Work Text:
I want to be better
If theres anything about myself thats what I know
I want to be someone I can look back to
Smile and laugh at how much I've grown
That future, idealistic me
She has everything I don't
The plans, the people, the skills
The money, the job, the hope
And that great futuristic me
I bet she'll look back and laugh
Not with nostalgia and warmth
But with condescension at my lack of a path
She'd find my ideals humorous
With no effort to back them up
She'd look at me like the child I am
Like the kid that never knew the word enough
I want to be great
Is what I say
After I underpreform, ignore, and procrastinate
I say I want to be great
But I feel naive
What point there to wanting
If I never achieve
And that me
The one I look up to
She'd look back with pity
She'd know who she is, supposedly
She'd know that shes actually me
But she wouldn't see that connecting peice
That took me from point a to point b
I want to be happy
My future as a concept not a thing
I know of the words of realism
That keep most from their dreams
I want to grow
But they put a limit
Say its better to stay low
To think before you live it
Forget the adults
Those who say life is nothing but work
I want to be happy
To find decency
To not be hurt
I look upon that future me
But truthfully
I am scared
I see her constantly change
Seeing her happy has been becoming too rare
What will I do if I dont become better
Im scared
I fear
Getting closer to that future
That idealistic me fades
That woman was never here
If I don't do anything now
Will I hear the words of realism
Will they finally tell me enough
Will I actually listen
From then on I'll act because I have to
Become no better than the adults with nothing to do
That 'future' me
Shell be permanently gone
Nothing but a whisper of dreams
That still seem so far on
With all honesty
I am scared
Whats the point of working for so much knowledge
Of being prepared
Im scared that I will put in effort
And when I actually try
Nothing will come to fruition
That I sacrificed to live and still died
From now and always, I'll grow
Whether I end up that girl from my future
Whether thats good or bad,
Its unknown
Im split in half two ways
To risk current comfortability on the future
To act now or to forever know I could've
To hope for better knowing it won't come smoothly
What will I do of I don't become the girl I should've