Chapter Text
He had just gotten to sleep when he was startled awake by a clamoring noise. He hadn’t ever slept through the night since, well since he no longer deserved to sleep peacefully through the night. He always got his sleep now in fits and bits throughout the night. The night before a mission was even worse. Not out of nerves. He was too seasoned for that. But he just couldn’t stop his mind from preparing for all possibilities to make sure he always kept his team safe. It took effort to not want to put in the effort. So now that he was able to actually fall asleep, he was none too happy to be awoken by an unnatural disturbance. Once he was out of his slumber haze and got his bearings Roy did as he always does when awoke in such a startled state and started reaching for his gloves on his bedside table. He paused when another sound made its presence more known and Roy slowly discerned what it was. It sounded like…was that… retching?
Roy assessed the situation quickly. It’s why he was a Colonel, not because of his paperwork skills, surely. He slowly and begrudgingly peeled back his covers and got out of his warm, comfortable bed to head to the source of this criminal offense that awoke him. It was going to be the death of him.
When he got to the scene of the crime, the bathroom, his suspicions were confirmed. There, the boy was crumpled over the toilet, his automail draped at his side, his flesh arm slung across the toilet gripping for dear life as his head rested on the seat.
“Fullmetal?”
All he got was a rough moan out of the boy.
“You know I put my ass on that seat,” he chided.
“Maybe if, maybe if…you didn’t serve me your ass food for dinner, I wouldn’t be in this position you…” before he could get his terms of endearment out, he abruptly turned his head and keeled back over the open bowl to start throwing up again.
Roy rolled his eyes and turned around to go to the kitchen. He grumbled as he grabbed a cup of water and headed back towards the bathroom. Tomorrow was really going to be a rough start to their mission with both of them having lack of sleep. Edward wasn’t pleasant to deal with when he was fully rested, forget about now.
As Roy got back to the bathroom, Edward was now off the toilet but leaned up against the wall looking worse for wear clutching his stomach, his eyes closed. Roy reached out, tap his shoulder and handed him the glass of water.
“Here, drink this.”
“Did you cook this too because that’s how I got into this mess, you poisoned me with your…” he was struggling to finish his insult as the exhaustion of exerting his insides started to take over, “ with your sub-par military cooking skills, Bastard.” At the close of his sentence he closed his eyes to fight the nausea that was making his face pale and green.
“I eat my cooking everyday and I have no problem. I can’t help it if you have a weak stomach, kid.”
“I need an automail stomach to deal with your culinary skills! I should have just stayed in the dorms. Who knew that food would be more nourishing than yours!” He stifled back a hiccup followed by a moan.
Roy hadn’t given him a choice. Alphonse went out of town knowing Edward would be on a mission and taken care of by the team. But Roy knew they had an early morning departure time and he couldn’t trust the kid could handle getting up and to the train on time by himself. At least if he was in his home, Roy would drag him asleep to the station if he had too.
“Quit your bellyaching and get up off the floor and go to bed. We need to leave in T minus four hours and I’m not dragging your sorry, tired ass to the station.”
“It’s your fault my belly is aching! Plus I thought the point of me staying here was so you could drag my sorry, asleep ass to the station if you needed to. Don’t you worry your precious self, I’ll be fine and dandy for your mission, no thanks to you!” As Edward struggled to get up, Roy went to give him a hand but he slapped it away. As he staggered past Roy, smelling of sweat and puke, towards the guest room, Roy called after him “ you’ll need to shower before we leave too! I’m not sitting in a small compartment with your puke stench!”
Edward kept on walking only to raise his human arm behind him and give him the bird.
Roy grew alarmed. Not one typical retort that he used the word “small” against him. As he heading back to his bed, he prayed. He didn’t pray for sleep. He prayed that it really was his cooking that was the cause of Fullmetal’s inner turmoil, because the alternative would be a bigger problem he wasn’t ready to deal with.
Early the next morning, his prayers were not answered. He didn’t need an alarm clock on mission start days but even if he did he wouldn’t need one now. He awoke again to the sound of the kid retching again. Shit. If it truly was Roy’s dinner he ate last night, that would be out of his system by now with how much he threw up last night. But if he was still throwing up this morning it could only mean one thing, Fullmetal was full on sick. And this was not the mission Roy had prepared for.
Roy took a deep breath and stepped in the bathroom. Edward was almost in the exact same position he found him in earlier this morning sprawled across the open toilet seat, head resting on the porcelain pillow. He looked even sweatier and paler than late last night or really early this morning.
“Mornin’ Bastard” Edward slurred with his eyes closed. “ I smelled your overused cologne coming down the hallway.”
“I haven’t even put it on yet. And if I have to cover up your vomit stench today, I’ll be overusing it even more. Did you come back here and sleep, Fullmetal?”
“Sleep? No! I’ve been too busy turning my stomach inside out from your poisonous food supply!” His eyes burst wide open and he spun quickly with his face down in the toilet dry heaving.
Roy sighed heavily. He was going to have to make a regretful phone call.
Maes answered on the first ring. “Hughes residence.”
“Well, aren’t we bright and chipper so early in the morning.”
“Roy, good morning buddy, what’s not to be happy about this morning? I thought you love mission start mornings.”
“I used to, until a pint-size problem came into my life.”
“What’d Elric do now?” Maes asked.
“He’s currently spewing his guts up on my bathroom floor.”
“Oh boy.”
“Yeah oh boy who is a pain in my ass. I can’t have him on this mission stopping every ten feet to throw up, plus in his condition, I don’t even think he’ll make it five.”
“What do you need me to do, Roy?”
“I can’t do this mission without him. It specifically called for two State Alchemists. But he doesn’t know that.”
“And no other State Alchemist can fill in?”
“They are all off on other missions or not in the area. I checked yesterday as protocol.”
“So you need me to call Hawkeye and Central to delay this thing?”
“Yeah. “
“and Maes, what do I do?”
“What do you mean what do you do?”
“For Edward. I’ve never had to care for a sick subordinate before, you’re all adults! And Al’s not around to help.”
“Well, when you are sick what do you need?”
“Mae’s I haven’t called in sick in 15 years since I started at Central.”
“Ugh, you can be impossible Roy. Okay, so he’s throwing up. Is he running a fever?”
“How do I check? He looks pretty pale and sweaty.”
“Seriously, Roy? You really haven’t been around kids. My darling, Elecia, comes home from school every other week with some germ she picked up from school. You feel their forehead and if it seems warm, you take their temperature to see how high it is.”
“Why do I need to know how high it is? Isn’t it enough just to know if he has a fever or not?” Roy was already anticipating Fullmetal’s reluctance to have Roy do all of these steps with him.
“Well, for starters, you have to know if he needs to go to a doctor. Anything above a 102, he needs to because it might indicate something more serious that only a doctor can tell with his or her instruments.”
“So I would bring him to Medbay?”
“No, I’ll give you the number to Elecia s pediatrician. Kids have special biological differences and needs.” Roy shuddered at the thought he would have to tell him he’s going to a “Kid” doctor. He really hoped he didn’t have a high fever.
“And this one understands automail as well which Roy, might be an issue with Edward. He runs a higher risk of a higher fever and faster dehydration because of it so you’ll have to keep a closer eye on him.” Just great.
Roy heard a thump come from the guest bedroom.
“Maes, hold on, I gotta go check on him.”
Roy put down the phone in the kitchen and went to the guest bedroom where he heard the noise and found Fullmetal half dressed on the floor with his eyes closed. He bent down and put his hand on Edward’s shoulder to shake him. “Fullmetal.” He could feel heat coming through his shoulder. He quickly moved his hand to Edward’s forehead. Shit. Well ,that was easy to detect. The kid definitely had a fever.
He shook him again “Ed. Are you okay?”
“M’fine bastard.” He shrugged Roy’s hand off his shoulder and started to get up. Without Edward realizing it, Roy helped him sit down on the bed. “I’m getting ready for the mission. Remember the reason you made me stay over and then tried to off me with your cuisine.” Edward glanced up at Roy. “ you’re not even dressed yet and you were so worried I was going to be late!”
“Fullmetal, shut it already. For a kid who is sick you sure have a lot of energy to expend.”
“I’m not sick, Mustang, you poisoned me.”
“A, if it was food poisoning it would be out of your system by now and you wouldn’t still be throwing up and B, you wouldn’t have a fever.”
Edward slowly and tiredly finished putting his red coat on. “ I don’t have a fever, I’m just expending myself too much like you said.”
“So you always end up collapsed on the floor when you are getting dressed when you have a normal temperature?”
“I’m just tired. Anyways, I’ll sleep on the train.”
“The mission is delayed. We are not doing it today. You are in no condition to go and I don’t want you putting anyone’s life, especially mine, at stake because you have to upchuck. Get back into bed before you hurt yourself. I have to finish my phone call.”
Roy left before he could hear Edward grumble something out. This was too early to be dealing with all of this. He hadn’t even had his coffee yet.
Roy made it back to the kitchen and picked up the phone. “You still there Maes?”
“At your service Colonel.”
“He definitely has a fever.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know, I can’t take it.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t have a thermometer.” Roy could almost hear Maes smack his hand to his face on the other side of the phone.
“You really are not equipped to handle this.”
“Maes, I never said this was my forte.”
“Alright, let me see if Riza can cover my work this morning so I can equip you better. I’ll be over in an hour. Give him some water and put a cold compress on his head to make him more comfortable with his fever. I won’t even venture to guess if you have the right medicine for him.”
Roy hung up the phone and grabbed another glass of water from the faucet. On his way to the guest room, he stopped at the bathroom when he heard Edward dry heaving and spitting into the toilet.
“Jesus, Fullmetal, I didn’t think there is anything else for you to expend.”
Edward moaned, “there isn’t. At this rate, I think my kidney is trying to force itself out of my body.”
Roy handed him the glass of water. “Here, drink this, at least your stomach will have something to play with if it wants to get rid of anything. Drink in small sips.” Edward reached up lazily and grabbed the water and started drinking it only in small sips.
Roy grabbed a washcloth and rinsed it with cold water. “ I’m going to get dressed. And I really need coffee.” Roy crouched down to feel Ed’s forehead, grimaced at the heat and put the washcloth on Ed’s forehead. “I take it you won’t be joining me for breakfast this morning since, you know, you are not sick?”
Edward groaned at the thought of food. “ Not unless you want a side of an automail punch to the face with your corn….” before he was able to finish the sentence, he abruptly whipped the washcloth off his head and threw his face over the toilet to throw up the water he had just consumed. He was too miserable to notice Roy’s brows furrow in concern with how quickly he already regurgitated the water he just drank. Roy turned and left the bathroom before Edward would notice.
After he finished his coffee and breakfast, Roy peaked into to the bathroom and was happy to see Edward had vacated that room and was sleeping in his bed. Shake that thought, the guest room bed. It wasn’t his bed. He walked into the den to try to at least see if he could start on some paperwork if the mission was going to be a bust today. The doorbell rang, but before Roy could get it, in walked Maes carrying a bag of groceries. He looked at Roy and shook a key “extra key in case of emergencies.”
“Maes, I’m sitting right here. It’s not an emergency.”
“You are currently in charge of taking care of a sick, Fullmetal Alchemist. Respectfully, I beg to differ. By all accounts, this is an emergency. Where is said sick Edward?”
“In his…ahem, the guest bedroom,” clarified Roy.
“Your caretaker supplies.” Maes walked into the kitchen and put the bag on the table and started taking out items. “Ginger ale, best for an upset stomach, watermelon - 90% of watermelon is water- good for dehydration, crackers, a bland starch to get some energy into his body, children’s Tylenol- aches/pains and fever reducer. We know Ed can handle pain better than an adult but without two limbs for his body size, he still needs child doses.”
“If you care about self-preservation, you’ll never let him hear you say that.”
“And a thermometer. The easy, beeping kind, so easy even a Colonel can do it. Turn it on, make him hold it under his tongue, wait until it beeps and look at the number. If it’s over 102, it’s time to get him to a doctor, under that, make him comfortable while his body fights whatever it is it’s fighting. Rinse and repeat every 4 to 6 hours until he stops throwing up and his temperature returns to normal. Don’t wake him up to give him medicine or take his temperature. Sick kids need sleep more than anything.”
“This is very involved.”
“Yes, Roy, parenting generally is. Kids don’t raise themselves.”
“I’m not his parent.”
“You are the closest thing he’s got to it right now. And no kid, no matter how stubborn and independent they are, doesn’t want their parent with them when they are sick.”
“I think you have the wrong impression. He just happens to be here when this is happening. Alphonse is always with him I guess when this has happened.”
“Roy, are you saying that you, a Colonel of the Armetris Military can’t handle taking care of a pint size petri dish better than an eleven year old suit of Armor?”
“Yes. You know I’m much better defending a fortress than Fullmetal’s lowered immune system.”
As Maes started walking towards the door he offered words of encouragement to the Colonel who really didn’t know what he was in for. “ Trust me, he’s not going to be as hard on you as he normally is in his weakened state.”
“Where are you going?! You are leaving?”
“ MY mission has not been cancelled, I still need to report into work and I get enough of Elecia’s germs. I’m not looking to bring home whatever Edward has.”
“You know I could order you to stay.”
“You can. But you won’t.” Maes walked out the door, “Remember to keep him hydrated, Dad!” He shouted as he slammed the door.
Roy shook his head at that last term and put it out of his head. He is Edward’s commanding officer and his duty and responsibility is to make sure his team is safe. Even if it’s in his own home. Besides don’t these things just last 24 hours? He just had another 18 more hours to go. How hard could a sick kid be?