Chapter Text
The animal understands it must do what possible to survive. And sometimes, for it to survive, it must kill.
Osamu Dazai is but an animal. He does what he must to survive. Despite the misleading prey look he may give, he is the predator. He cuts up his prey from the insides. Crawling up in their brains feeding off of the flesh. Sucking their blood. Hungrily.
He does not understand that he is death, does not comprehend it either. He understands the feeling of it, on his skin, his heart. As he craves to touch death he is unable to. He is but the top of the food chain, the irrefutable consumer. He can only look as death pervades in his life. Stealing his breath with its cold hands, but not taking it away. Not yet.
Osamu Dazai is but an animal. He is designated by nature as inhumane. His hands filthy of dirt and blood. A mere wild animal he is. Walking mindlessly in the streets at night, hoping for shelter that hadn't been ideated for him.
He does not complain about the cold, heat, rain or sun. He is designed to survive. He soon learns that he is to find ways to deal with himself, his own needs. Other predators are ought to end a failed predator like Osamu. He is not to provoke, not to irk others. He is to remain alone, once again, in the dark and cold night.
Osamu Dazai is but an animal. He does not know feelings. It is futile to bother the predator with sentiments that would diminish it. He is to be driven by his mind. He tears his heart out and sets it as food for the birds to eat. Now, just the shadow of a person that once never existed remains.
The birds were scared away, the predator's heart beating outside of his own chest. Is that his heart? No, it's the boy's heart. The boy that dislikes the predator, but at the same time gets closer and tries to trust. The predator can't help but fear. The boy's tender hands try to caress his fur, but get attacked by small claws. He doesn't run away, he stares. He wants his heart back, he claims the predator as his half.
How is it that the boy is the half of a predator? It cannot be that the boy is a predator. He is a prey, with strong and fierce horns that will scare predators away. Why is it that the boy doesn't attack Osamu?
We are not the same, the predator states. The boy is much kinder, he will allow dogs and sheeps to be around him. He is their guardian.
The predator looks from afar, he cannot help but wonder. When did it happen that he became a lonely cat? Was it always in his nature, by design? Or did something happen?
The boy lets the lonely cat walk past his dear sheeps, his dogs. He doesn't try to stop him when he begins to circle around his life.
The boy is nice to him. The predator does not complain. He is to be nice to the boy as well.
The boy trusts the predator with his life. A weird sight, he is not used to be trusted. He does not complain. He trusts him back.
The boy will doubt his own humanity, his flesh harmed by enraged sheep, his horns broken by dogs. The predator knows it better than anyone else, he is not the same as him.
The boy is not an animal.
Osamu Dazai is just that and is all he will ever be. He cannot change the undeniable truth.
His claws, soft hands. His fur, black hair. His rough teeth, kind words.
Osamu Dazai is like Chuuya Nakahara. Humans trapped in a beast that wasn't their own. Forced into a mask. Ought to be feared.
Maybe, just maybe, Osamu knows he's not the predator. Maybe, he realizes he is a boy himself.
But, to survive, the animal understands he has to do what he must.
Being the predator is what he must to be a boy.