: Alright Ben go get your priest off :)
B: He’s not my priest
Phillip chuckled before setting his phone aside on the nightstand.
~
Phillip didn’t hear from him again until the end of the case.
B: I’ve done my bit here. A few loose ends to wrap up and I’ll be heading home.
P: Good. And your priest?
B: One of the loose ends. But he’s safe
No denial this time, Phillip couldn’t help but note.
~
Usually when Benoit returned home, he simply could not shut up about his case or his latest Watson (the ever-growing trail of them filling their mantelpiece with holiday cards each year) until he’d told Phillip every twisted or heartbreaking detail. Even so, Phillip was hearing rather a lot about Father Jud in this story.
“Oh you really fancy him, huh?” Phillip challenged his husband with a grin, “Are you going to tell him?”
Blanc stopped mid hand gesture and stared like Phillip had sprouted another head.
“He’s a priest. A Catholic priest.”
“Doesn’t sound like a normal priest.” Phillip said with a shrug, “And that’s not normally your type.” Blanc rolled his eyes and continued his story.
As the days turned into weeks, Benoit returned to visit Father Jud a couple times. Definitely all case related, with the dust still settling on the murders and this “missing” diamond and the wannabe YouTube influencer obsessed with Jud. At least, they must start out that way, but arguably Benoit didn’t need to stay for hours chatting with the good father just for the sake of the solved case.
After his third visit (Benoit returning home whistling ‘Maria’ from the Sound of Music), Phillip couldn’t help himself.
“Did you tell him you like him?” His grin was nothing short of cheeky.
“…No. But I told him I’m married.” The glare he received in return did nothing to dissuade Phillip.
He rolled his eyes, “Yes, married with a very jealous and possessive husband at home. Whatever shall you do.”
~
And he always came home from his visits with more stories about Father Jud. Stories about him settling in to Chimney Rock finally, his anecdotes from seminary, what books he’s reading, the way he took his tea, the apparently hilarious scrunched up face he makes when Benoit teases him. It did endear the boy to him, seeing his husband acting as giddy as a giggling and blushing schoolchild with a crush. Phillip started to look forward to the visits and the stories, growing fond of hearing about him. And he did like seeing Benoit worked up.
It wasn’t fair to say they have bad or boring sex usually, quite the opposite. But they did have particularly great sex after Blanc’s been to see Father Jud. Blanc never spoke about him in the bedroom, and Phillip never brought him up, but still. There was something in Benoit’s energy when he returned home, a particular side of him that Phillip had never seen before.
Out of curiosity, Phillip looked for information on him online. He found some pictures from news articles (and okay he was fit. And tall.). He found Cyrus Draven’s videos - mostly the dead priest’s sermons which he considered skipping through on mute to catch a glimpse of Jud in the background. Then he spotted a short video. A snippet of Father Jud speaking to the older man outside the church. Saying in harsh whisper, “I will cut you out like a cancer.” He played that a few times. Not really sure what it was he was drawn to there. Then the video from a prayer meeting where Father Jud talked about himself and his faith. He watched that with great interest. And then again. And then again. He started to understand what Blanc saw in him.
~
A couple more months went by fairly uneventfully. Until one day, Benoit came home from visiting Father Jud in between cases. And barely made it over the threshold, before it came spilling out of him like a confession. “Oh foot, I’m in love with him.” His blue eyes were wide with distress.
Phillip paused in the middle of stirring a pot on the stove. “Okay…yeah?” He said, giving his husband a confused look, “I’ve known that for a while.” When Blanc didn’t respond right away, he turned back to his cooking, “And from everything you’ve said it sounds like he likes you just fine too.”
They didn’t have sex that night. Instead, Benoit was too busy lying completely still, staring at the ceiling in apparent torment.
The next day, Phillip put his foot down.
“Okay. I want to meet this boy. Bring him here.”
~
He brought him home for dinner.
“Father Jud, my husband Phillip.” Blanc’s introduction as Phillip met them at the door was perfunctory.
Jud’s expression changed minutely then, his soft smile and pleasant demeanor betraying a sudden shock that he couldn’t quite hide in time. For a split second, Phillip wondered if maybe they’d very badly misread the situation, if his husband might possibly have been blinded by his own feelings, if they might have misjudged this Catholic priest in his open-mindedness, tolerance, and (importantly) sexuality.
Then Father Jud, looking a little sheepish, said, “I’m sorry, but has anyone ever told you, you look just like Hugh Grant? I could’ve sworn for a moment…”
Benoit laughed and Phillip grinned as he extended his hand to the young priest.
“I’ll take it as a compliment.”
The young man was quite a pleasant dinner guest. He asked Phillip about his work and hobbies with genuine interest (Blanc interjecting “please don’t get him started on Caravaggio” with a groan). With both Benoit and Phillip prompting, Jud told them about his plans for his church reopening and the local after school homework group he’s started volunteering with in the meantime, offering them help with English assignments and proofreading essays. Blanc looked smug at that, which makes Jud blush. Jud asked Blanc about his work and Blanc told him about his latest case, leaving out the grizzliest bits (that Phillip had heard before and gone “ugh, dear, that’s horrific”). Jud was hanging on his every word like a sermon, but when he finishes, asked about how the family is doing. Phillip got the feeling he would be praying for everyone involved later.
Jud helped Phillip wash while Blanc cleared the table. He was only a little taller than Phillip, but also made himself appear a bit smaller, almost tucked into himself. Phillip decided he was adorable.
When they move to the living room after dinner, Blanc and Phillip sat next to each other on the coach while Jud sat in the armchair. Phillip said something teasing to Blanc that made Jud laugh and throw his head back. And it didn’t escape his notice the way Blanc was eyeing the line of the priest’s neck and the tattoo peaking out of his collar…
When Blanc took Jud home, Phillip saw them off at the door.
“It’s been such a pleasure,” he shook Jud’s hand again, “With how much he talks about you, I was very happy you agreed to come.”
Jud shot Blanc a playful look, “Oh…does he now?” He complimented Phillip’s cooking and thanked him again even as Benoit tried to move them along.
“I hope we meet again soon, Father, you’re welcome here anytime.”
“I’m sure we'll see each other again.” Jud shot Blanc another look, at which point Blanc seemed to reach a breaking point.
“O-kay, this has been fun. Let’s go.” Blanc grabbed him by the arm and dragged him off.
~
When Benoit got home, Phillip wasted no time in confronting him.
“You have to tell him how you feel.”
Benoit smiled faintly, “He is a wonder, isn’t he? …anyway, no.”
~
Jud came around for dinner again.
He talked to Phillip about where he grew up in the UK, his family that still lives there. Phillip marveled at how easy he was to open up to, even about…difficult subjects (family breeds drama).
He asked how Phillip and Benoit met, and they fell into bickering while telling different stories, one more dramatic than the other. Phillip told Jud they were in their twenties when they first met, and Blanc cut him off, grumbling “You don’t need to tell him how old I am.”
Jud laughed, “You know you’re like a public figure right? You have a Wikipedia page with your birthday on it.” Blanc was horrified.
Phillip grinned at Jud, “Oh does he now?” He gave him a knowing look. Jud looked embarrassed all of a sudden, blushing and not looking at either of them.
“And how old are you, Jud?” Phillip asked, trying not to frame it as the loaded question it felt like, “Thirty…five?”
“I just turned thirty-two,” Jud said. Blanc accidentally knocked his glass over with a sudden jerk of his hand. As Jud swiftly moved to help clean up the mess, Blanc avoided meeting either of their eyes.
As Benoit passed him a glass of wine after dinner, Phillip gave him one of their tiny private smiles and a soft thanks. Seated on the couch again, their shoulders were almost touching and Phillip brushed his knuckles against his husband’s, just a brief casual moment of affection.
Jud’s eyes flickered to the movement. He watched their exchange with a sort of subtle longing in his expression, not quite successful in hiding it.
~
This visit marked almost exactly one year since Benoit had met Father Jud. Phillip teased him about putting on his “Sunday best” before he left.
He came back and told Phillip about finally sending off Cyrus and his lawyer. How everything’s going very well for Jud now; he’s going to be running the church which was reopening finally. And after they’d hugged, he’d made his goodbyes.
“Well, not actually goodbye?” Phillip was a bit stunned by the finality in his husband’s tone.
Blanc looked a bit tired and bitter as he said, “Yeah…I just think I oughta keep my distance. Kid’s got everything he really wants now. Even if he mighta wanted this a bit, I’m not gonna let it screw up everything else for him. It’s for the best.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Leave it.” Blanc was rarely short with him like this, even when they argue; they were both quite the verbose sort regardless. “I’m not talking about this anymore.” There was something rapidly approaching anger in the air as they stood facing each other across the kitchen table.
~
Blanc left for a case a couple weeks later. Phillip took the time alone to visit Our Lady of Perpetual Grace for the first time that Sunday. He showed up for mass and tried to blend into the back of the crowd (because there was a crowd, both people curious to see the infamous killer priest and people genuinely there to worship it seems). But partway through, Jud’s eyes met his. He didn’t let it interrupt the flow of his sermon, didn’t really react at all, but he had a tiny smile on his face for a moment.
After the service ended, Phillip waited to speak to Jud once he was done with all his duties. Everyone trailed out in the bright spring sunshine, and he hung back under the shade by the door. Once the last couple was leaving the grounds, Jud turned to him, smiling. “Phillip! Welcome to Our Lady of Perpetual Grace! I’m so happy to see you.”
He tucked his hands into his sleeves, still in his vestments, “It’s very kind of you to come all this way…I assume it’s just you here today?” He was asking about Benoit with a bit of shyness, like he didn’t want to make it seem like he wasn’t happy to see Phillip.
“Just me. I wanted to see this place for myself, and if I’d dragged Benoit out for me to go to mass, I’d have had to leave him in the car with the windows cracked. But he’s away on a case.”
Jud laughed, “Yeah, I didn’t expect that he’d take me up on the offer to sit through a service, even now. But you’re always welcome, Phillip. I hope it was worth the drive.”
“Very nice. I can’t say I’ve been to a catholic mass before actually. I’m not particularly religious myself, and I grew up Anglican. Not all that different, but still.”
“Ah yes, of course,” Jud smiled. They moved inside, as Jud needed to put away his vestments. Phillip asked him about how he felt his first service went and how he was handling the pressure with all the attention. Jud obfuscated a bit, but said he was doing fine and trusting in the Lord to guide him. Then Phillip waited while Jud hung up the vestments and rejoined him.
“Any other plans while you’re in town?” Jud asked.
“Actually, I can’t stay too much longer,” Phillip was suddenly very nervous, afraid he was going to mess this up and possibly hurt both Jud and Benoit in a way that his husband might actually not forgive him for. But the alternative was to let them keep each other at arm’s length and hurting themselves, “But I did want to quickly chat with you about something…rather important.”
“Anything,” Jud offered easily, still in priest mode.
Phillip screwed up his courage, “I have to ask…what are your intentions with my husband?”
Jud’s eyes went comically wide and he took a half step back seemingly on instinct. There was so much horror and guilt in his expression that Phillip almost reached out a hand to steady him. “Oh god, Phillip, I swear I’m not trying to-“ the words started pouring out of him, Jud raising both hands between them, palms up in surrender, “I mean I would never- he would never-“ He was near hyperventilating in seconds, dropping his head into his hands for a moment, before meeting Phillip’s eyes again.
“I’m so sorry, I swear nothing’s ever happened between us. And it won’t, I was trying to keep my feelings under control, but I swear, you won’t see me again if-“
Phillip quickly cut off his panicked rambling, gently taking him by the shoulders, “Hey, no, Jud. That’s not at all why I’m here. I’m not angry, I’m not accusing you of anything. I’d much rather we did see you again actually.”
Jud looked confused.
“I’m here…” Phillip sighed, “Because I know nothing’s happened between you. What I’m trying to ask is if that’s because of this,” he pointed to his own wedding ring, drawing Jud’s gaze, “or because of this?” he then touched Jud’s clerical collar.
Jud gapes at him, “…what?”
Phillip continued, as gently as he could, trying very hard not to say the wrong thing, “I think you’ll find that Benoit would rather cut himself off from you entirely than risk hurting you or being what takes you away from what’s most important to you.” He glanced toward the front of the church, the wooden crucifix catching the light, “And I don’t want to influence you either, Father. But as someone who loves him, I’m a bit worried to see what losing you will do to him.”
Jud looked hurt now, “Losing me? Why would he…”
Phillip’s heart ached looking at the young man, “I can’t answer that for you. But you should take some time to think about it all.” He pulled away slowly, resisting the urge to drag the poor boy out to his car and take him home to make him tea. But he’d probably overwhelmed him enough today. “I should be going. I do hope to see you again soon, Father.”
He started walking away and almost reached the door when Jud called out, “Phillip?” He turned.
Jud stared at him, “He loves you.”
“Yes,” Phillip acknowledged, “but that’s,” he tapped his ring again where Jud could see it, “not your obstacle.” He left.
Later that night, Phillip was back home when he received a text from Father Jud.
Thank you for coming by. My door’s always open to you. Then, a minute later.
Could you let me know when Benoit finishes his case?
Phillip smiled.
~
When Blanc returned from his case two days later, Phillip tried his best to look unassuming and nonchalant where he sat reading. This worked for all of five minutes while Blanc put his stuff down in their bedroom, before he returned and leveled an unimpressed look at Phillip.
“What,” he said, “did you do.”
“Nothing,” Phillip said innocently.
“Oh?” Blanc crossed his arms, “So you would have no idea why I received a text message, not an hour ago, from Father Jud? Reading, and I quote,” he pulled his phone out and peered at the screen, “Hi Blanc, hope I’m not bothering you. If you’re not too busy, I was wondering if you might possibly want to come by sometime soon. I just have something I need to talk to you about. No worries if not!” He looked at Phillip expectantly.
“Huh. What did you say?” Phillip asked, not giving an inch.
Blanc sighed, “Well I pulled over and called him, thinking the damn fool might have got himself arrested for something else he didn’t do or been attacked by some crazy parishioner and not want to bother inconveniencing the 911 operator.” Phillip smiled. Blanc narrowed his eyes at him.
“And I asked him what he needs to talk to me about, when it seems he’s not in jail or bleeding out,” Blanc continued, “And all he’ll say is he can’t do it over the phone. Gives me some hogwash about another call, some poor soul needing to talk to him, and he hangs up on me as fast as he can. So what did you do?” He demanded. Phillip sighed.
“Ben. You need to talk to him,” he said, “I’m not a mind reader. Go see him tomorrow and find out what he wants to tell you.” He flipped a page of his book without having actually finished it. For a split second, Blanc’s scowl fell, and a bit of fear and sadness snuck through his mask.
“Oh love,” Phillip went to him and took him in his arms, “It’ll be alright.”
Benoit was quiet for a long moment before speaking again. “He’s a priest,” he insisted yet again, voice unsteady, “He doesn’t want…”
“Let him decide that for himself, love.” Phillip held him until his shoulders stopped shaking.
~
The next day, Benoit left while Phillip is out at work. He’s just returned home when Blanc texted him.
Don’t think I didn’t know you were involved.
Phillip hesitated before answering. He can’t find the words he’s looking for so just typed ??? and hits send.
Benoit typed and deleted for several long minutes before he sends :)
A couple hours later, the front door opened and he was greeted by Benoit, practically dragging Father Jud along by the hand. Jud, who was blushing and sporting the dopiest grin Phillip had ever seen and a backpack draped over one shoulder.
“Hi Phillip,” he greeted, then in a nervous rush, “I told him about you visiting, I hope you don’t mind-“ he was cut off by Blanc pushing him up against the closed door and capturing his lips. Jud clutched at him, his bag falling to the floor.
Phillip stood and ambled closer, not particularly wanting to interrupt the enticing sight of his husband ravishing the boy in their front room. Blanc started moving down, sucking on his neck, and Jud gripped onto his long hair.
Jud wriggled under him, panting, “Fuck- Blanc, your hu- shit-”
When they broke apart, Blanc turned and stalked toward Phillip, and dragged him down into a heated kiss.
“Thank you,” he whispered in his ear, “I love you.”
Phillip caught Jud watching them intently, still leaning against the door where Blanc left him. “I love you too,” he murmured back. He gestured Jud to join them and Jud hesitated but started forward.
“Jud, get your ass over here,” Blanc grinned, reaching out and pulling him in close. Jud huffed in faux irritation but let himself be drawn in to the couple. Blanc wrapped an arm around him as soon as he is close enough, which had Jud biting back another grin.
“I take it you two had a nice chat this afternoon?” Phillip asked with a smug smile. Jud looked a bit sheepish, turning an even deeper shade of red, but nodded.
“Yes yes, we’re all fools except for you, with your incomparable capacity for perceptiveness, dear.” Benoit’s sarcasm was punctuated by an overly dramatic eye roll.
Phillip exchanged an exasperated look with Jud as if saying can’t believe we put up with him.
Jud’s expression turned more serious, looking Phillip directly in the eye, “Are you sure about-“
“Oh for Pete’s sake, if you ask that one more time,” Benoit burst out. They both ignored him.
“Considering I was the one to drag you both to this point, against your best efforts to self-sabotage, I’d say I’m pretty sure,” Phillip said. Before his husband could jump in again and offer some outrageous double entendre, he continued, “Have you eaten yet? Supper’s in the oven.”
Blanc smirked, “I’m more interested in satisfying a different sort of hunger.”
“Well, that’s too bad,” Phillip said dryly. He pulled Jud out of Blanc’s grasp and steered him toward the kitchen instead. “You’ll have to wait until I’ve fed the boy to have your wicked way with him.” Blanc sputtered, and Jud stifled a laugh behind his hand.
“My wicked way?” Blanc demanded, “Oh criminy, now he’s some blushing virgin? I can tell you for damn sure that’s not true.” Jud whipped his head around to glare playfully at Benoit.
“Blanc!”
Benoit laughed, and the two of them smiled at each other like lovesick teenagers. Perhaps it would have been obvious to anyone, but Phillip thought he would enjoy being the one to say I told you so for a long time to come.