MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING MUCH

A Farce in One Act

Inspired by William Shakespeare's Macbeth

CHARACTERS

HARRY POTTER - an Auror, late twenties

DRACO MALFOY - Harry's partner, late twenties

NARCISSA MALFOY - Draco's mother

THE MINISTER FOR MAGIC - portly, genial, sixties

THE WYRD SISTERS - three voices from a cursed statuette

SETTING

The drawing room of Harry and Draco's London flat. Present day, early evening.

Stage right: entrance to kitchen

Stage left: entrance to bedroom/hallway

Centre back: front door

The room is furnished comfortably but not ostentatiously - a sofa, chairs, a sideboard, a dining table set for four. Everything is almost obsessively tidy.

Early evening, approximately 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM

One act, no interval

Running time: 35-40 minutes

SCENE 1

"Fair is foul, and foul is fair"

(6:00 PM. The drawing room. HARRY enters from the kitchen carrying a vase of daisies. He sets them on the dining table. Steps back. Frowns. Moves them two inches left. Steps back. Moves them back. He's wearing a shirt that's slightly too formal for a casual dinner.)

HARRY

Right. Flowers.

(checks them)

Fresh. Alive. Symmetrical.

(He moves to the table settings, adjusting a fork that's already perfectly straight. Then checks the wine glasses, holds one up to the light, spots an invisible imperfection.)

(pulling out his wand)

Tergeo.

(He replaces the glass. Pulls a list from his pocket, consulting it.)

Roast—Draco's handling that.

Wine—decanted.

Conversation topics—

(pats pocket)

prepared. Non-controversial.

(He looks around the room with mounting anxiety, spots a cushion slightly askew on the sofa, crosses to fix it.)

Nothing about Azkaban reform. Nothing about werewolf legislation. Nothing about—

(He trails off, straightens the cushion with unnecessary force.)

Just dinner. Just the Minister for Magic seeing how you live.

(a beat)

Deciding whether you're the sort of person who gets promoted.

Who gets trusted with it.

(He stops himself, takes a breath.)

You've faced Voldemort. Multiple times. This is one dinner party.

(a beat)

Although Voldemort never judged my flowers.

(He checks his watch.)

6:03. Draco said twenty minutes. He's just picking up—what did he say?—a few essentials.

(pause, slight dread)

With Draco, that could mean anything from butter to—

(He hears the front door. Immediately straightens, tries to look casual - and fails completely.)

Draco? That you?

(He adjusts his collar. Checks his reflection in a picture frame. Returns to fussing with the table as the door opens.)

END SCENE 1

SCENE 2

"When shall we three meet again?"

(DRACO enters with shopping bags and a wrapped parcel. He's more casually dressed than Harry, confident, moving with ease.)

DRACO

Darling, you'll never believe the bargain I—

(He stops, taking in Harry's rigid posture and the obsessively arranged room.)

You've been straightening things.

HARRY

I've been preparing.

DRACO

The forks are already in formation. What more do you want?

HARRY

(not rising to it)

What took so long? You said twenty minutes.

DRACO

(setting down bags)

I got everything. Nice French butter. A good Chateauneuf—yes, appropriately impressive for ministerial consumption. And—

(picking up the wrapped parcel with genuine pleasure)

I found something rather wonderful for the sideboard.

HARRY

(wary)

Define wonderful.

DRACO

(unwrapping it)

You've been looking at that empty space all week. I could see it bothering you.

HARRY

I don't think I have—

DRACO

(He reveals the statuette: three witches, beautifully crafted.)

Look at the detail on the robes. It's perfect for that corner.

HARRY

(coming closer despite himself)

That's... actually nice.

DRACO

Isn't it? And seventy percent off.

HARRY

(immediately suspicious)

Why?

DRACO

There's a small curse. Very minor. It just—occasionally—makes predictions. Domestic things. Nothing significant.

HARRY

Draco—

DRACO

You're an Auror. You disarm Dark artefacts before breakfast. I thought you could break it while I handle the roast. Ten minutes, problem solved.

HARRY

The Minister arrives in less than an hour!

DRACO

Which is plenty of time. You do this professionally, Harry. It's a talking ornament, not a Horcrux.

(The statuette speaks. Three refined Scottish voices - like Edinburgh ladies at tea.)

FIRST WITCH

One foresees a minor spillage upon the carpet.

SECOND WITCH

Within the hour, methinks.

THIRD WITCH

Red wine, if I'm not mistaken. Châteauneuf-du-Pape, no less!

(Beat. They both stare at it.)

HARRY

It's Scottish.

DRACO

I know. Rather charming, don't you think? Very refined.

HARRY

(carefully)

Where exactly did you buy this?

DRACO

(knowing this is coming)

Knockturn Alley. Borgin and Burkes, specifically, but—

HARRY

You bought a cursed object from Borgin and Burkes. Tonight. The night the Minister for Magic is coming to dinner.

DRACO

(defensive but not apologetic)

I was trying to help. You've been fretting about the flat looking sparse, about everything being right—

HARRY

I never said sparse—

DRACO

You didn't have to. I can tell when you're—

(catches himself)

Look, it was a good idea. It still is. Just break the curse. You know how.

HARRY

(taking the statuette, already shifting into professional mode)

Right. Fine. Ten minutes. It's simple.

(to Draco)

Start on the roast.

DRACO

You're brilliant at this.

(DRACO exits to kitchen. HARRY sets the statuette on the sideboard, pulls out his wand, takes a professional stance.)

HARRY

(to himself)

Standard protocol. Identify the signature, counter with the appropriate—

FIRST WITCH

He's very serious, isn't he?

SECOND WITCH

Professional.

THIRD WITCH

We approve.

HARRY

Right. Commercial curse, so there'll be an anchor...

(checking his watch)

Finite Incantatem should—no. Purchased curse. Different structure...

(He's second-guessing himself. Makes a decision.)

HARRY

Maledictum Finite!

(Flash of light. The statuette glows. Beat. Silence. Harry relaxes—)

FIRST WITCH

(MUCH LOUDER. AND MORE SCOTTISH.)

OCH, THAT TINGLED!

SECOND WITCH

WHIT'S THE DAFT BOY DONE?

THIRD WITCH

HE'S MADE IT WORSE, THAT'S WHIT!

HARRY

(horrified)

No—

FIRST WITCH

USED THE WRANG COUNTER-CURSE!

SECOND WITCH

AND NOO WE CANNAE SHUT UP!

FIRST WITCH

The butter's aboot tae burn, by the by.

SECOND WITCH

There's a hale in his left sock.

(a beat)

THIRD WITCH

And he'll lie aboot it when the blond yin asks.

DRACO

(calling from kitchen)

Harry? Everything alright?

HARRY

(desperately)

(to DRACO)

Fine!

(to WYRD SISTERS)

Silencio!

(Nothing happens. The silence is the joke. Then the witches cackle.)

FIRST WITCH

OH, THAT'LL NAE WORK!

SECOND WITCH

WE'RE PROPHECY, NAE PERSONS!

THIRD WITCH

YE CANNAE SILENCE THE FATES!

(DRACO appears in the doorway, taking in Harry with his wand out and the statuette blaring.)

DRACO

What did you do.

HARRY

I didn't—it was supposed to be—

FIRST WITCH

WRANG COUNTER-CURSE!

SECOND WITCH

AMATEUR HOUR!

DRACO

(slowly)

How long until the Minister arrives?

SECOND WITCH

FORTY-THREE MINUTES!

HARRY

I can fix this. It's simple.

FIRST WITCH

NO, HE CANNAE!

DRACO

We hide it.

THIRD WITCH

THEY'RE GOING TO TRY TO HIDE US!

FIRST WITCH

AS IF THAT EVER WORKS!

SECOND WITCH

WE'VE SEEN THIS AFORE!

THIRD WITCH

IT NEVER ENDS WELL!

(They stare at each other. The panic is setting in.)

DRACO

This is—

HARRY

I know.

DRACO

The Minister—

HARRY

I know.

NARCISSA

(A voice from outside, calling through the door.)

Draco? Darling, I know you're in there.

DRACO

(going pale)

Oh no.

HARRY

Your mother is worse than the Minister?

DRACO

(already moving)

Right now? Yes.

END SCENE 2

SCENE 3

"Is this a dagger which I see before me?"

(DRACO grabs the statuette, shoves it at HARRY. HARRY shoves it back.)

NARCISSA

(from outside)

Draco?

DRACO

(to Harry, urgent)

Hide it.

HARRY

Where?

FIRST WITCH

THE BEDROOM!

SECOND WITCH

THE KITCHEN!

THIRD WITCH

BEHIND THE SOFA!

DRACO

Anywhere!

(He thrusts the statuette at HARRY, who runs toward the bedroom. DRACO smooths his hair, straightens his shirt, opens the door.)

DRACO

(with forced brightness)

Mother. What a lovely surprise.

(NARCISSA MALFOY enters. Elegant, composed, carrying a small gift bag. She surveys the room in one practised glance.)

NARCISSA

Darling.

(She kisses his cheek)

I thought you might appreciate a hand with preparations.

DRACO

That's thoughtful, but we're quite—

NARCISSA

(already moving into the room)

Harry.

(She extends her hand to him as he returns, empty-handed but panicked)

I've been looking forward to this. The Minister for Magic. Such an achievement.

HARRY

Yes. Thank you. We're—

FIRST WITCH

(muffled from bedroom)

THE LADDIE'S TERRIFIED!

(Everyone freezes.)

NARCISSA

(after a beat)

What was that?

DRACO

Nothing.

NARCISSA

That voice. Rather... Scottish?

HARRY

(too quickly)

Radio. Left the radio on.

(He starts toward the bedroom.)

NARCISSA

(to Draco)

In the bedroom?

DRACO

He listens while he dresses. Helps him concentrate.

NARCISSA

(sitting on the sofa, placing her gift bag precisely on the side table)

I see. And is he always this nervous?

DRACO

It's the Minister. We want things to go well.

SECOND WITCH

(still muffled)

THEY'LL NO' MANAGE IT!

NARCISSA

The radio seems to have strong opinions.

DRACO

It's a talk show. Very opinionated.

(calling toward bedroom)

Harry, perhaps turn that off?

(HARRY returns, slightly dishevelled, closing the bedroom door firmly.)

HARRY

All sorted. Can I get you something? Sherry?

NARCISSA

That would be lovely.

(As Harry moves to the drinks cabinet)

The flat looks charming. Though—

(a pause)

That space looks rather bare.

(She gestures toward the sideboard)

DRACO

(too quickly)

We have flowers. On the table.

NARCISSA

(turning to look)

Ah. Daisies.

HARRY

(defensive)

What's wrong with daisies?

NARCISSA

Nothing at all. For a garden party, they're delightful.

THIRD WITCH

(from bedroom, slightly less muffled)

SHE'S GOT A POINT!

NARCISSA

The radio again?

HARRY

Old building. Sound travels.

THIRD WITCH

THE WOMAN'S SHAWL WILL CATCH ON THE CHAIR!

HARRY

(from the drinks cabinet)

Found the sherry.

(As he turns with the glass, NARCISSA's shawl catches on the chair exactly as predicted. She tugs at it, surprised.)

NARCISSA

How odd.

DRACO

(rushing over)

Let me help.

(He untangles it. HARRY brings the sherry, looking stricken. DRACO and HARRY make brief, panicked eye contact.)

NARCISSA

(accepting the glass)

Thank you.

(She puts on reading glasses from her bag)

Now, I brought you something.

(She produces a crystal vase from the gift bag)

Your great-aunt Druella's. I thought it might suit better.

(a glance at the daisies)

DRACO

(taking it carefully)

That's generous, but—

NARCISSA

Nonsense.

(She rises, moves toward the kitchen)

You must have lilies. Or roses.

DRACO

Actually—

NARCISSA

(already in the kitchen doorway)

Draco. This roast will dry out if you don't baste it.

(She disappears into the kitchen. DRACO and HARRY stare at each other.)

HARRY

(whispered)

This is—

DRACO

(whispered)

I know.

FIRST WITCH

(from bedroom)

JUST TELL HER!

NARCISSA

(from kitchen)

Draco? Who are you talking to?

DRACO

(calling back)

Harry!

HARRY

(whispered)

We need to move it before she—

FIRST WITCH

THE GRAVY'S GOING TO BE LUMPY!

NARCISSA

(emerging from kitchen)

What on earth is making that noise?

HARRY

The neighbour. Very thin walls.

DRACO

Scottish neighbour.

NARCISSA

(moving toward the bedroom)

Your neighbour is shouting about gravy?

DRACO

(blocking her path)

Mother. Please. Sit down. You've only just arrived.

NARCISSA

(allowing herself to be redirected, but watching him closely)

You're both behaving strangely.

HARRY

We're just—the dinner—

NARCISSA

(sitting, sipping her sherry)

What time is the Minister expected?

DRACO

Seven o'clock.

HARRY

(checking his watch)

Thirty-six minutes.

FIRST WITCH

THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES!

NARCISSA

Your neighbour is remarkably specific.

(From the bedroom, a soft thump.)

ALL THREE WITCHES

OOPS!

NARCISSA

(standing)

I really think someone should check. She sounds distressed.

DRACO

(desperate)

I'll check. You stay here.

(He rushes to the bedroom. HARRY and NARCISSA are left alone. Silence. She studies him.)

NARCISSA

You're very tense, Harry.

HARRY

I want everything to be right.

NARCISSA

The Minister is a reasonable man. There's no need to be quite so—

SECOND WITCH

(muffled)

THE TATTIES ARE GONNA BURN!

HARRY

(loudly)

Would you like to see the menu? We've prepared—

(DRACO emerges from the bedroom, closing the door deliberately. He's holding the statuette awkwardly behind his back.)

DRACO

All fine. Just books. That had fallen.

NARCISSA

The neighbour has access to your bedroom?

DRACO

No. The sound was—

THIRD WITCH

(much louder now)

THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

(DRACO realizes the statuette is still audible. NARCISSA is watching him.)

NARCISSA

Draco. What are you holding?

DRACO

Nothing.

HARRY

A surprise.

FIRST WITCH

IT'S A SURPRISE AW RICHT!

SECOND WITCH

THEY'RE FIBBING!

NARCISSA

(standing, with quiet authority)

Show me. Now.

(DRACO hesitates. Then slowly brings the statuette forward. NARCISSA's expression doesn't change.)

NARCISSA

The Wyrd Sisters.

DRACO

It's just a small ornament—

NARCISSA

(coming closer, examining it)

Beautiful craftsmanship. Where did you find it?

HARRY and DRACO

(simultaneously)

An antique dealer. / A shop.

FIRST WITCH

BORGIN AND BURKES!

(Beat. NARCISSA doesn't react. She simply looks at them both. Then back at the statuette.)

NARCISSA

It speaks.

DRACO

It's slightly cursed.

NARCISSA

I gathered that.

(to the statuette)

How delightful.

SECOND WITCH

WE'RE NAE DELIGHTFUL, WE'RE CURSED!

NARCISSA

(to Harry and Draco)

And you've had this how long?

DRACO

About forty minutes.

HARRY

I tried to break the curse.

FIRST WITCH

AN' HE WIS RUBBISH!

NARCISSA

(understanding settling)

Ah. So you were planning to fix this before the Minister arrived.

HARRY

Yes.

NARCISSA

And instead you've made it shout.

DRACO

We were going to hide it.

THIRD WITCH

THEY TRIED THAT! IT DIDNAE WORK!

(NARCISSA looks at them both. A long moment. She could expose this completely. She could judge. She could mock. Instead:)

(She looks at them. Silence.)

NARCISSA

I see. You're trying to prove you can manage this yourselves.

(Neither of them denies it.)

NARCISSA

How very like you both.

(She sits back down)

Very well. Put that somewhere out of sight. Properly, this time.

I'll finish the cooking.

DRACO

Mother, you don't have to—

NARCISSA

Clearly, I do.

(She sips her sherry)

When the Minister arrives, you will both behave as though everything is perfectly normal. Understood?

(Before they can answer, the doorbell rings. Everyone freezes.)

FIRST WITCH

OH NO.

SECOND WITCH

DEARY, DEARY ME.

NARCISSA

(checking her watch)

He's early.

THIRD WITCH

TWENTY MINUTES EARLY!

VOICE FROM OUTSIDE

(jovial)

Hello? Anyone home?

HARRY

(horror)

That's him.

DRACO

(to Harry)

The cupboard. By the door.

(HARRY moves to shove the statuette in the coat cupboard.)

THIRD WITCH

(as she disappears)

THIS'LL NO' END WELL!

(HARRY slams the cupboard door. NARCISSA stands, smooths her robes, and opens the front door with perfect composure.)

NARCISSA

Minister. What a lovely surprise. Do come in.

END SCENE 3

SCENE 4

"Out, damned spot"

(THE MINISTER FOR MAGIC enters. He's portly, genial, sixties, wearing formal robes but relaxed in manner.)

MINISTER

Narcissa Malfoy. What a delightful surprise.

NARCISSA

Minister. I arrived early to help with preparations.

MINISTER

(to Harry, extending his hand)

Potter. Good to see you outside the office.

(as they shake)

I hope you don't mind my early arrival. The Wizengamot finished sooner than expected.

HARRY

Not at all. We're delighted—

FIRST WITCH

(muffled from cupboard)

LIAR!

(The MINISTER pauses mid-handshake. Everyone freezes.)

MINISTER

I'm sorry, did someone—?

DRACO

The neighbour. Very vocal. Scottish.

MINISTER

Through the wall there?

(He gestures vaguely in the wrong direction)

HARRY

Yes. Thin walls. Can I get you a drink?

MINISTER

Firewhisky, if you have it.

(NARCISSA moves to pour before Harry can. The MINISTER settles on the sofa.)

MINISTER

Charming place you have here.

SECOND WITCH

(from cupboard)

IT'S POKEY!

MINISTER

(amused)

Your neighbour has opinions.

DRACO

She's very invested in the building.

MINISTER

A truth-teller, is she?

(to Harry)

Refreshing. One encounters so few in my line of work.

HARRY

(desperately)

Please. Sit. Make yourself comfortable.

(The MINISTER moves to sit. As he does:)

FIRST WITCH

YOU'RE ABOOT TO SIT ON YOUR WAND!

(The MINISTER stands quickly, taking his wand from his back pocket, looking genuinely surprised.)

MINISTER

Well. She's observant.

NARCISSA

(returning with firewhisky)

Here you are, Minister.

MINISTER

(accepting it, still looking at the cupboard)

You know, I'm beginning to think I should meet this fascinating neighbour of yours.

HARRY

Oh, she's very private—

MINISTER

Nonsense. Anyone this involved in your household deserves a proper introduction.

(He moves toward the cupboard. HARRY and DRACO exchange panicked looks.)

DRACO

Minister, perhaps we could show you the—

MINISTER

(hand on the cupboard door)

I insist.

NARCISSA

(calmly, from the sofa)

Minister, I'm not sure that's—

(But he's already opening it. Coats fall out. Behind them, the statuette sits on the shelf. The three witches look directly at him.)

ALL THREE WITCHES

GOOD EVENING, MINISTER!

(The MINISTER stares. Then looks at Harry and Draco.)

MINISTER

That's not a neighbour.

HARRY

No.

MINISTER

That's a talking statuette.

DRACO

Yes.

MINISTER

In your coat cupboard.

(Pause.)

HARRY

Temporarily.

SECOND WITCH

THEY'VE BEEN HIDING US ALL EVENING!

MINISTER

(picking up the statuette, examining it)

I gathered that.

(to the statuette)

And you are?

FIRST WITCH

The Wyrd Sisters.

THIRD WITCH

Cursed by Borgin and Burkes!

MINISTER

(to Harry and Draco)

Borgin and Burkes.

(He carries the statuette to the sideboard, sets it down)

Were you planning to hide this from me all evening?

(Silence. Then:)

HARRY

Yes.

(The MINISTER looks at him. A beat. He looks away, back to the statuette. Then back to Harry. There's a shift—something cooling.)

MINISTER

I see.

(He sips his firewhisky. The room is very quiet. Harry looks like he's just failed an exam.)

FIRST WITCH

THE MINISTER'S SHOELACE IS COMING UNDONE!

(The MINISTER glances down. His shoelace is indeed untying itself. He bends to retie it, still watching them.)

MINISTER

They're accurate, I'll grant them that.

SECOND WITCH

THE GRAVY'S ABOUT TO BURN!

DRACO

(moving toward kitchen)

Excuse me—

(He disappears. The MINISTER stays focused on Harry.)

MINISTER

So. Potter.

(He settles back on the sofa)

You invited me to dinner.

HARRY

Yes.

MINISTER

On a Thursday evening. At your flat.

HARRY

Yes.

MINISTER

(kindly, but direct)

Why?

HARRY

We thought—I thought—it would be nice. To get to know each other outside the office.

SECOND WITCH

HE WANTS A PROMOTION!

(Harry goes very still. The MINISTER's expression doesn't change, but something sharpens in his attention.)

MINISTER

Ah.

THIRD WITCH

TO HEAD OF DEPARTMENT!

(DRACO reappears from the kitchen, taking in the scene. The MINISTER looks between them. Long silence. Harry looks mortified. This is complete exposure.)

(As the silence stretches, there's a sudden crack from the statuette. Three small porcelain legs emerge from the base.)

MINISTER

Did this just—?

FIRST WITCH

WE'VE GOT LEGS!

SECOND WITCH

FINALLY!

(The statuette takes a tentative step on the sideboard. The MINISTER watches it. It starts walking in a small circle.)

MINISTER

Fascinating.

(The statuette reaches the edge of the sideboard, steps off, lands on the floor with a soft click. Continues walking. The MINISTER watches it cross the room, then looks back at Harry.)

MINISTER

So this evening wasn't about getting to know each other.

HARRY

(quietly)

No.

MINISTER

It was about demonstrating that you're stable. Domestic. Responsible enough to be promoted.

HARRY

Yes.

(The MINISTER is silent for a long moment. Harry can't read his expression. NARCISSA watches from her position, saying nothing. This could go either way.)

MINISTER

Well.

(He sets down his firewhisky)

That's rather a lot of effort for a conversation you could have requested in my office.

HARRY

I know. I'm sorry. I thought—

(He trails off. He doesn't know what he thought.)

MINISTER

For the last hour, you've been trying to convince me you're ready.

HARRY

Yes.

MINISTER

Instead I've seen you panic, lie badly, and lose control of a cursed ornament.

HARRY

(very quiet)

Yes.

(The MINISTER stands. Harry thinks this is it—he's leaving, this is over, he's blown it completely. Then:)

MINISTER

Potter, I've been in politics for twenty years. Do you know how many dinner parties I've attended where nobody wanted anything from me?

HARRY

(uncertain)

None?

MINISTER

Precisely none.

(He picks up his firewhisky glass again)

Oddly enough, this tells me more than a perfect evening would have.

(Harry is silent. The MINISTER continues.)

MINISTER

This tells me what you're like when things go wrong. That's more useful.

(pause)

And it tells me you want advancement badly enough to stage all this.

(He gestures at the room)

FIRST WITCH

(walking past)

WE HELPED!

MINISTER

Yes. You did.

(To Harry)

Come see me next week. In my office. We'll talk about the position properly.

HARRY

You're serious.

MINISTER

Completely.

(He checks his watch)

Though I'm afraid I'll have to cut this short. I have the Bulgarian Ambassador at seven-thirty.

SECOND WITCH

YE FORGOT ABOOT IT!

MINISTER

I did, actually. Thank you.

(To Narcissa)

Always a pleasure, Narcissa.

NARCISSA

Minister.

MINISTER

(to Harry and Draco)

Next time, Potter, just ask. Save yourself the elaborate performance.

(He moves to the door, pauses)

And do something about that statuette. It's started to smell like burned potatoes in here.

THIRD WITCH

WE TELT YE THE TATTIES WOULD BURN!

(The MINISTER exits. The door closes. Silence.)

DRACO

Did that just—?

HARRY

I think so.

NARCISSA

(standing, collecting her things)

Well. That went better than expected.

FIRST WITCH

(walking across the floor)

WE TELT YE IT WOULD!

NARCISSA

(to Harry and Draco)

Next time, darling, just ask directly. And for heaven's sake, buy normal flowers.

(She moves to the door, pauses)

It was misguided. But not unimpressive.

(She exits. HARRY and DRACO stare at each other. The statuette walks between them.)

END SCENE 4

SCENE 5

"Sleep no more"

(The door closes behind NARCISSA. HARRY and DRACO stand in the wreckage. The statuette walks past them. Silence.)

DRACO

So.

HARRY

So.

DRACO

That was—

HARRY

Unmitigated catastrophe.

DRACO

Your boss watched us panic, lie badly, and fail.

HARRY

The worst part is—I actually thought, for a moment, that I'd pulled it off. That he hadn't noticed anything wrong.

DRACO

Right up until the cupboard opened.

HARRY

Right up until then.

(The statuette walks between them.)

FIRST WITCH

BUT YE GOT WHAT YE WANTED!

(They look at each other. Then, despite everything, HARRY starts to laugh. Exhausted, slightly hysterical. DRACO joins him.)

DRACO

My mother said she was impressed.

HARRY

Your mother said it was misguided.

DRACO

She said both.

(They sit on the floor, backs against the sofa. The statuette walks past again.)

HARRY

We should probably do something about that.

DRACO

Tomorrow.

HARRY

I'll ask Hermione.

DRACO

She's going to be insufferable.

HARRY

Completely insufferable.

(Pause. They're both exhausted.)

DRACO

I'm sorry. About the statuette.

HARRY

I'm sorry I made it worse.

DRACO

We're terrible at this.

HARRY

At what?

DRACO

Being normal.

HARRY

Spectacularly terrible.

(The statuette passes by again.)

DRACO

Although.

HARRY

What?

DRACO

He did offer you the meeting.

HARRY

After watching everything fall apart.

DRACO

Maybe that helped.

(HARRY looks at him.)

HARRY

(after a beat)

No more curses.

DRACO

Never again.

(beat)

HARRY

Starting tomorrow.

DRACO

Tomorrow.

(They sit in the quiet. The flat is still. The statuette has stopped moving, back on the sideboard like an ordinary ornament.)

(Then, very faint, barely audible—)

(Tinkle... tinkle... tinkle...)

(A soft music box tune. HARRY and DRACO both hear it. They look at each other. Don't move. The tune continues for just a moment, then stops.)

(They don't say anything. Just sit there in the quiet.)

CURTAIN

THE END