Work Text:
Logan was supposed to be better than this.
He was raised better than this.
“You’re just being lazy”
“We know you can do better than this, we’ve seen you do better than this”
“You used to get better grades.”
Logan always excelled whenever he “tried.” Gifted classes in elementary school, advanced lessons in Violin because he was so ahead, and honor roll when he first got into middle school. But that’s where things metaphorically went downhill in his life.
He couldn’t do this. He barely managed to culminate from middle school and now that he’s in high school everything is worse. He still excels in Math. But trying to do anything else makes his chest ache and his breathing quicken. Late assignments pile up, P.E days get worse, and for the love of all that supports what is known as space, he can’t seem to be able to focus anymore.
He tries convincing himself to focus on the letters and numbers on the page, but that just makes his vision blurrier.
You know this
He tells himself
You learnt this in class
You remember this
You know this
You're supposed to know this.
And only half of those statements are true.
He stops bringing lunch to school. If he wants to also have time for leisurely activities then the best he can do is make sure he does it on time that he doesn’t usually spend on work anyways.
But that's not enough
I mean, if he’s not using that time on anything important anyways then he should use that time to do work right? He can’t complain about not having enough time to complete assignments if he just spends a large portion of his day ignoring them.
He stares at his blank essay document for the whole part of lunch.
Then at home, after he showered. He was so tired, but he had to finish his poster for science. It was already overdue and if he misses any more deadlines he might fail.
He barely manages to finish it before he passes out, and it’s only slightly incoherent when he wakes up the next morning.
His parents have been telling him to clean his room because there’s too much paper scattered everywhere. He tells them he will, but first he has to finish studying for his history test.
His hand cramps after writing down 2 pages of notes, but he keeps going on. The last page is written in unreadable handwriting.
His friends Patton and Virgil invite him out to the mall. But he’s too busy trying to understand the new math formula introduced in class.
He doesn’t get it. He has to find 3 different tutorials to even slightly understand it. The pain behind his eyes is begging him to take a break.
Soon.
Soon. he tells himself.
Soon I’ll be able to eat my favorite jam again. Read in my free time again. Hang out with my friends again.
I just have to catch up.
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