Chapter Text
Lloyd sat in front of the memorial picture of his uncle outside the monastery.
“Are you happy?” Those words repeated in his mind over and over and over. The little guy didn’t give a straight answer. Just something cryptic mumble like how Wu would respond if he were still here.
Was he happy? Not the other Lloyd- this one. Him.
He told himself he was. But really, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
After facing off with his alter ego, Lloyd’s mind grew heavy with thoughts and mistakes he thought he buried long ago. Some were silly- like how he got his pants pulled down in gym. Others were more serious and recent like letting Arin fall out of his grasp and into the enemy’s.
Lloyd should’ve been the one to teach him perfect spinjitzu.
A stupid thing to be upset about, but it was really just one of many other things weighing on him.
So much was flowing through his head at an unsteady pace, it was hard to keep up with. He knew this was part of his duty- to take everything in at once, but it was all too much.
Maybe meditating wasn’t the best idea right now. All parts of Lloyd could agree on that.
He stood silently from the carpet, peering at the picture once more before walking off. He wished Master Wu was here. It was much easier to take orders rather than making them.
Maybe he was meant to only be a student. Maybe he wasn't meant to become a master. Lloyd didn't really think he was fit for it.
He looked into the window of the main room as he passed by. The other five original ninja sat there playing a game marathon. Ever since Jay regained his memories, the others seemed to spend limitless time with him.
Lloyd preferred to stay away from Jay. Seeing him was just another reminder of the failure he lost him in the first place. It was cruel to take it out on Jay, but Lloyd already had enough on his plate as it was.
He walked farther. Down the monastery steps, in a car that he had the permissions to use.
Lloyd drove until he was just short of an intersection. He parked in a general area and got out of the car. When he came here his thoughts always felt heavier than usual.
He walked onto the big bridge in Ninjago City that was no longer used for cars. Now it was just a big part of the crossroads. If there weren't vendors in one corner it was a group of kids hanging out.
So it was pretty crowded when he got there. It was a Friday night, after all.
Lloyd calmly walked to the center of the bridge and made his way to the rail. Then he looked down below him, his hands clutching the bars in front. There was nothing but freezing cold water below.
Luckily, Lloyd stood back at the safety of the pavement.
The sun was just starting to set, casting a cool glow above the horizon. Lloyd’s eyes shone when reflected off the water. They seemed to dim when he looked away.
He would never do it. No- he had a duty.
But he always thought about it.
Late nights where he just wanted to escape it all. Then he’d come to his senses right after, mentally kicking himself for the stupid thought.
There were people counting on him. People he counted on. It was sad that's what he had to tell himself to step away from the edge. He felt himself hesitating slightly more every time he visited.
Lloyd can’t rely on himself, others can’t rely on him, either. He stepped back
He knew the answer now- he always did.
He wasn’t happy, but he desperately wanted to be.