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This was very possibly the worst day of her life, but Mel would not let something like that paralyze her! Everywhere she turned was another patient fighting to survive, and was she mentally prepared to be put in charge of an entire section of patients, leading two other freshly hired staff members? Absolutely not! It was a terrible, horrible, soul-crushing feeling and if she dared to look anywhere close to the horrors of the event, well she was rather terrified that she wouldn’t be able to stop crying.
So!
Actionable items.
Each patient was a checklist quickly formed. Check on Trinity and Dennis. Double check patients that she was relatively sure were safe. Keep a vague eye on the ambulance bay for the next wave of nightma--
Nope!
Quiet place. Actionable items. Their distant mother who seemed to be okay on the physicality front so far needed it.
Wouldn’t it be so nice to escape the noise. A nice quiet place to breathe in. For just a second. Yes, Mel was very good at finding places that provided better sensations. She had learned it early, a game turned lifestyle between her and Becca.
Her steps were quick and even as she darted around the hub, her eyes firmly on the rooms that she crossed rather than the gurneys she strode passed. If anyone needed her hands, they would call. Otherwise, she had patients to help.
Trauma bay full. Trauma bay full. Curtains tossed wide to make space.
No cover.
She hadn’t intended to look at pediatrics. Everyone in the room knew what that room had become this evening. A Morgue. A place for children to fight and survive now turned to the quietest place on Earth. But she did. She had to.
She looked.
And against the far wall, curled on the ground was Dr. Robby.
Her breath caught.
She had a patient. Many patients. And Dr. Robby didn’t seem to much appreciate being looked after… She should give him privacy. She shouldn’t say anything and keep moving.
But she remembered the gossip that floated today.
Dr. Adamson, the old Chief, had died exactly five years today. Dr. Robby caught shouting at Langdon. She avoided gossip like the plague. She wondered for a moment if anyone had seen him already…
If that too would become gossip…
She didn’t let the rush of it crest on her as she pushed into the pediatrics room. She drew the curtain shut firmly behind her and then flicked off the lights. Not long. Neither of them had long, but she could offer this.
“Dr. Robby…” She called out, her voice low and careful as she walked closer. His hand was firm at the hollow of his throat, he was speaking even as he rocked back and forth. It was a prayer, it had to be. She didn’t recognize it by sound, but it was the same phrase. Over and over. She took a slow and deep breath.
All day, Dr. Robby was a wall. A stone against the storm. For each and every trauma that Mel had seen all day, Dr. Robby hadn’t faltered. In a way, it had become impossible to imagine herself ever becoming something like him.
Mel who had to grip her hands so tight to hold back her tears.
Mel who had to hide the jagged edges of herself to help the next closest person.
But if Dr. Robby could sway, could break even for just a moment, maybe she could learn to be steady like him in the rest of it.
For now, she would be his rock.
She nodded to herself and then darted back to where they were told was a cabinet with extra blankets. She grabbed one and then returned with each slow step toward Dr. Robby.
“Dr. Robby, I’m coming closer okay?” She opened the blanket with a shake and reminded herself not to look at the gurneys and their sheets around them. She had a patient, a living one, right in front of her. She crouched as the prayer ended on his lips, the blanket open between them.
“No, no. They need you out there. They need you.” Dr. Robby’s voice was cracked and hoarse, far from the even and confident tone of this morning. Mel thought about his inflection for a chunk of the day. Dr. Robby commanded a room, his voice set the tone. She had tried to memorize the rise and fall, the way he stated a command. She had even found herself emulating it since the shooting victims started in.
“Well, best case would be having both of us out there.” She offered, smiling weakly around her words. She brought up the blanket.
“Can I touch you? I think-- I mean.” Mel cleared her throat once. “It is shown that deep pressure following an emotional event can help with regulation.” There she was, mimicking his tone again. A deep wheeze seemed to crack open Dr. Robby’s chest. Nothing came out, no nod, no shake of the head.
“Okay, here I come.” She warned, her movements slow and obvious. She watched for a flinch for a shift away. But Dr. Robby offered neither. She knelt at his side, blanket between them, as she reached out and wrapped her chief attendant in her arms and squeezed.
For a moment, nothing happened.
Then all at once, Dr. Robby melted and crashed like a house of cards.
Mel kept her eyes open and focused on the far wall as Dr. Robby sobbed into her shoulder. He shook in her arms and she held tighter to keep all of him together.
She counted. Five seconds. Then she exaggerated her breathing.
In, heavy and slow. Hold. Out, smooth and light.
Repeat.
Dr. Robby quickly matched her, a hiccup in his breathing.
“You’re right, you know?” She began, voice light and quiet. “They need us both out there. You especially on a night like this. But it’s a lot. Like a lot a lot.” A strangled laugh. “You’re human, like me. And-- And we are doing our very best to help other humans! And we are doing,,, awesome!” She smiled as she tilted back to meet his eyes.
Dr. Robby only looked at her eyes once before he looked away.
“I fucking broke.” He rasped, defeat in his arms.
“Yeah, I think… Well, I hate gossip, so I don’t know for sure… But, I think we all did or will or – Well!” Mel shook her head quickly. “I think it’s great!” She offered with a smile, before she hesitated.
“I mean, not that you being upset is great. I mean, oh shoot. I’m saying this all wrong. It means that one day I can be as good as a doctor as you. And Dr. Robby, you’re Really good.” She shook her head a bit and smiled when he looked back at her. She slowly got to her feet and offered both hands to the man.
“Breaking doesn’t mean it’s over, Dr. Robby. It only matters if we get back up!” She wiggled her fingers at him, eyes soft. Slowly, trembling fingers settled into her grip. She tugged him up from the floor, now slightly loomed over by him. His hand lifted and as it came toward her, she neatly stepped back.
“Air it is!” She coached, she stepped backward toward the door.
“I’ll see you on the floor, Dr. Robby. Remember, best case, both of us.” She gave two thumbs up at the man, before she faltered for a moment.
“If anyone asks, Dr. Robby… You can say I needed a minute.” She offered with a gentle smile. “Gossip stinks, and I know they will check after. I won’t tell anyone. Honestly, it was kinda nice to take a minute in the dark!” Dr. Robby stared at her as he scrubbed a hand over his face. He seemed to let the gap grow…
Time to leave. She nodded again and gripped the curtain.
“You’re a good doctor already, Dr. King. No need to aspire for an old man falling apart. You’ll be even better.” He spoke into the quiet room. She shot a smile at him, genuine happiness filled her heart. Her steps came lighter as she flipped the light back on, pulled the curtain and left the room for the floor space.
The overhead lights buzzed like wasps, people spoke over one another, footsteps loud on the tile. She took a breath and looked around herself. Dr. Abbot was staring at her from across the bay, his head tilted toward morgue before locking back on her. She smiled awkwardly and turned to keep moving.
Actionable items. Patients she could help.
The night would end, and as long as she helped, it would be all worth it.