Work Text:
Astro gets fucking cheated on
What it says on the tin
Astro strode through the party, the flashing lights pounded against his head and forced his eyes to squint as the LED shone just an octave too bright. It reflected against the glass along Gardenviews metal walls and bathed the other party goers in kaleidoscopic shades as they reached their hands up, seemingly in an attempt to catch the ever fleeting light.
He wrapped his cape tighter around his torso and grumbled slightly to himself, already regretting the decision to leave his room. Rather than heading back to his sanctuary he treaded on into the party, in search of a side room where he could collect his thoughts. Pushing his way through a sea of toons he entered a small room full of refreshments and the blaring lights from before. The only occupants were the last minute refreshment table and a lone wheat colored dog keeping to himself with a red solo cup.
Stealing that idea like he stole Dandy he picked up a pathetic red solo cup and filled it with an unknown purple substance, if everyone else was lucky the drink would be poisoned. Astro took a gulp of the drink and to everyone’s chagrin continued breathing. The room released a sad sigh it didn’t know it was holding as the fucker lived to see another day.
‘Speaking of Dandy’, Astro thought to himself in the back of his mind, ‘where is he?’.
It was a tad bit odd that the moon toon had yet to see his favorite flower(blegh). Given the complex that Dandy’s days with Bendy as a Darling Dancer had left him with, he had expected to see him in the center of everything. Calling the attention of the crowd upon himself as he directed the spotlight with his every movement. His petals flourish as they eat the attention they received from the harsh light. Then again, since this party was about the group that had found the ink machine and gave the toons freedom from the blot it would make since that Dandy would avoid something so heavily focused on ‘him’.
Astro felt his lips raise in a snarl at the mere thought of the demon and chugged another gulp of the very unfortunately not poisoned substance.
He should find Shelly, or someone else he knew Dandy would be with at the party.
Vee sounded like a good bet.
Braving the sea of toons, Astro made his way to the dance floor once again, scanning the crowd for a familiar TV head or a cup. He had no such luck in the next couple of rooms, any cup with the misfortune of being mistaken for Shelly shivering in distress as Astro violated them by standing within 6 feet of them, always forgetting to leave a foot for the lord.
One of the poor toons he grabbed hugged herself as she cried.
“I-I can’t believe he touched me.” She shook as her friends comforted her.
“He knows I don’t like homosexuals. Especially not filthy little homewreckers! I just don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again.”
Another cried, “I think he get some slime on me what the fuck.”
“Oh goodness, oh no, am I going to turn gay?”
Uncaring of the destruction he left in his path, Astro trudged on through the party, finally meeting a crossroads and turning left. He got distracted scanning the group of toons beside him and accidentally ran into a familiar girl.
Astro collided with the form in front of him and was sent a few steps back, he winced at the sudden pain and his front and directed his ire at the heap in front of him.
Shelly rubbed her head as she had ran directly into Astro’s giant fucking chin.
“Ouch” she said to herself as she got up and dusted herself off.
Astro didn’t offer a hand and fixed her with his gaze. “Where’s Dandicus.”
Shelly muttered something under her breath before responding, “Woah hey Astro, haven’t seen you around in a while, hope everything’s going well! As for Dandy…” she paused just a bit over his name, her eyes flickering to the left as she did so. Maybe it wasn’t noteworthy to the average toon, but Astro had known her for years.
“Haven’t seen him around! Why? Is he in trouble, you used his full government name.” She chuckled to herself.
Astro just studied her face for a beat, every part of that had been beyond suspicious. He looked to her left, where he had seen her eyes flicker a moment before. That was when he saw it, just a few feet down the hall, a door.
“Really.” he said absentmindedly, ‘why had Shelly been running in the first place?’.
“Um-uh yeah, if he’s in trouble you should really go find him, I’m sure he wants to pleASE- er make it all better huh?”
Astro just ignored her, his gaze-fixed on the door as he began walking towards this. He wanted to end the conversation a while ago anyways. He was too nonchalant to be seen talking to a woman.
Shelly practically leaped in front of him as she tried to stop him from entering the room, blabbering some lame excuses that he didn’t bother listening to. He reached his hand out to open the door when she suddenly threw her body full force at the door to cover it.
“You know they say, “at the crossroads don’t turn left.” She looked him dead in the eyes, a completely serious and pleading expression directed at him.
“What is the Yellow King behind there? I think I’ll be fine.” He spit it out, done with this conversation and Shelly’s minecraft hyperfixations.
“Astro, please. I don’t know if you can handle this kind of information.”
He scoffed at her, a feeling crawling up his throat that he couldn’t name yet.
“I’ll be fine.” She looked at him for another moment and for a second he thought he would have to pry her away from the door before she finally stepped aside.
Path to the room free, Astro stood in front of it, nothing was in his path now but the ugly feeling remained and kept his hands at his side for a second. Should he go in there? No. He shook his head to banish that line of thought and decided to just rip the bandaid off.
Fuck it.
He opened the door.
He, however, couldn’t make it past the threshold as behind mystery door number three he saw not just one, but two of the Toon Towns famed exes on top of each other in the middle of a heated make out session.
Astro despaired and the world around him got a little better because of it.
The ex on the bottom noticed him first, and tore away from the kiss except for a line of inky saliva still connecting the two. Astro was going to lose it.
“Da-Dandy?” the ex cried out as he pushed against the flower’s shoulders, alerting his lover to the intruder. Dandy whipped around and spotted the toon standing frozen across the room, eyes widening an impossible amount. The flower cursed under his breath and stood up, revealing his ruined and wrinkled outfit.
“Hey Astro, what are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here!!?” Astro shouted in disbelief as he stepped farther inside the room. The completely reasonable statement from Dandy snapping him out of his stupor.
“Of course! That is what I said.”
Astro could hardly get a word out as Dandy very reasonably tried to talk him down. He was overreacting after.
“I was looking for YOU!” Astro shouted.
“Ah well, you found me. Is something wrong?” Dandy said as he moved protectively in front of the poor helpless damsel still sitting on the couch behind him. Astro damn near lost it and stormed towards Bendy.
“What the fuck is this? What the FUCK IS THIS?”
“This is what happens when you don’t respect women.” Shelly cut in from behind him.
“Excuse me??” Astro whipped around to see Shelly behind him, once again blocking the door from any intruders.
“Do you remember that one time during the motm chapter two update when I went to give you a high five and you just left me hanging?”
“No?”
“Heh, of course you don’t. Well, I do.” A single tear slid down her face.
“It was terrible, it was like you burned down a hospital. I have never been so disrespected in my entire life.”
“You’ve always hated women.” Dandy cut in. He sat back down next to Bendy and looked at his feet.
“And I knew and I chose to turn a blind eye to it anyways, what I did… was unforgivable.” Bendy came up next to him and took him into a comforting embrace as the flower talked about his traumatic past and wrongdoings.
“Letting such terrible crimes occur to women as I participated as a complicit bystander is one of the worst things I’ve ever done. It was even worse than when I let the blot kill hundreds of citizens, completely unforgiveable.” Dandy pulled away a bit from Bendy’s embrace as sparkly anime tears rolled down his face, and as he sobbed his poor heart out it looked like, if only for a moment, TheGreatRouge had drawn that panel.
“But I think I always knew that deep down in my heart you were never the one for me,” Dandy cupped Bendy’s face and looked passionately into his eyes, “there was always someone I could never let go of no matter how much I told myself I hated him, even if for a time I really did hate him.” He brought his forehead to Bendy’s and was silent for a moment before pulling his face away.
“So, what I guess I’m trying to say is…….. i’m sorry women.”
“You’re forgiven.” Shelly sniffled, having been moved to tears by his beautiful speech.
“That was a beautiful man.” Said another voice from the corner. Astro numbly looked over at it and found the collector brothers causally sitting in two chairs facing the sofa.
He looked away again.
“So, what? What does this mean? Did I mean nothing to you?”
“Pretty much yeah.” Dandy still didn’t break eye contact with his Darling Demon.
Astro once again didn’t know what to say, the whole encounter had left him stunned and had ripped the words from him, and it felt like it had taken the life from him as well. The ugly feeling from before had changed into an all encompassing empty feeling that threatened to swallow the moon whole. Astro despaired.
So in a couple cities over a child was cured of cancer.
Not being able to bear looking at the happy couple on the sofa that clearly deserved each other, he directed his attention to the hitmen in the corner once more.
“What are you even doing here?” He said weakly.
The one with a bent straw merely shrugged in response. “Eh, I wanted to see who tops. Placed a bet.” It was uttered with the utmost casualness and like he hadn’t just witnessed someone get cucked moments before.
“Can you go now?” The blue one with the normal straw said from beside him.
“Yeah, it was just getting interesting.”
Astro couldn’t stand to be in that damned room any longer and numbly walked to the door. Shelly stepped aside and let him cross the threshold, his departure accompanied by the sounds of resumed love making and cheering in the background.
From that day onwards the room would be divinely blessed and anyone who walked through it would be cured of any and all ailments. It would also aid long lost lovers and give fertility to anyone seeking it.
A few rooms down Astro hung himself.