Work Text:
It was early noon as Twilight marched to her dead-end job at the local McDonald’s in Ponyville, her uniform consisting of a black collared shirt and cap that clashed with her lovely purple fur, both of which still smelled of grease and sweat from the day prior.
She arrived at the large square gray building on the main road, which only differentiated itself from other soulless corporate restaurants via the large yellow “M” that loomed above it, and went around to take the back entrance meant for employees.
As Twilight entered into the kitchen area she ran into her boss, a vanilla colored mare with a brown mane. Her boss looked her up and down, muzzle screwed into a scowl as she looked for something to bitch about this morning.
“Twilight, you are zero point fifteen deciseconds late!” Her boss whined, “Where were you?”
Twilight was running on four hours of sleep and three cups of coffee, so she really didn’t want to deal with her boss this early into her shift. She sighed and bowed her head in submission.
“Sorry, ma’am, it won’t happen again.” Twilight apologized.
“It better not, or I’ll have to report you to management.” Her boss warned, “Now handle the register immediately.”
Twilight nodded and moved past her boss to head for the front, taking up position at the cash register behind the counter. Her head swam in a sea of fog as she awaited the lunch rush and the many stupid customers she would be forced to reckon with.
The first customer arrived within ten minutes. He was a simple looking stallion, fortunately pretty normal compared to other things Twilight had dealt with before.
“Hi, sir, welcome to McDonald’s.” Twilight groggily greeted as he walked up to the counter, “May I take your order?”
The stallion eyed the menu screens that hung a few feet above Twilight’s ears.
“Yeah, can I get uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh…”
Twilight’s ears pressed against her head as the “uh” reverberated for several seconds. The stallion’s brain must’ve been short-circuiting as it attempted to form a thought, despite the very simple menu above her. Twilight blinked slowly as she felt her already thin patience melting.
“...Burger?” The stallion finally decided.
“One plain burger coming up.” Twilight made no attempt to confirm if that was what he wanted, “That’ll be… five dollars, sir.”
It was actually four ninety-nine, but she feared what he might do if she didn’t simplify it down further. Thankfully, Celestia had mercy on her soul because the stallion purchased it without any further hassle.
Things were smooth sailing for the rest of the initial lunch rush before another “unique” customer arrived. A fat stallion squeezed past the glass entrance doors, Twilight genuinely wondering if he’d get stuck in the doorway with the way his flank pressed against them like an oversize balloon.
He wobbled up to the counter, huffing from the effort of making it this far out of his gamer dungeon. Filling his stomach was probably the only time he took a break from grooming fillies on the internet. Twilight tried to not visibly cringe as she stared up at the creature that barely resembled a pony.
“...Hello, sir, welcome to McDonald’s, may I-”
"I'll take a double triple bossy haypatty deluxe on a raft, four by four pony style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim." The stallion’s nasally voice cut Twilight off.
Twilight hovered her hoof over the register, unsure of what to punch in from the word vomit he gave her. Did he order food, or chant an incantation at her?
“Uhm… will a triple haypatty be fine, sir?” Twilight offered.
“Tch, if that is all your puny mare brain can handle.” The fat stallion huffed.
Twilight ignored the insult and put the order in. As he lingered, she caught a whiff of the stallion, his rancid smell violating her nostrils and causing her to gag. Her eyes watered as the smell akin to spoiled eggs burning in the summer heat loomed over her and worsened the longer he stood there.
“That’ll be nine ninety-nine, sir.” Twilight spoke through her held breath.
Breathing was a suggestion if she had to inhale the mushroom fumes this stallion seemed to naturally produce. After he finished paying and left, Twilight stepped away from the register to escape the toxic air and catch her breath.
As the air cleared up and she took position once again, Twilight noticed a mare she had served earlier stomping up to the register with a wrapped burger clenched in her muzzle.
The mare’s mane style was something cashiers from all over Equestria knew to fear and Twilight knew what was coming. The mare spat the burger onto the counter, pointing a hoof at it as her critical eyes burned into Twilight.
“I asked for no pickles.” The mare hissed.
Twilight was tempted to ask why the mare couldn’t just take the pickles out herself, but that would require the poor mare to recognize the world didn’t revolve around her.
“I’m sorry, ma’am-” Twilight began.
“The service here is awful, how do you mess up something so simple!?” The mare continued, giving Twilight no time to correct the simple mistake.
She could feel it coming, any second now…
“I want to speak to the manager!” The mare roared.
There it was.
Twilight bowed her head, happy to treat the mare like the little princess she thought she was.
“Of course, ma’am, I’ll get the manager for you.” Twilight submitted, turning around to grab her boss.
She hid around the corner while her boss handled the situation, then finally returned to her position after the boss managed to satisfy the entitled mare. The amount of customers slowed down by the late afternoon, giving Twilight brief respite.
The only partial trouble she encountered was a dark brown stallion that walked in. He carried the scent of weed in his fur, and his voice was gravely from the years of chain smoking that had caught up to him. Though Twilight felt she shouldn’t have been surprised, considering his cutie mark was a cigarette.
The stallion hummed as he studied the menu for a moment, Twilight praying he’d hurry up so she didn’t have to taste the weed wafting off him.
“I’ll take two number nines… a number nine large… a number six with extra dip…” The brown stallion listed.
He paused for a few seconds, going over the menu for what felt like the fourth time.
“...Will that be all, sir?” Twilight prompted.
“Yea, and I’d like your name too, cutie, hehehe.” The stallion chuckled.
Twilight forced an awkward giggle, as though she were flattered and didn’t want to file a restraining order.
“I’m sorry, sir, but my number isn’t on the menu.” Twilight flatly stated.
“Awh, shucks. That’ll be all then.” The stallion shrugged.
Twilight appreciated that he could take a hint, and the stallion paid without any further delay. There was a long stretch of silence afterward, only being interrupted by the few sensible customers that came in and requested quick orders.
That evening Twilight was left to zone in and out of her absent thoughts, bored but thankful not to deal with any headaches dumb customers gave her.
“Yayyyy!” A familiar squeal abruptly broke into Twilight’s thoughts, “Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking me to McDonald’s, Rarity!!”
Twilight glanced to the entrance, surprised to see two of her best friends enter her workplace. Pinkie Pie was excitedly bouncing next to Rarity, her fur fluffed up in uncontrolled excitement as Rarity waved her hoof in signal for Pinkie to settle down.
“Oh, oh, oh! What are you going to get?” Pinkie Pie asked her.
“I told you, darling, I’m only getting something for you.” Rarity reminded, “This greasy food does a number on one’s figure.”
“Awwh, but Rarity!” Pinkie Pie pouted, “I wanted to eat with you…”
Rarity tapped a hoof on her muzzle for a moment as she hesitated.
“Oh… Okay, just this once, Pinkie.” Rarity sighed, smiling as Pinkie looked thrilled.
Twilight sat straight as her friends walked up to the register, Rarity’s eyes widening as she spotted her.
“Oh!” Rarity gasped, “Twilight?!”
“H-Hi, girls.” Twilight grimaced, tail flicking in slight embarrassment.
“You didn’t tell me Twilight worked at McDonald’s!” Pinkie Pie’s eyes sparkled.
“I… I didn’t know she did.” Rarity admitted.
Rarity stepped closer, Pinkie looming just behind her.
“I thought you were still in college, Twilight!” Pinkie pointed out, tilting her head as her mane drooped from the gravity, “What were you studying again? Quantum physics?”
Rarity cringed as Pinkie’s bold question hung in the air. Twilight swallowed hard, knowing her curious friend didn’t mean to offend her.
“Well, student debt doesn’t pay itself, Pinkie.” Twilight sighed, “And Princess Celestia stopped paying for tuition after the incident I caused with the sentient Jell-O monster…”
“I… what!?” Rarity’s muzzle dropped.
“Did you say Jell-O?” Pinkie licked her muzzle.
“Never mind.” Twilight shook her head, “I don’t like to talk about it.”
“But what about-”
“We’ll just take two hayburgers, darling.” Rarity made their order, cutting Pinkie off before she could ask something else insulting.
“Two hayburgers.” Twilight repeated, punching the order into the register, “Do you want a toy, Pinkie?”
“Mhm!!” Pinkie nodded with radiating enthusiasm.
Twilight smiled, her friend’s bright and jubilant attitude making her day just a little better. Rarity slid the money on the counter, thanking Twilight again before dragging Pinkie off to go sit down.
Her friends ate then bid Twilight goodbye, leaving the restaurant empty once more. A comfortable silence hung in the air for half an hour as she watched the sun dip below the horizon outside. If Twilight was lucky, her shift could end without any other disasters.
That prayer was short lived though, as a screaming colt and his mother entered the restaurant. Twilight felt like her eardrums were being repeatedly stabbed as the colt blared like a siren, whining to his mother that he was hungry.
The mother mare approached the register, her piece of shit son on her hooves as he stuck to her. She had a dead-pan expression etched in her dark eyes, as though telling Twilight “I’m just as tired as you are”. The mare opened her mouth to speak, but her whiny kid refused to shut up.
“Be sure to get a triple hayburger, mom!” The colt reminded.
The mare’s eye twitched as she glared down at her son, her voice strained from exhaustion.
“I know.” The mother growled, “You’ve reminded me ten times before we got here.”
When her son didn’t say anything the mare glanced back to Twilight.
“You heard him, I’m sure.” She muttered.
Twilight could hear him a mile away…
“One triple hayburger…” Twilight echoed.
“Oh, and I want a soda!” The colt added.
Twilight glanced at the mare, her son and back again as the extra request was made. The mother simply slid a hoof across her face, clicked her tongue, then spoke.
“And some water.”
Ask for free water and fill it with soda, oldest trick in the book. It was petty theft, but Twilight didn’t have the will to care anymore. The mare paid and took one of the plastic soda cups stacked at the edge of the counter, leaving Twilight be as they headed for the soda dispenser.
“Your shift’s over.” Twilight’s boss called behind her, “Go clock out.”
Twilight sighed in relief as her torture finally came to an end. She stood and left the register, her tail aching from sitting on it all day. Twilight felt sick, and she expected more of the same to happen tomorrow.
The worst part is that an entire work week would barely cover her debt, so she had years of work ahead of her.
Twilight wasn’t thrilled about the future.