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The Lamp, Lampshade, and Light

Summary:

A poem and story HEAVILY inspired by my life and my sexuality

 

Kind of inspired by the amazing film “I Saw the TV Glow” and that one Reddit story of the weird looking lamp.

This is also me trying more abstract writing.

Work Text:

Before I was 12, I knew something was up, the lamp I grew up with was very dim, but not in a good way, the kind of dim that makes some people wanna throw it away for no reason. It still works no?

I was 12 when the lamp flickered 

Every couple seconds, it flickered 

I noticed the light changed every time

Red, then yellow, then purple

Then suddenly, 

at the brightness of like the sun

It like started changing colors super fast

It basically blinded me

It was like a skittles commercial all up in my face

I panicked and grabbed a lampshade

I slammed it over the lamp,

praying it would stop

I hit it a couple times frantically

finally it went back to flickering just white light

I left the lampshade on it and went to bed

 

The lamp didn’t light up for another 3 years

It tried to shine through the lampshade 

It was kicked relentlessly,

it didn’t shatter

After, it flickered feebly

 

What is a lamp if it can’t give sight

What is a lamp with the lampshade,

is it to subdue the light?

Is it to hide the blinding fight?

Does it impede on eyes?

What light is so bright that it’s not right

Does the color change the perception

Or does a man’s plight create hostility

 

Am I myself if I leave the ingredients on the shelf? 

Are you a person if you eat the same instructions of another person?

Am I myself if I hide a gun in a haven?

Are you a person if you seek the same truth as another?

Am I myself if I abandon a quest from birth?

 

If a light shatters, will it not be replaced?

Do lamps mourn their glass brethren?

Isn’t a lampshade just a veil from reality?

Does it matter if I just hang up my lamp?

It doesn’t shine like it used to

I’ll just throw it away

I’ll have another lamp right next to my head,

while the sudden burst of the orchestra hits the high note

and screeches to halt 

 

3 whole years that lamp has been

With the lampshade hidden within

I’ve tried to shove it in a bin,

but it shone brighter ever since

I dared not remove the lampshade,

in fear it’ll blind again

 

But what if I let it be

To let it shine freely

Not to touch its consistency 

But I’m scared indefinitely 

 

I’ve come to accept the light

But I dare not show others how bright 

Except for a single soul

A single light.

A single promise.

Hoping one day to remove the shade,

‘Till no one can see

But I’m too scared to peek

 

So bear with me. I still have that lamp with the lampshade. I don’t hit it anymore though. I just leave it be, but I sometimes scramble to hide it. It flashes like it used to, though the white light‘s been gone some time ago.

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