Chapter Text
Dana has had a real SHIT fourth of July. Robby leaving and in the meantime being a total pain in her ass, putting her own job at risk because she hasn’t exactly “dealt with” her previous trauma (whatever, she’s got her own methods), and on top of it all, navigating a cybersecurity nightmare with a bunch of Gen Z’s who came out of the womb with an iPad.
There isn’t anything she wants to do more than go home to her empty townhouse, drink wine while watching Traitors and yelling at her TV. All the tall tales she’s been telling about Benji at work are exhausting. Some people know they’re separated – Princess, Perlah, Robby, Abbott, even McKay. But the messiness of divorce is something she doesn’t like to give much air to in “the office” so she prefers to say things like “Benji’s mom is visiting for the holiday.” It’s easier than going into detail.
She’s shrugging on her jean jacket and stepping outside as she pictures the cheap pinot grigio and sweatpants ahead of her.
But. Mel is sitting outside the hospital as she leaves, as if she’s stuck there – a new addition to the exterior decor. She’s muttering something under her breath, the words to some song Dana doesn’t know, and she doesn’t even notice Dana until she’s shortened the distance between them to three feet.
“Hey, kid. You goin’ home?”
Mel jumps a little, not expecting an audience. It’s fair – most of the day shift has gone home by now. Not Dana, of course. She’s a glutton for punishment.
“I was supposed to go see some fireworks.”
“Okay, and what’s stopping you?”
“Just my sister declaring she has a secret life and a boyfriend and more important plans than me and the thing we’ve done every year together since I was ten.”
Dana is used to being the receiver of a lot of personal affairs, but her terrible day has blocked out some of the suffering around her and she feels a little bad. Off her game, somehow.
“Shit. Right. Sorry, hon.”
“Thanks, Dana. Sorry – I know you had a bad one and mine is nothing comparatively.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Compare the two – a shit day is a shit day.”
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Mel quotes sadly.
“Well put.” Dana checks her watch. “It’s cutting it pretty close to full sunset. You want a ride?”
“What’s the point of going alone?”
Something about the way she says it catches Dana’s heart in a vice-grip. Fuck, she’s always had a hard time not taking care of the young ones, even when they’re past really needing it. Mel is a good egg, and Dana doesn’t want her to lose that spark. Maybe she will someday, but Dana will do whatever she can to preserve that goodness for as long as she can.
“You’re not going alone. I’m going with you.”
Mel looks at her in shock, not understanding at first. Dana just smiles back. “Come on,” she points to her beat-up, 15-year-old Subaru. “Get in the vehicle.”
As they pull up to the big, green park, people and families collecting all over and laying out blankets, Dana drops Mel off – “Go find us a good spot, near the back” – and then texts everyone (minus motorcycle man) who she can think of to join. Mel needs all the support she can get right now and even if Dana is a one-man army, it’s always nice to have company.
Santos has some party (or so she says, Dana hasn’t missed how the whole Garcia situation seems to have degenerated so maybe she just needs time to herself). Whitaker is off to his “farm girlfriend” (and baby?! Dana can’t touch that one). Javadi is making dinner for her parents who are fighting about where she’s going to end up long-term (can’t touch the mommy/daddy issues on that one either). Mohan is already in bed (maybe she is good for geriatrics after all). McKay doesn’t respond and Dana can’t remember if she has her kid this weekend or not. But Langdon texts back: “I’ll bring the fam – see you soon.”
Thank God for the prodigal son. He’s a good egg too even though Robby’s convinced he’s rotten. It’s possible to move on if you want to, and Langdon has done nothing but work his ass off for the last ten months. Putting in the work. Making change and amends and all the real shit that’s hard for most people to do. But men always see themselves when they look at a younger man. So, Robby can’t get outside of himself to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the months off will help, so long as he doesn’t kill himself doing it on the back of that bike.
Texts all sent, Dana shirks her scrub top, leaving on her white long sleeve and throwing her jacket back on. She pulls the scrunchie out of her hair, brushing it out with her fingers. She appraises herself in her rear mirror. It’s not great. She looks like she’s had a bad day. She adds a little lipstick and that kind of helps. At least she feels a little more like herself despite the absolute fuck-fest that was the day behind her.
She finds Mel with a big blanket rolled out in a spot as far back as possible, away from the huddled masses. Away from the noise, not too disorienting or overwhelming for Mel, easy to pick out from a crowd if/when anyone does show up to join, and a feeling of seclusion that Dana very much appreciates, partially guarded by an outcropping of trees.
Dana sits next to Mel and flicks her in the arm.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
Mel sighs deeply. “I guess I’m happy my sister has found somebody.”
“And.”
“And I’m… jealous? Or rejected. Or both. I haven’t fully analyzed it yet.”
“You know sometimes you can feel it first and figure it out later.”
Mel considers for a second, then says: “I don’t know how to do that.”
“Fair enough. I prefer to not feel it and to not analyze it, myself.” Dana says.
And we’ve seen how well that works out. Dana thinks. Those feelings have a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. Or when your perfectly unpredictable/predictable job lays out an experience for you like a wet rug for you to experience the worst parts over and over again.
“I guess I just feel… sad.” Mel says finally.
“That’s good! Simple is good.” Dana adds. “Proud of you, kid. You did well today in spite of everything. You had your first deposition for Christ’s sake.”
“First?!” Mel blanches.
Dana laughs. “Kid, if you can go through your entire career without getting sued multiple times, you’re not doing it right. It’s all a part of our line of work. People get upset around health stuff and often they take it out on the wrong people.”
They let that idea sit for a minute. Part of the minute is considering whether they’ve chosen the right career, but that’s just a part of the lifestyle of a healthcare worker, Dana muses. If you aren’t investigating your life choices at least a little bit (or throughout the day, every day) are you really working in modern medicine?
It’s only 15 minutes later that Langdon and family shows up. Mel practically pees herself.
“Oh my god! What are you doing here?” She hugs him, then his wife, Abby. Like they’re all old friends. Based on the reception, it seems they are, even more than Dana realized. Maybe she really doesn’t know it all.
“We got intel there were fireworks and figured we’d bring the kiddos.” Those kids, Tanner and Penny, look mostly dragged along but they diligently set out a blanket much closer to the rest of the crowd, trying to find the best spot. Abby diligently follows along when she realizes they’ve accidentally set their blanket down on a dog turd and are freaking out. “it’s going to be OH-kay.” Dana hears her saying from a distance.
Mel and Frank fall into an easy rhythm. It’s nice when the doctors get along, Dana thinks. They can learn so much from each other and it always goes both ways (when it works). The newbies know more from their own lives and their previous placements than they can express at first and it’s so rewarding seeing them come out of their shells and teach the older docs a thing or two.
After a few minutes of catching up, Frank realizes his family may need more help than previously thought and excuses himself to help them secure their spot. Mel looks back to Dana, curious and asking permission too.
“Do you mind if I…”
“Knock yourself out. I like it back here, so I’ll babysit this blanket in case anyone else shows up.”
“Are you sure?”
“Certain as death and taxes, sweetheart.”
Mel looks confused by the idiom but nods before taking off to join the Langdon clan.
For her part, Dana relaxes somewhat. What she needs is a little solitude at the end of the day, any day, but especially this one. She thinks distantly of going home – sneaking off like a thief in the night. Rolling up the blanket and returning it to Mel next shift.
But her peace is interrupted by a familiar and not unwelcome voice.
“I love a woman who sits in the back row.”
Dana cranes her neck backwards to see McKay, freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a band tee she doesn’t recognize (past a certain point, Dana stopped trying to learn all the new music and just accepted what she likes). Cassie looks tired, like the rest of them, but she’s at least had a minute to wash her face and let her hair down, so she seems a little more relaxed.
“I didn’t think you were coming – is Harrison with you?”
“No – I’m alone this weekend. I realized on my way over I forgot to text you back, so I figured I’d just show up.”
Dana pats the spot next to her on the blanket and Cassie obliges, sitting down and crossing her ankles, looking up at the darkening sky.
Dana’s happy to see her. Today’s uneasiness was made a little more bearable towards the end knowing McKay had her back. But something from earlier in the day prods her to ask:
“I thought you had a date?” She’d seen the way Cassie was flirting with her patient, and nothing escapes Princess’s radar, so she had heard snippets of gossip all day. “Doctor Bangs is on the prowl…”
“I uh… decided I wasn’t really ready. I texted him.”
It collides with the earlier gossip she’d heard (“I need to get laid.”) And Dana’s curiosity is piqued; she can’t help herself.
“Not ready for dating or…?”
Cassie lays back and then leans on her side, positioned towards Dana, leaning her head on one hand.
“I don’t know. I think today just sucked, frankly. So, I wanted to be with someone who gets it, not fumbling on a first date.”
Dana reaches out and gives her shoulder a squeeze.
Cassie observes Langdon and family and Mel and smiles. “It’s like they didn’t miss a day together.”
“It’s nice, isn’t it?”
“Maybe one of the only nice things about today.”
Dana swallows hard. “Thank you, by the way. For everything with Emma and that piece-of-shit golf asshole.”
“You gonna tell me what happened?” Cassie says it so gently, so quiet. Softer than the way she’d broached Dana in the ER earlier. Of course she knew what it looked like.
Dana stiffens for a moment, can’t meet Cassie’s eyes. Then shrugs. “I’m sure you can guess.”
“I could, but I’d rather hear it from you. It won’t change the version I gave the cops, or anyone else if they ask,” Cassie sighs. “I’m just worried about you.”
Dana deflects easily. “Me? What about you? That was a tough one with that mom you had today.”
“It was. But we were talking about you.”
Dana meets her gaze finally – it’s worried but non-judgmental. It’s that thing she likes about McKay (one of many): that she’s careful with people. That she doesn’t get hung up on human error, on flaws. Being an addict doesn’t always make someone stronger, but in Cassie’s case, it’s filled her with the compassion of a saint.
She thinks about lying – about selling the same line she tried with Robby. Then the first firework goes off and makes her practically jump out of her skin. The tension is still her body. The blinding anger. The fear. She can’t keep tamping it down, she’s seen what that does to people. At least Cassie is someone that makes her feel safe.
“I lost it a little today.”
“Is it the Driscoll thing?”
Of course it is, Dana thinks. “If you’d asked me 12 hours ago, I’d have said no. But… yeah. Maybe I regret not pressing charges. At least that would’a been a resolution.”
Cassie, thank God, does not say “Oh, Dana,” or anything nearing pity.
“PTSD is a real bitch.”
“No kidding.”
They both lay back on the blanket, looking up at the sky as it fills with more light and sound. There are little gasps from the crowd as the colors spread across the night sky.
“So, what about you today?” Dana turns her head to look at Cassie – the way her bangs are falling against her forehead, the way she bites her lip like she’s mulling something over. Her hands intertwined behind her head like a pillow.
“What about me?”
“That mom. I saw how you were after. That couldn’t have been easy.”
Cassie chuckles darkly. “No. Not easy.” She takes a breath, still looking straight up at the sky like she’s searching it for something, her brow tense. “I just… looked at her kids and all I could see was Harrison. And after, I wondered what would happen to me, to him, if I got sick. I don’t have the doting spouse to take care of me. Not that I ever did.”
“No, but you have an ER full of people who would do anything for you if it came to that.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Of course I do – I’ve had that thought since the separation. It’s scary.”
“And after all that, I still couldn’t cry. I feel like it would be a relief somehow, but I just… can’t.”
“Common problem with healthcare workers, especially with the volume we deal with. It can be numbing after a while.”
“It just feels like something is wrong with me.”
“Hey.” Dana rolls so she’s on her side, facing Cassie. She reaches out a hand towards Cassie’s chin and turns her head so they can lock eyes. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.” She says it with total seriousness, hoping that skipping adding a joke for once will make Cassie understand she means it.
Cassie smiles. “Sure, besides the whole, addict, late-in-life doctor, recent ankle monitor owner, divorcee…”
“None of that is wrong.” Dana strokes Cassie’s cheek with her thumb. Cassie pulls a hand out from behind her head and squeezes Dana’s hand.
“I know.”
They stay like that for a moment. Until Dana’s chest feels tight and she pulls her hand away.
“Besides, just because you don’t have what others have, doesn’t make your life mean anything less. Comparison is the thief of joy.”
“Wow, philosophical. Who said that?”
“Mel did earlier tonight.”
They both laugh at that. Dana rolls back on her back, mimicking Cassie’s pose – one hand behind her head, one knee bent, looking up at the sky. Reds and blues bloom and crackle against the dark.
“Sorta romantic here.” Dana says quietly.
“Yeah? Fireworks get you going, Evans?”
Dana hesitates, but it’s easier to flirt when she’s not looking at her. “Maybe a little. Maybe it’s the company too.”
“Damn, Dana. Are you hitting on me?”
“So what if I am?”
She hears Cassie wriggle a little, shifting her body towards Dana again, appraising her in the periphery. Dana still doesn’t look away from the sky.
There’s a long moment of Cassie choosing her words.
“As long as you’re not just messing with me, I would be very receptive to that.”
Dana has to remind herself to breathe. She finally turns her head. Cassie’s eyes look dark and big – Disney eyes, Dana thinks. She’s searching Dana’s face for the rug to be pulled out from under them. Or the blanket, in this case.
“Not messin’ with you,” Dana says.
A slow smile spreads across Cassie’s face; she tears her eyes from Dana’s. It’s hard to tell in the dark, but Dana thinks she’s blushing. She’s so fuckin’ beautiful, Dana thinks and suddenly she’s also painfully aware how long it’s been since she felt like this about somebody, anybody, never mind that it’s a woman and a colleague. It’s not like doctors and nurses never hooked up or dated – it happens all the time. So why not Dana? Why not Dana and a brilliant, fellow mom who just happens to always be on her side.
“Come over here, McKay.” Dana opens her wing for Cassie to snuggle into. The woman is warm and fits right alongside Dana’s hip and suddenly her breath is tickling Dana’s neck. Dana’s nipples are hard immediately.
“Feels like I got my first date after all,” Cassie says quietly, her voice now so close to Dana’s ear that it makes her body clench deliciously.
“Pretty cheap date. I’d do better than this.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah of course. You deserve it.”
Cassie lifts herself up slightly, looking down at Dana. The fireworks look like they’re going off behind Cassie’s head, flowering around her hair like a storm.
Cassie looks down at Dana’s mouth which falls open in invitation. And just as another firecracker goes off overhead, Cassie leans in and kisses her soundly. Dana hums contentedly. She winds her fingers into Cassie’s hair, holding it back and bringing Cassie further into the kiss at the same time. Not a bad way to end the day.
Mel is making her way towards Dana’s blanket when she hears Dana giggling like a schoolgirl. In the dark she can just make out two figures on the blanket, rolling against eachother. Mel’s eyes go wide and she turns tail and runs back to Langdon.
Langdon eyes her suspiciously. “Where’s Dana?”
Mel calculates what to say to that. “Uhhhh, I think she went home actually.”
It’s so dark now, Langdon can barely see where Dana’s blanket was, so he just shrugs. “You need a ride home? You’ll have to squish in the back with the kids.”
“That would be amazing.”
Most of the people in the park are gone by the time Dana and Cassie come up for air. And to think, Dana bothered putting on lipstick. They’re now both wearing the remainders of it.
“As nice as this is, I think I’m a little old for makeouts in the park.”
“I’ll have to disagree with you there, Evans.”
“How’d you get here?”
“The bus today – my car is out of commission at the moment.”
“Want a ride?” Dana says.
Cassie raises an eyebrow. “Where to?”
Dana shrugs. “Mine if you want. Or I can just take you home.”
Cassie kisses her again and it threatens to escalate things all over. “Yours, please.”
Dana is grateful. For all the thought of being alone tonight, and how good isolation would feel, she could not have anticipated how good having Cassie with her would be.
“Perfect,” Dana says. “But no funny business – one of us has to work tomorrow.”
“We both have to work tomorrow, Dana.”
“Oh. Maybe a little funny business then.”