Chapter Text
…
…
…
CLICK!
Yasuhiro: Okay!
Byakuya: Is everyone here?
Makoto: Yeah.
Aoi: I’m here!
Toko: Waking up. A-A-Are we starting? Wha?-
Makoto: Yeah, we’re starting.
Sakura: So we’re all in?
Sayaka: I’m not in.
Kyoko: Neither am I.
Yasuhiro: What!?
Byakuya: Ugh!
Celestia: Come on!
Junko: Seriously!?
Makoto: What are you guys seeing?
Sayaka: Um, it's the main menu, there are some people-
Yasuhiro: You’re in! Hold up, hold up!
Mukuro: The screen's loading for me no-
BOOM!
Mukuro: OH!
Junko: WE’RE IN!
Byakuya: We’re all in?
Chihiro: We’re in! YES!
Mondo: We did it! Claps.
Hifumi: Don’t jinx it! Don’t jinx it!
Aoi: Don’t jinx it!
Yasuhiro: Okay! Speak if you’re not in!
…
Kyoko: I’m claiming Britain.
Yasuhiro: We’re in! We’re all in!
Taka: Heck yeah! We did it!
Makoto: Please, don’t jinx it!
Yasuhiro: Welcome to Victoria 3 everyone! Kyoko’s-
Click
Multiple blue screens.
Screams.
❈────────•✦•────────❈
BOOM!
Mondo: Are the servers alright?
Chihiro: Um, Miu’s…whatever this is seems fine.
Junko: I calculate a 2.3% chance of another crash!
Makoto: So it’s over?
Hifumi: It’s over!
Mondo: We did it! Hell yeah!
Aoi: STOP!
Makoto: Dude!
Junko: 2.7%
Makoto: DUDE!
Leon: AAAAAAHHH!!!
Celestia: STOP JINXING IT YOU FUCKING C*L*O*W*N!
Mondo: Who are you calling a clown!?
Sakura: Guys, please, let’s focus on the game!
Yasuhiro: OKAY OKAY OKAY We’re in! We’re in! Let’s focus on that!-
Kyoko: I’m taking Britain again.
Yasuhiro: Let’s focus on that!
Kyoko: Can I claim Britain?
Mukuro: Okay, okay, what nations can we play?
Mondo: Distant sounds of celebration.
Yasuhiro: First–can everyone hear me?
Makoto: I don’t think Discord was ever a-
Yasuhiro: Great! Say anything if you’re not in the game.
…
Yasuhiro: OKAY! We’re all in!
Chihiro: How long is this session going to be? I don’t think Miu’s…thing is stable.
Toko: W-What do you mean?
Chihiro: I’m just saying! If you hear a big boom from my mic, you all know who killed me.
Junko: Mondo?
Mukuro: No, Nagito.
Laughter filled the voice call.
Yasuhiro: Okay, we’re in! Welcome to Victoria 3 everyone!
Mukuro: Okay, so what countries can we play?
Yasuhiro: All the ones that aren’t pure white, they’re the decentralized nations.
Makoto: So I can play Austria…?
Yasuhiro: Yeah, but warning–there will be a lot of ethnic violence.
Makoto: Oh!
The snap of a soda can followed that statement.
Byakuya: This is gonna be a long one.
❈────────•✦•────────❈
Yasuhiro (USA): So, do you guys have any more questions?
Sayaka (Russia): Um, yeah, is there any way I can remove the tsar? He’s a…
Mondo (France): The tsar’s a cunt?
Sayaka (Russia): Y-Yeah.
Yasuhiro (USA): Okay, so there’s an event-
Kyoko (UK): Can we start?
Taka (S-Piedmont): Kirigiri-chan! Let those with questions ask them!
Junko (Japan): Does anyone else have questions?
Makoto (Austria): Yeah…
…
Makoto (Austria): Okay, nevermind, I get it now.
Byakuya (Brazil): If we don’t start, I’m leaving. Eff this crap.
Aoi (Ottomans): What the fucking shit? You can’t leave!
Mondo (France): Yeah, dude, what the fuck!
Taka (S-Piedmont): We’ve waited a day to play this!
Celestia (Sweden): Exactly, Sayaka is the only one who doesn’t understand the game. Why wait for a single person's question when we’ve all tried so long and hard to play with all of us together?
Sayaka (Russia): Let’s start the game.
Yasuhiro (USA): Hey we… o-okay.
BOOM!
Sakura (Spain): We can still answer your question, Sayaka. We just want to play.
Sayaka (Russia): I know…
Toko (Japan): F-Finally…
❈────────•✦•────────❈
30 minutes later…
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): Um…Togami-sama, do you mind helping me keep Peru down? They’re supporting each other's independence…
Byakuya (Brazil): Not gonna lie, things are…not looking good for me over here. The landowners aren’t happy I’m trying to ban slavery.
Aoi (Ottomans): Pog?
Leon (Dai-Viet): Pfft!
Sakura (Spain): Pog!
Yasuhiro (USA): Maybe if I try an early ban strat, we can have civil wars together?
Toko (Japan): I-I-I’ll try to ban ssssserfdom so we can die together!
Byakuya (Brazil): Oh God…
Yasuhiro (USA): HAHAHA!
Kyoko (Britain): What the fuck?
…
Makoto (Austria): What happened?
Celestia (Sweden): What?
Kyoko (Britain): I lost Hanover!
Chihiro (Prussia): Oh, I see!
Yasuhiro (USA): Yeah, that's an early game event.
Kyoko (Britain): Can I prevent it?
Yasuhiro (USA): …Not, really. But it’s fine, it’s…it’s Hanover and a PU, it’s literally the worst subject in the game.
Kyoko (Britain): Can I get it back?
Chihiro (Prussia): No, wait…
Taka (S-Piedmont): Is it this nation in Germany?
Yasuhiro (USA): Yeah, it’s-
Kyoko (Britain): Oh, it’s 17 infamy, that’s nothing.
Chihiro (Prussia): Wait!
Crackle!
Leon (Dai-Viet): Oh!
Sayaka (Russia): OH!
Mondo (France): Are you invading Germany?
Kyoko (Britain): It was mine, it was literally my subject. I’m taking it back.
Chihiro (Prussia): I-If I’m reading this right…I-I need Hanover to form Germany.
Yasuhiro (USA): Not really, but-
Crackle!
Byakuya (Brazil): There it is!
Toko (Japan): I-I-It’s been a year!
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): They took half your country, Togami-sama!
Byakuya (Brazil): And half my-oh!
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): I’m coming! I’m dead without you!
Mondo (France): Jesus!
Leon (Dai-Viet): This is the part where Toko and I go to war, but we’re not stupid.
Toko (Japan): O-o-one of us isn’t…
Leon (Dai-Viet): Wow.
Chihiro (Prussia): It’s part of the German region Kyoko. I’m not letting you take it.
Kyoko (Britain): What?
Chihiro (Prussia): I’m going in. You can’t take it.
Kyoko (Britain): It was mine! I started with it! It’s mine!
Chihiro (Prussia): It’s mine now, they’re my subject now, you-
Celestia (Sweden): Hahaha!
Mondo (France): YEEESS!!! Claps hands.
Chihiro (Prussia): Thou shalt not pass!
Kyoko (Britain): But it’s mine.
Makoto (Austria): This’ll be fun.
❈────────•✦•────────❈
After about 20 more minutes…
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): Chile’s attacking!
Byakuya (Brazil): What!?
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): Chile’s attacking me! They’re coming for me!
Byakuya (Brazil): No! We’re doing so we-we’re losing the battle, oh God.
Yasuhiro (USA): A lot of games have Chile and other countries attacking you. I’ll intervene to help you.
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): Deadass?
Yasuhiro (USA): Deadass.
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): Are we back?
Byakuya (Brazil): Oh my God, OH MY GOD! We won the battle, Hifumi!
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): We’re so back!
Byakuya (Brazil): We’re back!
Mondo (France): Kyoko, piss off!
Kyoko (Britain): I just want my land back.
Chihiro (Prussia): It's in Germany…check the interest…places!
Kyoko (Britain): So? It’s mine!
Sayaka (Russia): You lost it immediately, Kyoko. It’s not yours anymore, let Chihiro form Germany!
Kyoko (Britain): Yasuhiro do they need to take Hanover to form Germany?
Yasuhiro (USA): Uh, no-
Leon (Dai-Viet): Since when did Kyoko ask Yasuhiro questions?
Laughter.
Kyoko (Britain): Do they?
Yasuhiro (USA): N-No, but you should probably just…let them have this, dude. Do you really want to game ruin?-
Kyoko (Britain): It’s mine.
Sakura (Spain): Is it worth losing Ireland over this?
Celestia (Sweden): Neither of you can enforce on each other. You’re just ruining each other’s economies.
Chihiro (Prussia): They’re invading Germany!
Celestia (Sweden): I know, I know! I’m siding with you here! But that doesn’t change the fact that you two are ruining each other.
Kyoko (Britain): I agree. They game ruined me now I’m going to game-
Makoto (Austria): What?!
Leon (Dai-Viet): HUH!?
Toko (Japan): K-K-Kyoko! Fuck off! You have so much land!
Kyoko (Britain): They’re taking Hanover from me!
Sakura (Spain): Okay, okay. Kyoko, zoom out.
Kyoko (Britain): Okay…
Sakura (Spain): You see Australia? Canada? India? South Africa?
Kyoko (Britain): You see Hanover?
Mondo (France): Fuck this shit, man!
Kyoko (Britain): You saw how it was pink before?
Mondo (France): I’m not letting you fuck with Dudette, you’re not taking Hanover.
Kyoko (Britain): It was mine!
Hifumi (Peru-Bolivia): Hold the line!
Byakuya (Brazil): I need to hold Hifumi, I need to make them capitulate!
Yasuhiro (USA): I’ll hold the line, try to push Chile. Are the Peru’s stable?
Sayaka (Russia): I’m getting nervous, the military left the government…
Yasuhiro (USA): Just abdicate as soon as possible. Like, don’t let it get farther than necessary.
Toko (Japan): L-Leon, I like how you’ve just gotten quiet, after everything.
Leon (Dai-Viet): I-I like the idea of chaos, but seeing this all actually go down is fucking insane.
Mukuro (Upper-C): I’m just existing, while Kyoko ruins the empire.
Junko (Quebec): It’s so fucking peak! Seeing mommy Kyoko-
Kyoko (Britain): Oh God.
Junko (Quebec): -ruin everything and being unable to do ANYTHING about it is so…despair-inducing!
Celestia (Sweden): You knew this would happen, didn’t you, Junko?
Junko (Quebec): Not this fast, not this fast at all; it hasn’t even been 5 years. I thought by the 1860s or 70s or something. Not at the START!
Kyoko (Britain): They stole Hanover!
Sakura (Spain): Oh my God…
Makoto (Austria): I am here to report all of my minorities want out.
Makoto’s sudden interjection caused the VC to die laughing.
❈────────•✦•────────❈
In 1842…
Kyoko (UK): Fine. White peace. I’m done.
Chihiro (Pru): Really!?
Kyoko (UK): Yes…
Snap!
Chihiro (Pru): Oh thank God, I almost had a civil war!
Mondo (Fra): SAME! SAME!
Kyoko (UK): What the fuck? Why didn’t you tell me?
Mondo (Fra): Why would we?
Hifumi (PB): OOH!
Yasuhiro (USA): Pleasure doing business with you!
Byakuya (Bra): We did it! It’s over!
Toko (Ja): Y-y-y-you guys made everything crash and burn and somehow came out fine, wow.
Sakura (Spa): It just works! I guess.
Chihiro (Pru): Now I wouldn’t say “fine” more like…now able to focus on one issue.
Mondo (Fra): All of southern, central, and western France wants to take away voting rights.
Chihiro (Pru): All the important parts of my country want the exact opposite. All hail the republic, I guess.
Sayaka (Rus): Hahahahahahaahahaha!
Kyoko (UK): Fuck you. Fuck all of you.
Mukuro (Upper-c): What’s your problem? Kyoko, calm down! It’s just a game!
Taka (S-Pi): Do I need to report you to the principal for bad behavior!?
Sakura (Spa): Kyoko, you lost. Focus on something else.
Yasuhiro (USA): Yeah, let’s focus on the Great Game!
Kyoko (UK): Great…Game?
Yasuhiro (USA): Yeah, I have that DLC. You can beat Russia in a war of influence in Central Asia!
Kyoko (UK): …Oh. OH.
…
Kyoko (UK): Okay.
Sayaka (Rus): Yasuhiro, why would you do this?
Aoi (Ott): Kyoko, if you try to sabotage Sayaka, I swear to God.
Makoto (Aus): Seriously, Kyoko, don’t.
Kyoko (UK): I’ll just do what’s necessary.
Makoto (Aus): DON’T.
Kyoko (UK): I Won’t, promise.
Junko (Que): Mukuro, she’s weak! Let’s gain independence!
Mukuro (Upper-C): What?
Kyoko (UK): Hm?
Junko (Que): Hagakure-Senpai! Come on, support our independence!
Yasuhiro (USA): Wha?
Junko (Que): Isn’t that what you want? To help us new players play the game we want?
Yasuhiro (USA): What?
Junko (Que): You helped Hifumi and Byakuya after they shot themselves in the throat! Why not us?
Mukuro (Upper-C): I just want to play a chill game! I just want to!-
Leon (Dai): Under Kyoko?
Makoto (Aus): The Bohemians are starting a revolt! Oh God!
Aoi (Ott): …Hm.
Sayaka (Rus): I have 7 and a half million radicals, but I’ll happily kill your minorities for you!
Leon (Dai): Toko, I’m scared.
Toko (Ja): Y-Y-Yeah I spoke too soon…
❈────────•✦•────────❈
The camera was zoomed in around Paris as hordes of revolutionaries besieged the city. Zooming out, Mondo’s previous description was accurate–most of the kingdom was now revolting.
Leon (Dai): Jesus fucking Christ.
Sakura (Spa): Who knew that starting a major war within the first couple of years was a bad idea?
Mondo (Fra): They’re coming out of the goddamn walls!
Celestia (Swe): They’re coming out of the homeless shelters asking for food, man.
Byakuya (Bra): For the record, the Bourgeoisie are the middle to upper middle class of society. They are coming out of the walls and dragging the poor with them.
Aoi (Ott): Pog?
Toko (Ja): W-What are you even doing? You’ve done nothing so far.
Aoi (Ott): I didn’t hop into the clown car and now I’m doing nothing? What have you done?
Toko (Ja): I-I’ve just been building my economy and eating popcorn with Leon.
Yasuhiro (USA): D-Day! D-Day!
Sayaka (Rus): Have you landed in Gascony?
Yasuhiro (USA): Yup! Hold the line!
Chihiro (Pru): They’re leaving the line!
Yasuhiro (USA): Push the line! PUUUSH!
Kyoko (UK): Why are they leaving the front?
Yasuhiro (USA): Because I took their capitol…?
Kyoko (UK): How do I make them stop?
…
Byakuya (Bra): What?
Junko (Que): Pfft! What!?
Mukuro (Upper-C): Why would they…how could they?-
Kyoko (UK): Can I send them a suggestion or something?
Yasuhiro (USA): N-No, that’s not…how this game works.
Kyoko (UK): But I’ve got leverage on them! How do I spend it?
Yasuhiro (USA): That’s not how leverage works. How much do you even have?
Kyoko (UK): It said I’d gain 300.
Yasuhiro (USA): 300? What do you…OH!
Mondo (Fra): You’re BANKROLLING THE REBELS!??
Byakuya and Hifumi were audibly laughing in the background.
Sayaka (Rus): Why are you doing this? You lost Hanover.
Chihiro (Pru): How expensive is this…
Click
Chihiro (Pru): They have shot the king!
More and louder laughter.
Chihiro (Pru): They have shot the king! All hail President…I don’t know how to say his name.
Makoto (Aus): Oh, you’re a republic now!
Chihiro (Pru): Yeah at first I was just gaslighting them into thinking I was actually changing stuff but then they…like, offered a bunch of good laws for free and I was like “Okay, guess we’re the republic now!”
Toko (Ja): A-Aoi, what have you done…?
Aoi (Ott): Giggling Don’t question it…!
Taka (S-Pi): Asahina-chan, are you fighting Tuscany right now?
Sakura (Spa): She’s invading Tuscany?
Aoi (Ott): No! No! They’re protecting Ait Abbas, the Algerian guys. I’m not taking Tuscany!
Mondo (Fra): Wait, what?... Oh Goddamnit!
Aoi (Ott): Ahahahahaha!
Mondo (Fra): I need that! It’s part of my content!
Kyoko (UK): Now you know what it’s like to lose land.
Hifumi (PB): Kirigiri-chan, let it go!
Kyoko (UK): I have let it-Sakura?
Sakura (Spa): Hm?
Kyoko (UK): Sakura!
Sakura (Spa): W-What…?
Kyoko (UK): Are you taking Transvaal?
Sakura (Spa): …Yeah…?
Kyoko (UK): What the hell!
Sakura (Spa): W-W-What did I do wrong?!
Kyoko (UK): I was going to take that!
Sakura (Spa): Why didn’t you say anything?
Chihiro, Sayaka, Mondo, and to a lesser extent Makoto all cheered as the rebellion finally ended.
Yasuhiro (USA): Good job, everyone!
Kyoko (UK): Cause I’ve been busy getting fucked by Chihiro, and getting fucked by Mondo and watching my vengeance fucking kill itself.
Celestia (Swe): …Hehehehehe…
Sakura (Spa): Sorry Kyoko…I was just trying to get a colony.
Kyoko (UK): Right next to mine?
Byakuya (Bra): Hifumi put the greener grass stuff back on, the Spanish and British are about to fight!
Hifumi (PB): On it! OMG I just got an Irish mass migration!
Mukuro (Upper-C): …20% of my population are Irish people.
Another round of laughter as various players confirmed–yes, 20% of Upper Canada’s population was Irish.
Kyoko (UK): Yeah, and guess what? They had a “National Awakening” so now they’re pissed.
Makoto (Aus): First time?
Byakuya (Bra): I have 30’000 Czech people in Brazil right now. Makoto, mind explaining that?
Sayaka (Rus): I helped.
Byakuya burst out into laughter by the blunt admission.
Kyoko (UK): Why are the Irish even asking for independence? I get Czechia, but the Irish never even got independence.
…
…
…
Celestia (Swe): Yes they did?
Byakuya (Bra): What?
Mukuro (Upper-c): Yeah they’re…they’re independent.
…
Kyoko (UK): No they aren’t?
…
Toko (Ja): …W-W-WHAT!?
Makoto (Aus): Wait, for real?
Hifumi (PB): NANI!?!?!
Mondo (Fra): Nah I’m with Kyoko, they ain’t-
Aoi (Ott): I’m sorry but they literally are?
Kyoko (UK): I-I never heard that, no. They aren’t?
Yasuhiro (USA): Are they…?
Byakuya (Bra): Y-Yes!
Suddenly, a stream began. When everyone checked it out, they saw Junko presenting a simple Google search.
Junko (Que): Became de facto independent in 1921, became de jure independent in 1949!
…
Yasuhiro (USA): Huh, the more you know!
Aoi (Ott): I thought Europe was a country for a while!
Laughter filled the VC before somebody ruined it.
Kyoko (UK): That’s an AI hallucination.
Junko (Que): Que?
Kyoko (UK): Chihiro, tell her, AI hallucinates this stuff, right?
Chihiro (Pru): They…th-they hallucinate things sometimes, but this is pretty detailed.
Mondo (Fra): Kyoko, we were wrong, deal with it!
Kyoko (UK): But I-
Taka (S-Pi): K*I*R*I*G*I*R*I-C*H*A*N*! S*T*O*P I*T W*I*T*H T*H*I*S B*A*D B*E*H*A*V*I*O*R B*E*F*O*R*E I T*E*L*L T*H*E P*R*I*N*C*I*P*A*L*!
Makoto (Aus): MY FUCKING EARS!
❈────────•✦•────────❈
Finally, after 15 years of war and revolution, relative peace had found Europe…because War had left and finally struck Asia.
Toko (Jap): Th-there’s so many of them!
Yasuhiro (US): Just hold…!
Leon (Dai): Oh my God, we’re slaughtering them!
Yasuhiro (US): Toko, did we bring down the navy?
Toko (Jap): L-Let me check…w-we did! I’m gonna land!
Leon (Dai): They’re winning this battle!
Yasuhiro (US): Let me make another landing and distract them!
Mondo (Fra): How’s the war in China?
Toko (Jap): L-Leon might die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make!
Leon (Dai): Screw you!
Mondo, Chihiro, and Makoto laughed.
Chihiro (Pru): …Hey, Mondo?
Mondo (Fra): Yeah?
…
Mondo (Fra): Uh, I don’t know about this…
Chihiro (Fra): We’ll be equals! But some of us will be more equal than others!
Leon (Dai): What’re they doing?
Sayaka (Rus): Yeah, what are you doing?
Mondo (Fra): …I’ll do it, I’ll do it!
Chihiro (Pru): PFFFT! Oh my God! YES!
14 players rushed to click on France. 300 divisions, French culture, 2nd GP…
Yasuhiro (USA): ZOLLVEREIN!?!?
14 players rushed to check the power blocs, then, in horror, they checked the markets.
Kyoko (UK): Oh my God, your market is half of Europe!
Chihiro (Pru): Goblin laugh.
Sayaka (Rus): I thought all the Great Powers had Power Blocs already?
Taka (S-Pi): Not France, they’re independent.
Kyoko (UK): Not anymore, they’re German now.
Makoto (Aus): Wow! Two great powers in one Power Bloc! I don’t know about this, Sayaka, we might need to merge Power Blocs as well!
A player grit her teeth.
Mondo (Fra): Neither do I, I’m at a 14’000 yen deficit…
Giggles and chuckles.
Mondo (Fra): I was making 5’000 before joining.
Roaring laughter. And then…
Crackle!
Sayaka (Rus): …Kyoko?
Kyoko (UK): …What? I’m trying to win the Great Game.
Makoto (Aus): What is she doing?
Sayaka (Rus): She’s-
Kyoko (UK): I’m puppeting Iran.
Sakura (Spa): You’re invading Iran?
Junko (Que): Damn! Didn’t know you were an American President!
Byakuya (Bra): America invaded Iraq and Afghanistan–literally everywhere except Iran.
Junko (Que): As of 2022…
Hifumi (PB): I have formed Peru-Bolivia!
Sayaka (Rus): Good... Kyoko, I can’t let you take Iran.
Kyoko (UK): So Chihiro steals Hanover, and you steal-...you’re stealing Iran from me?
Chihiro (Pru): Hanover. Left. You tried to steal it from me!
Kyoko (UK): Chihiro, fuck off, you dirty fucking thief.
Frantic clicking could be heard from someone’s keyboard.
Yasuhiro (USA): Guys, let's calm down! It’s just a game, remember that.
Kyoko (UK): You wasted all day yesterday trying to get us to log in without crashing. Now you’re wasting all day today to have everyone fuck with me.
Byakuya (Bra): Why are you here then? Why are you here?
Kyoko (UK): I don’t know. I guess I have nothing better to do.
Celestia (Swe): You came in with a critical attitude immediately, essentially sabotaged two players and are-
Sayaka (Rus): I’m siding with Persia…sorry.
Celestia (Swe): You’re fine, darling! Kyoko, you are complaining about everything when everyone else has had worse happen to them because of your actions!
Kyoko (UK): Byakuya tried to ban slavery, and the game punished him.
Byakuya (Bra): I made a calculated risk that failed to ban slavery early, which got me punished, Kirigiri.
Kyoko (UK): Fuck you.
Byakuya (Bra): What’s your effing problem?
The game froze for a second.
Junko (Null): OH! Mukuro just Vore’d me!
…
…
…
Kyoko (UK): What!?
Mukuro (Upper-C): WHAT?
Makoto (Aus): HUH!?
Junko (Null): She fucking ate me! She ate my country!
Yasuhiro (USA): Did your country federate with hers?
Toko (Ja): W-W-What!?
Yasuhiro (USA): I explained it when the session started! The Canadian countries can u-unite and form Canada. I warned you Junko!
Junko (Null): Yes you did!
Mukuro (Upper-C): Gagging. Oh my God, did you play Quebec just to make that joke!?
Junko (Null): Maybe!
Yasuhiro (USA): …Pause. Let’s pause the game, 15-minute break! I need to piss.
❈────────•✦•────────❈
Whilst everyone went to cool off, multiple conversations played out…Some more serious than not.
Makoto took the time to video call Kyoko on Discord. Locking his hands and looking directly at the camera. “So, like, you’re pissed.”
Kyoko was messing with a Rubik's cube, not even trying to solve it, just listening to the noise and feeling the shifting of the toy. “I mean…I’m getting over it.”
Makoto sighed, leaning forward with a stern glare that, just a year ago, he would have struggled to give anyone. Especially Kyoko. “We’re still friends, obviously.”
Kyoko nodded.
…
“And…Sayaka never “stole” me, to be clear. We were always just friends.” Makoto’s voice was stern and direct, with no chance for Kyoko to misconstrue it.
Kyoko sighed, rubbing her forehead as if she had a headache. “I said I wouldn’t fuck with her. And I was being honest.” Kyoko’s voice was as it always was, blunt yet lifeless in her own strange way. There was no voice like hers, so emotionless, yet paradoxically oozing with emotion for those close to her to find. “The game told me to invade Iran, so I invaded Iran.”
“Jump off a roof, then I’ll marry you.”
Kyoko’s eyes widened, face turning pale as she turned back to the camera and Makoto’s stern face. “N-no!”
“Okay.” Makoto leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. “Drop one of your cases to solve another. Go on, do it.”
Kyoko shook her head, gritting her teeth at that last comment. “You know I’d never do that!”
“It was just a hypothetical!”
“What’s your problem?” Kyoko asked. “What does this have to do with?-”
“SO.” Makoto clapped his hands, the sound coming through the speakers. “You aren’t stupid, so why, when told to do something, do you just do it without thinking?”
Kyoko didn’t respond.
“Do you even want to play?” Kyoko nodded. “Then why are you complaining and banging your fists against the computer and, just, not engaging at all?”
Kyoko was silent.
‘I don’t know what to do.’ She signed. ‘It’s too complicated and frustrating, and Chihiro pissed me off right at the start.’
Makoto stared sternly. Any comfort Kyoko hoped to find would not come. “Imagine if the roles were reversed…” Kyoko nodded, and Makoto sighed. “And you’re meant to take Hanover, but as soon as you get it in your grasp…someone says, “you’re stealing!” Or, “That’s MINE!” and things like that…would you be mad at them?”
The 18-year-old had to take a second to think about this. ‘... Yes.’
Makoto sighed. “... Yasuhiro really wanted to show us this game.” He said. “And…he’s been really calm in explaining all the game mechanics. I’m sure if you just asked for help-”
‘If I’m annoying you by being honest, I’d annoy him by asking questions.’
Makoto glared through the screen. “You’re pissing me off because you’re ruining a social gathering, because you’re essentially having a tantrum.”
…
‘I’m sorry.’ Kyoko looked down at the table. ‘That I’m ruining this for you…’
Makoto sighed. “Look…I’m sorry that you’re overwhelmed, and I’m sorry that you lost some stuff immediately. That's some BS. But you need to roll with the punches!” Makoto made some boxing gestures towards the screen. “We’ve had civil war after civil war! And we’ve been laughing for 2 hours seeing the population and GDP lines dip, not go up. Chaos is fun!” Kyoko raised her hands when Makoto clarified. “When it’s not petty.”
Kyoko messed with the Rubik’s Cube for a bit before putting it down to sign again. ‘... I’ll stop complaining, I’ll stop cursing, and I’ll play the game.’
Makoto nodded, quickly licking his lips. “...We like you, all of us.” He said. “Me, Sayaka, Yasuhiro, there’s no real…bad blood between us. We wanted to experience this with you because…you’re our friend, no matter what.” Kyoko subtly nodded, licking her own lips, albeit longer and more thoroughly. “...I’m gonna go see if I can talk to Yasuhiro. If you want to back out, you can. No one’s pressuring you. This is just a game meant for fun. No need to get mad or frustrated.”
…
Kyoko nodded.
“...Okay, see yah.” Makoto left the call, and Kyoko let out a breath.
“...” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a monocle. Holding the bronze keepsake in her hands, she gazed through the dark lens, watching the world from a different perspective. “...Fucking bitch.”
Meanwhile…
“So I’m thinking…” Hifumi tapped his fingers on the table, reaching to the side to grab a few chips. “When Hagakure-san invades Mexico, we do our own plays and take a bunch of Mexican lands he doesn’t want.” He paused, chewing on the barbecue chips before quickly returning to the conversation. “I don’t think it’d take long to incorporate, and I don’t think he’ll object.”
“Hm…” Byakuya wiped the lenses of his glasses with a small towel. “What land would we even take? And even then, I don’t think I’ll be able to reach it effectively.”
“I’m thinking I’ll take the southernmost states, and then you take the coastal stuff in the Caribbean. I’ll check the specific-” A ping showing cut Hifumi off. “Huh?”
“Hey guys.” Yasuhiro was sitting on the floor, surrounded by pillows and blankets. “How are we doing?” He was holding his crystal ball, but his eyes were on the camera rather than the mystical object.
Byakuya immediately raised an eyebrow. “... Fine.” The Ultimate Heir, once called the Ultimate Jackass by the entire school, put his glasses on and opened his mouth. “You’re clearly not feeling well. What’s up?”
Yasuhiro paused, surprised by how quickly and clearly Byakuya had called him out. “...Yeah.” He sighed, his voice glitching over the voice call. “I just feel kind of bad, to be honest. About everything.”
“Oh Hagakure-san!” Hifumi wiped his hands on his shirt and sat up in his chair. “I can assure you it's been a blast so far!”
“Has it?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck. “Like, I’m just getting the vibe that it’s just pissing everyone off, like this has all been a waste of time…”
“Kyoko is not everyone.” Once again, the Ultimate Jackass went straight to the point. “Yes, yesterday was a waste of time, by no fault of your own. I’d rather blame the computers and developers than you.” Byakuya snapped his fingers to catch their attention before pointing his finger directly at the camera. “Let me be clear–you have done nothing wrong today. Kyoko’s just mad that she’s not getting everything she wants and is taking it out on us. You have done nothing wrong.”
“Yes.” Hifumi nodded, adjusting his glasses. He paused for a second before deciding he had more to say. “Kirigiri-chan is mad that she lost something, which is fair. I felt very upset when my neighbors invaded me, and Togami-sama felt upset, surely, when the civil war began.” Byakuya nodded. “But we persevered! Even if you didn’t intervene to help us, I’m sure we would have survived and had just as much fun!”
Yasuhiro sighed, rubbing his hands over his crystal ball. “I…I was in Kyoko’s boat.” He said. “First ever game, messed up the UK so bad I wouldn’t be surprised if they went full 1984 after I quit that timeline!” The three awkwardly chuckled, trying to show they were all still engaged. “The game's shit, no doubt about it, but…it’s still fun, you know?”
“Oh I understand!” Hifumi said. “I still don’t understand how to make money, but you know what?” Hifumi threw his hands in the air. “I’m having fun! Because you’re right behind me helping me learn!” Yasuhiro’s smile grew as Hifumi continued. “And Togami-sama’s beside me suffering as well!”
“I’m playing the long game!” Byakuya said, a wide smile on his own face. “I’m looking at what everyone else is doing and thinking, ‘Oh God, how do I survive this? Oh God, Oh crud!’” He spoke directly into the microphone, causing his voice to be distorted and the other two to laugh. “And I lied earlier. Yesterday wasn’t a total waste because I had some laughs there as well. Yasuhiro, I heard a quote a while back that amounted to: don’t regret something that makes you laugh.” Byakuya snapped open another soda can and took a quick sip. “Don’t let Kyoko’s miserable butt ruin something we’re all enjoying.”
Yasuhiro blinked, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “Remember when we had to survive a swarm of Monokuma Clones and I threatened to throw you off the roof to them if you didn’t shut up?”
Byakuya chuckled, memories of the incident filling his head. “Why yes! Yes, I do…”
Meanwhile…
“If there’s one thing I, everyone, wants from her it’s…why?”
Sayaka, Chihiro, and Mondo all nodded as Taka spoke. “Why is she doing this? I asked and my answer was basically just ‘I’m over it!’ which…is basically nothing. What does that even mean!?”
“It means she’s…over Makoto.” Sayaka said, sucking in a breath through grit teeth. “I mean, it could mean she’s over Hanover, but I can’t help but think this is…about more than the game.”
“Nah man, I’ve been getting bad vibes from her all week, this is totally about her and Makoto.” Mondo said. “Like, I get the chick feeling burnt, but that doesn’t mean she can be a dick.”
“I’m just wondering though…” Chihiro said softly. “What role do I play in this? What did I do to make her mad?” Their lips trembled, tears swelling in their eyes. Despite their camera being off, everyone could clearly hear the hurt in their voice.
“Chihiro, you have done nothing wrong!” Taka felt the fire coursing through his veins. “KIRIGIRI-CHAN IS THE PROBLEM! NOT YOU!!”
“Stop yelling!” Sayaka cried, causing the flame to snuff out in Taka’s heart.
“Sorry! Sorry! It’s just!-” Taka screamed one last time into his hands. “I hate the way she’s acting! There’s no excuse!”
“Yeah, dude…” Mondo grumbled out, scratching the back of his neck and placing his gaze on a nearby game poster. “And to be honest, I don’t even know why, you know? Like, it’s one guy. Find another one!” Mondo threw his hand in the air, the frustration he’d been hiding slowly burning its way out of his throat. “Sayaka and Makoto have been dating for 3 months! Makoto rejected her 6 months ago! What’s gotten her so pissy?”
Frustrated sighs filled the voice chat.
“... She tried asking Makoto out.”
3 heads snapped to Sayaka.
“Wait, while you two were dating!?” Chihiro asked.
Taka gasped so loudly everyone swore he had ejected all the air from his lungs. “Tuesday!? 2:30pm!?”
Sayaka gulped. “...He didn’t say when…just that when we got together that evening, Kyoko made a pass.” She reached for a bottle of water near her and took a few gulps. “Ah…he said she said that Makoto was showing ‘all the signs’ of regret or something. Don’t worry, he shut her down hard.”
“Oh my FUCKING GOD!” Mondo covered his face with his hands and tried to block out the image of Kyoko being so stupid from his mind. “Makoto’s the most LOYAL dude around! What the hell was she thinking!?”
“Why didn’t you tell anybody?” Chihiro asked, more concerned than ever for their friends. “If you had told her dad, he would have talked to her!”
“And what would that do?” Mondo spat out. “He lets her harass 77-B all day and encourages it! What would he have done?”
“Why do you think the Imposter constantly reports her?” Taka asked, crossing his arms. “To build a paper trail! Even if one thing doesn’t end in punishment, it will come back to bite her!” His eyes turned to Sayaka. “With your permission, I will immediately send an anonymous report on your beha!-”
“No!” Sayaka raised her hands. “No no no! That doesn’t end well!” She yelled out. “Me and Makoto talked about it already! We don’t want her to get in trouble, and we don’t want her harassing us!”
“Harassing?- Christ, she would do that, shit.” The curse came out of Chihiro’s mouth casually, as if they didn’t even notice it. “God…I don’t want her to get in trouble either, but if she’s going to act like a complete Incel, then she has it coming!”
“Damn, Incel’s actually a fit description in this case.” Mondo pretended to barf, tongue sticking out and all. “Sayaka, I know you’ve had shit experiences with this stuff, but it’d be worse if you just let this shit slide–Makoto’s growing more of a spine, why can’t you?”
…
“That came out wrong, sorry, I-”
“No, no…” Sayaka teared up. “You’re right, I’ll…I’ll talk to Makoto about it, okay?”
“...This will end in a report, yes?” Taka was quiet, almost resigned to the situation. Almost.
“...We’ll see,” Sayaka sighed out. “For now, I just want to have a fun game. I don’t want to ruin this for everyone.”
“...For sure,” Mondo was also quiet. “Yasuhiro’s gonna un-pause in 2 minutes, I’mma take a piss.” He stood up from his chair after getting a few half-hearted farewells from his friends as he left.
“I’m going to make some chocolate milk. I might be late, sorry.”
“No, no, you’re good.” Taka reassured Sayaka, as she also went mute and deaf. After double-checking that she was gone, Taka immediately went to the school's official page, found the principal's official email, and began loudly typing out an anonymous complaint.
“She was so nice…” Taka paused. “But now? I don’t know, she’s kind of…worse than Byakuya when he first got here.” Chihiro turned their camera on, tears streaming down their face. “But he got better! We all did, in our own ways…maybe she’ll get better too?”
Taka silently scratched the back of his ear. He re-read what he had already written about Kyoko’s behavior…and began typing more. “Can’t get better if you don’t want to. And what pushes someone harder than an uncomfortable conversation with Dad?”
Chihiro pondered his logic for a few seconds. “...Nothing.”
“Exactly!” And with that, Taka clicked send.
Meanwhile…
…
…
…
Two people joined the voice chat. “Sup.”
“Hey Sakura!” Aoi waved at her best friend. “So about Morocco!”
“It’s literally my only colony right now.”
“You have trans-rightsmatter-vaal!”
“First, based. Second, Kyoko’s probably coming after me for that, so-”
“So focus on defending that and give me Morocco!”
“No!”
“Please!”
“Oh God…”
Sakura sighed, this was going to be a long talk.