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Taehyung wakes up with a groan, rolling over onto his side, hand automatically reaching for his phone where it sits on his night stand. He blindly smacks at the table for a second before making contact and opening his eyes, vision still blurry. He’s got several texts from Yoongi and he clicks into his messages, already looking forward to whatever memes his hyung has sent today. Half their conversations are just constant tweets and memes sent back and forth and he normally wakes up to new jokes.
The last message is about a book Taehyung had recently read and recommended, but it’s the three before that have him suddenly wide awake.
Yoongi
[link | Jeon Jungkook is leaving BTS after 10 years]
Holy shit
Kid im so sorry
He types back a complete keyboard smash of a response before he realizes he can hear Jimin in the kitchen, washing the dishes he must have used for breakfast.
“Jimin!” he shouts through his closed bedroom door, “Jeon Jungkook is leaving BTS!”
The water stops running for a second as Jimin shouts back, “I know! Dude I sent you a text about that this morning, isn’t it insane?”
Taehyung checks his thread with Jimin and sure enough, he’d texted him the news a whole hour before Yoongi even did. A call comes through on his phone from Yoongi and he accepts without thinking.
“Hyung,” he says.
“Tae,” Yoongi replies, “I saw the news and thought of you immediately.”
Truthfully, Taehyung is more or less past his days as a BTS fan. There was a time, a solid few years when their content and music was all he consumed, and Jungkook was always his favorite member. His ult. His golden boy. He still has a mostly complete collection of his photocards from Jungkook’s debut to the era he stopped listening.
It’s not that he doesn’t like them anymore, but his music taste changed. When Jungkook’s solo album came out, something that had been in the works for a long time, Taehyung made sure to listen and buy it. On the whole, he liked it and whenever a BTS song comes on he’s always hit with a wave of nostalgia, but they’re no longer his number one priority the way they once were. Still, BTS and Jungkook always have a special place in his heart and this news is reminding him of that sharply.
“Holy shit,” he breathes out.
As he and Yoongi continue to talk, Taehyung navigates to his instagram, where sure enough the first thing that greets him is the latest post from Jungkook’s personal account. It’s a handwritten letter, several pages long, and in it he all but pours his heart out. It’s sincere, and loving, and it makes him want to cry.
He hadn’t discovered BTS when they first debuted, had had about two years worth of content to catch up on, but he still remembers how young Jungkook was. How young they all were. Those cheeks still lined with baby fat, big boba eyes, worried if anyone would show up and then the gasp of amazement at seeing that they had fans. He watched Jungkook grow up, watched him gain confidence and experience with each passing year and comeback, becoming the fully capable idol he was always destined to be.
Taehyung remembers staying up late to watch the new BTS video drop, texting his friends in excitement and lining up to buy the albums. The countless hours he spent trading and completing his collection, always proud to go to concerts to support BTS and cheer Jungkook on. His lightstick still has a cute sticker of a bunny, Jungkook’s representative animal.
It’s weird to think that Jungkook might never be on stage again. He opens the door to his room and ambles out, putting Yoongi on speaker so that Jimin can properly join in on the conversation.
“He’s leaving BTS and Bighit,” Taehyung says, “That’s like unheard of. Do we think he’s retiring from the industry entirely?”
“I have no idea,” Jimin shakes his head, “Usually idols leave their companies but announcing that he’s actually leaving the group? That’s not what usually happens.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi agrees, “Normally idols just announce that they’re leaving their companies, but not the group itself. There are plenty of idols who have left their company but still participate in group activities.”
“I hope he’s happy no matter what he ends up doing,” Taehyung sighs, “He deserves it.”
He means it. Even if Jungkook never steps foot on a stage again, never releases music, Taehyung will support him. Of course if he steps back and then ends up releasing new music in the future, he’ll support that too, but all he wants is for Jungkook to take the time he needs to be happy.
*******
“Do you think the rumors are true and he left to be a farmer?” Jimin asks.
It’s been a few days since Jungkook’s announcement dropped, and they’re watching some of BTS’s old music videos as a makeshift funeral for his career. They’ve got a bunch of cheap snacks laid out on the table and Taehyung knows he might be in too deep because the sound of No More Dream playing actually made him tear up.
“No,” Taehyung snorts, “I really think he might’ve just left the industry entirely.”
“Damn,” Jimin says.
“I think it’s really brave,” Taehyung says, “He did his job as an idol and a musician so well, no one can deny that. But I think it must’ve taken a lot of courage to leave.”
Jimin hums in agreement, “Must be really hard when it’s all you’ve known. And all his bandmates were wishing him nothing but the best in the comments.”
It’s actually probably the cleanest break Taehyung has ever seen in the industry. Normally idols leave because of a scandal of some kind, no matter how criminal it might be. But this is just a man who put in his time respectfully and without complaint, and then decided to leave when his contract was up. And based on the fact that his bandmates have left positive comments on Jungkook’s post, Taehyung suspects that they knew it was coming. That the decision was carefully thought through.
“He deserves it,” Taehyung says, echoing himself from a few days ago, “And whether he meant he’s planning to return eventually or just be an ordinary citizen again, I hope it goes well for him.”
“Well,” Jimin says, popping another pretzel into his mouth, “Maybe we’ll see him on the streets one day, living his best ordinary citizen life.”
Taehyung laughs. The odds of that happening are so low that it’s comical. They might be in the same city, but Seoul is massive and the population is incredibly high. He ignores the part of him that flutters at the idea of seeing Jungkook on a random street maybe, or even at his local library. It’s possible.
But no.
There’s no way.
*******
Taehyung has to be hallucinating. There’s no fucking way that Jeon Jungkook, former member of BTS, is standing in the exact same grocery as Taehyung is. All he wanted to do was get a snack, maybe pick up some fresh produce to cook the next day. This is what he gets for wanting to eat healthy.
His immediate goal for the next few minutes is to make sure that Jungkook does not see him. Taehyung ducks out of the way when it seems like Jungkook might be getting closer, contemplating if he should tell Jimin or Yoongi about the situation he’s found himself in, or wait until the entire thing is over. Probably wait, just in case Taehyung embarrasses himself.
Then he turns the corner and walks straight into what feels like a brick wall, stumbling back with a faint sound. A hand automatically reaches out to stabilize him and Taehyung realizes that the brick wall is actually Jungkook, and that he might need to text a friend soon for emotional support before he has a mental breakdown.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Hi.”
Their voices overlap in the quiet of the store. There’s a pause where they both stare at each other, both clearly aware that Taehyung knows who he is, but unsure where to go from there. Jungkook is clad in an all black outfit, cap pulled low over his head, but he’s still unmistakeable. In contrast, Taehyung is still wearing what he wore to work, a pair of black slacks and a red button up, making him feel stupidly overdressed. Taehyung feels like a deer in headlights, but he’s sure that Jungkook must be feeling similarly.
“Sorry,” Taeyung says, “Uh. I wasn’t watching where I was going because I was trying to avoid you.”
Fuck.
“Not like that,” he hastily adds, “But like. I don’t know what the protocol for meeting a celebrity is, especially when they’ve retired. Have you retired? I guess kind of right? Sorry, you don’t have to answer any of that.”
There’s another long silence and it’s making Taehyung anxious so he keeps rambling, even as he’s aware that he’s functionally digging his own grave.
“I swear I’m not crazy, or stalking you, or whatever else an insane person might do,” Taehyung says, wondering if saying all of this does in fact make him a crazy person.
“Oh?” Jungkook finally asks, and he sounds amused, “So you don’t know where I was born or what my blood type is?”
“You were born in Busan and your blood type is A,” Taehyung answers automatically.
Oh my god.
“Oh my god,” Taehyung says out loud as he squeezes his eyes shut and prays for the sweet release of death, “Why do I know this. Why did I admit to knowing this?”
Jungkook laughs, and the sound reassures Taehyung that he at least won’t be getting arrested any time soon. Probably. Hopefully.
“I swear I know these things in a totally normal way.”
“It’s okay,” Jungkook waves his hand, “A lot of people know way more personal things about me than that.”
This is most likely true (and a little creepy if he thinks about it), but Taehyung is still trying to make a good impression and he feels like some part of him is blowing it. He knows that there are a million people who would probably kill to be in his situation right now, but there’s a reason his game plan if he ever saw a celebrity in the wild was to hide.
“So,” Jungkook says, completely changing the subject, “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”
“...What?”
“You know, because you’re an angel.”
“...Right.”
“I’m trying out this thing,” Jungkook says, “Where I remind myself that I’m not an idol anymore, and that I can try and hit on cute guys when I see them.”
Is that what’s happening right now? It kind of feels like Taehyung has been hit by a hammer and his thoughts are still rattling around his brain. There are several alarms blaring, mini Taehyungs running around his mind in various states of panic, each more distressed than the previous one.
Taehyung.exe has stopped working.
“That’s your go to line?” Taehyung manages to ask, “God being an idol really must’ve kept you out of the game if that’s how you try and hit on people.”
Jungkook’s cheeks turn a faint pink, “Is it working?”
Unfortunately, yes. It is. Honestly there probably isn’t much that Jungkook could’ve said that wouldn’t work. But Taehyung dares anyone to have Jeon Jungkook try and hit on them and not be wooed.
“Yes,” he admits, “I’m kind of disgusted with myself because of it, but it’s working.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry,” Taehyung winces, “But if literally anyone else said that to me I think I’d have either told them off or left by now.”
“Ah,” Jungkook says, “So my idol image is still working in my favor. I knew doing that Calvin Klein ad was a good idea.”
Taehyung nods because he hasn’t lied about anything else this far into the conversation, and there’s no point in starting now. Besides, Jungkook seems to like his honesty.
“Even if you weren’t an idol, I think that line would’ve worked on me,” Taehyung says, “You’re very charming. But yeah, it definitely helps that I’ve watched nearly a decade’s worth of content about you. You’ve always struck me as someone who tries to be sincere.”
“Thanks,” Jungkook says, “I always wanted to be sincere with what I did, even in an industry that often takes it for granted. When I first started out, I think I was too young to know how to be anything but, and then by the time I got older it became such a habit that I didn’t want to break it. Didn’t know how, really.”
He huffs then, “Sorry. I’m not sure why I’m spilling all of this to you. It’s not making me seem like a very hot commodity. You probably only came here looking for a snack and here I am, sharing my woes and seeming self important.”
“I don’t mind,” Taehyung shrugs, “I know that idols, celebrities in general really, have an image to maintain, but you’re still human. You’re allowed to have struggles, and I’m flattered and honored that you’ve trusted some of them with me. I know you’ve mentioned a few things in the past to fans but, well, I’m guessing that none of this has been easy.”
“Fans,” Jungkook says almost forlornly, “I’m not really sure I still have them.”
“Of course you do!” Taehyung says immediately, outraged at the idea that anyone might’ve made him think otherwise.
“Thanks,” he says again, eyes dropping to the basket still clutched in Taehyung’s hands.
The only thing he’d managed to grab before realizing that Jungkook was in the same store was a bottle of tea and a packet of chips. He hadn’t even made it to the produce, creating the saddest and unhealthiest looking combination of food Taehyung’s managed in a while.
“Do you uh,” Jungkook says, suddenly looking a little shy again, “There’s a sotteok place around the corner from here.”
“Oh yeah,” Taehyung says, “I love the ajumma that works there, she always gives me extra helpings and then acts like she hasn’t.”
“Right,” the other nods, “Um. Do you want to go with me?”
“Like on a date?” Taehyung asks, bewildered, only to immediately flush when he realizes what he’s said.
This is shaping up to be the craziest night of his life, and it only gets crazier when Jungkook actually nods, his own blush returning.
“Yes. I like talking to you, you haven’t run away screaming or tweeting about this meeting, and I think you’re really, really cute.”
Jungkook holds out a hand then, his right hand, where Taehyung gets a close up view of the letters inked on his knuckles. It’s a little dizzying, this entire encounter, but Taehyung takes it and then almost faints when Jungkook laces their fingers together. He’s not sure what the retired idol has been doing since he left the spotlight, ever since the announcement dropped, but he has a feeling he’ll be finding out soon enough.
Taehyung smiles at him hesitantly and Jungkook squeezes his hand quickly before he starts to tug at him, and Taehyung is helpless to do anything but follow him.
*******
The sotteok place is empty when they get there and the ajumma who works there ushers them into a booth in the back. After taking their orders, she disappears into the back, leaving the two men to stare at each other. Taehyung shifts and accidentally brushes against his purchases from the store, plastic bag crinkling. Jungkook had paid for both of them before they left, something that Taehyung had protested against but ultimately lost.
Their food comes out a few minutes later and they both dig in, the warmth filling their bellies. The mini Taehyungs in his head have stopped panicking so much, but there’s still a part of him that refuses to believe that this is really happening to him. Jimin and Yoongi are going to freak out when he finally tells them, though part of him wants to keep this a secret. Everything about this night feels sacred.
Taehyung catches Jungkook’s eye right as they’re both taking a bite and it’s enough to make him burst into giggles. Jungkook laughs with him and then straightens up, expression turning a little more serious.
“Ah sorry, this must be the worst date in human history. I asked you to dinner after knowing you for all of ten minutes and then I’ve said nothing since.”
Taehyung shrugs, “I’ve been on worse dates.”
Jungkook looks aghast, “That is not something to be proud of.”
“It’s fine,” Taehyung promises, “Listen, I know we called this a date but it’s okay if it’s not. I swear that I’m not going to go report this to Dispatch or anything. I’m just happy to be someone you can rely on, even if it’s just for this night.”
Jungkook sighs, “I’ve been having a hard time adjusting to being normal, figuring out what that even means, you know? Tonight is the first time since I left that’s made me think I’ve finally figured that out.”
Taehyung nods encouragingly.
“It was hard,” Jungkook says, gazing out the window, “Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, even more so than coming to Seoul in the first place all those years ago. But all I wanted to do was be a singer you know? I didn’t really mean to get famous.”
Taehyung studies him, the faint stubble growing and the deep circles under his eyes that he knows would be covered by makeup if Jungkook still had a schedule. He takes in the bone deep tiredness, a kind that not even a year of catching up on sleep can fix. It’s hard to remember sometimes that idols are human. That underneath the shiny exterior, there’s very much a person.
Lots of idols have images, and part of Jungkook’s had always been how capable he is. In the entire course of his career, he’d missed maybe two schedules, an insane feat.
“I’m trying to figure out who I am,” Jungkook admits, “Me. Jungkook the person, not the idol. And it’s really, really fucking daunting. I gave over half my life to being an idol and by the end of it, I didn’t know where that ended and I began.”
“I’m sure,” Taehyung says softly, “I can’t even imagine.”
“I signed that contract when I was fourteen years old,” Jungkook says, “And then I was twenty four and realizing that I didn’t have a normal childhood, wasn’t doing any of the things that people my age were. Don’t get me wrong, I love my hyungs, they raised me with nothing but love and gave me as normal of a life as I could, but I couldn’t even walk outside my apartment without worrying if someone was going to follow me or try to break in. It’s exhausting.”
He’s seen the articles, the countless number of people who think it’s okay to walk past celebrity residences on the off chance that they can spot their favorite idol. The ones who go another step further, and think they can try and break in, as if it’s something that will make them special. Taehyung has never gotten involved in any kind of internet fanwars, but reading those articles was the closest he ever got to it.
“I just want you to know,” he says, “As someone who followed your career religiously and then was a more casual fan, that I’ve always rooted for you. There’s never been a moment where you haven’t stood out to me as someone who gave it their all no matter what, so selfishly I’m glad that you chose yourself. You got famous because of how insanely talented you are, and the universe had no choice but to notice that and reward it, but I don’t think anyone can deny that you’ve also earned your peace. And if your peace was you walking away from the idol industry, then I’ll fight anyone who gets in the way of that.”
There's a silence after that, but it’s not awkward. Taehyung has said his piece, and he means it. Even if the night ends here and he never sees Jungkook again, he knows that he’ll have communicated his thoughts. But from the tentative smile Jungkook gives him from across the table, he suspects the night is far from over.
The conversation picks up again after a few minutes, this time about BTS and the hyungs who raised Jungkook. They bond over stories that Jungkook tells about their predebut days, of Jin waiting up to make sure he still ate dinner after long days of practice, of Namjoon helping him with his homework, and of Hoseok watching reruns of his favorite childhood show together whenever he was missing home. In return, Taehyung talks about Yoongi and Jimin, how he met Yoongi in college through a culture club that Yoongi was reluctantly running and Jimin a few years later, quickly becoming friends through a mutual love of kpop.
By the time they leave the sotteok place, it’s nearing one in the morning. Jungkook takes him by the hand again and Taehyung lets himself get pulled along happily. They end up by the Han River, walking alongside each other. They share even more about themselves, and Taehyung finds himself sharing things he hasn’t told many other people. It amazes him how easily he shares these things, the way his secrets flow from his lips without hesitation.
It’s surreal to be sharing these aspects of his life, no matter how mundane, with a celebrity, but Jungkook has long stopped being that to him. Now, he’s just Jungkook, a cute boy that Taehyung is on a date with.
“I’m a ‘95 liner,” Taehyung says, mildly surprised that it’s taken so long for this to come up, “So I guess that makes me your hyung.”
“Hyung!” Jungkook teases immediately, practically vibrating, “Hyung, hyung, hyung.”
It’s so cute that Taehyung has no choice but to kiss him. He leans in slowly so that Jungkook has time to stop him, but the other doesn’t, just smiles at him helplessly. Their lips meet and it’s the sweetest kiss that Taehyung has ever had, everything that a fairytale happily ever after is made of.
Taehyung pulls back from the kiss with a shy smile, butterflies erupting in his stomach when he sees the same expression on Jungkook’s face.
“I know it’s only been one night, but I really like you,” he whispers.
“I really like you too,” Jungkook says, “And there’s only one thing I can think of that could make this night better.”
“Mhm?”
“What’s your name?”
Taehyung blinks and then throws his head back and laughs. They’ve spent the entire night together at this point, and never once has he actually introduced himself.
“Holy shit,” he giggles, “I never told you my name! You just kissed a nameless stranger.”
“Hey,” Jungkook tries to defend, “Not a stranger. I think I know you pretty well at this point.”
“Ah, I’m sure I still have some more layers to myself. Can’t give too much away in one night, I have to keep you interested somehow.”
Jungkook pouts and it’s a conscious effort on Taehyung’s part not to coo at him, “Hyung, I’m so interested it isn’t even funny, but I’m going to die if you don’t tell me your name.”
The pout deepens and Taehyung gives up resisting his urge, kissing it off of Jungkook’s lips.
“My name is Taehyung,” he says, “Kim Taehyung.”
“Taehyung hyung,” Jungkook lights up, “Taehyungie hyung. My Taehyungie hyung. I’m Jeon Jungkook, it’s nice to meet you, please take care of me.”
Taehyung laughs again when Jungkook sticks his hand out and then bows, taking his hand and shaking it. Jungkook refuses to let go of his hand and Taehyung makes no motion to let go either, letting their joined hands dangle between them.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” Taehyung says, “I’ll do my best.”
This time, Jungkook is the one who draws Taehyung in for a kiss, deepening it just enough to make him a little lightheaded. He leans back with a satisfied look on his face, especially when Taehyung chases after him, expression dazed.
“I have a confession hyung,” Jungkook says, “I didn’t mean to go to the grocery store tonight. I was supposed to be meeting up with the hyungs for dinner but I walked by and saw you through the window and I couldn’t resist. I thought that if there was even the slightest chance that you’d say yes, it would be worth it.”
Well. That’s enough of an ego boost to get Taehyung through the rest of his life. Nobody can tell him shit after this.
“That’s so ridiculous, but I’m also ridiculously into it. Into you.”
A pause.
“Wait, you blew off your bandmates? I don’t want them to hate me!”
Jungkook grins, “It’s okay, I texted them right before I went in and told them that something more important had come up.”
“Oh yeah?” Taehyung asks coyly, not caring that he’s fishing for compliments so brazenly, “And what was that?”
Another grin, this one softer, more private, “That I’d probably seen the love of my life.”
Oh.
Well.
Hard to argue with that.