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“I’m pregnant.” Kaz said with rizz
“….. yeah, real funny Kaz. See you at Christmas.” Wylan hung up.
Great. No one was falling for Kazs April fools prank. Whatever. Sudam Hussein ruined April fools anyway.l
But this his water broke. And then the contractions started. WHAT, Kaz needs to call inej RIGHT NOW! She’s gonna be a FATHER! Cause Kaz was actually pregnant this whole time! It was one of those cryptic pregnancies where you don’t know that you’re pregnant until you’re in the er for stomach pains and out pops a baby.
“Inej!” Kaz said over the phone “I’m in labor! Come quick!”
“I’m already here babi grill, turn around”, there she was kazs 6’4 ceo father of this children.
“Hello my alpha are you ready for me to birth our child out of my balls (because anatomically that would make the most sense in an mpreg scenario considering during gestation, if the Y chromosome is present, the labia becomes the scrotum?”
“Yes papi, who do you want here for the birth?” inej asked staring into kazs big beautiful poopy brown orbs
“Just you, I hate everyone else”
“Okay my wonderful, pregnant, father of my children, best frien-“
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHĦHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIHATEBEINGVULNERABLEAAAASHHHH… ahm, contraction sorry”
Then Nico di Angelo appeared out of a portal that had formed. “Hello mrs Kaz brekker I’m your doula.” He handed Kaz a pencil that said ‘you are a star’ on it. “You can do this”
“Who the fuck are you and why are you here” Kaz screamed cause he was in labor
“Well first off rude, second I just told you why I’m here, so that’s concerning, and third I am Nico di Angelo…..now push!!!”
Kaz scream some more as he tried his best to push out his baby. It was very painful because he did not have a vagina. His body was ripping apart. Oops.
Baby Sajah, the delivery nurse, was delivery nursing. The baby came out ugly and crying. It looked like Charlie Kirk because it was Charlie Kirk.
“This baby ugly as fuck, do I have to keep it”
“Ummmm” Nico and baby (saja) looked at eachother
“I will do anything that you want to do my sweet wifu” inej said
Baby sajah was shocked at this revelation. “I will take in the baby. I will raise him even though you’re too mean to raise your own kid”
Kaz and inej said “ok goodbye” in unison and left.
Charlie Kirk wailed. “Don’t worry, Charlie… I will raise you” baby said.
Being a father was hard. Who would’ve thought? He did his best, Charlie however wasn’t great. He felt let down by his biological parents and felt like baby saja never really could live up to the parent he always wanted. When he grew older and went off to collage he started going by his middle name jinu. He started singing just like how baby would when he was younger.
Eventually jinu started a band and tried to take over the world and when that didn’t work he died.
———
Jesper woke up with a start. “HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK????”
Wylan ran into their room (it’s their room cause their together cause they like like each other) and stared at Jesper “why are you screaming”
“We need to call Kaz!!!!”
“Umm what do you mean call”
“Never mind that we need to see him!!!” Jesper grabs wylan and they rush to where evere Kaz is at. They burst into the room.
“ARE YOU PREGNAT KAZ” Jesper screamed
“What the fuck Jesper” Kaz replied cool as ever
“Also what you did to Charlie Kirk was bad”
“Who is that????” Kaz sounded even more confused now
“So you’re not pregnant?”
“No? Why would you think that, I can’t get pregnant”
Wylan said “.. Jesper, were you drinking last night?”
“……maybe?”
“That explains it. You know you have really weird mpreg dreams when you drink too much. You caused a panic for nothing! Let’s go home.”
“What the fuck” Kaz said again mainly because he still didn’t know what the fuck was going on.
Then the kool aid man broke in through the walls and exploded, killing them all instantly.
The end
Don’t do drugs kids