Work Text:
Horsin’ Around On Ice
(Ottawa Centaurs Group Chat)
[September 16th 2021 - 10:11PM]
Barrett - [https://x.com/irealrozanov/status8157796181577961?s=20]
- ???
- @Rozanov I’m surprised Harris hasn’t revoked your right to post on twitter yet
- Never mind.
- Apparently he isn’t actually allowed to do that. He’s just supposed to ‘guide us to make good social media choices’
Haas - what is it?
Rozanov - Just an old video, from before you were born probably.
Barrett - It is making my boyfriend regret his career decisions.
Haas - juicy
Holmberg - Why does the Harvester’s player look like he'd rather be stood in front of a Rozanov snapshot with no cup than be in the video?
Rozanov - Has to touch girly things. He's afraid of cooties.
Boodram - Not everyone is as comfortable in front of a camera as you Roz.
La Pointe - Okay but who doesn't know what pimple patches are? What are you supposed to do when you get a pimple?
Boodram - Pop it.
Holmberg - Pop it.
Dykstra - Squeeze it.
Barrett - I used to put toothpaste on mine.
Rozanov - You guys are gross.
Dillon - Replying to Barrett - I used to put toothpaste on mine.
Same.
Chouinard - Pop it.
Rozanov - @Haas @Holmberg @La Pointe @Young please do not ruin your beautiful youthful faces by listening to these gross old men. I know a man with gorgeous skin that can give you advice✨️👶
Dykstra - Old?!
Barrett - NOT old 😡
Boodram - I’m not gross!
Young - You think my face is beautiful?
Dillon - I’m not old!
Barrett - I’m literally 4 years younger than you!
Holmberg - Replying to Rozanov - @Haas @Holmberg @La Pointe @Young please do not ruin your beautiful…
What if we don’t want advice from you? I could learn from Barzy, I’ve got toothpaste
Rozanov - Thank you for thinking I have gorgeous skin Bergy but I was talking about my stunning husband.
- He has a whole routine!😍
- And a headband!😍😍
Barrett - Roz stop spamming the chat.
Rozanov -
- He is so pretty you all need to see
- and I am just helping rookies see the importance of skincare.
Boodram - We see his face basically every day anyway.
La Pointe - We literally work with the guy!
Rozanov - I know. And still it is not enough. Cannot get tired of looking at his face🫠😍
Chouinard - That’s how I feel about Selena but you don’t see me spamming the chat with pictures of her.
Haas - !!!!! how did you all watch the video and your only takeaway was that some guys don’t know what pimple patches are?!!!!???!
Barrett - THANK YOU!
- Cheese bringing us back to the real issue at hand!
- STOP trying to derail us Roz!
Young - ?? I’m only here because cap tagged me.
Hayes - Busy chat this evening! What video?!
Chouinard - What’s the real issue?
Barrett - ⬆️SCROLL UP!!⬆️
Boyle - Some of us have other things going on in our lives.
Haas - the real issue: “You guys really watched this and still thought my husband was straight?! 😂🤣”
- ^your captain ilya rozanov everyone
Hayes - Replying to Barrett - [https://x.com/irealrozanov/status8157796181577961?s=20]
For those that don’t want to scroll.
Boodram - WTF Roz?!
Chouinard - Oh it’s one of those Sportsmet ask the players videos.
Young - Is this from 2018?
Dykstra - Has Holzy ever in his life not taken media seriously?!
Chouinard - Right? Man is wound tight in front of a camera!
Dykstra - Cannot joke for shit.
Dillon - ✋️Relax for a joke Sportsmet video like every other player. 👉Answer every question properly and seriously.
- Cheese I wanted to do one of your memes but idk how you make them.
- @Haas Help!
Haas - Replying to Dillon - I’m not old!
sure jan
Dillon - Replying to Haas - sure jan
???
Boyle - I think that’s more of his memes.
Holmberg -
Boyle - Do you just have these ready to go?
Haas -
Dillon - How did you do that so quickly?
Haas -
Hayes - Okay but doing well in ‘girl trivia’ doesn't mean you're gay. I recognised them and I'm not gay.
Haas - gay
Rozanov - Gay 🌈
Barratt - Sounds gay to me (a certified gay).
Hayes - Guys I literally have a wife.
Barratt - Okay sorry.
- Bi.
Haas - bi
Rozanov - Bi 🩷💜💙
Hayes - And a sister.
- That's how I know about these things.
Boodram - I have a wife and idk what half of those things are.
Dykstra - Me either. And I have a daughter.
Chouinard - Am I supposed to recognise ALL my wife’s hair and skin things? She has so many!
Dillon - Okay but why do I feel like Hollzy knew way more then he said about each thing?
Barrett - Exactly!
Rozanov - Because he does.
- Because he's super gay🏳️🌈👬💕
Hollander - I am not super gay. I am just regular gay.
- And I agree with Hasey. I know these things because I have healthy relationships with the women in my life not because I'm gay.
Hayes - Thank you! It’s not gay to take an interest in your wife’s life you morons.
Dykstra - In my defence, Caitlin has straight hair.
Boyle - @Hayes do you offer good husband lessons like Holzy does for skincare?
Boodram - It’s not like Cassie knows everything about grilling!
Hayes - Replying to Dykstra - In my defence, Caitlin has straight hair.
Strazer, that’s not the defence you think it is.
Chouinard - Holzy doesn’t even have a wife!
Rozanov - @Hollander I can be your wife if you want me to baby😘💕
Barrett - Now that’s definitely gay.
Rozanov - Bi🩷💜💙
Hollander - My mum taught me about skincare when I was young. And idk I help Rose with her hair sometimes and we talk a lot about her life, these things interest her and I'm interested in my friends’ interests.
Dillon - You don't share my interests Holzy.
- I thought we were friends.
Holmberg - Yeah! What about our interests!
Hollander - All of your interests are hockey. And we’re usually talking about hockey when you’re not discussing my skin.
Rozanov - But your skin is my interest mое любовь!💘 [moyo lyubov/my love]
Boodram - Roz that makes you sound like a creepy murderer.
Holmberg - Cap, please don’t murder Holzy we need him to win the cup!
Young - Don't jinx us Bergy!
- Fine!
Rozanov - Oh and you don’t need me? So is okay if I am in jail as long as Shane is still alive?!🚓😡
Dillon - FINE $$
Boodram - Fine!
Barrett - 💰FINE💰
Hayes - Any judge in Ottawa would probably let you off so they didn’t completely ruin our chances.
Holmberg - Don’t encourage him!
Hayes - Still a fine kid.
Barrett - Harris wants to know: Did they cut Holzy’s answer to the girl math question because
- A: it was boring
- B: he refused to answer
- C: he went on a rant about how calling it girl math was belittling to women
- D: he was already getting too much screen time for his other answers
- I think C but Harris thinks D
Dillon - B
Haas - d
Boodram - B.
Haas - wait? holzy has a rant about girl math being patronizing??
La Pointe - D
Hayes - C.
- I presume so.
- He has one about girl dinner sooo
Haas - okay c then
Holmberg - D
Dykstra - D.
Boyle - I’m still not really sure what girl math is…
Young - B
Boyle - And wtf is girl dinner?!
Chouinard - D
Rozanov - You are all wrong. It is obviously A.
Haas - Replying to Boyle - And wtf is girl dinner?!
um, just like having dinner but you’re a girl
Barrett - So that’s:
- A: 1
- B: 3
- C: 3
- D: 5
- I see you are all just siding with the social media expert!
Rozanov - uh no. You’re missing the most important one.
Hollander - C.
Barrett - Vindication!!
Haas - !!!
Hayes - That’s our boy! Too progressive for Sportsmet!
La Point - What was the rant?
Dykstra - @Rozanov look who doesn’t know their spouse now!
Rozanov - Not true. Yes he ranted. But they did not include it because it was boring rant🥱😴
- Pointer do not ask, you do not want to know.
Haas - we want to know!
Young - Give us woke Hollander!!
Chouinard - Kids do not subject us to this.
Hollander - I just told them I thought it was inappropriate for them to platform terms that promote damaging gender stereotypes.
Rozanov - See boring.
Hayes - Yes Holzy!
Dillon - I don’t get it? Isn’t it like just a fun internet thing?
Hayes - Replying to Dillon - I don’t get it? Isn’t it like just a fun internet thing?
That’s part of the problem!
- It’s like so ingrained in our culture that we expect girls to be bad at math that it’s okay to make a joke out of it. And in making the jokes we further reinforce the idea.
Chouinard - My wife is always saying it. So I thought it was okay?
Holmberg - I think it’s like you can say you’re bad at math but you shouldn’t tell your wife she’s bad at math? Like you can only make jokes about yourself?
- @Hayes right?
Hayes - Right!
- Inside jokes about how women make financial choices are okay but us men shouldn’t be promoting the idea that it’s because all women are bad at math.
- And neither should Sportsmet.
Barrett - SHADE!
Rozanov - But my wife IS bad at math😞🍔
Chouinard - Does Rozanov get to say it?!
Barrett - I think Roz just says what he likes.
Haas - “You guys really watched this and still thought my husband was straight?! 😂🤣”
- case in point
Hayes - I also feel like we should acknowledge that knowing about stereotypically "girly" things doesn't mean you're gay.
- Men can like those things too.
- We shouldn't be perpetuating gender OR sexuality stereotypes.
- We need to be actively working against these things.
- Like Holzy.
Rozanov - Yes you should all be more like my beautiful husband.
Barrett - I don't think they were stereotyping men I think they were stereotyping dumb hockey players.
Dillon - It’s true. We don’t know shit.
Hayes - But if hockey players are held up as pinnacles of manliness in our society then it's all one in the same.
Haas - Replying to Rozanov - [image.]
- panicle of manliness
Hayes - Cheese that is my point! As hockey players in the public eye we are in a position to start some top down change to societal opinions.
Rozanov - Me a Russian Bisexual and my gay Asian Canadian husband with a mental health charity supporting all players and teaching young children acceptance… Okay I'll try Hasey.
Hayes - Obviously I'm not talking about that. You guys do great work. And the camps are really helping.
- I just mean Sportsmet shouldn't be promoting the idea that all male hockey players are dumb and can't (with the implication that they shouldn’t) understand 'girly things'.
Haas -
Barrett -
Hayes - I get it guys we're all fucking stupid hockey bros.
Dillon -
Hollander - TOOTHPASTE?!
…