Chapter Text
“Frasier?”
Frasier paused and whipped his head towards the source of the voice, causing the statuesque man whose arm he was leaning on to stagger slightly. Just five feet across the sticky tiled flooring of the bar stood Lilith, who was as frozen and speechless as he was. The once lively, endearing activity around them became nothing more than a deafening wall of voices and music. Any other sign of humanity outside of each other left their awareness entirely. The air around them turned stiff and suffocating.
“Are those my heels?” Lilith finally choked out over the noise.
Frasier looked down at the size eight black pumps he was wearing as if he didn’t already know the answer. He felt his face grow impossibly hotter under the gaze of both Lilith and his companion, who he had only just remembered was still attached to his hip. “Possibly.”
“Ohhhh,” the younger man Frasier was holding on to nodded his head as if finally piecing something together. “You two are roommates,” he pointed between Frasier and Lilith.
“Yes, we’re… something of roommates,” Lilith replied vaguely.
Frasier turned to the other man, desperate to escape Lilith’s eyes, and patted his arm. “Yes, Bryan, we live together. Can you give the two of us a moment of privacy?”
Bryan narrowed his eyes and glanced at both of them, then lowered his shoulders and nodded in concession. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll be at the bar.” He rubbed Frasier’s arm in return before walking away.
“I think we should get some air,” Lilith said, even stiffer than usual.
“Huh?” Frasier turned away from Bryan’s back, Lilith’s voice bringing him out of his thoughts about how he would likely not see Bryan again. He rubbed his eyes and gave a few small nods. “Yeah, um, yes. I also think some air would be beneficial for us.”
Lilith offered her hand. Frasier paused and looked from her hand to her face, which held an unreadable expression that was almost emotionless but for the slight furrowing of her brows. He knew it wasn't like her to betray her worry. It was that slight crack in her demeanor that made him trust her enough to take her hand, and he was thankful for the steadying force it provided in all of the chaos that was unfolding. She squeezed it gently and led them outside of the crowded bar.
A cool September breeze greeted the two of them when they stepped outside and walked to the right of the front door, opposite a few cackling stragglers standing to the left of the entrance under a red awning that read Jacque’s. Frasier took some deep breaths, feeling the night air calm him, before sliding against the wall of the nondescript brick building and putting his head in his hands. Lilith’s hand hung limp at her side where he let go of it and she stared straight ahead, soaking in the few minutes of silence.
“You’re quite skilled at walking in heels.”
Frasier flopped his hands in his lap and looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. She turned her head towards him, and when he saw the slight upturn at one corner of her lips he shook his head and chuckled, wiping the tears that had been long forming in his eyes.
“Well, thank you for noticing. I’ve had years of practice, as I’m sure you know, with me walking in my mother’s shoes during my childhood.”
Now it was Lilith’s turn to shake her head and laugh, and Frasier swore it was the freest he’d ever heard her laugh in the three years since he’d met her. “Goodness, Frasier, I should have known from the very beginning that you were more attracted to men than you ever could be attracted to me.”
The air between them stiffened with the acknowledgement of what they had each learned about each other in the bar, and Frasier’s eyes became glued to the concrete. Lilith frowned at herself and joined him on the ground, linking her hand with his and leaning her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I should be more tactful. We don’t have to talk about it.”
“What else is there for us to do? Surely we can’t just ignore it.”
“I suppose not,” Lilith sighed.
Frasier sensed that this was a rare time when Lilith was truly at a loss for what to do. He rubbed her shoulder and tried to come up with soothing problem solving techniques that worked with his clients. “What if I list some options for what we could do next?”
Lilith rolled her eyes. “I’m not a patient in need of treatment, Frasier.” Despite her protest, at his suggestion she felt her shoulders relax slightly and the tight feeling that had been sitting in her chest since she first saw him begin to loosen. “I’ll humor you, though, so long as you avoid making any comments about how obvious it is that I need your little exercise.”
He smiled to himself, having detected the change in her body language, but consented to this condition. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Now, let’s see… oh okay, I have one. Would you like to forget that tonight ever happened?”
“No,” Lilith blurted out immediately. “No, trying to ignore the existence of tonight would be futile. It’d be at the back of our minds constantly as we attempted to go through the motions of a relationship that we both clearly don’t want.”
“You say that this is a relationship we don’t want.” He paused and took a deep breath, preparing himself for the answer to his next question. “Do you think that it would be best for the two of us to part ways?”
Lilith recoiled and stared him down. “You’re not serious, are you?” He shrugged silently in response. “Frasier, losing you is the last thing that I want. As complicated as this whole situation is, I think I’m truly glad you ended up finding out that I…” she took a steadying breath. “That I’m a lesbian.”
Frasier met her eyes. They were slightly dilated in fear, but aside from that she appeared relatively confident, like she had given this statement a lot of thought. “Thank you for confiding in me. You were under no obligation to put a name to your feelings, but I appreciate that you did.”
“You’re distancing yourself from your emotions by centering what you assume the other person’s thoughts are, as per usual,” Lilith said with narrowed eyes. Her eyebrows tilted in a more sympathetic look before her next statement. “I’m grateful to have your acceptance, and I value your acknowledgement of how difficult it was for me to tell you this, but how do you feel?”
“You really are always on the clock.”
“Only because you force me to be.”
Frasier chuckled dryly before addressing her question. “Truthfully, I’m happy that you’re a lesbian. Part of it is for selfish reasons concerning my own sexuality. I mean, I must admit that I have been cheating on you for nearly six months at this point–”
“And I on you,” Lilith cut in.
“Really? Six months for you too?”
She nodded.
“Wow, what are the chances? Well, anyway, you having a similar sexual discovery at the same time resolves us both from most of the guilt concerning our actions. But you uncovering this fact about yourself also feels right.” He took her hands. “You always seemed just slightly dissatisfied with me, and I realized months ago that there was nothing I could do to change that. But now that you’re not pretending in front of me, I don’t detect that displeasure in you. I’m just glad that you’re finally happy.”
“I am, Frasier. I truly am.” Lilith couldn’t help giving a small smile. “And as frightening as it originally was to see you here tonight, it’s refreshing that someone I interact with outside of the context of my nightlife knows about this part of my identity.”
“I’m starting to feel the same way about you discovering that I’m gay. Someone finally has access to both parts of who I am. And while I do wish that we had been able to have more control over telling each other, I can’t think of any other way that this could have happened.”
Lilith returned to her place on Frasier’s shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her. “You’re right,” she said. “There’s no instance that would have made this–or rather, us–come out naturally.”
“Ha-ha,” Frasier said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. Then, in a softer, sincere tone, he added, “I love you, Lilith. Even if I’m not in love with you, you’re one of the most important relationships in my life.”
“I love you too, Frasier.”
The two sat in silence again, but not out of fear like earlier. This was comfortable, as they had dealt with all of the immediate questions and anxieties that arose from seeing each other at the bar. Still, there was a silent acknowledgement that they didn’t want to go back to their apartment yet. As long as they were here, sitting outside of their favorite gay bar with their best friend, they were able to see what happened when their lives were allowed to merge. And it felt like home.