Work Text:
Your name is DAVE STRIDER. You are IN LOVE with one of your BEST FRIENDS, JOHN EGBERT. Not in a GAY WAY though, of course. In fact, IN LOVE may be too strong of a descriptor. After all, the way you feel towards him is majorly caused by the sheer closeness of your relationship, it doesn't have to be anything more than that. It's natural to feel a sort of camaraderie similar to being in love with your buddy after knowing him for so long. Just feelin' what close friends do.
With that said, you open up your PESTERLOGS from over the past month or so. On account of totally not being in love with your friend, you look back at all you've confessed to him via exploiting a simple feature on Pesterchum. "Conversations" such as:
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at XX:XX --
TG: hey
TG: since you like
TG: definitely arent gonna see this it doesnt really hurt to say
TG: not that it like matters too much or anything nothing important
TG: and its totally not serious but
TG: man
TG: i might be in love with you only a little though
TG: shit
TG: thats kinda gay nevermind
TG: im joking if you couldnt tell
TG: cuz im that much of a comedic genius
TG: yeah
TG: exactly
TG: tough crowd
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at XX:XX --
–these take place because you, being the smooth motherfucker you are, figured out that you can say anything at all that you want and not have the chatlogs saved on the other person's end, so long as they never respond to the conversations themselves. Therefore, in a very composed and relaxed manner, you have been borderline, if not directly, confessing your love to John in a completely non-gay way.
You sit at your computer, eyes growing heavy as you wait for the familiar sound of John pestering you late at night to ring through your ears. Recently, the two of you have fallen into the (mildly unhealthy, only a tad concerning) routine of staying up until ungodly hours talking about god-knows-what. Conversations usually wind up centering around John rambling about the newest shitty movie he's consumed, and you dogging on him for his strange obsession for mediocre cinema.
You could listen to him for hours. But you'd never tell him that.
At least not directly.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at XX:XX --
TG: this is so
TG: frustrating i
TG: like i dont even know john
TG: i dont know why i like listening to you so much but i do and it feels like physically painful
TG: cause ive never
TG: i dont
TG: why dude why
TG: why do you do this to me john
TG: cuz of course egbert is the one who gets me swooning
TG: sweep me off my feet like fucking cinderella at this point why dont you
TG: mkay
TG: who even is that guy he talks too much
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at XX:XX --
But you will most definitely tell him through extended Pesterchum messages when you're sure he'll never see them. You close out the "conversation" as soon as it's done– no evidence. You've gotten away with it yet again. Pat yourself on the back.
John isn't on at the usual time. Which, okay, fair, it is ungodly late into the night. But you had a rhythm going, goddamnit. It's fine, it's whatever. Not like he's your boyfriend or anything. You're chill. It's all chill. All good. You sit back in your chair, maybe you'll sleep a little earlier tonight yourself.
You pester John again.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:10 --
TG: think youre asleep
TG: good for you man
TG: probably for the better thats my bad for keeping you up so late recently
TG: lmfao
Your head is in your hands. You really don't wanna keep doing this. You feel almost guilty keeping all of this from John. He's your best friend, that's why. That's why you love him. That's why you feel so guilty loving him. That's why you're constantly staying up late pestering him when he can't see and leaving corny confessions just out there in your pesterlogs, because he's your best friend and goddamnit he's kind of perfect sometimes and you hate and love (more love, definitely love) that he is.
TG: sorry
TG: i know you cant even see this and anything ive said before this cause i make sure you cant and that makes me feel
TG: kinda shitty man
TG: stop ugh ew
TG: i hate listening to love songs and thinking about you i hate how all gushy gushy feely feely you make me feel i hate how much i love you
TG: but i like
TG: love you john
TG: im so serious
TG: this is so fucking embarrassing
You slam your head down onto your desk for no particular reason at all.
Rose's words to you reverberate in your mind. She's the person most updated on your entirely heterosexual dilemma and, therefore, has given her fair share of advice. Which you appreciate, but to be honest, have not listened to in the slightest. When she advised that you rip off the bandage and just be upfront with John, you continued to use his inactive profile as a personal notepad, dear diary I like a dude very very very much type shit.
After about maybe five minutes or so of laying your head down, you lift it and sift through your chum list. You land on Rose's profile, clicking her username and switching to pester her instead. Your words towards John instill a deep cringe within you, which only the psychoanalysis master can slap silly out of you.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:17 --
TG: yo
TG: you awake rose
TT: Yes.
TT: Am I allowed a guess at what you're about to discuss with me before you say it yourself?
TG: whatever
TG: sure man go ahead
TT: This will, yet again, be another conversation about your undying love for our dear friend John, for starters.
TT: Do I have that right?
TG: well i wouldnt say like undying love
TG: thats a little gay dont you think
TT: What is "gayer" is the fact that I know very well you are messaging me because John hasn't responded to you, and you are on the brink of a miniature spiral regarding not only your sexuality but the way John makes you feel, in general.
TG: ok
TG: w
Before you can finish your response, the sound of another chum pestering you slowly begins to overlap with Rose inquiring about your sudden silence. You move your cursor to click over the username "ectoBiologist", and freeze almost instantly. You think you might be dying, or at least will die in the next few seconds. You hope so, honest to god.
John messaged you, finally, and in any other context you'd be ecstatic (not in a corny way, though). But you aren't now, looking at your confession right above his message. You definitely aren't now, with the mortifying realization that finally settles– you didn't close the fucking conversation. So now it's all just out there, laid out for John to see.
EB: wow, um
EB: …that's a lot to take in, dave!
Fuck. Is this hell?
EB: umm, to be honest, i don't really know how to respond right now!
EB: are you
EB: being? serious?
Nope. This is.
You stand at a devastating crossroad. Confess your undying love for your best friend (which might be a little gay, now that you think about it), or don't and suffer keeping it inside, brewing in a big "no homo" gesture to your pal.
You ignore the way you very much aren't turning red and shaking a little bit as you open up your conversation with Rose.
TG: everythings fine
TT: I haven't asked anything yet, Dave.
TG: ok well
TG: cuz you were probably going to
TG: everythings like fine and dandy like totally
TG: i definitely didnt like
TG: totally fuck up
TG: but hypothetically though if i did confess and forget to close out the conversation which led to john seeing it and now hes asking if im serious he wouldnt hate me forever or something right
TG: wed still be chill right
TG: uh
TG: right rose
TT: You could always respond to him and find out.
TT: But, truly, I do not think John is that type of person.
TT: In general, yes, but especially regarding you.
TG: i feel like shit
TG: i feel so weird i dunno
TT: You aren't "weird". Just a bit in love. And a little stupid, as people tend to be when they are.
TT: Regardless, I'm sure John wouldn't sacrifice your friendship just because of this.
TG: alright
TT: Dave.
TG: yeah
TT: You'll be okay.
TG: yeah
TG: i know
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:23 --
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:24 --
TG: thanks
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:24 --
You finally open up the conversation with John you've been painfully ignoring, because you love talking to John, even in these certainly unideal circumstances. You know you want to hear what he has to say, anyways.
EB: dave?
EB: you there?
EB: sorry for spamming you…
EB: i just didn't really expect this at all!
EB: i hope you're good…
Deep breaths.
TG: yeah uh
TG: hey jonh
TG: john
TG: fuck
EB: haha you're good dave!
EB: but umm if it's okay
EB: can we talk about the stuff you sent earlier?
Please no.
TG: yeah sure
TG: uhh what about it
EB: well, first of all…
EB: i'm kind of assuming i wasn't supposed to see that.
EB: but i just want you to know that you shouldn't be embarrassed, cause…
TG: cuz?
You maybe lean towards your laptop a little with intrigue, who knows, you'd never tell.
EB: i
EB: well maybe i'm not completely sure yet, but…
EB: i might like you,
EB: or love you?
EB: too.
You refrain from pestering Rose about this for a second and take another deep breath. You're definitely gay for your best friend, yeah. Big surprise, right? It's cool that he might be gay for you, too. Not that you're really like, riled up about it though. Yeah, you didn't fling around the Pesterchum window or anything like that out of excitement. You didn't shake your screen at all, why would you do that, that's ridiculous.
TG: huh
TG: cool
EB: super cool!
EB: haha
TG: this is kinda gay
Why did you say that.
TG: pretty chill though
TG: yeah
EB: very!
EB: to be honest, i was going to…
EB: i guess confess to you tonight?
EB: that's why i was on a little late, haha! i guess that worked out pretty well though.
TG: yeah
TG: it did
EB: mhm…
TG: yo can i say something
TG: to your face this time
EB: go ahead!
TG: i love you john
TG: ok
EB: aww!
EB: i love you too, dave.
TG: gayass
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 14:36 --
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 14:36 --
EB: cmon dave! seriously?
EB: /ROLLS EYES
You can't wait to spend an ungodly amount of time talking to your best friend tonight.