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Alec couldn’t stop himself from going from his eyes to his lips.
Magnus was sitting there in front of him, a scotch in his hand, talking about some downworlder meeting he had the other day and how Raphael Santiago almost ripped his throat for telling him that his jacket was totally out of style.
It was like a subconscious thing that allowed Alec to think about two things at once; he was listening to Magnus and the information was staying in his mind, but he was also thinking intently about something else. It was a second nature to him that he got after years and years of dealing with Isabelle’s pep talks about fashion or Jace’s explicit stories about his rendezvous with girls.
So even if Alec was listening to his story, he was also thinking about something so foreign to him that he was almost scared of himself.
He was thinking of kissing Magnus.
Alec almost didn’t know this warlock, but he was just so beautiful. The golden streaks in his hair, the glittery makeup and the open cut shirt that was also very distracting. Magnus Bane was possibly the most gorgeous person he had laid eyes upon.
Well, to be quite honest, another name came also to his mind when it came to gorgeous people, but this wasn’t exactly the situation to think about him, when he was in the other room with her.
It was almost a stupid dream Alec was having; the idea that kissing Magnus Bane will free him of something. Like just pressing his lips to his could possibly help him.
But the major problem behind this logic was just the fact that even if Magnus kissed him, even if something happened tonight, this could also end the next morning. If he allowed Magnus to set him free, will he be able to come to him again? Alec wasn’t so sure of Magnus’ intentions and just how serious he was about Alec.
It was almost impossible to know if Magnus was serious about anything for that matter.
He imagined Magnus calling his name, telling him words nobody ever said to him, and it sounded like music in his mind; like Magnus was singing him to sleep. And he knew that in this sleep he will dream of him and the way his brown eyes stared at him as if he was precious. Alec thought, maybe being wishful thinking that he could also be in his dreams; that he could be worth of his subconscious thoughts.
Alec wasn’t used to this kind of desire floating in his mind and boiling through his veins, he wasn’t used to the idea of wanting to be something more than just a soldier. More than just a brother. Or a parabatai. He was thinking that he wanted to be the object of his desires; because even if he wasn’t worth Magnus’ time, he was dying to see him up close, he wanted to see him burn and embracing Alec with this fire like he was a phoenix.
Alec wanted to burn to be reborn.
And maybe the only thing needed was a kiss.
“Alexander?” Magnus beckoned and Alec felt a shiver run down his spine. “Do you want another drink?”
Alec cleared his throat and looked away. He could feel his cheek going red.
“Ah, uhm, yes, thank you,” Alec said giving Magnus his glass for a refill.
Magnus gave him a quick wink before standing up and going back to his drink cabinet in the corner of the room. That little wink made Alec go even redder by the second, and he wondered why every little thing Magnus was doing was having such strong effects on him. Magnus seemed to be in such ease Alec couldn’t really believe he was making this such a big deal.
But the thing with Magnus Bane was that this man, this gorgeous, confident man; had some kind of aura around him that dragged you into him. This warmth that seemed to glow around his edges and making him seem secure. It was warmth that called you and that you wanted draped around you or even better, that made you want to be between his strong arms.
There was just so much cold in Alec’s body that the idea of Magnus taking that away from him was almost addictive.
“I didn’t add that much alcohol this time,” Magnus commented sitting again beside Alec at a secure distance on the couch. “I tend to forget not everyone has the same drinking habits as me.”
“It’s okay. Thanks,” Alec muttered and took the glass from Magnus’ hand. Their fingers grazed each other for a second, and the mere touch made Alec tremble.
The drink was pink this time and when Alec took a little sip he was happy to taste more strawberry than alcohol. He wasn’t a big fan of drinks. Shadowhunters usually tried to avoid drinking because even if they were more resistant than mundanes. Jace for example didn’t drink.
“So, Alec, tell me something about yourself,” Magnus sounded casual, but Alec could see him fidget with his rings, “anything is fine.”
Alec took his time to think about something that was interesting enough not to make himself look ridiculous but not to personal to overwhelm him.
“Well, I’m the intern head of the Institute,” Alec said and it wasn’t a way to brag, it was a mere fact and Magnus clearly recognized it as such. “I mean, I’m just the head when my parents aren’t around.”
“Gives you a lot of work,” Magnus pointed, and it wasn’t a question, which surprised Alec a lot.
How did Magnus see that so easily? This was their third meeting (the proper second one) and he was already reading Alec with little to no difficulty. Or maybe he just understood the situation due to the fact that he was the High Warlock of Brooklyn; but whatever the reason, Alec was happy to have someone understand how hard it was to have a job like that.
“It does. But this is what I love. And I’m proud of have been given this chance,” Alec retorted, his pride showing accidentally. Magnus smiled, and Ale couldn’t phantom what was so funny.
“It will take an idiot not to notice that you deserve this position, Alexander.”
And then Magnus’ hand was over his on the couch, and their eyes found each other in the dim light of the room. Something moved vigorously in Alec’s insides and he felt like leaning towards him and losing himself to this stupid desire he was feeling. He wanted to throw himself to the eye of the storm, as much dangerous it could be.
How dumb it was, for Alexander Lightwood, to feel this rapture in the presence of a warlock. His mother would’ve been hysteric.
The little part of Alec’s mind that was dedicated to think and contain his superfluous thoughts was telling him to get up and hold Magnus’ hand while suggesting going together for a walk. A walk that could change everything for both of them, or at least for Alec, that could change forever with just one touch.
Alec felt like a kid again, wanting so much but not being strong enough to try and get it. He was afraid of asking and be rejected, just like it was from the beginning of times. It was always yes for someone else, but never for Alec. And why would the powerful and gorgeous Magnus Bane say yes to him? There was probably a line waiting for Magnus to pick his new interest.
“Whatever it is, Alexander, you need to know that what you’re doing is enough,” Magnus said and his words sounded like a promise, not like some pity words that he was used to hear. What you’re doing is enough. Those words hit Alec so hard he was left breathless for a second. “One doesn’t need to be a genius to see that.”
“Why?” Alec sounded as reluctant as before when Magnus admitted he wanted to see him again. Why me?
“Can you trust me for a second?” Magnus asked ignoring completely Alec’s question. Alec’s immediate response should’ve been no, considering that all his training told him that trusting a downworlder meant danger, but he nodded, his eyes falling to his lips once again. “Close your eyes, please.”
Alec was pulling Magnus in his mind; he was pulling every single fiber of his heart just pushing his luck that maybe things this time could be different. That maybe someone could tell him yes. That he could show him that he was enough.
Alec took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trusting blindly on Magnus, his heart beating like crazy in his chest. He felt Magnus taking his drink away from his hand, and he heard the glass touching the coffee table in front of them. Alec could feel Magnus moving closer to him but without touching, his minty breath clashing against his and caressing his lips.
He waited patiently, but a whole minute passed, and nothing happened.
When Alec opened his eyes again, Magnus was still right there in front of him, at just inches of his face; but the confidence was gone, and all that was left on his face was a troubled expression and fear of doing something wrong. It was the second time Magnus was showing Alec such weakness on the same night.
Alec could hear his mother telling him that he needed to grow up. He imagined her looking down at him, her jaw clenched, and telling him that feeling this way towards a warlock, a man was not ideal; that it was not real and that he needed to move on and understand that realizing this wasn’t real was part of growing up as a shadowhunter.
But Alec went against every bit of his training, and he closed the distance between them by leaning towards his face and brushing his lips faintly with Magnus’. It was an innocent touch that barely lasted one or two seconds. But Alec was breathless.
Sometimes not even Alec got time to grow up.
Both of them forgot completely about Luke, Clary and Jace talking in the other room, and suddenly Magnus moved to kiss Alec again, but this time properly, slow and warm, his hands finding his way to Alec’s neck, and his fingers caressing Alec’s deflect rune with such care that it was hard for him to concentrate.
And as fast it happened, it was over, and Magnus was now staring at him wide eyed.
“Alec, I-” Magnus was stunned and scared to the bone; Alec could see it in his expression.
“Just-” Alec interrupted but stopped quickly, not finding the right words to say. He closed his eyes and grimaced. His hands searched Magnus and squeezed his fingers.
Magnus stayed there, quietly waiting for Alec to finish his sentence. Alec could feel him tense in front of him, and he could feel his fingers going rigid between Alec’s.
“I don’t want to regret this,” Alec admitted, finally opening his eyes to look at Magnus’. His face went from worry to astonishment and quickly, Magnus was giving Alec a little comforting smile.
“And I don’t want you to.”
So kiss me on the mouth and set me free. But please don’t bite.