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The Avengers didn’t know that Peter could speak more than one language. Peter was pretty sure Tony also didn’t know, despite the fact that Peter had definitely spoken to him in Italian when his mentor’s sleep deprived brain reverted to his first language. It wasn’t like he went around saying “By the way, I understand everything you’re saying about me when you think I can’t. You’re really not that subtle!”
Honestly, it was kind of sad that none of them had realized— except for Nat, but she didn’t really count. She always knew everything about everyone, and was probably waiting to see how long it would take the others to figure it out.
His theory was confirmed when she came up to him while he was in the training room, going through one of the obstacle courses Tony had made for him after Peter revealed his identity as Spider-man.
He dropped down beside her, lifting his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face. “Hey, Aunt Nat.”
She looked at him with an undecipherable expression. “Привет, маленький паук.” Hello, little spider.
He grinned at her. “Эй, мама-паук. Что происходит?” Hey, mama spider. What’s going on?
She raised an eyebrow, but other than that wasn't surprised that he was speaking in fluent Russian. “Ты мне в чем-то поможешь. Посмотрим, сколько времени понадобится остальным Мстителям, чтобы понять, что ты говоришь на нескольких языках.” You’re going to help me with something. We’re going to see how long it takes for the rest of the Avengers to realize you speak multiple languages.
Peter grinned. Yep, she definitely had a plot. “Хорошо, мама-паук.” Alright, mama spider. He paused. “Не могу поверить, что никто из них не знает. Я точно разговаривал с мистером Старком на итальянском раньше.” I can't believe none of them know. I've definitely spoken to Mr. Stark in Italian before.
She hummed. “они все очень невнимательны.” They’re all very inattentive. She paused, realizing what he had said. “Сколько языков ты знаешь, маленький паук?” How many languages do you know, little spider?
He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, grinning sheepishly. “Свободно? Восемнадцать.” Fluently? Eighteen.
Her eyebrows shot up in a rare expression of shock.
“Но я также владею еще двенадцатью языками на достаточном уровне, чтобы помогать людям, когда я на патрулировании.” But I also speak another twelve well enough to help people when I’m on patrol, he continued.
Nat let out a low laugh. “Впечатляющий.” Impressive.
Peter glowed at the praise.
~~~
He and Nat had made a plan— Peter would slowly converse with the Avengers in more and more languages, waiting to see how long it took them to realize he was a little bit (a lot) more than he let on.
His first opportunity came a bit earlier than expected.
Clint had taken out his hearing aids and was standing in the kitchen, leaning on the counter as he ate an apple.
Peter grinned, eager to practice his ASL. He entered the kitchen, waving so Clint would notice him. Hey, birdbrain, he signed.
Clint scoffed at the nickname. “Hey, Pete.” He didn’t seem to realize that Peter was signing at him.
Do you know where Nat is? She asked me to meet her for training, but she isn’t in the gym. She hadn’t actually, but Peter wanted to see how long it would take Clint to realize he wasn’t speaking English.
He frowned. “I don’t know. Last I saw, she was on the roof, but that was a few hours ago.”
Peter shrugged. I’ll keep looking.
Maybe he had to be more obvious about it. Clint seemed really dense right now.
What’s going on with your hearing aids? Did they break?
He frowned, picking one up. “Yeah. I don’t know what happened, but—” Clint froze, slowly turning to Peter. “Wait. Since when did you know ASL?”
Peter gave him a cheeky grin. Fifth grade.
Clint’s mouth dropped open. “What? How did I not know this?”
Peter shrugged. You didn’t ask.
Clint laughed incredulously.
Peter grabbed the hearing aids, tucking them into one of his pockets. I’ll take a look at these.
Just as he was about to head to his lab, Tony walked into the kitchen.
His mentor frowned, noting Clint’s shellshocked expression. “Hey, Katniss. What’s going on?”
Clint just gestured uselessly to Peter, who was standing next to Tony with an innocent expression on his face.
“Did you know he can fluently sign in ASL?” He asked, his tone incredulous.
Tony frowned, looking at Peter. “I didn’t,” he started, signing along with his words. “How long have you been able to do that, ‘Roos?”
Peter shrugged at him. “Fifth grade.”
His mentor’s gobsmacked expression threatened to break through Peter’s calm facade.
Thankfully, he made it to his lab before he broke down into laughter, collapsing onto the couch and holding his stomach as he laughed so hard his eyes watered.
Their expressions were priceless.
Wait.
“F— Friday?” He asked between laughs.
“Yes, baby spider?”
Oh, that was a new nickname. Damnit, Tony.
He shook his head, focusing on the matter at hand. “Did— hah— did you get that on camera?” He asked through his laughter.
Nat had to see that. Their expressions…
Friday interrupted his latest burst of laughter. “I did, baby spider.”
He cheered, punching the air. “Yes! Send it to Nat and save it to the blackmail folder, please.”
Friday sounded amused. “Yes, baby spider.”
There was a pause, and Peter’s laughter finally died down enough for him to sit up. He wiped his eyes, still laughing softly.
Friday started talking again. “Mama spider—” oh come on, Tony, “—replied, ‘Good job, маленький паук.’”
Peter grinned at the praise.
“Baby Spider, based on your earlier conversation with Mama Spider, you can fluently speak eighteen languages.”
Peter nodded. “Yep.”
“Would you like to practice with me? I can speak all documented languages, so we can converse in any of yours if you would like.”
Peter’s eyes lit up. “हाँ!” Yes!
He tried to calm himself down, only marginally succeeding. “That sounds like a great idea!”
He listed off his languages to Friday, who sounded almost shocked when she spoke again.
“That is very impressive, Baby Spider. I’m glad I can help you.”
Peter grinned, an idea occurring to him. “Could you also help me learn Gaelic? I know a little bit of it, but I’m not very good at it.”
“Of course, Baby Spider. Would you prefer to learn the Scottish or Irish dialect?”
“Oh yeah! Irish Gaelic. I want to surprise Cap. Ooo, also Latin.” He paused. “Oh, and please don’t do it with any of the Avengers— aside from Nat— in hearing distance.” His lips twitched into a grin. “Unless I say it’s alright, of course.”
That would be hilarious.
~~~
Tony stumbled into the kitchen the next morning wearing a rumpled suit, rubbing his eyes.
Peter raised an eyebrow, appraising his mentor’s state. “Friday? When’s the last time he slept?”
“Boss has not slept for the last three days. He disabled the Lab Baby protocol in order to finish his project,” she stated.
Oh, for the love of Thor.
Pepper would be pissed.
Tony, still zombie-like, dragged himself over to the counter, collapsing into one of the stools. “Caffè.” Coffee, he mumbled.
Peter shrugged, moving over to the coffee maker. He plugged it in, putting some beans in it and letting Friday make it how Tony liked.
Steve and Bucky wandered into the kitchen, talking softly. Bucky kissed Steve on the cheek before heading over to the cabinet to grab a box of cereal, a soft smile on his face.
Eugh. Those two were disgustingly sweet.
Steve, finally catching sight of Tony, raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on with him?”
Tony groaned, his head resting on his arms. “Stanco. Ho bisogno di caffè.” Tired. Need coffee.
Cap raised an eyebrow. “Tony? You know you’re speaking Italian, right?”
Hah. Yeah, not a chance.
Tony lifted his head, looking blearily at Steve. “Caffè.” Coffee.
Rhodey, who had entered the kitchen sometime during their exchange, laughed. “Yeah, he gets like this sometimes. Give it five cups of coffee, ten hours of sleep, and a bashing from Pepper and he’ll be back to English.” He grabbed a glass of water, wandering back out of the kitchen.
Rhodey glanced back at them, a smirk on his face. “Good luck.”
The coffee machine beeped, making them all jump— except for Tony, whose head shot up like a bloodhound on a scent.
Peter grabbed the cup, handing it over to his mentor. This was the perfect opportunity to put the next phase of Nat’s plan into place.
“Ecco qui, signor Stark. È meglio che vada a letto prima che Pepper la becchi.” Here you go, Mr. Stark. You should go to bed before Pepper catches you., he said with an innocent grin.
Steve and Bucky looked at him like he had grown an extra head.
Steve spoke up. “Uh— Pete?”
Peter hid his grin.
This was great.
“Yeah, cap?” He kept his expression as innocent as possible.
“Did— did you just speak Italian? Fluently?” Steve asked, a frown on his face.
Peter nodded. “Yup.”
Walking over to the cupboard, Peter grabbed the box of cereal and the carton of milk. He held up the milk, frowning at the label.
Why did Tony always have to get the fancy stuff?
The cupboard door hit the wall with a bang as he opened it, making Peter wince. Maybe he had stayed up too late. His strength seemed to be getting away from him.
Peter ignored the gobsmacked expressions of the Avengers, pouring himself cereal and humming softly.
Bucky spoke up. “Pete? How long have you been able to speak Italian?”
Peter frowned, pretending to think. “Uhh— since I was six? Well, I could technically speak it when I was three, but I wasn’t completely fluent until I was six.”
Hah! Their expressions were comical.
For a moment, the only sounds were Tony drinking his coffee and Peter eating his cereal.
Steve blinked, clearly waiting for Peter to elaborate. “How?”
Peter shrugged, rinsing out his now empty bowl. “May.”
Really, they should have realized. One does not grow up with a scary Italian guardian without learning the language.
Peter walked out of the kitchen, still grinning innocently.
The only unfazed one was Tony, who was silently drinking his coffee, but Peter wasn’t surprised. The amount of times he had spoken to his mentor in Italian in the lab and he didn’t even realize…
Yeah, Nat was right.
They were really oblivious.
~~~
Peter groaned, collapsing onto the couch and flinging his bag across the room. He kicked off his shoes, smashing his face against the cushions.
“Τι συνέβη, μικρή αράχνη;” What’s wrong, baby spider? Friday asked in Greek.
Peter groaned again. “Ο Φλας φερόταν πιο σαν μαλάκας από ό,τι συνήθως.” Flash was acting like an even bigger jerk than usual.
Usually Peter could ignore the bully’s taunts, but Flash had brought up Ben and it had taken all of Peter’s strength to not lash out at him.
He couldn’t let Flash know how to hit where it really hurt.
Peter winced. “Σε παρακαλώ, μην το πεις στον κ. Σταρκ. Δεν θέλω να ανησυχήσει.” Please don’t tell Mr. Stark. I don’t want him to worry.
After all, Peter could usually take it. He had just gotten caught off guard today, that was all. And with Flash solely targeting Peter, the bully wouldn’t go after anyone else. It was a small price to pay.
Friday spoke up. “Φοβάμαι ότι πρέπει να τον ενημερώσω, σύμφωνα με το πρωτόκολλο του Baby Monitor.” I’m afraid I must inform him, in accordance with the “Baby Monitor” protocol.
Ah, webs.
“Παράκαμψη κώδικα «το μωρό ξέρει καλύτερα»” Override code “Baby Knows Best.”
Ned had helped him hack into Friday and put the override code into place. It wouldn’t work for anything life-threatening— Ned had refused, ignoring Peter’s assurances that he could handle it on his own— but it should work for something as small as this.
“Ο κωδικός παράκαμψης έγινε αποδεκτός.” Override code accepted.
Peter let out a silent cheer, his bad mood temporarily pushed aside.
Thank you, Ned.
But Friday wasn’t done yet. “Μικρή Αράχνη, είναι προς το συμφέρον σου να ενημερώσεις το Αφεντικό για τη διαμάχη σου με τον Eugene.” Baby Spider, it is in your best interest to inform Boss Man about your conflict with Eugene.
It would just worry Tony unnecessarily! It wasn’t even that bad.
“πει—”
Friday interrupted him, speaking in a low volume. “Baby Spider, Honeybear is within hearing distance.”
Odin, what was it with Tony and nicknames?
Wait…
Rhodey was within hearing distance.
This was just what he needed after his bad day.
Peter grinned. “Δεν με νοιάζει. Ας δούμε πόσο θα του πάρει να το καταλάβει.” I don’t care. Let’s see how long it takes for him to realize.
“Ό,τι πεις, μικρή αράχνη.” Whatever you say, baby spider.
Rhodey waltzed into the living room, hands in his pockets. “Hey, Pete.”
Peter hid his grin in the couch cushions, masking it with a groan. “Hey, Uncle Rhodey.”
Rhodey frowned, pausing in his path. “You okay?”
Friday spoke up. “Θα σου πρότεινα να του πεις την αλήθεια.” I would suggest that you tell him the truth.
Peter shook his head, dropping it back onto the couch. “Είμαι καλά! Όλα εντάξει.” I’m fine! Everything’s okay.
Rhodey blinked. “Did you just speak— what language even was that? Greek? It sounded like Spanish, but not any words I know. What…”
Peter nodded. “Yeah. Greek.”
There was a pause, Rhodey probably waiting for Peter to elaborate.
Hah, good luck with that.
Eventually, Rhodey spoke up again. “That’s all you’re gonna say? ‘Yeah, Greek’? No explanation on where you learned to speak fluent Greek?”
Peter shrugged, pretending to consider. “Nope.”
Rhodey shook his head, leaving the common room as he muttered to himself. “I don’t even know why I try anymore. Fuckin’ mini Tony.”
Peter grinned, his enhanced hearing picking up on the grumbles.
This was just what he needed to turn his mood around.
~~~
His next opportunity to further his and Nat’s plan came a few days later in the communal kitchen for a rare dinner together.
Clint and Bucky had started talking in Russian— something Peter typically wouldn’t focus on, but he had heard something about a prank and tuned in.
“—А что, если заменить его паутину, скажем, клеем «Элмерс» или чем-то в этом роде?” What if we replaced his webs with, like, Elmer’s glue or some shit? Clint was saying.
Nat shot him a look. “Клинт.” Clint.
He winced. “Да, да, плохая идея.” Yeah, yeah, bad idea.
“И слишком опасно,” And it’s way too dangerous, Bucky added.
Oh, they definitely didn’t know that he could understand them.
What should he do about it? On one hand, if he kept up the innocent charade, he could use it to win the ongoing prank war, but on the other, this was the perfect opportunity to finish Nat’s plan.
He caught her eye, a questioning look on his face, and she gave him an almost imperceptible nod.
This was going to be great.
“Клей «Элмерс» всё равно не подошёл бы. Карен бы мне сказала, если бы что-то было не так.” Elmer’s glue wouldn’t have worked anyway. Karen would tell me if anything was wrong.
The entire room froze. Nat and Peter were the only ones who were unfazed, but this time everyone snapped out of it sooner.
“Peter, how many languages can you even speak?” Clint asked incredulously.
Peter shrugged. “Eighteen.”
Ah. There was the shock.
Bucky had frozen with his spoon half to his mouth, Steve was standing at the sink with the water still running, Sam’s arm was still extended from where he was reaching out for the salt, Rhodey just looked tired, Bruce’s nose was still buried in a textbook on quantum physics— it looked fascinating, Peter had to borrow it some time— and Tony was staring at him.
Peter glanced over at Nat, who gave him an approving nod. He grinned at her, which seemed to snap them out of their shock again.
Tony blinked at him. “I—what—how long—”
Peter shrugged, taking another bite of the lasagna. “Let’s see. I learned Italian and Spanish from May and Ben even before I went to live with them, so I was fluent in those by the time I was six. At school, since I already knew Spanish, they put me with a group of kids who were learning French, and I picked it up pretty fast. I learned Mandarin from an exchange student in my second grade class, Filipino for Ned, ASL from another classmate in fifth grade— I loved learning it, so May also signed me up for a few extracurricular classes in that. I learned Russian and German during middle school— the Duolingo bird’s scary— and I also had a huge spy phase so I taught myself Morse Code.” He hummed, considering. “Don’t know if that counts as a language, though, since it just replaces English letters with dashes and dots. Now that I’m thinking about it, probably not…” he trailed off, returning to his previous train of thought. “May also signed me up for a few classes to keep up my fluency, and I met a few people who spoke other languages, so I asked them to teach me and I learned Portuguese, Japanese, and Arabic from them. Me and Ned were teaching ourselves to code around then, so I also learned Binary to help me with that. After I became Spider-man, I realized how helpful all of my languages were, but there were also a few languages I couldn’t speak so I taught myself them with help from Karen to be able to help people better. They were— Karen, what were they again?”
“Cantonese, Korean, Greek, Polish, and Hindi,” she replied smoothly.
“Thanks! I also made a list of the rest of the languages I didn’t speak but encountered less often and taught myself the basics of those as well. And throughout all of that, I kept up my other languages with help from Karen and a bunch of other things like music or language gatherings.”
He paused for a moment, going through his mental list. “Oh, and Friday’s teaching me Irish Gaelic and Latin. I think that’s all.”
Throughout his explanation, the Avengers had become more and more stunned. Even Nat looked surprised, her eyebrows raised and a shadow of a smile on her lips. For her, that was the equivalent of what the rest of the team was doing— wide eyes, jaw almost on the floor, and frozen in shock.
Tony shook his head, his expression dazed.. “Shit, kid. I knew you were a genius, but…”
What? He wasn’t a genius. Sure, he was smart, but a genius?
“I— I’m not a genius, Mr. Stark,” he mumbled, his face flushed.
Everyone started protesting at once.
For Thor’s sake, why were they so loud?
Tony caught Peter’s wince, shushing the Avengers. “One at a time. The kid has sensitive hearing.”
Peter glanced at him gratefully. “Thank you, da— Mr. Stark.”
Well, so what if his mentor figure was starting to seem a little more like a father figure?
That was normal. Completely normal. Just a factor of their relationship— mentor-mentee could easily evolve into something a little more.
Oh, what was he even trying to convince himself of?
Peter saw Tony as a father figure. There was no doubt about it.
His thoughts were brought back to the present when Bucky started talking.
“Kid, you designed a new arm for me when you were fifteen— and it was something even Tony Stark couldn’t have come up with.”
What? No. Tony had just been sleep-deprived when they came up with the schematics. It was nothing that he wouldn’t have thought up with a fresh mind.
He opened his mouth to protest, but Tony cut him off. “It’s true. Don’t even try to deny it, Bambino.”
Peter’s face flushed at the term of endearment.
Nat continued. “And you upgraded my widow bites. I don’t think anyone who wasn’t a genius could do that, маленький паук”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that—”
Rhodey cut in. “And not to mention the fact that you speak— what was it— sixteen, seventeen languages? Fluently?”
Peter flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Eighteen, almost twenty,” He muttered.
Rhodey crossed his arms. “And I rest my case.”
Huh. Maybe they were right.
Of course, he wasn’t as smart as Tony or Bruce, but maybe he was a little bit above average.
Peter threw his hands up with a sigh, groaning dramatically. “Fine! I yield.”
Nat nodded. “Good.”
It was followed by a chorus of other affirmative responses from the others, and Tony wrapped Peter in a hug.
Peter melted into the embrace, letting out a contented hum.
“Thanks, dad,” he mumbled.
Tony sucked in a breath, his arms tightening around Peter.
Oh. Whoops.
Realizing what he’d said, Peter’s face flushed even brighter.
Over Tony’s shoulder, he saw Nat give him an approving nod.
Huh. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who saw Tony as a father figure to him.
“Of course, Bambino,” Tony replied.
Peter grinned, relaxing further into the embrace.
Nat’s plan had worked out even better than he expected.