Work Text:
The first hangout occurred about two months into his R1 year where, after covering a nightshift, he casually mentioned he’d never tried anything other than just straight black coffee. The look that had struck Dr. Shen’s face was the most expressive thing he’d ever seen from him. He simply couldn’t believe it, a somehow not yet empty Dunkin iced coffee in his grasp, and invited Dennis to the Dunkin’ Donuts that was situated the opposite of the PTMC.
Dennis had tried to decline, mostly because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep his eyes open long enough after the shift. But Shen had been so buzzed about the whole thing, rattling off different variations that he didn’t even know existed that he apparently had to try. Dr. Ellis and Dr. Abbot had both given Shen strange looks, so Dennis knew this behavior was atypical. He must really love anything to do with coffee. Without much fight left in him by the time dayshift came, he allowed himself to be dragged over to the Dunkin', giving Trinity a tired shrug as he passed her.
The main reason he had never touched anything but black coffee was because it was what his father drank. What all his older brothers, and all the men back in Broken Bow drank. It was completely stupid to let something like that influence him, but despite his strained relationship with his family and the town as a whole, he couldn’t help but try to emulate the masculinity he’d grown up around. His mom, the women at church; they all added creamer and spoonfuls of sugar. It was an aspect his mind had so deeply attached to drinking coffee that made him stick so sternly to black coffee.
That and…it happened to be the cheapest option and his not so superb financial history hadn’t exactly promoted such ‘extravagant’ additions.
So in truth, as pathetic as it must have looked to Shen, he had been terrified to take a sip of the iced caramel macchiato the man had placed in front of him.
The hangouts soon became more frequent and more…intimate in a way. Starting out as the two of them sitting outside the Dunkin’ outlet drinking whatever new flavour Shen wanted him to try, to sitting inside across from each other in a booth, to sitting next to each other as Shen explained what types of coffees he felt suited Dennis’ vibe.
When he eventually asked what Shen’s criteria for his assigned vibe was, the answer had left him flustered.
“Well you’re warm and bright, which makes me think of a cappuccino, but at the same time, you’re very sweet, which brings me back to the iced caramel mocha. You see how I’m torn?”
Trinity had referred to them as dates from the very beginning, which Dennis had always denied because he didn’t want to allow himself to think this was anything more than what it was. Just having coffee with his attending. But soon after he exchanged numbers with the man, his hopes kept secretly rising.
Dr. Shen:
You’re off tomorrow
Want to meet after my shift at Dunkin?
Or I could enlighten you with my coffee making skills at my apartment
lmk
sent 8:19pm
Dennis:
Haha you’re too sweet, Dr. Shen :)
I wouldn’t want to delay you from getting rest after your nightshift
sent 8:24pm
Dr. Shen:
Sweet is my middle name, i love sweet things ;)
And you’re never a bother
I look forward to my chances to widen your tastes
Sorry for the delay, trauma cases you know how it is
sent 10:03pm
Dennis:
Well if you insist
I’ll meet you at Dunkin :)
sent 10:05pm
That wasn’t the only time Dr. Shen, who had insisted on calling him John when they weren’t at work, had implied, jokingly or not, that he should come over to his apartment. Every time Dennis convinced himself it wasn’t a genuine offer, mostly because he was terrified of…whatever their relationship could be classified as, reaching the next step. Not because he didn’t like John, certainly not, but he was still hiding his big bad secret, one that no one else at work aside from Trinity knew.
The first kiss had been a brush against the cheek in an unexpected hug goodbye. The way John’s stubble grazed his jaw, even for a second, had left a lasting imprint on him. Dennis had been so startled by it, he just stood there, mouth agape and wide-eyed long after John had bid his tired goodbye. Then, it quickly just became the standard way their Dunkin’ meet ups would end, with John bringing him in for a loose hug and brushing his lips across Dennis’s cheek before pulling away, that chill smile that was ever present on his face. And although he started to look forward to that exchange, and would think about it with rosy cheeks for hours afterwards, he’d still be paranoid that John could feel his chest.
Dennis had never been particularly large-chested, which had always made binding easier. He’d saved up for a good quality binder which gave the appearance of a pretty flat chest. But his recent ventures to the gym with Trinity had certainly ‘beefed him up a little’, which gave his upper chest an almost fuller appearance. Trinity said it just made him look swole in the typical cis guy way, but his dysphoria would insist everybody could tell the truth.
His first ever paycheck went towards getting himself on a regular T-shot plan, after of course Trinity convinced him that he didn’t need to repay her for the last ten months. Since then, it had definitely done wonders for masculinising his appearance, but his chest still remained a huge insecurity. Saving up for top surgery was difficult while simultaneously paying off med school loans, so he already knew it would be a long time before he could have it done.
Over the next few months, their Dunkin’ meetups became more explicitly referred to as dates. Their conversation topics deepened from coffee types to med school experiences and music taste. Their goodbye cheek kisses became pecks on the lips, to full making out in the alleyway behind Dunkin’ Donuts. Their texts became more frequent and flirtier, with the other always making sure there was a plethora of messages to wake up to despite their opposing shifts.
Dennis knew he was deep in feelings, and also knew that John liked him in some capacity, right? But his transness was still an unventured topic, and one he knew he had to be honest about in order for their relationship to develop. He was getting concerned that he was driving John away with all the times he rejected the premise of going to his apartment to continue. But he wasn’t sure if that was just something his mind had constructed or the truth, because John remained to be the same sweet and laid back guy. He never pushed Dennis after his initial refusals, he never tried to slink his hand into Dennis’ pants when they kissed, never pathetically begged for nudes over text. All things guys Dennis had been with in the past had done. He’d come out to guys who were a lot less patient and kind, so he wasn’t sure what was holding him back so hard from telling John.
Maybe it was because this experience of regularly getting Dunkin’ coffee of all things with his workplace superior had done incredible things for becoming more comfortable in his masculinity. Six months ago, he wouldn’t have been caught dead with an iced mocha in his hand, terrified that it somehow gave away that he was trans. Irrational, he knew. But now, it felt like such a normal thing and not something anybody took a second glance at.
The time he spent with John had the ability to just lift all the weight off his shoulders. Being around someone who had so much composure, and the inability to let things affect him, it too made him a less stressed person. He was funny and cracked jokes, but they were never at Dennis’ expense. He was kind and certainly flirtatious, though it was pretty cute how much of his analogies somehow related back to coffee. Dennis was addicted to it in a sense, or maybe John had accidentally conditioned him through the coffee. Unsure. So he feared that telling the other man the truth would bring it all to an end. John was a really nice guy, so he’d probably let Dennis down gently.
But he didn’t want to be let down gently. He didn’t want it to end at all. He wanted to go further with John, he wanted to be seen and loved as himself. So he knew he couldn’t hide it any longer.
Dennis:
Heyyyy….would you be down to meet at Dunkin’ after your shift?
Totally fine if not
I’d completely understand if you don’t want to
sent 6:09am
John called him the second his shift was over, from the bathroom he knew because he could hear the ruffling of clothes as the older man spoke.
“You know I’m down every time, Den.” There was a slight pause, and the sound of fabric being pulled over skin followed. “I was feeling pretty dull this shift actually, but seeing your messages brightened me up real quick.”
Dennis shoved his fist into his mouth as his legs excitedly swung against the edge of the park bench, holding back the sudden scream that tempted his lips. After he was sure he’d be able to give a normal response, he pulled his hand back.
“You really know how to make a guy flustered, you know?”
“What a shame I’m not there to see it,” John chuckled. “Sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner. Are you still at your apartment?”
Dennis’ eyes flicked from the pavement to across the street where the entrance to the PTMC stood. Trinity, unlike him, had work today. So he tailed along with her for the drive, but decided to wait it out in the nearby park until, or if, John agreed. But it sounded creepy to say that.
“Ah no, I went for a run this morning and was in the area. I’m almost at Dunkin’ now,” he cringed at his lame excuse, remembering his jeans and sweater attire didn’t exactly scream active wear.
“Sweet, well I’ll meet you there.”
“Sounds great!” Dennis swallowed back the tight ball of nerves in his throat and hopped off the bench
Somehow, John was already in their usual booth before him, which Dennis wasn’t entirely sure how was possible. The door dinged as he walked through, which prompted John to lift his head up from his phone, a bright smile spreading across his face at the sight of him. Dennis was sure the smile on his own face was a lot less confident as he slowly approached the booth. He dropped his eyes as he sat in the seat opposite John, so he wouldn’t have to see the disappointment when he didn’t sit directly next to him.
“Is everything okay?” John immediately asked, his hand reaching over to Dennis’ side of the table.
“U-Um,” he gulped, his eyes slowly lifting upwards. “Everything’s fine, uh what did you want to get? I’ll shout us this time.”
John’s thick eyebrows furrowed, clearly not believing the answer. Dennis knew he couldn’t waste anymore time, because if he did, he just wouldn’t say it and then he would have disturbed John for nothing. His hands interlaced tightly, trying to will himself to just say it. Part of the reason he wanted to tell John at the Dunkin’ was because one, it had become their spot, and two, because it was a public space so hopefully if John turned out to be a huge transphobe, it would prevent him from having a big reaction.
“Den-"
“I’m trans!”
The confession seemed to bounce off every surface in Dennis’ skull and for a split second he was convinced the entire Dunkin’ Donuts had gone silent just to witness the moment he detonated whatever he had with John. His hands stayed clamped over his face to shield him from whatever expression the other man might have been making across the table. His heart hammered violently at the silence.
And then, John laughed. It didn’t seem mocking or shocked, but filled with the same warmth and genuineness it usually carried, prompting his fingers to loosen just enough for him to peek through.
“Den,” John began, a soft smile on his lips. “Hey. It’s okay, seriously.”
Okay. Dennis’ brain rejected the word immediately, because okay had never been the outcome before. Not with someone he was romantically interested in. The response had always been one of two ways; utter disgust, or utter fetishization, and nothing else. But as John’s hand settled over his own, thumb rubbing gently against his wrist, maybe there could be an ‘else’.
“I…” he swallowed, his voice shaky. “I didn’t want to hide it from you, and I know I’ve been like…weird about coming over and stuff, and I just--yeah. I completely understand if you don’t want to see me any-” he cut himself off as the panic rose once again within his chest.
“Dennis,” something in John’s tone made him snap out of it.
Then, John’s hand retracted from his, and joined his other at the hem of his shirt, suddenly lifting it up. At first, it didn’t register what the hell, or why the hell he decided to do that. After a few dramatic blinks, Dennis’ brain caught up. John’s skin was smooth, adorned with the occasional dark freckle, but faint yet unmistakable scars stretched horizontally across his chest. A smaller vertical scar connected them to each nipple, which were also a light brown. Dennis’ jaw dropped as he continued to stare at John’s bare chest.
“I honestly kept planning to tell you myself but I’d keep forgetting,” he said casually, letting his shirt fall back into place, as if he just told Dennis the most mundane thing. John leaned back into the booth, his expression perfectly relaxed. “It’s just a part of myself I don’t really think about that often.”
Still, Dennis stared, completely and utterly gobsmacked. “You…” he finally managed. “You’re…?”
“A trans guy, yeah,” he shrugged slightly. “I was pretty lucky that my parents were cool with it, they always wanted a son anyway. Managed to get top surgery before I even went to college.” His hands reached over and found Dennis’ once more, giving them a comforting squeeze.
Dennis let out a breath, his shoulders untensing. “I really didn’t expect that. My God, I’ve been stressing out for months about telling you because I thought you might react badly,” he admitted dazedly.
John’s eyes softened. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Damn, I really should have mentioned it sooner so you didn’t have to overthink.”
Dennis nodded, huffing a weak laugh and ran a hang through his hair as his thoughts slowly started to reorgisanise themselves again. “I’m uh…I’m on T, have been for about six months now. Just still saving up for top surgery.” He grimaced slightly. “My R1 salary isn’t exactly generous.”
Shen’s expression filled with understanding. “Yeah that tracks, but you’ll get there. And if it’s any comfort, it’s not at all an issue for me. None of this is.”
Dennis’ chest tightened once again, but for a completely different reason this time. Mostly from disbelief that he was hearing so many positives one after another. Tears burned at the corner of his eyes as he whispered. “I’ve just…had bad reactions before from boyfriends, so I’m really just not used to this.”
John leaned even closer, a hint of something playful tugging at the corner of his lips. “So we’re boyfriends?”
Dennis’ eyes widened, heat instantly rushing to his face. “I--no--I mean--” he stumbled uselessly. “That’s not…I didn’t mean it like that--”
The older man’s smirk widened. “Shame, because I do.”
He blinked, dumbfounded. “You…what?”
“I do mean it like that,” John clarified, his tone softening enough to make the sincerity more obvious. “Actually, I was planning to officially ask you this weekend. Figured six months of coffee dates was probably enough buildup and I was going to ask you out on a date, to one that wasn’t Dunkin’ and yeah…ask if I could be your boyfriend.”
Dennis stared at him and finally the last few pieces of worry melted away, the last half year of being terrified over nothing. His lips spread into a shy smile of his own. “And here I thought I completely ruined everything five minutes ago.”
John snorted softly. “Den, you could show up and tell me you hate coffee and I’d still be sitting here.”
“Okay, let’s not get unrealistic.”
That earned a quiet laugh and the warmth between them spread quickly, flushing both of their cheeks.
John tilted his head slightly, eyes steady on Dennis’. “So, what do you say? Want to make it official?”
Dennis’ heart flipped, and he squeezed John’s hand back. “Yeah,” he said, a little breathless but entirely certain. “Yeah, I do.”