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The weather is calm the day Jo arrives. There are a few pale white clouds scattering the light blue sky. It hadn't rained in days. Fuma could tell it won’t last - it’s been calm for too many days to stay that way forever. It wouldn’t rain today, or tomorrow but it would rain whether they were prepared or not.
They didn't know if Jo had a waterproof coat or an umbrella to call his own; they were far from prepared for a storm. Yudai would tell him he was overreacting but he couldn’t feel the bite in the air, he didn’t know what it felt like for the weather to change so suddenly. Fuma knew it far too well, everything would gray over and he would have to fight back the smug I told you so.
Jo looked like he had experienced the rain even while it wasn’t there. His black hair was slightly too long, falling over his eyes, and damp. His eyes looked soft and focused but also so far away. He wasn’t a child, he was on the verge of being a teenager. He was an age Fuma could remember being - 11 felt like both a lifetime ago and like it was yesterday. 11 years old was the first time he met Yudai but they didn’t become Fuma and Yudai until half a lifetime had passed. And now Jo, at 11 was meeting them for the first time - it felt like it meant something but no one in the room could be sure what.
Harua and Taki weren't home when Jo arrived. They knew there would be another boy at home when they got back from school. Fuma could imagine that they were both buzzing about it all day. He can also remember a time when Harua cried at the thought of Taki - he was young, not even out of the toddling phase when Yudai and his son became the second most important things in his life. If Harua had said no Fuma wouldn’t be here now, but after he cried he eventually said yes and now Harua was getting another brother.
He knew their family was unconventional but Fuma was an expert at unconventional. He could watch the rain and analyse the size of every droplet and not care that he was getting soaked. Yudai would always bring an umbrella - he would hold it over Fuma in just the right way so that it wouldn’t obscure his view of the sky. When the sun came out Fuma would try to catch the rays of light, catch them in his hands - he would give them to Yudai if he could. He was the type of kid that didn’t like the snow not because it was wet or cold but because it was so short lived. Fuma had fought his entire life for something permanent. He was over protective of Harua as a baby because he was so used to people leaving, his own parents, anyone who ever cared for him, his girlfriend because Harua and him weren’t worth the effort of sticking around. He knew he was difficult but everything felt easy with Yudai who never made him feel afraid.
He looked at Jo standing in the doorway of the living room and didn’t see himself but an echo of his own life. They knew Jo had been with multiple families and this was it, this would be the last one before people stopped caring about how he was doing. Fuma and Yudai didn’t take short term placements, they wanted to offer a home, a life. Jo almost came with big letters over him that said adoption but that scared most potential placements away. Jo was never meant to just be a child in foster care - he was meant to be secure, somewhere forever. Fuma looked at Jo and his eyes softened, he saw someone who was content in being let down time after time. He wouldn’t do that. He would never let Jo experience that ever again.
Fuma always promised himself he would never be like any of the father figures he had when he had children. Yudai must have promised a similar thing to Taki - that he would be kind and fair. Harua and Taki were best friends and it was a sheer coincidence they ever met in the first place. Fuma remembers when Yudai moved away, it wasn’t anything spectacular, it was normal and the pair were never that close. They didn’t stay close friends into high school - they grew apart and Fuma never thought he would see him again. He did.
Turns out Yudai was in a similar situation as him, a young child he was solely responsible for, going to the same daycare in their same hometown that they had both half given up on. As all things do, something blossomed from there.
To an outsider Yudai and Fuma still felt like an unusual pairing. Yudai was too much and Fuma wasn’t enough but at home it was the opposite - Yudai was Fuma’s anchor. He was glad he found him in the middle of the sea so he wasn’t drifting toward the edge.
They had both warned their sons that Jo might be quiet and not want to play, and that he was 6 years older than them so their dynamic would be different. They had said it in less words, something two five year olds would understand. Yudai had explained in the terms that sometimes papa (Fuma) couldn’t play because he wasn’t feeling good. It didn’t matter that that wasn’t really the reason or that that wouldn’t be the reason for Jo. They knew that his previous placements never lasted because he didn’t interact, he was quiet, kept to himself and didn’t engage with the other kids there. Fuma thought he would be a good person to show Jo how to navigate the world and other people - someone he wished he had when he was younger.
There was nothing to say that Fuma’s autism and Jo’s would present in the same way. From reading the papers it seemed Jo withdrew almost all the time while Fuma only did that when he felt overwhelmed. He could spend hours talking Yudai’s ears off about whatever game had piqued his interest on that occasion. For Fuma it was touch that got to him, the kids were restricted to maximum 2 cuddle piles a day or there would be none for weeks. The kids understood Fuma but Jo was a new variable, someone they all had to figure out, together.
They weren't sure what to do first, Jo had been shown around the house, shown where the toys were but Jo hadn’t taken any interest in them. He was more drawn to the art supplies and the world outside every window. He would focus on the leaves at the end of the garden and the flowers slowly blooming out of the ground.
Yudai tried to catch his gaze but it wasn’t fixed, it traveled to the next thing like the previous thing was only half forgotten but gone momentarily out of his immediate line of thought. It reminded him of someone. The person standing next to him doing the exact same thing. But Fuma wasn’t watching the garden, he was watching each of them, one by one admiring something entirely new. He would never forget even if he only looked at them like this for a single second. Every movement Yudai ever made had already been etched into his mind to carry with him forever.
Yudai went out to collect the kids from school and Fuma stayed with Jo. They fell into a comfortable silence. Fuma was anxious to start any deep conversation because Jo had been through a lot and he was never the parent who was better at comfort - that was Yudai. But Jo looked perfectly content in the silence that had been naturally created.
It wouldn’t last long. Fuma had come to accept that silence never lasted long in this house. He knew the exact amount of time it should take for Yudai to drive to the kids' school, pick them up, and bring them back home. The amount of time he and Jo had together was finite and it was running out fast. At his last calculations it took exactly 13 minutes and 45 seconds. They had already used up 4 minutes of them not moving or speaking.
Fuma stepped forward and he could see Jo’s eyes follow him - it was only slight but noticeable to anyone paying attention, and Fuma didn’t know how to do anything else. It wasn’t a look of caution, so he took another step, and then another until he was standing next to Jo at the window.
He wants to say something, make a bridge between the two of them but Fuma was never very good at opening up. And before he knew it the sound of laughter filled the hall followed by the screeching of shoes against the floor and Yudai shouting after the two boys for them to take them off. Jo flinched.
It was barely there but Fuma noticed, he couldn’t tell if it was the raised voice or the squeak of the shoes but he would keep an eye on it.
Jo looked around at the commotion, observing how Harua and Taki pulled out their toys without any order. He looked at them and walked out of the room. Yudai looked like he wanted to bring him back to interact with the boys but Fuma waved his hand to indicate not to. Jo should find what he liked rather than play with two five year old boys who were only just coming to grips with the concept of personal space. That's probably all Jo wanted.
They leave Jo to adjust for the next couple of hours and it becomes quickly obvious that he is an exceptionally quiet and independent child. Not once did he ask for either of them but when Fuma goes up to check on him and he looks sad.
He doesn’t know if he should speak so he kneels next to Jo’s bed so he is at eye level with the boy. He doesn’t look at him but Jo is trying his hardest to catch Fuma’s eyes.
‘Are you okay?’ Fuma asks directly, he doesn’t skirt around it but makes Jo feel safe by verbalising it. Jo stops searching.
It looks like he thinks for a moment before shaking his head. His hair is all dry now so it flops out of and into his eyes with every movement.
‘Do you want me to stay’ he further asks after Jo doesn’t expand on his answer.
Fuma waits. Jo nods. So he stays.
Crouching on the floor is uncomfortable but he won’t complain as long as his presence is needed. Whenever Harua was sad as a baby he would stroke his hair and soothe him to sleep but Jo seems perfectly content watching Fuma breathing and counting his own heart rate.
They stay like that for multiple minutes. Then Fuma hears a small voice, and it's so faint he almost misses it.
‘Fuma, can I have a cuddle?’
He doesn’t speak, all he does is nods and moves closer to fully wrap Jo’s small frame into his larger one. Jo squeezes his arm in return and relaxes for what Fuma thinks is the first time in a long time.
Fuma doesn’t hear Jo say much else for the next couple of days. He always carried a pair of headphones, only sometimes wearing them - they usually hang around his neck except at dinner or when the kids get back from school.
Yudai had asked him to take them off when they ate all together but the boy appeared distracted without them so they decided to allow them even if it meant having to explain people’s different needs to two five year olds.
Taki and Harua get better at being quieter around Jo and both parents make sure to reward them for how grown up they are being about the new person at home even if they insist that it feels like Jo has always been their brother. Yudai has to fight the urge to ruffle Taki’s hair and squeeze his cheeks every time they say something so welcoming of Jo - he fails more often than not.
The rain starts. At first it is light enough to forget about but it picks up quicker than it came. By bed time it is practically the middle of a storm. Harua and Taki were out like a light with the calm background noise but Jo’s light is still on hours after the younger two have been tucked in.
Jo isn’t in his bed. He is curled up in the opposite corner of his room, hugging the wall without a window. Hands cupping his ears and body rocking slightly to the sound of the rain. He is muttering something about the leaves brushing against the house and branches creaking slightly with every gust of wind and Yudai nods along like he understands - he doesn’t. He tries to gently take one of Jo’s hands after noticing how he is pulling at his ears rather harshly but the boy pulls in away with a noise of distress.
Neither of them knew what to do to block out the outside world. Jo’s ears are already painfully red and his mumbling is getting louder. Yudai looks up at Fuma and without a second thought the younger walks over and embraces Jo in a hug - it's all encompassing and just as powerful as the noise that was causing Jo such pain. Fuma was never one to offer a hug but he knows what it is like to hear and feel things no one else in the room does. He could imagine that the headphones were creating an additional electrical sound rather than defusing the overstimulation hence why they were off. He raises his own hands and places them over Jo’s where they are tightly gripping his own ears.
There is a crack of thunder outside but Jo doesn’t jump, his breathing starts to even out meaning he is no longer hearing the leaves moving across the grass or being blown against the window. For a moment things are quiet for Jo once again. They wait for him to fall asleep before carrying him back to bed and making their way to their own room.
Before Fuma is even fully inside Yudai asks him something. ‘Do you think that's why he is so quiet, because he can control that’
Fuma nods, Jo’s entire life has been out of his control. Everything has always been too loud, his ears taking everything in tenfold so he ended up not saying anything, not contributing to the very thing that overwhelmed him.
It turns out that Jo is better with loud noises when he is used to them, when they follow a set routine. Meaning he has become slightly immune to Harua and Taki, he doesn’t flinch when they shout at each other or speak too loudly. He no longer finds it necessary to wear headphones at dinner or breakfast. Fuma and Yudai will always celebrate the small wins.
Jo seems happy, almost excited, to help plan Harua and Taki’s birthday. They always have a shared party with how close their birthdays are to each other. Everyone had confirmed to Jo that it would be a lot of people, a lot of noise, and something entirely unfamiliar but he enjoyed the routine of planning the party so much that no one wanted to stop him. Yudai and Fuma had gotten used to the rhythms Jo worked on; they didn’t fully understand how it was played because they were still learning what made the boy tick.
All of Harua and Taki’s friends would come to their house the weekend after their birthdays. This came with good news and bad news: the good, the two boys shared a group of friends. The bad, they were popular and over 25 kids would be running around their kitchen and garden. Kids who didn’t follow rules and didn’t understand personal space.
Fuma used to feel awful for hating their birthday party. Now Yudai made everything a little more manageable.
Jo didn’t think he ever showed anyone just how much they meant to him. He thought it, he agonised over getting his gratitude out, but he could never find the words. So he became a boy of action. He desperately wanted to show Taki and Harua just how much he saw them as his real brothers even though they all knew that wasn’t the case. He was thankful for how sweet and patient they were despite their young age. This party was that thank you, his opportunity to show them all that he was there for them the same way they had been for him. He knew he never said it so he hoped this would help ease his own anxieties as well as make for a good party.
He didn’t have many qualifications in hosting and organising the perfect party, he had never had one, he had never even been to one. But there was no time like the present.
Turns out, Jo had massively underestimated how loud the house would be throughout the party. He was in the kitchen when everyone came, making the finishing touches on the cake he had made with Yudai - at first it was just a couple of kids and their parents all excitedly giving Harua and Taki their presents. Before long everyone was there and Jo felt trapped.
He rubbed his earlobe between his fingers but the laughter got louder and he felt more overwhelmed, he cups his hands over them but that does little to block it out. He was alone, he still felt like he couldn’t cry or rock with the presence of people in the next room.
When Fuma goes back to the kitchen Jo is nowhere to be seen. The cake still isn’t fully decorated. The room had been left in a rush but he didn’t want to worry anyone else, not while they were having fun. He had come for the cake and if he doesn’t return with something everyone will worry about him - he toys with running to find Jo and handing out the cake like he said.
He takes the cake from the cabinet and brings it to the living room. He makes eye contact with Yudai, speed walking to his side.
Fuma meets him with a kiss to the temple. ‘Do you mind handing this out to everyone, I will be right back’ Yudai returns the kiss followed by a nod of his head.
He runs up the stairs two at a time and makes his way to Jo’s room at the end of the hall.
It’s empty. The window is open letting in a draft. Fuma looks outside and sees no sight of Jo. The sky is bright blue but the wind that enters the room is heavy. Fuma closes it before leaves fly in and the rain floods the room.
He stands in the empty, practically silent room and listens. He thinks like Jo. Fuma always ran to his and Yudai’s room when things got too much but Jo is different - he needs absolute silence and as quiet as the room is even Fuma can hear the trickles of chatter making their way up from the party.
Fuma makes his way through every room until there is only one left. The office on the ground floor. It felt too close to the party but when he entered he noticed it was warm and the quietest room in the house. It was then he remembered the sound proofing they did, something Jo must have picked up on. It was obvious where Jo was hiding now Fuma knew he was in here.
The door of the cabinet next to the desk wasn’t fully closed flush.
He didn’t call the boy's name even if he wanted to in order to let him know he was there. He sits next to the door and he can hear Jo’s ragged breaths, he holds out his hand in the gap between the door and where Jo has crammed himself. Jo grabs it and it hurts Fuma a little. He plays with the nobs of each of his knuckles. Jo is humming a tune Fuma doesn’t recognise.
He hears a small whisper of ‘Fuma’ and he looks up as if Jo can see him giving all his attention.
‘It’s too loud, can everyone go home’
Fuma sends a message to Yudai before the request is even finished. He hears the music stop and the door opening as the children leave - Jo’s grip immediately softens.
Jo crawls out of the cabinet directly into Fuma’s lap grabbing onto his shirt and snuggling into it.
Fuma softly repeats ‘You’re okay’ while running a gentle hand up and down the boy’s back. Eventually Jo starts to nod along. The hand scratching just behind his own ear stops and finds its place next to the other hand grabbing Fuma’s shirt, which had gone lax itself. Fuma’s own hand goes up to Jo’s ears and sees that there is blood behind them and he doesn’t say anything, just cradles Jo’s head until he practically falls asleep in his hold.
The party must have ended and Harua and Taki must have gone down for their nap because this is the quietest the house has ever been Fuma could fall asleep himself.
He is brought out of his sleepy state when the door creaks open and Yudai is standing there. He looks worried, his eyebrows are furrowed together and Fuma just smiles at him with a nod letting him know everything is alright.
Yudai makes his way over and takes Jo’s hands from where they are still half grasping at Fuma’s shirt. Then he flattens the wrinkles in the shirt right over Fuma’s heart. He smiles at his husband and kisses him. Fuma smiles into it and Jo doesn’t stir. Yudai pets Jo’s head and the boy snuggles into it slightly.
‘I’ve told the twins’ Yudai starts causing Fuma to look at him confused.
‘That sometimes Jo might need some space, some quiet just like how their papa doesn’t like to be clinged to’ he finished resting his head on Fuma’s shoulder. ‘I can still cling to you whenever I want’ he laughs, getting comfy where he is sitting with almost all of his and Jo’s weight resting against Fuma.
Fuma hums happy with where he is right now. He closes his eyes and listens to the wind outside and can tell the exact moment the first raindrop hits against the glass. It wasn’t forecast to rain all week but Fuma has learned to live with things not going to plan.