Chapter Text
Ben didn’t care about school. Not the lessons, not the homework, not the endless warnings written in red pen. He cared even less about what anyone thought of him. He made usual trouble around other classmates and teachers, every kid in his year either thought he was the funniest man alive or a huge douche. He had curly brown hair that bounced whenever he’d walk and quite prominent hazel eyes that contrasted well with his pale skin and long eyelashes. His features were all sharp angles and careless expressions, the kind that made him look permanently unimpressed with the world. Even when he smiled, usually at someone else’s expense, it never quite reached his eyes. Ben liked it that way. Being unreadable gave him power. If people couldn’t tell what he was thinking, they couldn’t predict what he’d do next. And Ben loved being unpredictable.
He slouched back in his chair, tapping his pen against the desk in a rhythm that annoyed everyone except him. The classroom buzzed with chatter, he ignored all of it, detached from the room. Bored waiting for anything to happen, or to leave. Then the door opened. Ben didn't look up, he didn’t need to, nor feel bothered to. He could feel the room shift, the way the conversations quieted down and the exchanged looks. Ben sat at the back completely unbothered. Only when the teacher cleared her throat did Ben look up, placing his pen down roughly and pushing the hair out of his face. The person standing next to him, Jamie. Who had moved science classes, the one person Ben didn’t want to see, and the teacher was pointing to the empty seat beside Ben. And for the first time Ben’s face was readable.
Surprisingly Ben wasn’t always such an asshole, he used to smile a lot, get good grades, be a nice funny guy, and care for everyone around him, that was before the incident that had happened between him and Jamie a year ago. Back then Ben and Jamie were like two pees in a pod, inseparable, they did everything to anything together. But that all passed the day when Jamie had confessed to his crush Ella, Ben knew about the crush, It was the only thing Jamie ever talked about, What he didn’t know was that Ella did not like Jamie back, so when Jamie build up the courage to ask her out, she rejected him and admitted to like Ben. Jamie took this personally, very personally.
He started ignoring Ben, ditching him at lunch, acting like he’d done something unforgivable. Ben was confused and frustrated on why he was doing this, so one day he tried talking to him, trying to fix whatever was happening, but that was when Jamie snapped, he yelled at Ben for something he didn’t even know. He accused her of stealing her, acting like he had planned the whole thing. Ben didn’t even like Ella, but after being screamed at for something he didn’t do, he got petty. So, he asked Ella out to prove some dumb point, just to make Jamie angrier.
They “dated” for a day before Ben came to his senses and realised that it was a really fucked up thing to do, but the damage had already been done. The friendship cracked right down the middle, neither of them bothered to fix it. It went from them not being able to be separated to them not even being able to look at each other.
Jamie walked down the aisle between the desks, shoulders stiff, jaw tight, eyes fixed anywhere but on Ben. The class watched like they were witnessing a bomb being carried across the room. Everybody knew what happened between them, if you didn’t you’d be considered weird. Ben didn’t move, blink, breath he couldn't, his sudden strong ego had suddenly cracked into tiny pieces the second Jamie walked in. It had been a miracle he was able to avoid him for so long, but it never lasts forever. Jamie reached the desk, hesitated for half a second, then pulled out the chair beside him. The scrape of plastic against the floor echoed through the room. He sat, Ben didn’t dare look, he stared straight at the teacher who was staring in disapproval, he clenched his jaw so tight his teeth ached. Jamie did the same, no contact for a year now being forced to sit inches apart. The silence was louder than any argument they’d ever had.
The whispers emerged as they saw that nothing else was gonna happen, and as usual the teacher continued on with her lesson as the class had been as quiet as it ever has. The lesson dragged on, Ben didn't get a word. He wasn't mad and was uncomfortable, his past mistakes yelling at him. He hated that Jamie still had that effect on him. Hated that a whole year later, the sight of him could still twist something inside. When the bell finally rang, Ben shot up from his seat before Jamie could even stand. He shoved his books into his bag and left the classroom without a word, without a glance back. He didn’t need to. He already knew Jamie wasn’t looking at him either.
Outside, the afternoon sun was too bright, the air too warm, the walk home too long. Ben kicked a rock down the pavement, hands shoved deep into his pockets, shoulders hunched. He always walks home alone now. He used to walk with Jamie but he was a loud nuisance, at least that's what Ben wants to believe. Still he liked the quiet, with the soft wind and bird chirping, he found it the most peaceful part of his day. He didn’t want to go home. By the time he reached his house he hesitated outside the gate. His dads car was in the driveway, and the curtains were drawn, he knew what was going to happen. He opened the front door softly trying to not make too loud of a noise. His mum was in the kitchen humming a tune on the quiet radio as she chopped vegetables, she looked up the moment she saw him, her face brightening with that warm, tired smile she always saved just for him.
“Hey sweetheart, how was school?” Ben shrugged, too tired to reply, slipping off his shoes near the door. “Fine” SHe didn’t push, just nodded, going back to cutting dinner. Ben saw her cut a little glance down the hallway, an ounce of fear resting on her sweet face. His dad was in the living room, the TV blaring. Ben didn’t look at him. He quickly and quietly went up the stairs on his tippy toes like navigating on a minefield. His older brother’s room was empty, door half‑open, bed unmade. He hadn’t been home in days, maybe weeks. His brother drifted in and out like a ghost, always gone before sunrise, always avoiding the house, avoiding their dad, avoiding everything. Ben wished he could do the same thing, yet again, he wouldn't want to be anything like this brother, at least never admit it. He slipped into his room, closing the door behind him. He let out a deep breath he wasn't aware of holding. School sucked and home wasn't any better, he wished he could just bury himself deep in a hole and never come back out. He dropped down onto his bed, his hair falling onto his eyes, he wasn't bothered to fix it. He stood at the ceiling replaying the memories of everything that had happened. He hated that stupid boy and how he reopened old wounds and how he wished he never did that stupid thing.