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“Max doesn’t even like girls!”
“They’re a nuisance at best.”
“Hasn't been interested since, when did that start, exactly?”
“I think it all goes back to that time we were… No flashback? Okay, well it’s been ever since junior high.”
~Flashback~
Max didn’t even want to go to prom. In fact he couldn’t think of a lamer way to spend his birthday other than surrounded by girls at their school's small gymnasium. But Buster Blaster was broken at Stinky’s so there wasn’t much better to do. Oh well, at least he was there with Sam. Their parents certainly seemed happy about the change of plans. Granny Ruth had even gotten Sam a blue tux for him to wear. It was different seeing Sam so dressed up in such a dapper way, but it seemed oddly fitting for him. Max on the other hand didn’t like wearing clothes much and he sure as hell wasn’t going to dress up for this.
“Hey Sam look, they got pigs in a blanket and Glazed McGuffins!” Max exclaimed as he made a B-line for the snack table.
“Save some for me buddy.” Sam ran after his lagomorph friend.
The two gorged themselves on the snack table, shoveling all kinds of sugary and salty snacks into their mouths. After they devoured the snacks and half the table they returned to the side of the gym. The lights in the gymnasium flashed pink and blue as they twirled across the dance floor. A few people were dancing on the floor but most of them were off to the sides of the gym, talking. Even more of them were standing awkwardly waiting for someone to ask them to dance. Max noticed Sam kept glancing to the side where the girls were, clutching his corsage in his hand.
“Well are you going to ask one of them to dance Sam or keep standing here?” Max asked, growing bored with his friend’s inaction.
“I can’t.” Sam finally admitted, “They’re just gonna laugh at me.”
“Why because Heather laughed at you? And Suzie? And Molly?”
“Gee Max, you really know how to comfort a guy.”
“Those girls are idiots, Sam.”
“Easy for you to say. All those girls were trying to get you to go to the prom with them. Especially Jennie Tallarico.”
“Ugh Jennie Tonguerico. Don’t remind me.” Max eyed her across the dance floor. Sam didn’t say anything, but his noir mood was getting Max down. Over the speakers the next song was playing “Girls just want to have fun” by Cyndi Lauper. It was one of his and Sam’s favourites.
“Come on Sam, let’s go dance!”
“Sure Max.” He tucked his corsage back in his pocket.
On the dancefloor Max wasn’t afraid to bust a move, the lagomorph hopped around shaking his tail. He didn’t care what this school full of annoying girls and mean boys thought about him. When he was with Sam none of it mattered. Sam joined him, his bad dance moves and all, flailing his arms like he was in a defunct disco. The dancing seemed to pull Sam out of his funk just enough that he could see a smile creep onto his face.
Then a slow song came on, Max rolled his eyes in his head,
“Lameeeee.” He said as he crossed his arms. “Hey Sam wanna go break into the teacher’s lounge?”
But before Sam could answer Jennie Tallarico ran up to Max.
“Maxxx.” She cried.
“Jennie, if you're going to ask me to dance with you the answer is no, never ever ever in my life, I’d rather gouge my eyes out.”
“I’m not asking you to dance, I already got a guy to dance with, Danny Foster.” She said with an attitude. “I’m inviting you to the post prom party at my house.”
“You’re inviting us to a party?” Sam chirped up.
“I’m inviting Max.” Sam’s ears drooped.
“Well if Sam’s not going then I’m not either.”
“Fine, he can come too.” She shook her head walking back to her date, some kid with shaggy hair over his eyes picking his nose.
“As if we’re gonna go to some lame party. Now let's go blow up the teacher’s lounge.”
“Wait a minute Max, don’t you think it would be fun? I hear Jennie’s house is super big too.”
“Well why didn’t you just say that.”
Some time later…
“Great Jiminy Cricket on a bicycle going down the free way Max, her house really is huge!” Sam exclaimed.
“She has a pool Sam! A pool!” Max did a cannonball into the glistening aqua pool splashing all the teens standing around. “Hop in Sam, I want to play shark attack.” He bit the water with his large pointy teeth.
“Granny Ruth’s gonna kill me if I get the suit all wet. Come on pinhead, let's go inside.”
Max jumped out of the pool shaking his fluffy white fur like a wet dog which made Sam chuckle.
The duo wandered inside the house, the inside is covered in dark wood floors and a high ceiling with a crystal chandelier dangling in the center. Max made note of just how flammable it all looked. Just as they were settling into the party one of Jennie’s friends arrived to yank Max away.
“Max, Jennie has something important to say to you.” One of her friends cooed.
“Again? I can’t get a break from her wanting to talk to me, I’m cursed with an adorable lagomorphic charm.” He wailed to the sky. “The humanity!!” Then he shrugged, “Okay Sam I’ll be right back.”
“See ya around.” His buddy said.
After Max left, Sam decided to investigate the kitchen. Sure enough he found plenty of snacks and drinks. As he poured his fill of fruit punch one of the girls from their class went up to him.
“Hey Sam.” She tilted her head, her hands clasped behind her back.
“Oh hi Margy.” He responded, momentarily stunned that one of the girls from his class actually wanted to speak to him and not just because she wanted to get the homework answers off of him. Jokes on them though, because his answers were usually wrong anyways.
“We’re going to play a game, you want to join us?” Margy asked.
“Yeah sure!” Sam said nervously, feeling the sweat drip out of his suit jacket.
Meanwhile Max was escorted by Jennie’s friend out to the pool. He could see Jennie sitting on the side of the pool, her legs forming waves in the water. Jennie’s friend quickly ran off leaving Max with Tonguerico.
“Take a seat Max.” He watched her reflection in the chlorinated blue below her.
“What do you want, Jennie?” He exclaimed approaching the side of the pool.
She simply patted the concrete beside her. So Max obliged, dipping his large feet into the water hoping to finally be done with all this.
“Aren’t you supposed to be off with your boyfriend?”
“Danny Foster is not my boyfriend! I was using him to make you jealous.”
Max laughed mockingly, “Did you really think that would work?”
Jennie's bright brown eyes stared into his, it was starting to creep him out. Then she went for it, moving her face closer to his, lips first.
“Woah woah.” Max said, pushing her away. “Ewww I don’t like you Jennie! How many times do I need to say that!?”
“You’re just playing hard to get. I know you got all the other girls chasing after you.”
“No you’re playing hard to get rid of! I don’t even like girls!” Max declared, finally pushed to his limit.
Jennie was silent for a moment. Then swiftly she stood up lifting her legs out of the water.
“What are you gay?!” She exclaimed.
The other kids at the party turned their heads. Max could feel all their eyes on him now. His cheeks suddenly felt hot, he was mad, so mad. He hated the way she said it like it was an insult. He hated her.
That annoying brat! He jumped on her pushing her into the pool, causing himself to fall in with her.
“Ugh!!!” She screamed as her hair and clothes got soaked in the pool. “You’re such a loser Max! I hate you!”
Max quickly got out of the pool and blew a raspberry at her. He shook his fur, determined to find Sam and leave finally. He still felt hot, despite his recent bathe, there was a fury that twisted inside him. It wasn’t the normal type of anger he usually felt, and he was well acclimated to being angry; it was his second favourite emotion. He reveled when his anger drove him to beat up guys that were bullying Sam or in general causing malice to people who deserved it. But why did it ache so much this time? “What are you gay?” The words spiraled in his mind. It wasn’t the first time someone called him that. He was used to kids trying to pick on him by calling Sam his boyfriend. So why did this time feel different? He didn’t like girls. He’s never liked girls. And that used to be fine. But now it seemed like every other guy his age did, Sam included. He just didn’t get it. What was there to like about them? Sure he could appreciate their love of dresses and frilly things sure, but he didn’t have much in common with them and certainly didn’t see why guys would act all dumb around them. Gay. Sure he thought guys were cool. Didn’t everyone? He certainly liked spending time with them, they were funny and smart. Spending time with Sam playing video games and imitating the detectives they watched on TV were some of his favourite things to do, there was nothing better. Sure he would sometimes think about guys. He would think about being close to them, sometimes he’d think about kissing them. But he wasn’t gay. Was he? He’d always felt different from the boys his age but he figured that was due to his boundless energy and psychotic tendencies rather than any differences in sexuality. It’s not like he liked anyone in his school though, all the guys were assholes, everyone except Sam. Sam was the only one who really understood how to have a good time. He needed to find Sam and leave, this was too much to think about.
When Max stepped into the house he looked about but couldn’t find Sam anywhere.
“Sam?” He called out to no avail over the loud music.
He overheard a girl snickering, “He totally believed me. Sam’s probably waiting in there. He’s so desperate it’s pathetic, he really thought I’d kiss him.”
Max grimaced, “Where the hell is Sam?!” He demanded grabbing Margy by the collar of her dress.
“Max hi, didn’t see you there. Sam is just in the closet upstairs. He’s waiting for his soul mate.” She laughed nervously.
Max dropped the collar of her shirt, he pushed her away causing her to welp. He rushed up the stairs, his anger only fueled, he only left for a few minutes and they were already back to pulling stuff on Sam. He didn’t deserve this.
Upstairs Max walked into the open room. The door to the closet was closed. For some reason he found himself nervous to turn the handle. It was so unlike him, and while he usually likes weird things, today had been far too weird for his liking. So he turned the knob slowly, the door creaking as it opened. Sam was standing there blindfolded in the lightless closet.
“Hey.” Sam said, outstretched his hands, reaching for this mystery person. Max found himself staring at those soft paws of his. He clasped them gently. Sam smiled so big it hurt Max just to watch.
“I guess this is the part where we kiss.” Sam stuttered out, his hands trembling in Max’s touch. As he moved his head closer Max’s heart pounded harder than it ever has before. The thought of Sam kissing him caused him to feel light headed. But he knew deep down he couldn’t let it happen.
“Sam. It’s me Sam.”
Sam’s brown fur possessed a deep red glow.
“Max??”
“Take off your blindfold dummy.” Max said in a low tone.
“They sent you in here to kiss me?!” Sam exclaimed.
“No, no.” Max sighed, “Those pieces of shit left you here in the closet. Nobody was coming.”
Sam’s head drooped. He slid down the side of the back of the closet taking a seat. Bringing his knees up to his chest Sam was wordless. It was an odd sight for Max, despite his sometimes shy demeanour Sam always had something to say, often saying things with big words and obscure references that Max didn’t completely understand. But now there was silence.
“Sam?”
The dog said nothing.
“Come on, let's go down there and beat their asses! They can’t mess with us and get away with it!” Max had an evil glimmer in his eye, “Or I know we can blow up Jennie’s house, how does that sound?!”
He tried to pull Sam up but like a boulder Sam didn’t budge. Max’s buddy tucked his head into his legs.
“I’m so stupid.” Sam finally said, his head facing the floor. “I was so stupid for thinking that they actually wanted to hangout with me. Let alone kiss me. God I’m such a freak, no girl is ever gonna like me.” His voice trembled, on the verge of tears.
“If you’re a freak then I must be an alien who eats cow brains for breakfast.” Max exclaimed, “Because there’s no way you’re weirder than I am.”
Even using humour Sam sniffled as the tears ran down his face.
“Sammm.” Max whined, “I’m giving you some of my best lines here.”
He took a breath, Sam was the kind of sad even a joke couldn’t fix nor senseless violence; Max needed to think.
“I’m being serious though. You’re not the biggest freak here.” Max said. “I-I don’t like girls Sam.”
“I know Max.” Sam responded quietly.
“No I mean, I don’t and I don’t think I’ll ever like girls Sam.”
This finally made Sam raise his head. His gaze met the lagomorph’s. Max’s heart was beating so fast for a moment he thought it might fall out of his chest.
“I think I like guys.” And as he uttered the words he couldn’t help but wish to take them back. But he couldn’t, he needed to show Sam he was more normal. That there was still hope for him
“Oh?” Sam’s eyes widened. Max studied his expression waiting for disgust, waiting for some type of reaction, waiting for a laugh in his face. He just wanted to get it over with. But Sam didn’t do any of that.
“I didn’t know.” He said instead, his voice earnest, unsure.
“So you see you can’t be more of a freak than I already am.” Max smiled painfully. Now he was the one verging on tears. He hadn’t even thought about how things would change between them until now. What if Sam didn’t want to be as close anymore? It was so real he couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t bear Sam leaving him, he was his only friend, the only one who liked him.
“Hey you’re not a freak for that. I mean you’re still the same ole Max.”
“So things won’t be different now?” The pain in his voice was tangible.
Sam shook his head, genuinely surprised, “Why would things be different? You’re still my best friend.”
Max’s heart melted in his chest. He rested his head against Sam in a gesture that meant thanks Sam, even though he would never dare utter those words aloud, instead he said,
“Boy, we're a messed up pair.”
“You said it Max.”
“Guess neither of us are gonna get kissed.”
“Why? There some guy at the party you were trying to kiss?” Sam nudged.
“Nah,” Max said, then jokingly added “just you.”
“Were you really going to let me kiss you?” Sam exclaimed.
“Sam how dare you accuse me of such things, I’m not that kind of girl, at least buy me dinner first.”
“You knucklehead.” Sam shoved Max with his shoulder playfully.
A comfortable silence passed over them as they sat in the closet.
“It’s too bad though I really did want to have my first kiss tonight.” Sam said honestly, looking over towards his buddy.
“Mine was almost Jennie Tonguerico ick.” Max shook his body like he just touched a moldy piece of cheese.
“She tried to kiss you?”
“Yeah but I threw her into the pool instead. Geez some people cannot take a hint.” Max said. “Anyways, we should probably get out of here.” He stood up, “I still have a couple hours left of my birthday and I don’t want to spend it at this lame party. Let’s go back to your house.”
“No.” Sam said. “No, I can't leave yet. The moment I step out of this closet (no pun intended I mean) they win. They win and they’ll laugh because they know I’m a loser who will never get a first kiss.”
“Sam…”
“I won’t let that be the case.” He stood up to face Max, pulling something out of his pocket. Max squinted, unsure of why his friend was staring at him so intensely. Sam’s face moved towards him, he felt an electricity as he drew closer to him. His soft yet firm paws rested on Max’s shoulders, pulling him closer. He then took Max’s hand.
“Max can I…?” He didn’t have to finish the sentence before Max found himself feverishly nodding.
For the first time in his life Max didn’t have the words. Sam placed the crumpled red flower around Max’s wrist. The lagomorph’s mind raced, as he looked at the flower, the slight glimmer of light peaking through the closet door made it glow red like fresh blood. So many thoughts were shoving each other in his head as they stood together. But when they looked at each other Max knew what came next. Their lips met, and all the hyperactive thoughts spiraling around quieted. All he could focus on is the warmth between them. When Sam kissed him everything felt right. Like he unlocked a feeling he had never felt before, something he had longed for just always out of reach.
Soon Sam drew away, his voice badly hiding him being out of breath, “There I think we won the game.” He said proudly.
“Boy did we ever!” Max grinned.
“You good buddy?”
“Good? Woah ho ho ho, I’m great! Let’s go burn this house to the ground!”
“You crack me up Max.” Sam smiled.