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“I’m sorry.”
It was just two words. A phrase. Something ordinary. Everyone said I’m sorry—whether for the smallest things or the most serious situations. A stranger would say I’m sorry after bumping into you on the street, and Komatsu Nana said I’m sorry to her husband after the pregnancy test came back negative, again. They were standing in the middle of the bathroom; he had come in to “supervise” and make sure she took the test “the right way.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated in a whisper, head lowered, the test—showing a single line on the small display—held between her fingers. She tried not to tremble when she heard the man inhale and exhale a bit too sharply, and when she looked up, she found him brushing his long, jet-black hair back with his fingers.
“Are you one hundred percent sure?” he asked. Nana nodded, her gaze dropping to the floor. “We should get a blood test done, just to confirm.”
“I’ve already taken four of these,” she said. “They all came back negative.”
“But there’s always a margin of error…”
So he was going to insist. Nana sighed, lifting her eyes to meet his again.
“I don’t have the energy for that today,” she said, her lips forming a sad pout. “Please, let me accept it first, okay? I feel defective, I…” She let out a sob. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
Takumi said nothing. He simply twisted his lips and gave her a light pat on the shoulder before walking into the bedroom, the door half-open beside the bathroom. Nana finally managed to breathe once her husband was no longer near, and she threw the negative pregnancy test into the trash can, where it joined the others.
Then she stepped up to the sink, automatically dispensing liquid soap into her hands before turning on the faucet without even looking, her eyes fixed on her reflection in the mirror. Dark circles shadowed her eyes, heavy and pronounced, and she looked exhausted, so worn down compared to how she had been just a few years ago. She had lost a lot of weight, too, and her skin was pale; overall, she looked sick. She barely recognized herself.
Then she crouched down and opened the drawer beneath the sink, where cleaning supplies were kept—and more importantly, where she hid a tightly sealed plastic box that contained something very important: birth control pills. Nana opened the box, savoring the soft tack of the plastic as it came apart. She took one of the tiny pills and smiled before slipping it into her mouth and swallowing it.
“Fuck you, Takumi,” she thought as she sealed the box again.
“Fuck all of you.”
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Nana was only twenty when she moved to Tokyo on her own. Her parents, very traditional people, were against the move. They warned her that in the city she would encounter bad people who might try to lead her down the “wrong path,” but she reassured them, she only wanted better opportunities and to enjoy her youth a little more. Once she had more money, she would return to their hometown and build her life there with them. But fate clearly had other plans for her.
It just so happened that she met a girl on the train the day she moved. That girl had the same name as her and was the same age. Osaki Nana. It also turned out that Osaki Nana was moving that very same day, just like her, and when Komatsu asked why, the mysterious dark-haired girl gave her a sly smile and, as she struggled to open a can of soda, said:
“I’m running away from my family.”
Komatsu laughed, thinking it was a joke, but when she didn’t get anything more from the other Nana, her laughter faded and soon fell into silence, looking at her in surprise. Osaki Nana took a sip from her can, raising her eyebrows at her with that same faint smile.
“Why?” she asked Nana, unable to hide her curiosity. She managed to draw a soft chuckle from her seatmate, who pulled the can away from her red lips. A few seconds passed before Komatsu realized she was, in fact, staring a little too much at a stranger’s lips, and she cleared her throat, forcing her attention back to the young woman’s eyes.
“It’s a long story,” she replied, “but in short, they don’t like lesbians.” The light-brown-haired Nana tilted her head, still confused. Her slight frown made her look endearing to the dark-haired girl, who, after taking another sip of her drink, added: “And I am one, proudly.”
Immediately, Komatsu’s cheeks flushed faintly, and she looked away, murmuring a soft, breathless “oh…” Nana raised an eyebrow, watching her with interest, though she said nothing.
Long minutes passed without a word between them until the train reached their stop and they both got off. They said goodbye and went their separate ways, and it was too late by the time they both realized they hadn’t asked for each other’s contact information. Komatsu headed to a hotel; Osaki stayed at a childhood friend’s place, and for that night, they focused on themselves, forgetting about the interesting girl they had met just hours earlier.
That was until only a few days later, when they ran into each other again by chance, both interested in the same apartment. Taking it as a perfect twist of fate, they signed the contract that very day and moved in together, without knowing it would change their lives.
Small talk slowly turned into deep conversations over the days, and those nights spent sitting in the dining room sharing snacks and soda became late nights drinking together in one of their bedrooms. Jokes turned into inside jokes, and the nickname “Hachiko,” born on a whim during an afternoon of shopping, became something permanent.
Now they were Nana and Hachi, to each other and to all their friends. Nana, an openly lesbian woman, and Hachi, a woman who was just beginning to shed all the prejudices she had been raised with.
Speaking of love—one of Hachi’s favorite topics—during one of those “late-night drinking sessions” in Nana’s room, she realized she had never truly felt it.
“Do you think there’s something wrong with me, Nana?” she asked, worried. Her words slurred slightly, her cheeks flushed. Even drunk, she seemed utterly adorable to Nana, who, despite having had quite a bit to drink herself, was in slightly better shape than her friend.
“Why do you say that?” Nana asked, brushing a strand of hair away from her forehead. Hachi leaned into her touch and sighed contentedly. Nana tried to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat.
“I’ve never fallen in love. With a man.”
“With… a man?”
“Yes,” she smiled, letting her full weight rest against Nana’s hand. “Isn’t that strange? I should be able to fall in love with men, but I’ve never…” She mumbled a few more things Nana couldn’t quite catch, and suddenly Hachi seemed to fall asleep against her hand, her pretty eyes closed. Nana felt the urge to do something—to place a small kiss on her forehead or cheek, like they often did, since they both enjoyed physical affection—but she froze. All she could do was look from Hachi’s closed eyes to her soft lips.
And as if she could read Nana’s thoughts, Hachi opened her eyes a few seconds later, blinking slowly and offering a lazy smile. “My heart has only ever raced for my girl friends… isn’t that weird?”
“Why would that be weird?” Nana murmured, leaning closer—then stopping abruptly when she realized she was too close to her face.
“I’ve never liked a man, but… with girls, I feel things like the ones in romance books. And it shouldn’t be like that. People say it’s wrong.”
“Are you saying it’s wrong to be like me?” Nana asked, a hint of reproach in her voice, though she couldn’t stop smiling; Hachi was just too cute. The girl shook her head, still smiling at her foolishly, her cheeks even more flushed than before. “Then?”
“I’ve always heard it’s wrong, so I never told anyone how I felt, but… I never felt like I was doing anything bad,” she huffed softly. “I don’t like men.”
“And you like women,” Nana confirmed.
At that, Hachi’s already big eyes widened dramatically, and she brought a delicate hand to her lips.
“Do I like women?” She suddenly sat up straight, staring at her friend in horror. “Nana, do I like women?”
“I suppose so. What do you think?” Maybe the situation wasn’t supposed to be funny, and maybe Hachi really was going through a major moment of self-discovery—but she was so adorable Nana couldn’t stop smiling, especially when the girl jumped off the bed and began pacing around the room, only to stop in front of the mirror and stare at herself.
“Komatsu Nana… you like women,” she said to her reflection before turning to Nana, who was still sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard. “God, I’m going to hell.”
That was the last straw for Nana; she burst out laughing, trying to stifle it when the other Nana suddenly broke down crying in the middle of the room. Still chuckling, she got up and staggered over to Hachi, wrapping her in an embrace right away, feeling a warm sensation bloom in her chest when the smaller girl hugged her back, sobbing. Nana gently stroked her hair, pressing soft kisses all over her head.
“It’s okay to like women, Hachiko. It’s not something you can change.”
Hachi lifted her head from Nana’s chest, her eyes red and still full of tears. Her hands clutched at Nana’s black tank top, nearly pulling it down and almost exposing her boobs. When Nana noticed, she had to swallow another laugh.
“What if I go to hell?”
“Then we’ll go to hell together,” Nana said, patting her head. Hachi seemed to calm down a bit, though she was still clinging to her shirt. Nana smiled and placed her hands over Hachi’s. “Now let go unless you’re trying to undress me, okay?”
Hachi looked down at her hands in confusion, then stepped back abruptly before finally releasing the fabric. Nana burst into laughter again, and Hachi immediately started crying once more.
“I’m sorry! I really didn’t realize—”
“There’s no need to apologize, pretty,” Nana said with a wink—and Hachi wailed again.
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“I’m sorry.”
Nana would never say that stupid word to her mother, her father, or her brother ever again. When she left home with little money saved and just a single suitcase, she didn’t look back. She had apologized countless times throughout her life for something she couldn’t change, for being someone she couldn’t change. So what if she liked women? Why would that ruin the reputation of her “prestigious” family?
Her family owned a large company—one her older brother would inherit someday, and where Nana herself had been raised to work as soon as she came of age. Of course, that secure future went down the drain the moment Nana proudly told her family she was a lesbian. She had never thought it would be a problem—until they told her, “You’ll tarnish our family’s image.”
“No one cares. What’s the problem?” she asked her father, genuinely confused.
“It’s just childish nonsense, dear,” her mother tried to “defend” her, placing a hand on her husband’s chest. “She’ll come to her senses and find herself a boyfriend, won’t you, Nana?”
“No! That’s disgusting,” Nana exclaimed, grimacing. “I’ve had three girlfriends. I’ve never liked a man, and I never will. And I’m not a ‘child’ anymore, I’m turning twenty!”
Silence fell abruptly.
Her father had slapped her.
Her mother gasped in shock, covering her mouth with both hands. Nana brought a hand to her stinging cheek, staring at her father with a mix of confusion, anger, and hurt.
“Apologize, Nana, and get yourself a boyfriend. Now,” the man demanded.
Nana let out a short laugh.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and before her parents could celebrate, she added, “for absolutely nothing! You’ll never see me with a man. Never!”
She ran upstairs in a rush of adrenaline and began packing her things, locking herself in her room and ignoring the pounding on her door—her father’s—and her mother’s desperate pleas for her to come out. She paused for a moment to call one of her best friends, Ren.
“Hel—”
“Ren, I’m going to stay at your place for a while, okay?”
“Did something happen, Nana?” His voice was full of concern. She sat down on the bed, calming herself so she could calm him too. “Are you okay? Should I come get you? Did they do anything to you?”
“Breathe, Ren,” she said, inhaling and exhaling, waiting for him to do the same. She heard him mirror her breathing and smiled. “I told my parents I’m a lesbian and, well… they didn’t take it well. But I’m fine! I’m packing my things and—”
“I’ll come get you,” Nana heard hurried footsteps, then the sound of keys being picked up. “Climb out your window, okay? I’ll catch you.”
Aw, Ren was sweet. His only problem was the stupid crush he had on her, one he never seemed able to shake, but she would pretend not to notice for the rest of her life if she had to. She wasn’t about to risk losing that friendship.
“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “And… I’m sor—”
“Don’t even think about it, Nana,” Ren warned from the other end of the line. “That’s what I’m here for.”
And she spent months living with Ren in his penthouse. She worked at her friend’s family company, where—suspiciously enough—they paid her a salary that was probably too high for the work she actually did, but she never complained. As soon as she had saved enough money, she took the first train to Tokyo.
“Call me when you get there, okay?” Ren said, reluctant to let go of her hand. Nana smiled, leaned in, and kissed his cheek, then brushed her thumb over it when she noticed a bit of her red lipstick had been left behind. Ren didn’t even realize; he just thought she was being affectionate, and that made him smile. “I’ll miss you a lot.”
“I’ll miss you too. Thank you for everything, Ren.”
He shook his head.
“Anything for you, Nana,” he said, with perhaps too much love in his voice. Nana stepped back, slightly uncomfortable, though she tried not to show it. “Are you staying with Yasu in Tokyo?”
“For a few days. I already scheduled an appointment to check out an apartment.” Ren nodded, and Nana glanced at the train filling up behind her before looking back at him. “Well, I have to go now, talk to you later!” She gave him a quick hug before turning and boarding the train. Ren remained standing on the platform. After whispering “happy birthday”—something Nana didn’t hear, as she was already inside—he simply waved goodbye.
Nana sighed and tried to fall asleep. She almost managed it, but after a while she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. When she looked up at the person beside her, she had to hold back a gasp of excitement.
Damn. That might have been one of the most beautiful girls she had ever seen in her life.
“Is this seat taken?”
Nana moved her black bag off the seat and gestured toward it.
“All yours.”
The girl sat down, and that moment became the beginning of one of the most important events of her life: Komatsu Nana had found her. Nana truly hoped her Hachi would stay by her side for a long time, and maybe she was getting ahead of herself, but she wished it would be for the rest of her life.
Exactly one year after they met, on Nana’s twenty-first birthday, they shared their first kiss.
Hachi’s lips fit perfectly against hers, and in that moment, Nana wished she could stay like that forever—her hands firmly resting on the smaller girl’s waist, Hachi’s arms draped over her shoulders. Even though Nana was leaning down, Hachi still stood slightly on her tiptoes. Everything felt so perfect, so incredibly perfect, that Nana actually whimpered in protest when Hachi pulled away, their foreheads resting together as they both took a deep breath.
“I like you, Nana,” Hachi blurted out, her cheeks and ears flushed red. “I love you.”
“Oh.”
Hachi let out a nervous laugh, dropping back onto her heels but still holding onto Nana.
“Yeah, ‘oh’… shit, sorry—”
“No,” Nana interrupted. “Just… let me process it, okay?” Hachi nodded, worried, and Nana took a breath, trying to steady the erratic beating of her heart. A minute later, she leaned in again, brushing her lips against Hachi’s. Hachi let out a shaky breath as she closed her eyes. “You don’t think you’re going to hell anymore?” Nana teased, bringing one hand up to cradle her cheek. Hachi opened her eyes and huffed. Nana laughed again before closing the small distance between them, pressing their lips together once more. “I love you too,” she said, pulling back just for a second—only to dive back in before Hachi could respond, kissing her more deeply than she ever had with anyone, with no intention of stopping anytime soon.
Later, when they were on the bed, barely dressed, Hachi sitting on her lap with one hand on Nana’s shoulder and the other tangled in her short hair, she finally managed to speak while the birthday girl left a trail of kisses along her neck.
“So… we’re together now, right?” Her voice was small, almost hesitant.
Nana stopped kissing her and looked at her, nothing but affection in her eyes. She gently brushed Hachi’s forehead with three fingers, then kissed the corner of her lips before answering:
“Of course, gorgeous.”
⊹ ~ ⊹ ~ ݁.
Their relationship had been going wonderfully for a long time. They were, in truth, incredibly compatible. They had a solid group of friends, and living together only made them closer, especially since their work schedules were similar, allowing them to spend most of their free time side by side. Their routines fit together perfectly—everything about them did. They were soulmates, and both of them were certain of it. They had never felt such peace with another person. They were, quite simply, meant for each other.
They could spend hours curled up in bed, walk through the city hand in hand, share lazy morning kisses—and repeat it all over again without ever growing tired of it. Their conversations were endless, and they always found comfort in one another. The only times Nana felt even the slightest discomfort were when Hachi’s parents visited and they had to pretend to be just friends. Still, she quickly pushed that feeling aside. She knew how important family was to Hachi, and unlike Nana, Hachi wasn’t in a position to completely cut ties with her parents and sisters. As long as they didn’t know she had been in a relationship with a woman for three years, everything would be fine.
That fateful Sunday had started well, just like every other Sunday. Since it was their only shared day off, they preferred to stay in bed all day and order food. If they had enough energy, they might go out at night—shopping, to the movies, or on a date at some new restaurant Hachi had heard about from her coworkers. It was barely ten in the morning, and neither of them had any desire to get out of bed, so they just lay there talking with raspy voices and puffy faces. Nana absentmindedly played with Hachi’s messy hair, while Hachi grew sleepier by the second.
Nana’s phone rang with a very specific ringtone, the one Ren had set himself years ago after snatching her phone without her noticing. It was annoying, but funny enough that she never bothered to change it. She stopped stroking Hachi’s hair and reached over to the nightstand, grabbing her phone with a hint of confusion. It was strange enough for Ren to call her at all—let alone at this hour, since it was well known that he wasn’t awake before one in the afternoon.
“Hey,” she said as she answered, pressing the phone to her ear. Hachi raised an eyebrow at her, silently asking who it was, and Nana briefly showed her the screen before bringing it back to her ear to listen.
“Nana—”
Even though he had only said her name, the worry in Ren’s voice was enough to make her sit up abruptly in bed, frowning. Hachi startled at the sudden movement and sat up as well, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Your brother… is dead.”
Ah… well. Nana let out a breath of relief, though guilt flickered through her immediately after. She leaned back against the headboard beside Hachi, relaxing again. It was shocking, sure, but it wasn’t going to shatter her heart. They had never been close to begin with, partly because of their large age gap, and partly because their personalities clashed completely. Her brother had been a perfect copy of their father, and Nana had never gotten along with him either… and, if she really thought about it, she had never truly gotten along with anyone in her family, not even as a child. That was a little sad. Anyway—she shook her head, brushing the thought away, and focused back on the call.
“What happened?” she asked Ren, mostly so she wouldn’t sound heartless. On the other end, he let out a heavy sigh.
“He got into a fight with the Satou family’s son during a golf game.” Nana had to fight the urge to laugh—that was definitely a death fitting for her brother. “That was two weeks ago. I didn’t feel the need to tell you because, well… your relationship with your family doesn’t really exist anymore. The problem is that your parents want you to come back now, to take over the company.”
“What? I’m not doing that,” she said firmly.
“They know you’ll say that, which is why they’re going to force you. I’m just calling to warn you, because they—”
Nana would never have been prepared for what he said next. He paused, clearly nervous about her reaction before dropping the bomb:
“They legally married you to me, Nana. Today they’re coming to take you so they can hold the ceremony. I don’t know how the hell they found out where you live, but…”
Her mind shut down.
It slipped into autopilot—just like the day she ran away from home.
She yanked clothes out of the closet she shared with Hachi, piling them onto the bed. She grabbed toiletries, anything she could think of, stuffing it all into a suitcase. Hachi was completely confused, none of her questions were answered. She followed her girlfriend all around the apartment, trying to get her attention, but Nana seemed blind and deaf to everything around her.
At one point, already exhausted, Hachi grabbed her arm hard enough to snap the taller girl back to reality.
“What is going on!?”
“My parents are going to force me to marry Ren,” Nana blurted out, unfiltered, though still unable to admit that she was, in fact, already legally married to him. Hachi took two steps back, far too stunned, and her grip on Nana’s arm loosened. “I know them. There’s nothing I can do except run. We’re leaving, Hachiko. Right now.”
“But—”
Nana shook her head.
“No ‘buts.’ We’ll stay in a hotel until they give up.”
It didn’t take long for Hachi to give in—what else was she supposed to do?
She nodded after a moment, lifting the back of Nana’s hand to her lips and placing a soft kiss there.
“I trust you.”
The following weeks were filled with tension. Every day, Hachi was taken to and picked up from work by Yasu—Nana’s friend, who over the past few years had also become a good friend to her. Nana had managed to get a fake one-month medical leave, which she submitted at the bar where she worked as a regular singer, and they accepted it without issue. Nana was paranoid, she didn’t leave the hotel at all and was constantly terrified. Whenever Hachi came back from work and opened the door, it always took her a moment to find Nana, who would hide somewhere the second she heard it open. Every day, they received updates from Ren, anxiously waiting for the moment they could finally go back home.
A month and a half later, they finally could. Nana’s parents had stopped looking for her—for now—and in the meantime, Ren would try to get the marriage annulled (something Hachi still knew nothing about) on his own.
Apartment 707 was a mess. It took them quite a while to clean up all the damage Nana’s parents had left behind. They would need to change the locks and take care of other things, but at least the basics of the place were still intact. Exhausted after all that work, Hachi collapsed into a dining chair, breathing heavily. That was when she realized she hadn’t seen Nana for a while, not since she had gone out to take the trash to the dumpsters. Alarmed, Hachi rushed out of the apartment, only to stop the moment she closed the door behind her.
Nana was sitting on the floor nearby, curled up against the wall.
“Nana—” Hachi crouched beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go inside, love.”
Nana was crying.
“I’m sorry,” she said, dragging her hands over her face. “All of this is my fault. You don’t deserve to go through this,” she sobbed, unable to meet her girlfriend’s eyes. “My family is insane, and now you’re caught up in all of this. I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Hachi replied gently. “None of this is your fault. Not at all. If we have to leave the city, find new jobs, even get new identities, I’ll do it. Gladly. Because I’m not leaving you.”
Nana’s heart ached at those words. She wrapped her thin arms around Hachi, finally returning the embrace. Komatsu was an angel, someone sent into her life to bring her happiness. And because of that, Nana felt even worse about still keeping the truth from her—the truth about the marriage to Ren. She hoped that if her friend managed to fix everything quickly, she would never have to tell Hachi at all… and they could just continue their lives as if nothing had ever happened.
⊹ ~ ⊹ ~ ݁.
Unfortunately, the good moments didn’t last long. Just two weeks later, when almost everything was packed and they were preparing to move out of the apartment in a few days, Hachiko overheard a conversation she clearly wasn’t meant to hear between Ren and Nana on the phone. It triggered the worst fight they had ever had in all their years together.
“So you were never planning to tell me?” Hachi demanded, her eyes filled with tears, her cheeks already wet. Nana opened her mouth to say something, but when nothing came out, she closed it again. Hachi scoffed. “Seriously? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew you’d get mad—”
“I’m not mad because you’re married, Nana, I’m mad because you hid it from me!” she shouted, striding toward the apartment door to leave. Nana caught up to her, grabbing her by the wrist, and Hachi tried to pull away. “Let me go!”
“Please, Hachi,” Nana pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but it’s almost resolved, I just—”
“What else have you been hiding from me, huh!? If you couldn’t even tell me something this simple—”
Nana let go of her, offended. Really? Hachi was talking about hiding things? She had no right.
“You can’t even tell your parents we’re dating, Nana.” It had been years since she last called her by her name instead of “Hachi” or “Hachiko.” The shorter girl noticed the shift immediately, her brows knitting together in hurt. “I had my reasons for not telling you about the marriage too, okay?”
Silence stretched between them for a few long seconds until Hachi inhaled deeply and let it out.
“You know the circumstances aren’t the same.”
“Just like you’re not brave enough to come out of the damn closet for once,” Nana shot back, emphasizing every word. “I wasn’t brave enough to tell you either. And I really am sorry, I just didn’t want to hurt you.”
Hachi scoffed.
“Well, you did.”
At that exact moment, there was a knock on the apartment’s dark wooden door. Hachi walked the rest of the way and opened it, only to freeze when she saw her parents standing there.
“Surprise!” her mother chirped, before taking a closer look at her daughter’s face. “What happened to you?”
Hachi looked away, holding back her tears, and shrugged. Then, gathering enough strength, she gave them her usual bright smile. “I just watched a devastating movie, but I’m fine!”
Nana locked herself in her room after greeting Hachi’s parents, while Hachi entertained them—chatting normally and helping her mother prepare lunch. The three of them ate together in the dining room, while Hachi only half-listened to their conversation, still weighed down by guilt and heaviness over what had happened with Nana.
A few hours later, she muttered a vague excuse and slipped into her girlfriend’s room—which, since Osaki’s twenty-first birthday, had become their room.
Hachi made the mistake of not closing the door completely.
“Hachiko,” Nana called, sitting at the edge of the bed with her phone in hand. “Did something happen?”
“Please forgive me,” Hachi sighed. “I hate that we’re fighting.”
Nana smiled faintly and opened her arms. Hachi couldn’t fight the smile threatening to break through, and she rushed forward, throwing herself into Nana’s embrace. They both laughed as they settled in—Hachi sitting on Nana’s lap, while Nana’s hands began to gently trace along her thighs.
“I’m sorry too. I said hurtful things. And about Ren… I’m sorry again. I swear I’ll never hide something like that from you again.”
Hachi nodded, accepting the apology, cradling Nana’s face in her hands before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her lips. Nana quickly returned the kiss, sliding her hands up Hachi’s back and gripping the fabric of her blouse. As the kiss deepened, Hachi tangled her fingers in Nana’s soft black hair, making her tilt her head back slightly, something Hachi took advantage of, trailing kisses along her neck until Nana was left breathless.
Everything stopped in an instant.
Without warning, they both pulled apart quickly when they heard a stifled gasp from the doorway. The color drained from Hachi’s face as she realized her parents were standing there, watching them, somewhere between shocked and disgusted.
“N-no, this-this isn’t what you think!” Hachi rushed out, stumbling and falling face-first onto the floor as she tried to get up and go to them, to explain. Nana helped her to her feet, but Hachi didn’t even look at her before running out of the room, chasing after her parents, who were already leaving the apartment. Nana followed silently. “Mom! It’s not what you think, I swear!” Hachi shouted again, desperate, out in the hallway. Her parents turned to look at her with an expression they had never used before.
Hatred.
“Why else would you be kissing your roommate?” her father asked through clenched teeth. “Disgusting, Nana, you’re a sinner!”
“You weren’t like this before you met that girl!” her mother added, pointing at Nana, who stood a few steps behind Hachi. “I knew she was a bad influence!”
“No, please, listen to me, I… what you saw, that was… it was…” Hachi thought of Nana—her beautiful smile, her gentle touch, how happy she made her… A tear slipped down her cheek as she kept speaking. “A mistake. A slip. I-I’m not like this, I…”
Hachi, what are you saying? Nana swore she had said it, but she hadn’t. And Hachi swore she heard her, but she hadn’t either. What she did hear was Nana’s sharp, offended inhale at what she had just said. Hachi wanted to apologize, to ask her to help her through this, just this once, but then she heard her laugh, completely devoid of humor.
She turned just enough to look at her. Nana was staring at her like she never had before—like Hachi was the greatest traitor in the world.
“Yeah. A mistake. Three years were a mistake.” Before she realized it, Nana was speaking. Shut up, shut up, she repeated over and over in her mind, but her mouth wouldn’t stop. “Mr. and Mrs. Komatsu, your daughter had this little ‘slip’ with me for three years. Please forgive her.”
“Nana…” Hachi whispered.
She didn’t respond.
Nana turned around and walked back into the apartment, slamming the door so hard Hachi could swear she felt the floor shake beneath her.
“You’re coming back home with us. Right now,” her father said firmly.
And Hachi couldn’t refuse.
She cast one last glance at “707” as her mother pulled her by the arm, leading her toward the stairs.
⊹ ~ ⊹ ~ ݁.
In the blink of an eye, Hachi had a ring with a large diamond on her ring finger. And before she even realized it, she was married.
Sitting like a doll, her face devoid of expression on her wedding day, she watched the guests move about with little interest; some dancing, others eating at their tables. A heavy hand rested on her shoulder, and she didn’t even flinch. It was Ichinose Takumi. Her husband. A wealthy man from her hometown, the son of a family close to her parents.
As long as Hachi could remember, she had always heard rumors about Takumi. “A womanizer,” “a bad boy,” “a player.” None of it had ever mattered to her, because, to begin with, she had never been interested in him in the slightest. It was during her teenage years that Ichinose began making advances toward her—ones she always rejected, firmly resisting him. But the more she turned him down, the more persistent he became, like a child insisting on playing with the one toy he couldn’t have.
It disgusted Hachi beyond measure. Not only did she not like men, but she was repulsed by those who saw women as mere objects or trophies.
She had never imagined that one day she would agree to marry that man just to avoid losing her family. And yet, there she was, beautiful, dressed in white, with Takumi’s large hand on her shoulder like a mark of possession, realizing that she would have preferred losing her family over this reality: losing the person who mattered most to her.
Losing Osaki Nana.
There was nothing left she could do now, and she truly doubted that, even if she managed to escape her hometown and return to Nana, she would want anything to do with her. Because of her damn cowardice, Hachi had ended up like this.
And it was unbearable.
The months following the wedding were the worst. Takumi forced her in countless ways to sleep with him, and when she refused, he didn’t hesitate to hit her and insult her. Hachi learned to simply say yes, just to preserve herself a little. Then she got pregnant. She stopped taking care of herself entirely, and not long after, she lost the baby. It happened twice more. Until Hachi managed to hide contraceptive pills, and they became her only companions during the following years of that tumultuous marriage.
At the very least, her parents seemed happier than ever, seeing that their “wayward” daughter was back on the “right path.” They had also become experts at ignoring the bruises on Hachi’s body, as well as the bite marks Takumi insisted on leaving on her neck and chest.
Hachi accepted everything, because… this was her punishment, wasn’t it?
But the torture was truly unbearable. And as days passed and the seasons changed, over and over again, repeating their cycle each year, she found herself missing Nana more and more. Even after spending more years with Takumi than she ever had with that magnetic, beautiful dark-haired woman, Hachi still couldn’t stop thinking about her.
She needed Nana.
At the very least, she needed to apologize.
Hachi couldn’t forgive herself. But maybe… if she could apologize to Nana, the weight she carried would feel a little lighter.
She gave the overflowing trash can one last glance—the one filled with negative pregnancy tests—before leaving the bathroom and walking to Takumi’s office. She tore a sheet of paper from a notebook and grabbed a pen lying uncapped on the desk.
And she began to write a letter to the love of her life.
By the time she finished, quite a while had passed, and she hadn’t even noticed. The page was filled on both sides, and the tears that had slipped free had smeared the ink in places, but overall it was still perfectly legible.
Hachi managed to send the letter to Ren’s company, since she had no idea where Nana was. She prayed to every heaven that Ren would receive it, and that he would take pity on her.
“Where were you?” Takumi asked when she came back home, late into the night.
Hachi didn’t answer. She went into the kitchen with Takumi right on her heels and started pulling out ingredients to make dinner. When he repeated the question, closer this time, she snapped out of the small trance she’d been in.
“I went to buy something, but I realized I didn’t bring my wallet when I was already about to pay,” she lied, beginning to chop vegetables. Takumi placed his hands on her waist from behind, and she had to fight the urge to pull away from his touch.
“You could’ve called me,” he said, leaving a trail of kisses along Hachi’s neck. She pressed her lips together, focusing on the vegetables instead of his damn hands now caressing her stomach, or the disgusting lips kissing her.
“I forgot my phone too,” she replied.
“Well then. Shall we go to the clinic tomorrow for the blood test?”
Hachi sighed and turned to face him. Takumi didn’t let go.
“I don’t want to, okay? I’m tired of all that. What if I’m just not fertile?”
“In the last tests, we both came out quite fertile, Nana,” he said with a smile. He slid one of his hands along her body until it rested on her cheek. “We need to figure out why you can’t get pregnant if fertility isn’t the issue. I doubt it’s stress either, since you spend all day at home not doing much, so…” He shrugged, that damn innocent little shitty smile still on his face.
Hachi hated him.
Hachi wanted to kill him.
Takumi was one of the most despicable people she had ever met. Her parents too. Everyone in this damn world were useless bastards who only served to ruin other people’s lives.
Hachi hated them.
Hachi hated everyone—everyone except Nana. She had been the only person who was truly there for her, the only one who understood her, the only one—
Komatsu started crying without warning.
“God… I hate everything,” she sobbed, covering her face with both hands. Takumi let out a small laugh and stroked her hair to calm her down, but that gesture, that fucking gesture, was the last thing Hachi needed. “Get your disgusting hands off me!” she screamed.
“Excuse me?” Takumi asked, offended.
“Let me go, I hate you!” She shoved him, though it barely did anything, Hachi hadn’t had much strength for quite some time.
“Do you hear yourself, Nana?” He tightened his grip on her waist, digging his fingers in. It hurt.
Everything hurt.
Hachi tried to push him again, and just like before, he didn’t move. She really hated him.
“Let me go, Takumi,” Hachi said, trying to steady her breathing. Takumi laughed, as if this were some kind of game, and tried to kiss her. She quickly turned her head, avoiding his lips.
“Come on, dear, what’s wrong with you today? Did the pregnancy test affect you that much?”
And from that moment on, Hachi doesn’t remember much of what happened next. She only knows there was a fleeting thought, and then she grabbed the knife she had been using to chop vegetables, and stabbed Takumi once, and twice, and three times, and many, many times in the chest.
After the body lay motionless in the middle of the kitchen, she went to the bedroom, found a pack of cigarettes, took one out and lit it before starting to smoke. The bitter taste of the cigarette felt good. It felt real. Alive. When she finished it and stubbed it out against the wall, she picked up the house phone and called the authorities.
“Good evening… I just killed my husband.”
She didn’t wait for the operator’s response. She simply opened the front door and sat down on the porch, waiting for them to come for her. Only then did she realize she was covered in blood, and a chill ran through her body—one she chose to ignore.
⊹ ~ ⊹ ~ ݁.
“July 13th, 20XX
Hey, Nana.
I promised I would stay and love you forever, and I meant it, there was never a doubt in my mind. If fate had different plans and I hurt you by accident, I’m sorry. And if I hurt you knowing that I would, then I’m even more sorry because in the end, I know I did. If I let go of you, if I didn’t stand up for you, it’s because my heart was blind and how stupid it was to lose you just to finally see. I’m sorry.
I don’t expect love or hate. I already have more than enough with my own pain. And truly, Nana, every single day I curse that chapter, and the worst part is that I was the one who wrote it. All for the sake of continuing to be the perfect daughter, my parents’ little girl. Nana, I’m being honest when I tell you that I’m haunted by the demons your absence left behind, the ones that toy with me.
And I know it’s cowardly to ask for forgiveness in a letter. But… I’m sorry. If I could turn back time, I would never hide what I feel again. Silence was the cruelest lie I could ever tell you, Nana. And if I pushed you away, if I failed you and left, I want you to know it was because I was afraid of my own lies.
I still love you, Nana. I haven’t stopped, not for a single second in all these years. I’ve never stopped thinking about you. I miss you more than you can imagine. I’m guilty of so many things. I never looked for you, I didn’t even try, I know, and I regret it. I’m such a coward.
Again, I don’t expect you to still be in love with me, or to want to be my girlfriend again. I’m not writing this letter to take anything from you that you’re not willing to give. And I know we’ll never be those girls in our twenties again, the ones who didn’t care about anything except loving each other. But how I wish you could forgive me. That you’d be able to.
All I want is to show you how deeply sorry I am, and that I will be for the rest of my life.
I love you. And I always will.
—Hachi”
⊹ ~ ⊹ ~ ݁.
The prison visitation room was cold. Hachi wondered if it was just as cold on the other side of the glass that separated her from Nana. Her… Nana looked as beautiful as ever. Of course, her features seemed more hardened now, more mature, and her hair was long and blonde, but Hachi didn’t know whether it was a wig or her real hair. Either way, she looked incredible.
Hachi smiled and quickly picked up the phone she would use to speak to her. Before saying anything, she waited for the woman in front of her to pick up her own phone, which she did after a few minutes, having remained completely still since she sat down.
“Nana—”
“Did you really kill your husband?”
Hachi had expected a different kind of greeting, but… this made sense too. She nodded, letting out a heavy sigh.
“It was in a fit of rage. As much as I hated him, it’s not like I wanted to kill him.” And even as she said it, she wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth or lying. Would she have killed Takumi under different circumstances? Maybe yes, maybe no. Nana seemed to see right through her and clicked her tongue, looking somewhat disappointed. “D-don’t look at me like that! I’m not crazy! These things happen, Nana.”
She didn’t even know why she was trying to convince her. Nana sighed, looking away and focusing on the empty seat beside her.
“I received your letter.”
Hachi waited patiently for her to say something else, but when she didn’t, she spoke instead.
“That’s… good. I’m glad.”
There was a pause. Nana’s eyes returned to her, meeting her gaze, and Hachi wished she wasn’t imagining things when she noticed a familiar glimmer in those dark eyes she loved so much and had never forgotten.
A trace of longing.
“I forgive you… Hachi.”
That was enough for tears to spill from Komatsu’s eyes without warning. The other Nana sighed again, and Hachi truly wished she were actually in front of her, without a stupid pane of glass between them, without having to hear her through an annoying phone.
“You made a choice, and I respected it,” Nana continued. “I didn’t come here to lie and say it didn’t hurt, because it did. And I’ll admit it, I hated you for a long time. But then… I understood you.” The corners of her lips lifted slightly. “I used to hope that one day I’d see you again and thank you for all the beautiful moments you gave me. I just didn’t expect our reunion to be like this—with you wearing that awful gray uniform that doesn’t suit you at all.”
They both laughed softly at that. Nana spoke again, that gentle smile still on her lips.
“I was wrong too. I didn’t look for you because I assumed you would reject me and… I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I’m sorry for that.” Hachi shook her head, wanting to say Don’t apologize for that, but the words wouldn’t come out. Then Nana added: “I moved to England six years ago to escape my family, and I’ll admit that, just like you… I haven’t been able to forget you. I often imagine what our lives would’ve been like if we had stayed together.” Hachi sobbed, wiping her tears with her free hand. “Hachi, I love you. Thank you for that letter. Truly.”
“N-Nana…” Hachi stammered. “Thank you for coming to see me, even though you didn’t have to. I-I love you.”
“I know,” Nana said. “Goodbye.”
She whispered it before hanging up the phone. She gave Hachi one last sad smile before standing up and turning away.
Hachi watched her walk away, her long hair swaying down her back, her hands tucked into the pockets of her coat. It didn’t go unnoticed when Nana, just before reaching the door, raised a hand to her face. Hachi just knew that Nana was crying too. But Nana left without looking back. Hachi knew she would never return.
Just like she had walked out of her life years ago.
And she felt at peace, because this was fair.
But… fuck. It hurt.
It hurt so much.
T H E E N D