Work Text:
“trenches”
“i am in them”
Dan plopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling after sending Phil the message. The room was dark, only illuminated by the moonlight coming in from the half-drawn curtains. It was almost midnight and Dan knew everything he's feeling now was amplified by the late hour. Still, he couldn't really help the tears starting to well in his eyes. It was just one of those nights where everything felt too much, too heavy, too suffocating. He lifted a hand to wipe the wetness away from his checks and sighed deeply again. After a couple minutes of sitting in silence, his phone buzzed twice. He contemplated just leaving it unread for a second, but he knew it'd make Phil worry unnecessarily, so he picked up the phone. The first notification was Phil reacting with a heart to his “trenches" message. Dan scoffed and rolled his eyes. He hated when Phil reacted to his texts. At least he'd actually answered this time, too .
“can I get you anything?"
Dan stared at the simple message until his vision blurred, his tears falling down his face even faster now. He knew there really wasn't anything he could do. He'd have nights like this for the rest of his life, nights and days and sometimes even weeks where he'd feel sad or numb for no apparent reason, and all he could really do was wait for it to pass while going through the motions. He sighed again and texted Phil a reply.
“just a vibe "
The reply was instant this time, just a mesh up emoji of a hog getting hit by a sun beam. It was just silly enough to make Dan snort despite the tears. The small smile stayed on his lips as he typed the message.
" wow thanks"
He locked the phone and threw it on the bed next to him. He continued staring at the ceiling as he tried to find the energy to get up and do something that'd pull him out of his mood. He didn't know how long it had been when he heard the knock on the bedroom door.
"Yeah?"
The door slowly creaked open and Phil walked in, the light from the corridor framing his figure and illuminating the room slightly. He had something that Dan couldn't make out in his hands.
"I brought you hot chocolate. Can I come in?"
Dan stared at Phil for a second and sat up on the bed.
“Yeah, thank you."
Phil walked in quietly and placed the cup on the nightstand that was right next to Dan. He stood there for a second, looking at Dan . They've been together for long enough that Dan knew he was trying to assess this mood, trying to understand how deep in the trenches they actually were.
“It's still hot, be careful drinking, okay?"
Phil bit his lip and fixed his glasses, then he took a step back to leave the room. Dan raised his arm and caught Phil's hand, then pulled him closer into a hug.
“Thank you.”
He almost whispered, voice still cracking. He buried his face in Phil’s neck and inhaled deeply. Dan knew that being with someone didn’t magically cure his depression but having Phil around did help lift up the fog that seemed to surround him sometimes. Phil already had his arms around him, one hand patting his hair and the other going up and down his back. Dan buried his face deeper into Phil’s neck for a second before letting him go, his hands trailing down Phil’s arms as he stepped back.
“You want me to hang out here with you?”
Dan shook his head slightly.
“Just needed a hug for a second I guess.”
Phil nodded slightly, patted Dan’s hair one last time, before he left the room and closed the door behind him. Dan fell back on the bed, felt that burning sensation in the back of his throat, felt the tears come down even faster than before. The thing is, he did want Phil to stay with him. He didn’t want to be alone, and he knew Phil would be more than happy to just stay with him for however long he needed but his mind had decided to go against his wishes. All he could think of was calling for Phil to come back but his body seemed to be to be paralyzed, stuck to the bed he and Phil shared, on the bedsheets they’d chosen together ages ago but he just felt so alone. All he could really do was shut his eyes and wait for the tears to slow down. He lost track of time once again in his tears until the door slowly opened one more time.
“Dan, you awake?”
Phil whispered, the hallway light once again surrounding his head that peeked in like a halo.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
Dan realised how much his throat actually hurt when he spoke up and wished he had a glass of water nearby, he didn’t have any energy to get up and actually get some though.
“Come over for a second?” Phil was still whispering.
“What, why?” Dan sat up on the bed again.
“Just, come on.” Phil motioned with his hand.
Dan got up slowly and walked to the door. As he got closer to the corridor, Phil turned the dimmer down on the corridor lights and started walking to the bathroom. Dan followed behind quietly but stopped in his tracks when he saw what Phil wanted to show him.
The room was warmed up by the hot water filling up the bathtub, and on the side of the tub there was a basket full of bath bombs and salts. Phil had pulled a small side table next to the tub and on it was a glass of water, another glass of ribena and some vegetable chips. He had also lit a few candles which were sitting on the counter.
“I thought you could use a nice bath. I’ll let you be now.”
Phil turned around to leave once again, and once again, Dan caught him before he did and pulled him into a hug. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan again, then left a small kiss on his hair. Dan rested his forehead on Phil’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist. He took a shaky breath.
“Do you wanna stay with me for a bit?”