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Qin is not the type to fall for peer pressure.
At an age when friendship is all about pushing each other to the limit, Qin’s friends never quite succeeded at pressing anything at all. Cho thinks it’s a blessing; Tiw thinks it’s a curse—Qin thinks it’s convenient. This way, there’s less demand and less effort. He’s completely spared from the bullying of Cho and Tiw, because nothing usually gets him.
Usually.
But it gets to a point—
A point when Cho’s jokes turn sour and annoying, a point when Tiw’s ego gets too big for the sky, a point when Qin gets closer to the edge.
It’s the fourth time today that his friends made it their mission to spite him every minute of every hour. You’d think that they just discovered gold in teasing Qin persistently, but apparently, they found something more valuable.
“Qin’s never been kissed!” Cho might as well announce it through the speakers for his nonexistent effort to even keep it in the circle. By his demeanor alone, you might confuse him for an Olympian winning a medal with how annoyingly mirthful he’s been acting.
“You’re hurting my ears,” Qin said in irritation, partly complaining about the loudness of Cho’s voice and wholeheartedly loathing the entire situation. As much as he wants to ask why such insignificant detail is sending Cho in a euphoric spiral, he refuses to push this topic further.
“I can’t believe I beat you to it,” Cho cheered while Qin scowled.
It’s so shallow to see this as a competition when Qin simply didn’t care. By the looks of it, Cho carries this “win” like a badge of honor—prideful and obnoxious—as if the biggest achievement he could get in high school is Out Kissing™ a queer man in a predominantly straight world.
It’s not the flex he’s making it out to be. It’s just statistics.
“I could solve that for you.” Tiw joins the conversation with a typical tone to get into Qin’s roster.
“It’s not a problem to begin with,” Qin said, not entertaining the idea of Tiw getting anywhere near touching him. “There are better things to waste your time on that don't involve me.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Tiw winks, sending goosebumps down Qin’s spine. Not the good kind, but the kind that trails down over something incredibly horrific.
Qin used to see something in Tiw and his assertive way of showing affection, until he started demanding more than what Qin can give—more reception and more progress—though he explicitly mentioned not feeling the same way.
At least not yet.
He could have easily kissed Tiw now if he stayed consistent, but men aren’t capable of that anymore. As soon as Qin asked for space to ponder, Tiw used their time apart seeking affection elsewhere. Qin doesn’t fully blame Tiw for his decisions no matter how incredibly, unbelievably, implausibly stupid and hurtful they are. He just hopes Tiw would stop playing with his heart now that he clearly found interest beyond Qin. The arrogant smirk on Tiw’s face is the most annoying part of it all.
“That’s okay, Qin. With that face, people would be lining up to kiss you!” If Cho was trying to be comforting, he’s doing such a bad job at it. He’s lucky Qin isn’t carrying his guitar on his back or else it’ll find a better place against Cho’s face.
“Yeah, Qin. Anyone can fall for that face. Just —” Tiw cocks his head to the side. “— don’t start scaring them away once you talk.”
What the fuck does that even mean?
Cho must have noticed the agitation on Qin’s face, because he starts pulling Tiw away by the shoulders. “Oh, would you look at that? It’s time for band practice. See you later, Qin!”
They leave Qin standing in front of the activity area, watching them run further away from the band room.
Idiots.
____________________
In spite of himself, Qin ends up talking about it at the train station with Tong, his academy friend.
It’s quite out of his character, and it’s obvious on Tong’s startled face, but Cho and Tiw’s teasing is straying his mind away from college exams preparation. He needs an outlet, and an external voice that would stop him from obliterating them with his beloved instrument—even though that would’ve been so effective.
“They won’t stop pestering me about it like it’s not something beyond my control,” Qin said, not caring about sounding loud when they’re in one of the emptier bases.
“You have shitty friends, Qin. What do you even see in them?”
“They used to be less annoying.” With everything that happened between the three of them, Qin knows there’s no coming back to how they started, and the right move is to leave this all behind. The last thing he wants to happen is Cho and Tiw reflecting on his own character when the first thing he liked about them no longer exists.
“You don’t have to be honest about everything, Qin. Just tell them you kissed someone in middle school.” Tong made a good suggestion.
It would have been a great suggestion if Qin didn’t already confirm it. “It’s a little too late for that.”
Tong looks up to think, then he snaps his fingers. “Then don’t lie.”
“What?”
“Follow me.”
Qin does exactly that with slight reluctance.
They climb a set of stairs and head towards the second floor railings, overlooking a larger portion of the train tracks. It’s the weekend, so the usual sea of people are lessened into smaller groups. He spots a few students that go to the same academy, and Tong points towards their direction.
“Kiss one of them.”
“That’s a terrible idea. We don’t even know them!” Qin is stressing out.
“The better. You can kiss once and don’t have to worry about the aftermath. No strings attached.”
Qin shakes his head. “The kiss will inevitably become the string, Tong. I’m not doing this.”
“Then lie. Choose the one you find the most attractive and just tell Tiw and Cho you kissed. If you don’t know the guy, what are the chances any of them will find out?” Tong is talking like he’s presenting the best idea of humankind.
The only problem is that Qin’s a terrible liar, and unforgivably righteous. “That’s highly unethical.”
“Just try, Qin. It’s harmless.”
Whatever.
Qin looks out from the balcony to scan the people. Girl, girl, girl, old man, teacher, tired worker, musician, controversially young boy, father, auntie, short guy, scarily tall guy, people, people, people. God, this is a horrible idea! Qin squints his eyes to choose among them with very little will left.
Then he sees him—
Black hair, fair skin, full cheeks, and soft eyes.
Standing across the tracks below, parallel Qin from the opposite building.
Based on the blue embroidery on the right side of his white button-up shirt, he’s a public school student from the academy. He’s bouncing on his toes, seemingly waiting for a friend to disappear in his line of sight before being left alone with his fidgeting fingers in mid air, and yet he doesn’t seem lonely.
For someone who’s quite against the idea, Qin immediately tells Tong, who’s still looking down. “Him.”
Tong averts his see who Qin chose. “Oh, him.”
Qin turns around to avoid making eye-contact with his pick. “Yes. We’re done here.”
“Wait, Qin. You clearly find him cute. Go talk to him!”
“That’s not what we agreed to do.” Qin makes his way to the stairs. “I don’t even know him.”
“Of course, we do! He’s the noisy guy who’s famous for bringing a tower of pads for his friends, remember? And it seems like he walked them to the station, too. A good kid.”
Great. He’s not just cute, but he’s also kind. Qin wants to leave immediately.
“We’re going.”
“He’s Pae’s friend. I’m texting him.”
Qin wants the floor to devour him whole.
____________________
Pae is messing with him.
Pae is definitely messing with him.
“No, I’m serious, Duang. He needs help.”
“In… kissing?”
“Yeah.”
Who in the right mind would believe that someone like Qin is coming for him to be taught how to kiss? This has got to be an elaborated prank, because they found out he’s into mean looking men! He needs to stand his ground and refuse. There’s no way he’s going to fall for this.
But then he looks outside the window where Qin stands talking to Tong, juice all over his lips, and necklace grazing over his protruding clavicle—
Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’s beautiful. Effortlessly. Qin is casually taking his breath away and he doesn’t even know it.
“Are you seriously gonna let this opportunity pass?” Pae looks him up and down as if determining his worth through external factors. “He’s too good for you.”
“Oh my god, Pae, you can’t call someone an ‘opportunity’!”
“Well, he is. Come on, Duang. Aren’t you a little bit interested? Here comes a boy as pretty as Qin waltzing at your door and you’re choosing to close it?”
“Well, no —”
“So, get out there and talk to him. Tong and I specifically planned this for the two of you.”
For a man with a smaller build than Duang, Pae shows that he’s capable of dragging Duang towards the door without struggling. Or maybe, he’s not fighting enough to stay hidden in Pae’s room at all. Duang is scared of both possibilities.
In desperation to disappear from the world, Duang shuts his eyes closed so hard he starts seeing stars. He’s so pathetic! The thought of standing before Qin already puts him to shame. Who thought this was a great idea? Sure, put clumsy Duang with a heart as fragile as glass together with infamous heartbreaker Qin—it’s perfect!
Nothing is ever casual to Duang. This is going to end up horribly.
“Here you are,” Pae said through his teeth. Duang finally gets the fight in him that Pae’s veins start showing in his arms from the force he’s exerting to get his friends to his boyfriend. “Duang, meet Qin.”
Duang opens his eyes only to shut them back, because—of course—Qin is waaay prettier up close!
But Duang isn’t going to make a rude first impression.
He opens his eyes. “Heeey!” Duang managed to say at the exact moment his breath was taken away.
“Qin, this is Duang,” Tong gets a leaf out of Pae’s book and gestures between Duang and Qin.
“I heard,” Qin said, voice deep and bored sounding. The idea of Qin finding him plain sends Duang in a spiral. He would love to show Qin his cool sides if he isn’t turning red every second. But alas, Qin just has to stare him down like a music sheet he needs to memorize in the next hour.
“He’s going to help you with your… little problem,” Tong said, smiling, making it sound worse than it actually is.
Duang feels Pae pat his shoulders in a reassuring way with great enthusiasm. “Yes. Duang here is the best kisser in our year! He’s got everyone hooked.”
Lies, lies, lies!
“Haha, it’s not like that—Pae, shut up—haha, he’s just exaggerating things.” Duang wishes life is a movie and it cuts this part out, because he can’t stand the strange predicament he finds himself in.
When Pae said he has a favor to ask, Duang is not expecting this. He doesn’t know what’s more confusing: Qin asking to be kissed or Qin not being kissed at all until now? Qin could’ve easily kissed the first person he sees and they’ll thank him. Duang doesn’t get it!
He looks at Pae and Tong with skepticism. If he finds out at any point tonight that they’re forcing Qin into this, he’s not backing down from a fight. He can throw a punch or two. One with each fist. He can’t guarantee maximum damages though, but the intention should count.
Duang keeps thinking about countless reasons to save Qin from this, until—
“Is that so?” Qin asked. He spoke with a tone that’s so specific, so unique, Duang doesn’t know if he’s angry or worse… if he’s flirting.
Duang grows a toothy smile. “Heh, I-I wouldn’t say I’m the best.”
Then Pae interjects, “Ugh, I’m getting blue balled. Just get in there!”
Before any of them could oppose, Duang is pushed back to Pae’s bedroom with Qin. Back to Pae’s small, clearly made for one person, intimate bedroom. With Qin. Alone.
And he has to make it worse by looking at Qin's flushed face to say, “Should we make a countdown?”
How is he supposed to tell Qin that he’s never kissed anyone before either?
____________________
Duang expects a punch in the face. Instead, he gets a laugh. A singular laugh from a man whose face hasn’t changed since he first saw him.
“I don’t know. You tell me,” Qin said. He’s clearly noticing how nervous Duang is acting from where he stands—which is really not far—because he steps back to give him more space. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to do this.”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Duang.”
Please, don’t call my name. Duang almost said. “Hm?”
“You’re shaking.”
As if this couldn’t get any worse.
“Oh, sorry. I’m a little… shy, I guess. I’ve never been approached for a kiss like this before.” Duang winced. Is that too straight forward? Is he allowed to talk about it this way? The shaking subsided as soon as Qin made him aware of it, but if he kept embarrassing himself, it might never stop the whole night.
“I’ve never been kissed.” How Qin managed to say this with a straight face, Duang will never know. “This is not how I imagined it to go.”
Duang tilts his head to the side—he finds it intriguing and cute that Qin is equally on board and against this. “You imagined me kissing you?”
“Not necessarily with anyone, but I guess you could say that.” He receives another one of Qin’s expensive laughs.
“I keep embarrassing myself, don’t I?”
“Unfortunately.”
Duang doesn’t shake from the turnout of the conversation, but he turns red. So red he starts to feel hot in the face. He’s torn between laughing and holding back, so his body decided to go with the hidden third—snorting.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” Duang bends to fall to the ground for the theatrics, but Qin catches him before he hits the floor. Probably thinking that Duang is at the brink of passing out when he’s this red in the face.
It’s a good thing that Duang is too far into his feelings to even feel affected by Qin’s hands on his own, or else things would escalate differently.
“No, it’s okay. It’s cute.”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
Qin shakes his head. “I mean it. I’m not a good liar. That’s… kinda why we’re doing this in the first place.”
“Wow, it’s my first time meeting someone who doesn’t lie.”
“I’m not saying I don’t. I’m just not very good at it.”
Vague difference. But Duang’s gets it, crystal clear. “If it helps, I’m not good at being early.”
“Oh, I’m peeved, Khun Duang.” Qin returns with the same specific and unique tone that Duang now knows he uses when he’s teasing.
“That’s unfair. I didn’t judge you for your flaws, but you reject me for mine.”
“You’re overreacting. Not being a good liar and tardiness are incomparable.” Qin squints his eyes playfully. “And seeing that we’re both still here, that means I’m not rejecting you.”
The dumplings he ate earlier probably contained a live pig, and it’s making summersaults in his stomach. He’s usually confident at withstanding casual flirting from the countless friends he has, but apparently, he’s not so strong when it’s coming from a handsome boy merely inches away from him.
Qin finally lets him go, much to his dismay, and that’s when he picks up the phone in his pocket to set a timer. “A minute. I’ll kiss you in a minute.”
“Deal.” Qin agrees almost immediately.
“I wasn’t kidding about earlier. I’m not the phenomenal kisser Pae is painting me to be.”
“That’s okay. I have nothing to compare it to anyway.”
45 seconds. Time is so slow.
“Can I touch you?” Duang has to ask. The last thing he wants is to make Qin uncomfortable.
“Anywhere. Just not… down there. Not yet.”
“Of course.”
Not yet.
Duang temporarily blanks out over the possibility of having a next time over a simple conjunction. But Qin probably meant it in a general sense—a boundary he sets for the world.
Duang gently slides his hand on Qin’s slim waist and the other gently pressed against Qin’s soft, warm cheek. He’s trying to think less of how to make things believable and more on how to make this a better experience. Not to take, but to give. Not to perform, but to feel. So, he draws delicate circles against Qin’s skin, memorizing every curve and sensation.
10 seconds.
“Qin, are you sure?”
“Yes. Slowly.”
Duang kisses Qin before the timer ends.
It’s a little awkward. Merely touching lips, frozen in time. Until Duang finds it in him to control the muscles in his lips to move, and suddenly, he begins to understand why people started doing this in the first place.
He takes Qin’s lip between his, pulling them in with precision and pressure in clumsy repetitions as Qin starts to test the waters. His head moves involuntarily, guided by how much closer and deeper he’s trying to go. It’s slow, sensual, and careful. But it’s also new, exhilarating, and euphoric. Even when Duang sucks a little too much, Qin mirrors in return. Like a dance in the dark between meeting bodies, somehow both coordinated and instinctive.
Duang takes a peek when they slightly part and their noses are ticklishly touching. He manages to whisper, “Breathe, Qin.” Before fully kissing him again with a newer sense of enthusiasm. A stronger passion to make Qin feel good.
When Duang starts teasing with a graze of a tongue, Qin lightly pushes him to sit at the edge of the bed, and Duang’s heart spills out of his mouth in a whine when Qin gently climbs over his lap, fully pressing against him with hands wrapping around his own cheeks to pull him in. How can you begin missing something that’s still happening? Duang doesn’t know. But as Qin parallels the tilt of his head, he fears for this to end.
So, Duang holds him tight, earning a soft sound from the pressed mouth against his. He kisses with fervor, licking Qin’s mouth in hunger, until Qin discovers how to use his teeth in nibbling Duang’s eager lips. A wicked part of Duang wants Qin to bite him strong enough to tear skin—something to leave as a reminder.
Then Qin begins moving his hips, and Duang pulls back in pleasure, almost crying at the slightest stimulation. And Qin devastatingly keeps going.
Duang could continue, let everything fall to the right place, and savor the sight and sensation of Qin rutting on top of him. He could kiss Qin again, suck on his unblemished skin, and thrust against Qin’s body.
But that’s not how he wants it to go.
With strong hands, he holds Qin down to steady him. Dodging an aimed kiss to let it fall against his cheek. Finally, Qin stops as he’s out of breath with moist eyes and a wet mouth.
“Not so fast,” Duang echoes the sentiment of what Qin said.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hm, no, baby. You did so well.”
They rest their heads together, catching each other’s breaths and slowly gaining clarity. When Qin rolls his head to press against Duang’s neck, he becomes the first to feel embarrassed. Even in the heat of the moment, Duang finds this version of Qin adorable—curling up on his body, and releasing more of his bashful laughter.
Duang draws more shapes on Qin’s back. He cradles them back and forth, basking in the warm aftermath of his mindblowing first kiss.
“Liar.” Duang hears Qin mumble against his skin.
“What?”
Then Qin finally pulls back to match Duang’s look of pure bliss. Their eyes sparkle even in the dim room.
“You lied about not being a phenomenal kisser.”
Oh.
Oh.
Duang might never let him go.
____________________
Qin floats around Tong in their journey to the train station—skin, fingers, and lips still tingling from the sensation of being held, and being held well. He now knows why Cho found a kiss so rewarding; it’s not like anything he’s ever known.
How he could ever stop needing it, Qin thinks, is a mystery.
To deprive himself from kissing Duang is a punishment detrimental to his life.
“Well?” Tong asks the most obvious question. “How was it? Any good?”
Qin shakes his head.
“It was perfect.”