Chapter Text
Sanji takes the food to Luffy, hoping this time it will be eaten. He filled the plate with food he prepped specially for Luffy. Chicken with skin crisped to perfection and dripping with juices. Steak seared excessively with edges burnt. It had pained Sanji to overcook a steak, but it was Luffy preference. A taste he picked up from eating Dadan’s cooking as a child. And at this point Sanji was willing to commit any cooking sin to get Luffy to eat. So, Sanji walked to the captain's quarters with the plate full of food and a prayer in his heart, hoping it will be eaten.
The walk back to the kitchen felt long and tiring. The plate seeming extra heavy with the untouched food. Sanji set the food down on the table and buried his face in his hands. Guilt plagued him. The words he shouted at his captain replying over and over in his mind. What’s the point of me even staying on this damn ship if you won’t even eat my fucking cooking? For fucks sake I might as well just leave too!
He regretted the words as soon as he said them. He knew Luffy was grieving a heavy loss. They all were in a way. But Luffy was taking it the hardest. Sanji understood how grief can affect one’s appetite. And that yells and threats rarely if ever help a difficult situation. Seeing Luffy, his captain-the King of Pirates, in such a weakened state just deeply unsettled him. Luffy was loud and obnoxious and often literally bouncing off walls with energy. Seeing him in just bed staring at an empty wall, refusing to eat, refusing to get out of bed, refusing to just be his usual happy carefree self made him deeply upset. He was upset at the bastard Zoro for causing this mess. He was upset at himself for not knowing how to fix it and step up, he was upset at the world for being so unfair. He was upset at so many things and he took it out on Luffy. Which only made the situation worse.
Wallowing in his own self-pity, Sanji didn’t notice the creak of the kitchen door opening or the sound of footsteps coming closer to him. He felt Nami hand on his shoulder and her sympathetic squeeze.
“Did he eat anything?” Her voice sounded so small. Her hand still rested on his shoulder, moving up to brush his cheek gently. A comforting touch. A touch like this would usually make Sanji heart swell with love. A touch like this would usually make him feel like he was the luckiest man alive. Now though it just made him feel more guilty. He didn’t deserve comfort or love. He said an awful thing. The words still playing over and over in his head.Sanji shook his head, his face still covered by his hands. He didn’t want to see sympathy on Nami sweet face. He didn’t deserve it.
“Maybe tomorrow he’ll eat.” She said as she pulled Sanji into a hug. A hug Sanji did not deserve but still accepted. “Tomorrow I’m sure he’ll eat and be stealing everyone food again.” She tried to make the last part sound joking and hopeful. Sanji could tell though she didn’t believe her own words.
“It’s been over a week he’s still not eating-". Sanji could barely get out that sentence before covering his face again. Tears already creeping down his face. A week without eating Luffy was unheard of. Luffy willingly, staying in bed for over a week, was unheard of. Zoro leaving- willingly leaving his captain to fend for himself was just unthinkable.
But this is the situation they were in. Zoro did the unthinkable and just left. Just abandoned his captain and the crew too. And Luffy was falling apart. He refused to eat, even as he was growing weaker and weaker he refused to eat. He refused to get out of bed; he refused any form of comfort the crew has tried to give him. Each one of them has tried to talk to him, get him to eat, get him to move or do something. Luffy just refused all attempts. Trying to talk to him was like trying to talk to the wall that Luffy had just been staring at mindlessly.
Sanji has been living in the kitchen trying to make something delicious enough to pull Luffy out of his slump. Something so mouthwatering that Luffy would happily eat it and ask for seconds. But nothing he’s made has done that. Luffy has been refusing to eat for over a week now and it shows. Luffy looks like he’s been the worst battle of his life.
Sanji, who always boasted about how he’d make a better vice-captain, was floundering at the pressure and responsibility of trying to get Luffy to eat. Each plate brought back with untouched food felt like a stab wound. Each time he looked at Luffy face and saw how more sunken his eyes look and how weak he was getting made him spiral in shame. All his begging and pleading seemed to fall on deaf ears. When Luffy would answer him, it would just be to tell him to go away. Which only added to Sanji frustration. All the hurt and anger Sanji was feeling and failing to push down resulted in him lashing out and saying the awful things to Luffy.
Luffy who was already at his lowest had to bear witness to Sanji pathetic temper tantrum. The words kept replaying over and over in his mind. Sanji was failing miserably at everything. At being the cook, at being vice-captain, at being a friend.
“I’ll try his brother again, when Sabo comes, he’ll fix everything.” Nami said with warmth and tenderness that Sanji needed desperately but didn’t deserve. Nami had been trying since yesterday to reach Sabo on transponder snail to no avail. Apparently, he was deep undercover in a mission and couldn’t be reached. Despite Nami pleas to Dragon to just extract him from said mission.
“Really impossible, it’s impossible for you to reach him. You sent him somewhere without anyway to reach him. He’s not keeping in touch with you right now is what you expect me to believe. How do you know he’s even alive if you’re not communicating with him somehow? I know you’re fucking lying you asshole!” Nami had screamed the last part before slamming down the receiver frightening the poor transponder snail.
The last phone call to Dragon did not end well. His inability to put them in touch with Sabo just angered Nami and stressed-out Sanji more. The others weren’t faring well either. Chopper, though at least still eating, was keeping himself cooped up in the infirmary. Trying to find a cure for Luffy “strange sickness.” Unwilling to accept Luffy “sickness” wasn’t something that can be simply cured by a pill or medicine.
Usopp left yesterday on a smaller boat, his destination the last island where the crew had been whole. Where everything was still normal and made sense. Where Luffy was still his usual carefree self. Sanji still couldn’t decide if Usopp really believed he could find the fucking idiot moss head and talk some sense into him. Or if Usopp was going to just get away from the tension on the ship.
The older members of the crew, weren’t doing much better than the younger members. Brook was basically having to relieve one of his worst traumas and watch his captain waste away. In an attempt to either cheer Luffy up, or himself more likely, Brook got into the habit of playing an annoyingly high pitched song at all hours of the night. Which didn’t help cheer Luffy up and only created another source of tension.
“Play that song one more fucking time and it’ll be your fucking skull next time.” Franky said just yesterday to Brook as he was smashing the latter’s violin. Sanji couldn’t even make out Brooks response before Franky started swinging at Brook. It took both Jinbei and Robin to break the two apart.
The crew was falling apart. Their captain was wasting away. And Sanji was just wallowing in self pity. How he ever thought he could be vice-captain seemed laughable now. He couldn’t get Chopper out of the infirmary, he couldn’t keep Franky from picking fights with Brook, he couldn’t even make a meal Luffy would eat. As much as Sanji hated to admit it, without Zoro the crew was struggling to just maintain itself.
“I’ll try Koala next. She’ll be more helpful.” Nami said the last sentence with such conviction Sanji had a moment feeling of hope. Maybe Sabo would come, Sabo would convince Luffy to eat, to get out of bed, to just live. Sanji wanted desperately for Sabo to come for Luffy sake and his own. Sanji didn’t want to be “in charge” anymore. Didn’t want to act as de facto vice captain anymore. Let Sabo take the title. Let Sabo deal with Luffy grief and the crew emotions. Sanji wanted to just go back to making meals that get eaten.
Koala, though more willing to help, also didn’t have a solid way to reach Sabo either. On her own mission she couldn’t just go get him either, despite Nami frequent asking during the tense phone call. “Look, I will try and see who can get a message to him, ok.” The annoyance in her voice leaking through. “But even if I can get a message to him by tonight it’ll take him at least a week to get to you guys from where he is. So -,” Her sentence is forever left unfinished by Nami hanging up the call with a string of curses.
It’s been twelve days now. Twelve days with Luffy refusing to eat. Twelve days since the crew ate a meal together as a whole. Twelve days without hearing Luffy laugh or having to chase Luffy away from the kitchen. Twelve days since the crew was still a crew.
Usopp had come back in the morning. Looking ever more tired then when he left. Sanji wishes he could say he was surprised with Usopp coming back without any good news. “He’s not coming back.” Usopp say tiredly. “We talked-well I talked. He’s not coming back. He’s just- I don’t know he’s just not coming back no matter what. It was like talking to a stranger.” Usopp sighs and drops his head. “Did he eat anything while I was gone?”
“No,” Sanji can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. Twelve days of him failing to feed his captain. Twelve days of begging and pleading and threats falling on deaf ears. Twelve straight days of him failing as a cook and as a friend.
“It’s been like two weeks now! He needs to eat something.” Usopp says. And it’s said with worry and concern. It’s said with fear. It’s said with a voice wanting some comfort from a friend. But all Sanji can hear is failure over and over again in his head.
“You fucking cook him something then!” Sanji says as he throws the meat he was prepping in the trash. “You cook for him then since I’m just fucking every meal up.” And Sanji just wishes Usopp would yell back. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t give Sanji the fight he wants. The fight he needs to take his mind of this shitty situation.
“I want blaming you.” Usopp says tightly. “ I was just saying he needs to eat-“
“I know he needs to fucking eat. Why the fuck do you think I’ve been stuck in this god damn kitchen cooking nonstop. I’ve been trying to get him to eat this whole time.” Sanji screams the last part as he throws a pan that Usopp easily dodges. Sanji really wants a fight.
“I know you’ve been trying. We’ve all been trying to help him.” Usopp says tensely. Sanji can tell he’s trying hard to not yell back. Somehow it only makes Sanji angrier.
“No, not we. We haven’t been helping. I’ve been helping. I’ve been here with me. You haven’t been here. You left, you-“
“I did not leave him.” Usopp says angrily. “I left-I went to talk to Zo- I went to see if I could convince him to come back and-,” Usopp struggles to get the words out. The conversation with Zoro must have been awful. Sanji can’t even imagine how it must have felt to talk to someone who less than a month ago you’d consider a brother and now is just basically a stranger. A stranger who committed the worst betrayal.
With Zoro gone the crew was falling apart. Without a vice captain, no one knew how to help their captain. Sanji should be stepping up. Should be acting as vice captain. And should be making sure the crew comes together instead of attacking each other. Should be the voice of reason and calmness. But he doesn’t. Because Sanji not a vice captain, he’s a cook. And a shitty one at that.
“Where the fuck is he then. Huh, where is he? You went all the way back to that shit ass island and for what?”
“I told you, he didn’t wanna come back. He didn’t want to-“ Usopp dodges another one of Sanji’s pots.
“For fucks sake, you should have made him come back. You should have dragged his ass back and tell him he needs to fix the mess he made.” Sanji ends his screaming with more dishes being thrown at Usopp. Some of which make contact.
“You go then.” Usopp yells holding his cheek, blood sliding down his hand. “You go and get him back then if it’s so easy.”
“I am going asshole!” Sanji says already taking off his apron and throwing it the empty space between him and Usopp. “There’s no point in my even staying here since he’s not fucking eating. Fuck it, I’ll go and drag his ass back here and make him clean his dumb mess up.” Sanji shouted the last part as he walked out the kitchen. His once safe space, now just a constant reminder of his failings to feed his captain. Sanji left his kitchen in a mess of disarray. A once unthinkable thought now a living reality.
Sanji walked to the edge of Sunny, the ladder Usopp used to climb down into the smaller boat still attached to its side. Sanji doubted he could talk sense into the idiot. Whatever made Mosshead just abandon everything he once stood so proud for was unthinkable. Sanji had little to no hope of thinking he could fix whatever was wrong with his head. Sanji was going fulling intending, and hoping, to drag a beaten up Zoro back to the Sunny however unwilling he was. Already thinking of the beating he was going to give him, Sanji didn’t even register Choppers presence at first.
“I’m coming too.” Chopper said as he pulled on Sanji shirt. For a second Sanji could only just stare at Chopper. While Chopper had been eating each plate Sanji would drop off to him, he barely got to get a good look at his face. Chopper face was always buried in a book, trying to find something in there that will help Luffy “get better.” Now getting a good look Sanji can see the fur around his eyes were matted and his nose was scraped. Sanji suspected Chopper was secretly crying, but now the evidence was clear. Chopper must have been crying non-stop, constantly wiping tears away, wondering why one of his closest nakama just left out of nowhere. After Luffy, Chopper was probably the one who spent the most time with Zoro. Chopper always looked up to Zoro the most and often would sleep next to him whenever Zoro would just take one of his many naps on Sunny deck.
“I’m coming too Sanji,” Chopper repeated louder this time. “I can talk to Zoro and convince him to come back.” And Sanji should say no. Should tell Chopper to stay. Because the ships needs a doctor on board. Because Luffy can’t be without two crew members when he’s already feeling abandoned. Because Sanji not going there to talk but to fight and Chopper doesn’t need to be a witness to that. Because Chopper won’t handle it good when Zoro refuses to willingly come back and the last thing they need is another crew member refusing to eat. But Sanji, while also being angry and frustrated, is also feeling lonely and wants some companionship.
With a heavy sigh Sanji helps Chopper down the ladder into the smaller boat. Both of them setting off to the last island where the crew was still a crew, where Luffy was happy and carefree, where everything made sense.