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The ragdoll blinks, her head slowly turning in every direction it can. She can't believe what she is seeing!
Faces- some belonging to people she knows well, others what were once mere photos with X’s over them- all start to blur together as one big group. Avatars of all kinds are spread out in different areas. Laughter, joy, and happiness fill the room like they have never done so in the circus before.
The once-abstracted humans are alive and well again, back in their circus bodies! A few are ones she had once known personally, but the vast majority of those alive again are ones she had never met.
Unable to stop smiling, Ragatha glances over her shoulder, her eye landing on Kinger.
The Kinger who had helped her through so many dark times here in the circus. The Kinger who ended up being a pretty important part of this grand puzzle they all found themselves in.
Who knew Caine had taken all the chess piece’s power and used it to create those adventures? But now, with Caine gone, all power was given back over to the king- and how wisely he used it! Through it he was able to bring back the very abstracted from the digital grave- something none of them could’ve dreamed of happening!
Tears sting the ragdoll's good eye as it floats around the room again. Everyone looks so at peace, a foreign state to all here in the digital world.
Her eye freezes when it lands on Jax. Then Kaumfo. Then Ribbit. All sitting on a huge toy block, laughing like they hadn’t been worlds apart just hours before. Each wears a grin that the ragdoll had forgotten they could. Especially Jax; it’s almost like looking at an entirely different person. Gone is that forlorn sadness in his eyes and that nasty, concealing smirk on his face. Now, the rabbit is smiling so hard it stretches from his mouth straight into his eyes, a happiness emanating from him that she can feel from a dozen feet away.
He sits perched by Ribbit like he had all those years, eyes glowing like stars when they land on the cackling frog woman. He’s calm, poised, and the most relaxed Ragatha has ever seen him. And there’s no reason to wonder why! Of course he would be! His two closest friends are back at his side where they belong!
At the joyous sight, the ragdoll’s smile grows. Her mittened fingers can’t help but dig in her pocket, fishing out a square object. It’s so worn and faded, the edges frayed and discolored by years of sad hands holding it close to her heart. But when she peers at the picture now, it’s no longer looking at a memory -a feeling- lost in time. It’s a reality that’s now restored once again in person.
Jax, Ribbit, Kaumfo... and her. All taking a selfie together and smiling widely at the camera. The picture isn’t anything of special value to most, but to Ragatha- oh, it is a timeless treasure! The moment framed here was just one of millions for the group, and yet it perfectly captures each of them. Jax, laughing so hard hot chocolate seems like it’s going to come out of his invisible nose. Ribbit, grinning with a fond eye roll at her rabbit brother’s antics. Kaumfo, slapping his forehead at how poorly his lame joke came out. And Ragatha herself, just taking it all in. Just happy to be a part of something with them as she holds the camera to make sure every beautiful piece of the group is seen.
The four of them. What they had- what they were...
And now, what we will be again!
Taking a deep breath, the ragdoll clutches the beloved photo to her chest and takes a few steps forward. Her mind races with overwhelming happy thoughts, too many to count. But a shrill whistle makes her pause. Her vision slips from happy plans to the sight in front of her...
And when she sees Jax wave his hands, the other two friends smiling warmly as the blushing jester comes over to them...
And as Pomni sits down, sandwiched in the ragdoll’s usual place between Ribbit and Kaumfo, Jax leaning over to introduce her to his two once-deceased friends...
Ragatha freezes.
None of them even look her way. The four of them just laugh and smile and talk casually among themselves, not noticing the ragdoll’s place is occupied by a different person. Worse yet, not seeming to care.
Ragatha blinks in disbelief. Is she seeing this right? She rubs her good eye- only to find the jester still sitting there after she does.
She watches as the other three laugh at something the jester says. Watches as Ribbit gently shoves Pomni’s shoulder and as Kaumfo nudges her softly. She watches as Jax leans over and beams toward the jester, like it pleases him just how well she is getting along with his two best friends.
Ragatha feels a knot form in her stomach. No, this doesn’t make sense! The four of them had history together, a bond that she thought not even abstraction or time could erase! It clearly didn’t between them and Jax! Why does that not seem like the case with her?
The ragdoll’s eye drifts down to the picture in her hands. She starts to question the smiles. The laughs. The everything now.
They wouldn’t choose Pomni over me... right?
But when she blinks back at the small group, her mind answers her own question.
They already have.
Heart racing, Ragatha gulps. She knows where her mind is starting to wander, running with the aching feeling hollowing out her chest. But she can’t stop it- especially when it’s followed up by reason.
Ribbit and Kaumfo didn’t rush to hug you the way they did Jax; they don’t seem happy to be reunited with you like they were with Jax. Neither has even made their way over to say hello to you.
None of the once-abstracted people have.
The ragdoll feels her stomach twist, but she makes herself shake her head.
No... no! I’ve been running around with Pomni, trying to make sure the rooms are ready for the ones brought back to life! she tries to retort. I’ve been busy- and so no one has had the chance to say hi to me! Including my once-abstracted friends!
Right?
She bites her lip as she looks around. Zooble and Gangle are talking to a dinosaur avatar and one that looks like an anteater- ones she had never met.
She gulps. Her eye peers to look at Kinger and his apparent wife, chatting with a dog-like character- neither of whom has spoken to her.
No one is eager to meet you. Why would they be? You’re nobody!
Ragatha feels her chest start to fill with that familiar emptiness she can’t explain. Her head clouds up and her vision blurs.
You mean nothing to Ribbit and Kaumfo- and especially to Jax! Remember how he hates you? How Gangle and Zooble never talk to you? How Pomni has seen through all your tricks and doesn’t trust you anymore?
Remember how no one wants you around?
The ragdoll clutches the sides of her head and starts to pull at her hair noodles- but that doesn't silence the demeaning voice in her head.
You never belonged in any group; the others just pitied you enough to allow you to think you did! You’re not good enough for anyone here! It’s pointless that you even try!
Tears start to well up in her eye. Her whole body aches as she trembles. A mittened hand wipes at her eye as the room starts to spin. Every faraway conversation seems deafeningly loud now, mixing poorly with her breaking heart pounding in her ear.
Nobody will ever cherish you! Not a single person here will ever want or love you!
Too many tears flood her eyes. She rashly places the picture back in her pocket; it scalds her hand too much to hold it.
No one will ever choose you-
“I do.”
Ragatha slowly blinks her eye open. The room has stopped spinning, and the distant discussions are softly heard again. Her body remains tense, however, as she peeks to her left, then right. When she sees no one there, she looks behind. Aside from Kinger, his wife, and the dog avatar in the distance, no one is around her- no one to take ownership of the words.
How odd; she swore she just heard someone speak!
The ragdoll’s eye search around her in vain just to double-check- when it widens all at once. Why does that voice almost sound like her own?
Her eyebrows hunch in confusion- before slowly, the voice speaks again.
“I choose you.”
She gulps. Slowly, carefully, she raises a set of mittened fingers to her trembling lips. They buzz and tingle with those simple words before they are moved to reframe them entirely.
“I... I choose me.”
A shocked smile surfaces on her face, her whispered tone warming her in a way altogether new. Although odd, how good those words feel to hear! How light and raw and-
Egotistical! Her mind instantly butts in to shame her. Who talks like that? Only a narcissistic, self-absorbed, haughty brat!
But the mental words, nor their desired effect, linger as long as she would’ve thought. They float in and out, barely causing her to even notice they had entered her mind to begin with. Surprising herself, she feels no need to answer or rebut them; her silence, as well as that around her, speaks for her.
Taking in a deep breath, Ragatha’s eye abandons its task of finding a happy face pointed her way, and instead, she peers up. The overhead lights from the circus catch the floating dust, sprinkling the air with a magic she hadn't noticed before. Some particles are small, some are decent-sized- yet all shower the air and give it a glow that leaves the smile on her face growing.
Her eye goes back to the group of friends before her. It focuses on a blushing Kaumfo and a cackling Ribbit.
Relationships are two-sided. And sometimes it doesn’t make sense to do all the heavy lifting when the other isn’t in the mood.
Her vision blurs with strange, good tears as she peers to her left, then right. Zooble. Gangle. Kinger- and all the others she couldn’t wait to get to know.
We all go through and deal with things differently, and sometimes you just need to let people do things their own way- as long as you’re still there when they need you.
Finally, her eye lands on Pomni and Jax. Especially Jax.
There are always ways to show you care without ruining yourself over it. You need to look out for yourself in all this, too.
She blinks- and suddenly the ones around her seem different. But she knows that’s just her and the gentle voice in her head now.
I just want everyone to be happy...
Including myself.
For some reason, this makes her look down at her palms. They are attached to the same fabric doll, mittened hands that, at one time, she had looked at in disbelief- horror at what it implied. But now, she sees them in a completely different light.
These are the same hands that always fed her, let her drink. The fingers that fiddle when she’s nervous. The hands that she uses to pat others on the back when they’ve done well, to rub someone’s shoulder when they are sad.
The hands have been used to hug so many friends along the way- all just to confirm just how much she loved them.
And although she knows how silly it will look to the others, although she knows how much Jax will never let her hear the end of it if he sees it...
Those same mittened doll hands slowly start to wrap around herself.
The self-hug starts off awkward, uncomfortable even. But within moments, all of that melts away as she gets lost in her arms.
Her hands are so unbelievably soft and warm! They delicately cradle her like she’s made of fine china, yet somehow remain firm with a grip that won’t let go.
Damn, I... I give the best hugs!
Ragatha takes in every second as her body loosens. As her arms tighten in their comforting, safe embrace, she can’t help but close her good eye. A deep, content breath escapes her nose- and that smile on her lips? It feels more permanent than it ever had before.
The world around her is quiet, still. It’s as if she is the only one in the room right now- and for the first time, silence feels good. Alone feels good.
The ragdoll hugs a little tighter before finally opening her tearful eye. Nothing has changed around her. No one approaching her. No one introducing a new friend. No one even acknowledging her. Everyone is still happily in their own world.
And to her shock, that is perfectly okay with her- because she’s finally happy in hers.
She fondly chuckles as both Jax and Pomni laugh at something Ribbit says and as Kaumfo gives the frog a playful shove. Her heartbeat, once pounding in fear, is at peace as she slowly, carefully backs away.
Giving someone space should never be the same as giving up on them-
“R-Ragatha?”
The soft voice behind her startles her. Her arms stay around her as she turns around. There stands Kinger’s wife, the beautiful brown chess piece, tilting her head at her. A look of excited yet shy hesitation is written across her face.
“Are... are you the Ragatha?”
The doll woman blinks. She slowly lets her hands drop at her sides as she blushes a bit.
“Um... yes?”
At her answer, the chess piece’s orange eyes go wide- and although she doesn’t have a mouth, it’s clear she is smiling at Ragatha.
“Why... I-"
Unable to hold back, the queen chess piece gently takes Ragatha’s hand and shakes it excitedly.
“What an honor it is to finally meet you!” she gushes to the surprised ragdoll. “The others have told me so much about you! Especially J-” she cuts herself off before blushing and looking away. “Well, especially Kinger, anyway. He has just raved about you!”
Ragatha feels her eye widen as her face turns the color of her hair. But when the chess piece’s face goes soft again, she finds herself confused for some reason. Especially when tears start to fill the other woman's eyes.
“Ragatha, I-”
All at once, the chess piece pulls the shocked doll woman into a warm embrace.
“Just... thank you, Ragatha.”
For a moment, the ragdoll doesn’t respond. She just freezes and blinks in bewilderment.
“For... what exactly?”
She feels the chess piece pull her closer in, making her body slowly loosen. When the wooden woman pulls back, Ragatha sees her eyes start to stream with overflowing tears as she gestures around her.
“For... all of this.”
When Ragatha just tilts her head again, the chess woman gives her shoulder a soft squeeze.
“If you hadn’t entered the circus when you did, I know without a doubt my dear Kinger would’ve abstracted,” she tells the ragdoll simply. “He had lost everything until you showed up. You gave him something to focus on: a friend. The hope you restored in him.”
She uses her other hand to gently tilt Ragatha’s chin to look at her.
“It’s because of you he lasted as long as he has- and so it’s because of you all of us are here today, including those of us who abstracted.”
Her face and eyes darken slightly as she rubs the ragdoll’s chin with her gloved thumb.
“You have a strength that most of us here didn’t have,” she continues softly, shame filling her eyes. “A strength I gave up having... or maybe I never had to begin with.”
Stiffly shaking her head, the queen chess piece gently pats the ragdoll on her shoulder again.
“Thank you for being so strong- for all of us and for yourself, too.”
Ragatha blinks in shock. Her blush deepens as she starts to shrug the compliment away and downplay it.
“Oh! Well, I can’t take credit for anything, really! I didn’t save anyone directly, and-”
But the look in the queen’s eyes makes her stop mid-sentence. She takes a gulp- and although it feels weird to, she chooses to accept the compliment.
“You’re welcome... um...”
“Oh, right! Where are my manners?” the chess piece says with an embarrassed smack to her own forehead. She extends a hand. “I’m Queenie, dear.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Ragatha answers with a grin. She shakes the other woman’s hand again before bowing with a curtsy. “Your Majesty.”
The woman chess piece laughs good-naturedly. When her eyes dance to the top of Ragatha's head, however, her face falls.
“Your bow is a bit crooked,” she comments casually. Her eyes shine. “Here, I’ll fix it.”
Reaching over, the chess piece gently readjusts the ragdoll’s hair bow- making Ragatha freezes in place. Queenie’s hands are the softest and most gentle she had ever felt before. Her demeanor is warm, her presence is calming.
But it’s the look in her eyes that paralyzes Ragatha the most. They are spilling over with a haunting fondness, an unbreakable love that the ragdoll had never seen before. Especially not from any woman interacting with her.
And the fact that it is all directed toward her...
Unable to stop, Ragatha wipes her eyes- and quickly hugs the chess piece close to her.
“Thank you, Queenie. For... everything.”
She can hear the faint heartbeat inside the wooden chest of the woman, making the ragdoll snuggle that much closer in. Queenie returns the embrace in kind, holding the ragdoll in a tight, firm hug. All at once, though, the queen chuckles.
“He was right about you.”
Curiosity getting the best of her, Ragatha peeks up.
“Who?”
“...Oh. Um... it doesn’t matter.”
Instantly, the doll woman’s stomach plummets. Afraid of what the chess piece would say next, she buries her head deeper in her chest.
“Just know this 'certain' person was right,” she hears the queen say with another chuckle. “You really do give the best hugs, Ragatha.”
Heart feeling like it would explode, the ragdoll squeezes her eye tightly shut and embraces the other woman even tighter. The two stay like that for a few moments- and although the hug is brief, it makes up for a lifetime without it.
Finally unwrapping her arms from around her, the queen gently grabs one of Ragatha’s hands. She pulls the ragdoll behind her, heading in the direction of her husband and the dog-like character.
“Come along, sweetheart. I want you to meet Scratch.”
And Ragatha finds her grin only widening, her hand tingling at the touch of Queenie’s fingers. Her heart pounds loudly, mixing wonderfully with her last thought in her peaceful mind.
I’m glad I didn't give up on the people I love.
Especially myself.