Work Text:
From across the room,
suddenly it all made sense:
We were meant for this
"Chas,” Liv begins, dragging the word out and sliding towards the table. As she edges closer, she puts on her best smile – the one that always wins Aaron over – and crosses her fingers, “can you do me a favour?”
Placing the cap back on her lipstick and dropping it into her make-up bag, Chas glances up warily, “that depends on what the favour is...”
Liv bites her lip, “can I borrow your debit card?”
“Why?” Chas frowns, tone dropping lower as she continues, “what’ve you done?”
“Nothing! Yet... I just need to sort something out.”
One week earlier
They all have their positions in the backroom – their favourite seats. Robert’s is the sofa. He loves nothing more than returning from a day of meetings, or helping out at the scrapyard, and melting into the lovingly worn fabric. Aaron’s usually beside him too, all soft warmth and gentle timbre, tucking himself into Robert’s side as they wind down for the evening. The sofa is the only place, outside the bedroom, where Aaron feels comfortable enough to let them curl around each other. Robert revels in it.
Liv’s favourite is any of the chairs at the table. She’ll slump into one while hooking her ankle around another to drag it closer. Then, she spreads herself out, with her legs propped on an adjacent seat and her homework haphazardly scattered and forgotten across the table. Over the months, though, Robert’s learnt to not squabble with her about the mess – her stubbornness has incredible stamina.
This is how they’re assembled when Robert asks, “what do you fancy doing for your birthday?”
Liv’s eyes remain firmly on her phone, fingers flying across the screen as she makes a non-committal noise – the same kind Aaron so often makes. It’s one of Robert’s biggest pet-peeves, and when he rolls his head towards his boyfriend, he’s met by a knowing smirk. Robert can’t help but smirk back, and he sees something all too familiar flicker in Aaron’s eyes.
Heat.
Want.
Promises of later.
Later, when they aren’t in the same room as the 14-year-old they’re practically co-parenting. Catching himself, Robert forces any thoughts from his mind and they both return their attention to Liv, but he notices the way Aaron shifts closer. Instinctively, Robert allows his arm to drop from its resting place along the back of the sofa and mould around the span of his boyfriend as Aaron tries to capture his younger sister’s attention.
At the third call of her name, Liv looks over with a heavy sigh and forceful, “what?”
Deciding not to fight her attitude, Aaron tries again, “we were askin’ what you wanna do for your birthday. Thought we could have a do in the pub? Or we could go out, just the three of us. Make a day of it. Whatever you want.”
“Dunno...” Liv frowns, “what do you do for birthdays round ‘ere?”
“It doesn’t have to be round here, but we usually just have a family do for birthdays,” Aaron shrugs, “then maybe a night out which – no, you’re not doin’.”
Robert has to bite the inside of his cheek when Liv tuts and rolls her eyes. On occasion, heated spats have stemmed from Robert’s belief that Aaron sometimes encourages Liv’s misdemeanours, and the last thing Robert wants is to give Aaron any ammunition for the next time. Because there will be a next time. There always is. But if he can prevent it from escalating into a full-scale fallout that leaves him sleeping on the sofa or back at Vic’s he’ll be happy.
“What’d you do for yours? I know you were married or whatever when you two started, but I can imagine you buying dead soppy cards and daft prezzies for each other.”
“I mean technically when it started she was just my fian—” Robert halts as he catches Aaron’s expression, and winces, “but that’s irrelevant... I think we’ve only been together for one. Never done anything to celebrate, though.”
“Eh?” Liv asks. She screws her nose up and frowns, gaze flittering between both Robert and Aaron, “but you were joking the other week about your anniversary being in December or summat. You telling me you’ve not done anything for the, what, four birthdays since?”
Aaron scoffs but smiles at her, eyes shining with fondness. It’s the same soft warmth that most likely fills Robert’s own face when he’s interacting with Victoria, “can’t have a conversation in this house anymore without you earwiggin’, can we?”
“Nope, so c’mon, spill.” It’s evident that she’s anticipating gossip, as she places her phone face-down on the table and leans back with a grin. When she’s in a mood like this, determined and head-strong, there’s no edging around the subject.
Despite this, Aaron likes to try and appease her with a weak response that all three of them know won’t be enough, “there’s nothing to spill. Whenever it came round to our birthdays there were always just... something in the way.”
“Didn’t help that Aaron never actually told me when his birthday was,” Robert adds, “I only found out when I went to the pub that night.”
--
Aaron was the first person he saw as he entered the pub. He always was, much as Robert hated to admit it. Beer to hand, Aaron sat perched at the bar with Adam’s arm thrown around his shoulders. Only a matter of hours ago, he had been kissing at those shoulders as he navigated his way down the course of Aaron’s spine. It was then, as he mapped Aaron’s back with his mouth, that he’d discovered Aaron wasn’t entirely opposed to being bitten. He’d responded particularly well to Robert’s teeth against his inner thigh.
When he’d sent Aaron the text earlier in the day, asking if they could ‘kiss and make up’, he’d sat staring at the phone until Aaron’s name flashed up. Later on, Robert stepped back and considered how desperate he must have seemed, waiting by the phone for a reply – but as Aaron organised for them to meet in the barn, all Robert could think about was how he’d go about earning his forgiveness. Sure, he’d hoped they’d end up on the hay bale, with their clothes strewn across the barn floor, but hadn’t expected it. Over the weeks, he’d learnt not to expect anything. Not where Aaron was concerned.
From the very moment they’d met, Robert had found himself constantly surprised by the younger man. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, though. He knew that he could spend a lifetime trying to solve Aaron and still be missing half the answers.
That thought excited him – and that excitement terrified him.
But, despite his fears, he didn’t want to think of anyone touching Aaron, let alone the bloke who Aaron seemed incredibly close to. ‘The love of his life’, Vic had called him a while back. It was most likely a joke, he knew that, but even still, he couldn’t shake the words and the sight of Adam’s arm around Aaron made his hands itch.
Whilst lost in his thoughts, he’d not noticed Adam’s glance over before the call of, “ay, Robert!” He looked over, offering a smile as he moved to lean against the bar. Certain there were no analytic eyes watching on, Robert allowed gaze to drift to Aaron for a moment, where their eyes connected for a brief moment, before he glanced back at a grinning Adam, “wanna join us, mate?”
Robert hesitated but caught glimpse of the hopeful glint in Aaron’s eye. A drink. He could do that, couldn’t he? Just a drink with his future business partners. Nothing suspicious about that, is there?
But then, what if his eyes lingered on Aaron for too long and someone noticed? What if Chrissie walked in and Robert slipped up, let himself smile a little too softly and a little too brightly for a strictly platonic partnership? What if Katie walked in and noticed the way Aaron looked back at him, what if she saw something familiar in his longing glances that reminded her of a time when it was her hiding a relationship with Robert?
“Thanks, but I think I’ll leave you lads to it. I’m meeting Chrissie anyway...” Robert allowed the sentence to drift off as Aaron’s face contort. Not that Adam noticed. Dopey idiot. Robert nodded towards the collection of glasses in front of the younger men and whistled lowly, “you celebrating something?”
“Aaron’s birthday, innit? 23 today, this lad.” Aaron, the apparent birthday boy, slouched further over the bar as Adam spoke and twisted his face away from Robert. Aaron was embarrassed, a bashful blush blooming across his cheeks. Robert tried to ignore the way the sight made his heart swell, and instead, thought back to Aaron’s words earlier that morning when he’d first tried to get them back on track: ‘All you ever do is think about yourself and I’m sick of it.’ Robert knew he was selfish, he knew he was a lot of things on top, but for some reason, Aaron’s words always resonated with him in ways nobody else’s did.
“You never mentioned it was your birthday,” Robert said after a moment, eyes dancing on the bar top before he finally gathered the courage to meet Aaron’s eyes.
Aaron merely shrugged, “never asked.”
It was true. He’d never asked when Aaron’s birthday was – come to think of it, he hadn’t gotten to know Aaron all that much at all. Really, he knew it was for the best. ‘No strings, no risks,’ he’d once said, and strings included doing stupid things such as growing attached.
But at the same time, friends were a foreign concept to Robert. Actual friends, not those within the various networking circles that he frequents. Friends that he could talk to, hang out with, have a laugh with... all the things he could do with Aaron if he just let himself shift that little bit closer. Let himself live a riskier, but less lonely life...
So, maybe just one drink... he could have one drink, right? He could stand next to Aaron, perhaps risk placing a hand on his back and marvel once more at the smile Robert always somehow manages to draw out.
Inevitably, the decision was snatched away from his hands. Before he could respond to Adam’s offer, he heard the door open. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. The fall and twist of Aaron’s face was answer enough. Lo and behold, seconds later there was a perfectly manicured hand on his forearm, soft lips against his cheek, and a feminine lilt in his ear.
He turned to follow Chrissie, but paused and turned back to offer all that he could – a gentle “happy birthday”. In return, he received a mumbled “thanks” and Robert finally followed Chrissie to the table in the corner. With a forced smile, he tried to swallow the regret that had started crawling up his throat and listened to Chrissie’s tales of the day.
--
“Bit of a shit thing to do on his birthday, innit?” Aaron tuts but makes no attempt to scold her for cursing. It’s not like she’s wrong, and they both know they curse far too often in front of her, “makin’ him watch you hang all over your wife.”
“It was, yeah.” Just one of many ‘shit things’ he’d done to Aaron during the affair. At the time, he’d been regretful, sometimes incredibly so, but as he reflects back on his actions now, he’s almost sick with guilt.
“Must’a made it up to him, though. If he didn’t drop ya after that.”
There’s a coy smile spreading across Aaron’s face, a memory clearly replaying in his mind. Robert hazards a guess as to what it is. It was certainly memorable, “yeah, he made it up to me.”
“Wish I never asked,” Liv groans. It, again, snaps them away from the brewing anticipation, but the moment is stored in the back of their minds, ready to be revisited whenever they’re next alone. If Robert has his own way, it’ll be only a matter of hours from now. Liv turns back to Robert with an inquisitive expression, “what about yours then?”
Robert leans back, mulling over the words in his mind. Aaron’s shoulders are still tense, and while Robert knows that the conversation is edging closer riskier territory, he also knows Liv isn’t going to back down from this conversation without being appeased slightly. Like removing a plaster – sometimes it’s less painful to just get it over and done with, and rip the whole thing off.
“We weren’t together... think we’d, well, Aaron called it off a week or two before.”
“More rubbing my brother’s nose in it while you’re off having fun with your wife, then?” Liv comments while glaring across at Robert.
He tries to force a smile, but doesn’t have the strength to hold it, “wasn’t much fun, really.”
--
Robert drained the flute of its final few drops and stretched out his arm to grab the bottle still sat in the ice bucket. Momentarily, he was distracted by a flash in the corner of his eye – by the watch that was proudly wrapped around his wrist – the extravagant gift that undoubtedly cost more money than was reasonable, but it made him grin and puff out his chest again each time he caught sight of it.
He cast his mind back to the last time he’d celebrated a birthday in Emmerdale. It was much the same, really – just a few drinks in the Woolpack. The only difference was that back then he hadn’t been drinking the Woolpack’s most expensive bottle of champagne, or admiring a five-figure present. Robert sat back in pride as he reflected on the differences. In his time away from the village, he’d reinvented himself. He’d accumulated more status and wealth than he could have dreamed of when he was just the son of a farmer. Hell, he’d had more success than his dad probably ever felt he was capable of when he’d driven away.
Something that remained the same, though, was the lack of family surrounding him.
Diane was behind the bar, serving smiles and pints to those gathered around the edge. She was the closest thing Robert had known to some kind of parental-figure since his mum, and was always so incredibly patient with him, offering him more care and affection than he really deserved.
Victoria was also working, always dashing to and from the kitchen. Despite being rushed off her feet, each time she passed his table she offered Robert a smile. She was the constant source of happiness in his life, the warmth that never cooled.
Andy, at least, had stopped by the table for a moment or two. Long enough to wish Robert happy birthday and admire his lavish gift. There was a joke and a shared smile. A gift all in itself, truth be told. Sibling relationships don’t come much more complicated than theirs, but Robert always yearned for the brotherly bond they once shared.
Truth be told, the lack of plans made with his family didn’t even occur to him. Not until he was sat in the pub. Not until it dawned on him that his sister was serving him the champagne instead of drinking it with him. Not until the family he had so desperately tried to become a part of had left him – Lawrence on a business call and Lachlan with Donny. Chrissie was still sat beside him, but distant and distracted by the prospect of losing her son to a man who blatantly didn’t give a damn.
With Chrissie’s mind elsewhere, Robert allowed his own to wander. Immediately, and unsurprisingly, his thoughts shot straight to Aaron. Aaron, who was nowhere to be seen. Aaron, who was like an itch Robert couldn’t scratch. Aaron, who was hovering in his mind every hour of every day.
Robert knew Aaron couldn’t shower him with the same gifts that Chrissie did (and also knew that even if he could, Aaron still wouldn’t), but he still ached for the younger man. Wanted to feel those calloused hands combing through his hair as they came back down from a passionate high, wanted to kiss him and hold him. But through no fault but his own, Aaron wasn’t even responding to his texts, and he knew he’d just have to settle for what attention he could gather from Chrissie.
His wrist was heavy, but he felt empty.
--
“So you both spent your birthdays sulkin’ in the pub.”
Robert glances at Aaron and finds the younger man already looking at him. There’ a flash of regret in his eyes, and ghosts of the hurt they both felt, but there’s also some amusement lurking, and Robert allows himself to smile, “hadn’t thought of it that way, but I guess we were.”
“Least I knew it was your birthday,” Aaron responds. There’s no malice in his voice, but his smile is wavering slightly, now, “heard your voice in the pub, almost came out to try ‘n wind you up... couldn’t do it in the end, though. Just ended up goin’ into Hotten.”
“Someone should’a bashed your heads together.”
“Wish it was that simple... there was so much- well, it just took a lot to get through to me.”
“Like being shot?”
“Like being shot.” Robert concedes. He lets his hand drift up Aaron’s back and thumb through the hair at the nape of his neck as ‘and threatening to shoot you’ is left unspoken, amongst every other mistake Robert made as he spiralled out of control. He feels Aaron’s thigh press closer and firmer against his in acknowledgement and assurance.
Slowly, they’ve attempted to start untangling the mess that they made of each other last year, talking through everything and trying to understand the why’s and how’s. It was only last week that they’d dared to begin broaching the events at the lodge. It was kind of like picking at a scab, painful in places and probably ill-advised, but they hadn’t bled. It’ll leave a permanent scar, a constant reminder, but Robert believes they’re healing.
“So what about this year, then? Knew there were summat going on with you in the park,” she nods in Robert’s direction, “and Chas said you were tryin’ to buy the pub at Christmas.”
The muscles under Robert’s palm tense as Aaron’s shoulders go rigid. Liv also notes the change and with a frown, she looks towards Robert for answers. He sighs, “no. We, uh, weren’t really talking till, uh, mid-January, probably. That night in the park was when we agreed to give things another go, at some point.”
“Oh, right. So what’d you do then?”
“We just had a family ‘do.” Aaron shrugs.
“More welly drinking?”
At that, Aaron lifts his head slightly, to look at his sister and smile as a slight laugh escapes. His smile isn’t as comfortable and bright as it has gradually become over the past few months, nor is his laugh as carefree and light – but he’s at least partially distracted from reminiscing about this year’s birthday, and all the events surrounding it.
“No, no welly drinking. Just regular drinking, lots of it… and lots of trying to ignore this one.” Aaron quips, knocking his shoulder against Robert’s. Robert laughs, but is, admittedly, slightly startled by the revelation that he hadn’t been as inconspicuous as he had hoped.
--
He could almost hear Vic’s voice as he lifted the glass to his lips.
‘Either go over there and talk to him or put that bottom lip away. I doubt Aaron finds the whole ‘hankering over your ex’ thing attractive.’
Robert inwardly scoffed at the thought but forced himself to drag his eyes away from the figure in the corner. Instead, he focused his attention on the phone in front of him and let his eyes scan the notification that had just appeared on the screen. Nothing exciting, just a job rejection. Another one. He’d almost become accustomed to the niceties that came with them. The ‘we-appreciate-your-interest’s and ‘unfortunately-we-feel’s. The apologies and the wishes of luck for the future.
In reality, he knew had enough shares and investments with good returns to live a relatively stable life until he finally landed that ‘dream job’, but stupidly, a part of him had hoped getting a job as quickly as possible would help change people’s perception of him–
(‘You’d hoped it’d change one particular person’s perception of you, you mean,’ Vic’s voice helpfully added.)
–but if he couldn’t even convince a panel of strangers that he was worth their time, how the hell would he ever convince anyone that already knew him?
Loud, cackling laughter from the other side of the pub recaptured his attention. Robert squinted in the sound’s direction and noted the broad smiles that split their flushed cheeks. Eventually, he allowed his eyes to settle on Aaron again and felt his face crease with a frown as he noted Aaron’s agitated posture. Of course, everybody else was too merry to note the way his smile was slightly forced, the edge of his mouth barely curled; or the way the hand under the table, resting on his thigh, was coiled into a tight fist.
For a moment or two, he considered making an attempt to capture Aaron’s attention. He figured that maybe he could soothe whatever troubled waters were raging inside his mind, be it with steadying words or (most likely) becoming an outlet for frustration and allowing fists to fly. But before Robert was able to settle on his plan of action, Chas’ gaze latched onto his and her eyes narrowed into a piercing glare.
He remained seated, eyes trained on the near-empty glass in front of him.
--
“Wish you had come over. Mum was proper pecking my head all day. As if my head weren’t bad enough.”
Robert releases a haggard breath, stuttering out in sudden understanding. In the grand scheme of things, that night was irrelevant. Especially when Aaron collapsed into his arms, and then, later entrusted Robert with his darkest secret. Sure, when he thought back to it his general mood made more sense, but he didn’t take the time to attribute it to any specific instances where Robert’s instincts were to ask him what was wrong. On Aaron’s birthday, Robert had assumed it was merely the attention. Now, now he realises that perhaps giving Aaron an outlet for his frustration might have been the best present he could give him.
He doesn’t voice these thoughts, nor give Aaron any inclination that they’re coursing through his mind. They’ve promised to stop reflecting on the past, start focusing on the future, and that includes Robert.
Liv, however, has other plans, “what d’ya mean ‘as if my head weren’t bad enough’? Would’a thought you’d enjoy all that, hanging out with your family. You always love those family do's.”
“There was... other stuff going on. Y’know.” Robert jumps in, with wide eyes and nodding encouragingly at Liv, praying she’s as good at picking up unspoken conversations as her brother is. She hesitates, a frown forming on her face before her eyes widen to an almost comedic size and flick towards Aaron.
“Oh, shit, yeah,” Liv winces, “soz.”
Robert snorts. He isn't sure why, perhaps it's something in Liv's tone. Regardless, what he does know is that it’s possibly one of the most undignified noises he’s ever made, bursting out from somewhere within him. He isn’t the only one who is taken aback by it. Liv’s eyes widen even more, mouth slightly agape but twitching at the edges, “did you just snort?”
Denial sits on his tongue but he swallows it down as he catches the smile blossoming on Aaron’s face. A warm fondness bursts within him, as it always does. He’s come to realise that this, this is what love is. A lingering fire that never seems to fizzle out or fade. If anything, it only gets warmer with each passing day.
“Yeah, he does that sometimes,” Aaron teases. He drags his eyes back over to Liv, “don’t tell anyone, though. He’s got a reputation to maintain, obviously.”
“Obviously.” Liv mimics. Robert tuts, but finds himself unable to wipe the smile from his face, and when Liv glances at him, she’s smiling just as brightly, “lucky I don’t hate ya as much as I did when I first got here. Would’a spread it like wildfire.”
Robert hums, thinking back to when Liv first entered their lives, “I wasn’t your biggest fan either.”
“Jealous cos ya couldn’t keep Aaron all to yourself?”
“Something like that.”
“Were I here for your birthday? Don’t remember seeing you do ‘owt. And I know you were together then.”
“Yeah, you got here just a few days before. I’d planned something, but,” Robert shrugs, “didn’t work out. Wasn’t a big deal, though.”
“Wasn’t a big deal?” Aaron shoots back, bringing his leg up underneath him on the sofa so he can face Robert head on, “Rob, it was your 30th!”
He sighs. It’s an issue they’ve bickered about several times since, and each time it plays out the same way, “just another year, isn’t it? I’ve already told you, I was just glad I had you back, so you don’t have to feel bad about it.”
Liv chuckles, “did you forget his birthday or summat? The big 3-0 n’all!”
“I were dealing with you, weren’t I?” The moment the words fall from his mouth, Aaron’s face drops. Liv blinks back at him, expression impossible to read, and Robert mentally prepares for the fallout. Prepares for Liv throwing back equally biting words, telling Aaron that she didn’t make him stay or if he wants her gone she’ll go, and leaving Robert to pick up the pieces.
Instead, Liv looks at Robert, with what looks like realisation dawning on her face, “that day... when you came in with those tickets. You were goin’ away, weren’t ya? Barcelona or summat? But you were goin’ for your birthday.”
“Well,” Robert hesitates, mulling over his response. Liv is a minefield he still sometimes struggles to navigate, and sometimes he has to remind himself to tread carefully with his words, “it was just a city break that happened to fall on my birthday. It was mainly just, a random holiday. And Aaron didn’t forget, he just- didn’t remember till later on.”
“How much later on?”
--
Victoria was working again. She’d apologised for not getting the day off, but Robert came to his own surprising realisation that he didn’t mind. Sure, the extravagant presents and 5-star meals were enjoyable while they lasted, and he wouldn’t ever turn down the odd opportunity to soak up the finer things in life every now and again, but he found himself just as content propping up the bar with Diane and allowing Victoria to steal his chips whenever she had a spare moment. He had his family – he didn’t want anything else.
Correction: he didn’t want anything else apart from Aaron.
But Aaron was otherwise occupied with Liv, who had gotten herself into a bit of bother around the village. It was an issue that Aaron quickly resolved, and Robert had hoped he’d come back, but then he’d gotten a text from Aaron telling him he’d taken Liv into Hotton for dinner. Robert accepted the fact he wouldn’t be celebrating with his boyfriend.
It was okay, though. In light of the past few week’s events, Robert was just thankful for anything that made Aaron happy. And if chasing after his little sister for the day made him happy, then Robert was more than happy to let him do so. He forced himself to quash any feelings of bitterness or frustration and smiled once more at Victoria.
He could understand Aaron’s desire to make up for last time with his little sister. Robert was still trying to do the same with his.
-
As he descended the stairs, Robert pulled out his phone to check for any new messages. It was nearing 8pm, and Robert calculated that he’d seen Aaron for a total of half an hour. 15 minutes that morning, as Aaron was getting ready for another day at the scrapyard, kissing Robert gently and ignoring Robert’s efforts to convince him to stay as he grumbled them into the pillow. The other 15 minutes had come when Aaron dropped Liv back at the pub before racing back up to the scrapyard to finish up on some paperwork.
As he entered the back room, he found Chas sat at the table with waiting eyes.
“Little birdie tells me it’s your birthday. The big 3-0. You never mentioned.”
Robert rolled his eyes and sighed. There were no prizes for guessing who the ‘little birdie’ in the scenario was, “it’s not a big deal.”
She raised her eyebrows at him, “not a big deal? Not like you to turn down the chance to be centre of attention. That’s more Aaron’s style,” it was then that her face changed, her mouth fell slack and eyes turned questioning, “Aaron does know, right?”
“Think he forgot, with Liv and that. He seemed happy, though, so I didn’t want to spoil it by making him feel guilty.”
“Robert, you’re his boyfriend, now. Do you think it’ll make him feel any less guilty when he does eventually remember? You’re just as important to him as anyone else. Making you happy makes him happy as well.”
“He’s just trying to make it up to her, make her happy whatever it takes, and I’m doing the same. I don’t deserve another chance with him, not after everything I’ve done, but he’s given me one and that’s... that’s the best present he could give me,” he winced and pointed at her, “don’t tell anyone I said that, though. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”
At that, Chas chuckled and shook her head. Robert allowed himself to smile too. He knew that Chas still wasn’t overly fond of him, that relationship would take a while to build considering there’d been nothing but disdain and hatred for so long, but it made him feel hopeful for the future. Chas was so important to Aaron and, just like with Liv, it was so important that Robert continued to forge healthy relationships with them.
As her laughter died down, her eyes settled on him again, “there’s nothing wrong with going a bit soft for your boyfriend. It’s nice to see, actually. And I guess you’re a half-decent bloke... when you want to be. Makes it easier to understand why he kept going back to you despite everything. He saw something we didn’t.”
It’s not often that Robert is lost for words, but as Chas sat back and smiled at him, he struggled to find any kind of response. The longer his tongue remained tied, the wider Chas smiled, evidently amused. It was then that the phone, still sat in his hand, buzzed. 1 new message from Aaron, read the notification on the screen. He felt his lips quirk as he unlocked it and tapped the notification, revealing his conversation thread with Aaron in all its glory.
Sorry about today. You staying over again tonight?
If you want. Missing me? ;) x
You wish.
You only want me for my body x
It’s the only thing you’ve got going really, was Aaron’s response. He’d half-anticipated it and already had a quick response brewing. While he enjoys the new softer side to their relationship, he’s glad they haven’t lost the snark and banter that he’d grown to love so much. Before his fingers could even begin to type out a response, though, another bubble appeared. Really am sorry though. Promise I’ll be better x
No need for that. Always next year x
Next year? “Oh shit.” What do you mean next year? Robert pinched the bridge of his nose, unable to believe his lack of thought before sending the text, and tried to ignore the stream of messages that followed.
???????????
Robert what do you mean
Rob seriously
For fuck sake Rob don’t ignore me
His fingers work quickly to type a reply, repeatedly deleting and replacing words until he settled on a weak: It’s nothing, just ignore me. Don’t worry, and promptly set the device to ‘silent’. It was a pathetic response. Robert knew that. But he couldn’t have that conversation via text – especially not when Aaron was so far away from him, meaning Robert couldn’t listen out for tell-tale inflections in his voice, or get to him before thoughts began circling.
“Aaron’s asked me to stay over again,” Robert said as he finally shifted his attention back to Chas, who was had a knowing expression on her face, as if she could sense he’d put his foot in it, “but I think I’m gonna head up now. I’ll tell him when he gets back, okay?”
-
Robert was sat on the bed, propped against the headboard, when he heard the front door close and Aaron’s voice call out. With furrowed eyebrows, he placed his book on the bed and reached for his phone to check the time. Had he fallen asleep? It wouldn’t be the first time. That, or he’d really submerged himself in the book. Also a possibility.
20:36 , his screen read.
It also read: 6 missed calls, 12 new messages.
Immediately, he knew Aaron had figured it out, or he’d at least found out via more gossiping little birdies, and began planning his plan of attack for the conversation ahead. They’ve had enough miscommunication to last a lifetime, so Robert tries to avoid any potential fallout where he can.
He could hear the footsteps on the stairs, heavy-footed but softer than they were when donned with boots during the day. Robert’s lips quirked. It didn’t help that the stairs had a tendency to amplify even the smallest of sounds, especially at night. He remembered the days when he had to sneak out of the pub and race back to Home Farm. It’d be a choice between waking everyone up with the noise, or risk getting caught slowly edging down the steps.
It wasn’t just the steps the posed an issue, though. One the way to Aaron’s room is a groaning floorboard. Loud and impossible to avoid. It was a tell-tale sound that alerted everyone that someone was exiting or entering. There was a time when the sound would have him leaping to his feet and ordering Aaron to get rid of the visitor. This year, though, it was the signal that Aaron was home, and relaxed Robert further.
As the door finally dragged open against the carpet, Robert smiled hesitantly, “hey. You alright?”
“No, not really. What about you? You’re the one with a useless boyfriend.”
“You’re not useless, Aaron, c’mere,” he stretched out his arm and nodded at the space beside him, hoping the invitation was clear. Aaron just stared back at him for a moment, as if unsure whether to accept it, but eventually shrugged off his hoodie and moved to sit beside Robert on the bed. Robert said nothing, but smiled and wrapped his arm around Aaron’s shoulders. The way Aaron automatically moulded into his side caused his heart to balloon, “you’re not useless, okay? Don’t ever think that.”
“I forgot your birthday, Rob. Not just that, your 30th!” Robert felt the head tucked under his chin shake as a hand moved to grip his thigh, “I should’ve– I should’ve bought you something, cooked something, anything. But what’ve I done instead? Barely seen you and not even bought you a bloody card.”
“You’ve had so much on; I didn’t expect you to remember. But it’s fine because I get to fall asleep and wake up next to you, I get to hear you call me your boyfriend. I got so much stuff last year, but none of it made me as happy as I am now, and it’s because of you. So don’t you ever call yourself useless, alright? You’re so far from that.”
Aaron scoffed, but burrowed his face into Robert’s neck and muttered a fond “soft lad” against his skin. They remained like that for a while, content with being wrapped around each other and only the sound of their breathing for company, before Aaron spoke up again, “won’t always be like this. I know that we’ve only just, y’know, got back on track, and Liv’s kind of like a bull in a China shop at the moment, but it’s only for 2 weeks. When she goes back, we can go to Barca and celebrate your birthday, properly celebrate us without any distractions.”
“Sounds good.”
Aaron lifted his head and threw Robert a smile he couldn’t help but reciprocate, “today’s not over yet, though. You wanna grab a pint?”
“So long as you’re buying. Call it a birthday treat.”
“I can do one better and not pay at all.”
“Perks of having a boyfriend whose mum owns a pub, ay?”
“You only want me for the free booze.” Aaron sighed. Robert paused before the reference to their earlier conversation dawned on him and triggered a grin to burst across his face.
Robert dipped his head to briefly capture Aaron’s lips between his own before he edged back again to murmur, “guess we’re even then.”
Aaron, still with a grin on his face, threw out his arm and hooked it around Robert’s neck to pull him down on top. It wasn’t nearly as romantic as Aaron probably intended. Aaron leant back with his neck at an awkward angle, and the hand that Robert pushed out to halt his fall skidded off the duvet and off the bed, causing a painful crack of foreheads. But none of it mattered as their laughter was muffled against each other’s lips. It had been a long time since he’d smiled so much on his birthday.
--
Robert and Aaron had assured her, after the conversation, that she needn’t feel guilty about Robert’s birthday. While the subject was raised, Robert took also made sure to remind Aaron that there was no need for guilt on his behalf either. With both siblings settled, the topic returned to Liv’s upcoming birthday.
A week has passed since the conversation about both his and Aaron’s birthdays, and for the most part, it’s simply been locked away again in the back of their minds. They have, though, talked about future events, and promised each other that they’ll make the most of them all – beginning with Liv’s.
That’s why it’s a surprise when he returns from his overnight stay in Manchester to find Liv standing at the front door, with a happy, albeit confused, Aaron beside her.
“What’s this, a welcome home party? What’s going on?” Robert asks, grinning has he approaches and eventually comes to stand in front of Aaron. His hands twitch, begging to reach out and reacquaint themselves with Aaron’s body, but his head reminds him that there’s plenty of time for that later. Instead, he eyes the siblings standing before him.
Aaron shrugs, “beats me, she dragged me out the back door about ten minutes ago.”
They both turn to Liv, who greets their questioning gazes with an innocent smile and eyes squinting into the morning sun as she looks up at them, “you’ll see in a minute won’t you? Don’t look so worried, it’s nice. Promise.”
“Not sure I trust your definition of nice,” Robert jokes, mirroring the face she pulls at him before bumping his shoulder against Aaron’s, “hey, managed to get next week off.”
“What?”
“You text me last night, remember? Asking me to rearrange everything for next week so I’m… free,” Robert sighs, hands finding home on his own hips, “Liv, I thought we were past you texting me off Aaron’s phone.”
Liv tuts, waving Robert’s accusations away as she tips her head towards the pub and begins walking towards the door, but neither of them follows. Robert glances at Aaron and raises his eyebrows, unable to hold off the smile that threatens to bloom on his face. He’s been waiting for this since he dragged himself away yesterday morning. Been waiting for his safe return to Aaron’s orbit. Catching his hand and tugging him closer, he gently presses his lips against Robert’s. Home.
Aaron pulls back slightly, though rests his forehead against Robert’s, and murmurs a quiet against his lips, “morning.”
Robert steals another kiss, smiling, “morning. Missed you.”
“Don’t be soft,” is the tutted response.
“Can’t a guy just miss his boyfriend? It was my first overnight since I moved in. It was weird having the bed to myself.”
“Mm, my shins didn’t miss your kickin’, though.”
“I’ll try and wrangle a few more trips, shall I? Since you’ve not missed me.”
Aaron scoffs but kisses Robert again, ignoring Liv’s constant calls from the pub doorway. When he pulls back, he squeezes at Robert’s fingers, “always miss you.”
“And you call me soft,” Robert smiles. He tugs at Aaron’s hand, “c’mon, let’s see what Liv’s been up to.”
The moment they step through the doors, they’re startled by several party poppers firing simultaneously, covering the pub floor in small patches of colour. It’s empty, unusual for this time of day, aside from a handful of people. People, Robert begins to realise, that have most likely been purposefully selected for whatever this is. Chas and Paddy (and Leo, who is perched on Paddy’s hip). Diane and Doug. The couple that crosses over both of their lives – Adam and Victoria. And, of course, Liv, who is beaming at them with a rare childish excitement.
The absence of one individual, though, is immediately noticeable to Robert. Andy. Any slight twinges of sadness are soothed by the knowledge that they parted on good terms. It leaves him with the hope that maybe one year he’ll be able to celebrate with both of his siblings, just as he did when he was a boy. Until then, he has Vic. He has Liv too. Two little sisters to protect.
“What’s this about?” Aaron queries. He doesn’t hesitate to accept the pint that Adam presses into his hand. Neither does Robert.
“Your birthday party!” Liv gestures to the array of ‘happy birthday’ banners that adorn the pub’s walls, “well, parties. You can’t not have a party, and the ones you’ve had sounded crap, so I figured we could throw a big one to make up for it. Even got four cakes and everything.”
“Liv, you didn’t have to—”
“But I wanted to,” she fires back, without malice but loaded with force. Her face softens after a moment, offering a glance at the bar, where Robert spots the cakes in question. True to her word, there are four cakes in a line. Albeit small ones, but each is named and matched with an age. His eyes land on the farthest cake, the words ‘happy 30th birthday, Robert’ staring back at him. It leaves him swallowing around the lump that threatens to form in his throat as Liv begins speaking again, “sounds like you’ve had a crap time of it, but you’ve both been great to me, despite everything. Wanted to say thanks.”
“Me and Liv got you a little something too, for both of you,” Chas adds, leaning across the bar with an outstretched arm and an envelope trapped between her fingers.
Aaron retrieves it, evidently suspicious, but also incredibly curious. Tearing into it more akin to a toddler than a 24-year-old man, Aaron pauses to offer his mum and sister a final glance before opening the card and scanning the scrawl inside.
“Fucking ‘ell,” Aaron exhales after a moment, low and quiet. He takes a hesitant step towards his mum and sister, shaking his head, “you shouldn’t have... this- this is too much.”
“You deserve a treat, love. I’ll drag you on that plane myself if I have to,” she nods in Robert’s direction, “go on, you gonna tell ‘im?”
Then, Aaron’s eyes are on him, bright and glassy. The laugh he releases is breathy and almost disbelieving, “think you could manage a few days in Barca with me? 4-star all-inclusive?”
“Wh- really?” Aaron nods, still laughing. Robert can’t help but join in, “I’m sure I’ll survive.”
“Good, need a break from your rat-face.” Liv quips, though the smile betrays her tone and Robert uses his left arm to draw her into a hug. She squawks slightly, arms flapping, but after a moment settles and allows it. Their dislike of each other is mostly played up in public these days, despite the fact that everyone who matters is aware how close they are in reality.
He kisses her hair, whispering a quiet “thank you” before releasing her. She offers him a fleeting smile before finds herself gathered up in her brother’s arms. It’s only then that Robert registers the faint click of a camera from somewhere within the room. When he glances up, he spots Victoria (of course its Victoria) standing with her camera trained on them, and a grin on her face.
Once Aaron releases Liv, they both step further into the room, allowing their families to sweep them away with hugs and sincere good wishes of their own. It’s a whirlwind experience, something almost entirely alien to him now. Not since his childhood has he been showered with such affection on his birthday (or fake birthday). But he revels in it, forces himself to soak it all in and imprint it in his memory so forcefully he can draw on it at any point in the future with vivid clarity. A reminder of what’s important – who’s important.
Later, as they stand behind the bar to blow out the candles on their cakes, listening to Victoria lead their families in an off-key rendition of ‘happy birthday to you’, Robert feels Aaron’s hand tentatively graze against his own. Recognising the shy request, Robert slips his fingers in the gap between Aaron’s and squeezes.
Aaron squeezes back, and Robert bites down on his smile as he makes a wish.
Once the last of the rabble has left, at around 8pm, Robert falls back onto the sofa with a groan. As the hours progressed, the number of guests had increased (though they were all predominantly Dingles of some vein). It’s just the four of them now, though, still buoyed by the celebrations of the day and continuing with the good-natured banter. Mind you, is it banter if Robert is the only target?
Like Chas laughing at him, making a comment about him getting old as she flicks on the kettle.
Like Liv joining in, asking her ‘what do you mean getting old?’, before dodging the cushion that flies her way.
Like Aaron settling down beside him, pressing their shoulders together, and tutting as he reminds them that he’s the only one who can make old jokes. He takes hold of Robert’s hand, though, and uses his free hand to guide Robert’s face towards him.
“Happy birthday, Rob.”
Robert dips to press his lips against Aaron’s, unable to hold off any longer. Somewhere in the kitchen, Liv is groaning and gagging, asking Chas to throw water at them. Domestic. Family. Home. His nose drags along Aaron’s as he pulls back with a grin on his face, “happy birthday.”
He’s never been a big believer in the sentiment that ‘everything happens for a reason’. It felt too much like believing in fate, and Robert always scoffed at such fanciful ideas.
But maybe, just maybe, he’ll let himself believe that he and Aaron were always meant for this moment.