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It starts on Off Topic, once Gavin's got about three beers in him. Gavin's always been touchy when he's tipsy, grabby and annoying, often relentless. Hell, the guy has climbed Jeremy like a fucking tree when he's sober, so it's no surprise to Jeremy anymore when Gavin gets a little handsy.
Usually, though, it's either something casual, a hand mussing up Jeremy's hair, maybe an arm hooking over his shoulders, or it's something ridiculous and hammed up for the cameras (see again: Gavin climbing onto Jeremy's back whenever he damn well feels like it). Jeremy's never been bothered by the touches, but also never put too much thought into them--he's seen Gavin roughhouse with Michael and Geoff on and off camera, seen him giggle drunkenly and stroke Jack's beard at a bar, seen him curl up halfway in Burnie's lap at a party. Gavin's an affectionate guy, and it's charming in a way that draws Jeremy to him, makes him smile when Gavin flicks playfully at his bicep as he walks by Jeremy's desk. Gavin's touches are comfortable, nice.
Those touches, though, are not usually his fingertips brushing Jeremy's wrist lightly, not usually Gavin sliding his hand to intertwine it with Jeremy's as they sit together on a live podcast with two other coworkers and an audience of a few hundred thousand people.
Jeremy's first instinct is to steal a panicked glance at the monitors--he's not sure why, exactly, the gesture has his heart racing, but he's still relieved to find that their hands are somehow hidden, concealed by the angle of the bar table and by Jeremy's splayed knees. He hadn't noticed until now how close Gavin is seated, his stool scooted a few too many inches away from Ryan and into Jeremy's space, but it's glaringly obvious now that Jeremy's looking, that he can see the stark unevenness Gavin has caused in the wide shot. Jeremy attempts to play it cool, looking past Gavin to focus on Ryan, trying to hear what the man in saying instead of the steady thump-thump-thumping of his own blood in his ears. But Gavin's head is turned, staring right at Jeremy, and Jeremy can't help the way his eyes flick unavoidably to Gavin's face. The corner of Gavin's mouth ticks up into a small, private smile, and as Gavin turns away to pipe up a counter-argument against whatever Ryan had been ranting about, Jeremy realizes his own hand has curled warmly around Gavin's in response.
Jesus. He's not sure when or why that happened, but also, he doesn't let go.
They stay like that for far too long. Jeremy finally finds his voice and weaves his way back into the conversation, but as he voices his frustration over shitty Austin public transportation along with the other Achievement Hunters, Gavin's thumb is stroking the back of his hand. It's beyond distracting, and Jeremy struggles not to trip over his words because goddamn it, when did Gavin become so oddly... sweet? Jeremy steals glances at the man when he can, staring like he's absorbed in whatever Gavin's saying when really he's cursing whichever lighting guy is responsible for the Off Topic set. The warm lights are illuminating all the small details of Gavin's face that he can only see up close--the light sparkle of his eyes when he starts to tease Michael, the tiny hairs on his chin that stick up the wrong way when he runs his hand through his beard, the chapped curve of his lips that are flushed a bit too pink from the beers.
Gavin leans in close, then, and Jeremy realizes he's been staring even though Gavin stopped talking. He's crowding into Jeremy's space, his thigh brushing Jeremy's knee and bumping their hands as if Jeremy could have forgotten they're intertwined.
"Would've gone for this a lot sooner, if I'd known you'd let me," Gavin says, low and so close to his ear that Jeremy swears he can feel the brush of the man's nose against his temple. And then Gavin pulls away quick, scooting an appropriate distance away but still being careful not to let go. He takes in Jeremy's expression and giggles, loud and obvious, as if he'd leaned in to whisper some funny secret that he didn't want to say out loud on camera.
Jeremy plays along, managing a shy chuckle, but Michael doesn't seem to be pleased by the exchange. "Got something you want to share with the class, Gavin?"
Gavin smirks, gazing at Jeremy expectantly. He squeezes Jeremy's hand once. "Care to explain, Lil J?"
"Nope. Nope, no, I'm good," he says, quickly, snagging his hand back and tucking it into his lap. He's not risking Michael or Ryan catching them holding hands, not willing to endure the teasing that he'd be subjected to, live, for all their subscribers to enjoy. Gavin doesn't seem offended, though, just throws his head back and laughs again, gleeful and smug that Michael doesn't get to be part of their private joke.
Ryan shrugs easily, in a way that indicates he doesn't want to encourage them, but Michael huffs, exasperated. "Gee, Gavin, you sure know how to keep the audience entertained. Tune in this week for the Off Topic Podcast, where Gavin tells jokes that no one gets to hear!"
--
Jeremy's pretty sure the whole thing's gonna blow over--and for a while, it seems like it does. Gavin doesn't suddenly become some sort of clingy menace, Jeremy doesn't have an aneurysm just from thinking about the warm contact of Gavin's hand in his. The two of them get back to normal. Teasing, roughhousing, constantly-playing-at-the-whole-fake-gay-thing normal. Jeremy figures that, well, it sounds like Achievement Hunter if he's ever known it.
He tries not to think much of it when Gavin keeps gravitating so easily toward him. They play off each other well in videos--and Jeremy appreciates that Gavin can recognize that, can rev up the manic energy between them for a recording.
So, when Gavin insists on holding hands with him again, well. Jeremy tries not to blow it out-of-proportion, figures it's just some sort of excitement-charged instinct that Gavin's succumbing to.
They're in the middle of a VS--Jack versus Gavin, pitted against each other in something Jack figured the two of them would be evenly matched at: GTAV stunt plane racing. Jeremy and the rest of the guys hover between the two men's monitors, acting as race commentators.
"Gavin, by some miracle, seems to be in the lead. Looks a lot like sheer dumb luck," Geoff announces, and Jeremy hooks around the line of desks to get a look at Gavin's monitor.
Gavin's all frantic, high-pitched shouts as his plane loops around and narrowly dodges skyscrapers. "I don't-- I don't even know how I'm-- AAAaaugh, effing hell, effing bloody smegging hell-- how did I, how did I miss that? Jesus Christ, I'm amazing! Did you see that?"
"How's it feel, Jack, to be beaten by someone completely on accident?" Michael asks, mock-interviewing the competitor.
"Well, Michael," Jack says without looking up from his game, "if I know anything about Gavin, it's that his luck doesn't last forever."
"You heard it here first, folks," says Ryan, turning dramatically toward Lindsay's camera. "Gavin's headed towards the final stretch, just one checkpoint from the win, but we'll see if Jack's prediction is corr--"
"NO, no, holy hell-- no, no, no!" Gavin squeals, the rest of them laughing at the man's predictably poor timing.
"What is it, Gavvy?" Michael teases, his voice dipping into something smarmy enough to match his smug little grin as he peeks his head over the monitors.
"Look's like Gavin's good fortune has taken a turn for the worse," Jeremy answers for him.
"My bloody plane stalled!" Gavin cries, and the room erupts into laughter from everyone but him. "Come on, come on, come on! It's--it's bloody dead, look at it, it's smoking--no! Jack, no!"
"My city now, bitch," Jack mutters, presumably hurrying to make up the lost ground.
"Lil J," Gavin whines, lifting a hand from the controller--not that he needed it, with no engine to accelerate and a plane that's hurtling toward certain doom. "Lil J, give me your strength!"
Jeremy laughs, stepping closer to reach out and bump his hand against Gavin's. "I gotcha, buddy, I believe in you."
Gavin grasps unabashedly at Jeremy's hand in the air, and Jeremy's heart skips a beat, thrumming hard as Trevor swings close to capture the moment on camera. "Don't let me go, Jeremy, I'm not gonna go down like this! The game's not over yet!"
"Pretty sure it's over, dude," Geoff tells him. "How the fuck are you planning to come back from that?"
Gavin squeezes Jeremy's hand hard as his plane falls closer and closer to the ground. "I dunno-- I just--"
And then, Gavin's plane hits the pavement, and he really must have made some sort of soul pact with the devil, because not only lands precisely on the finish line like he'd planned it, but his plane actually bounces and survives, rather than crashing and exploding into a ball of fire.
The six of them are speechless for a second, not sure they'd seen it right, but then the words, "YOU FINISHED 1ST" appear on Gavin's screen. There's a collective scream of disbelief from the room, followed by an outraged "What?!" from Jack.
Gavin leaps up in joy and triumph, still gripping Jeremy's hand as he starts to jump up and down. He looks from the monitor to Jeremy as if he had something to do with that feat, and then before Jeremy knows what's happening, Gavin's got both of his hands in his, raising them above their heads as he laughs in celebration. His grin is ear-to-ear, his laugh contagious, and Jeremy can't help the way he's swept up in the sensation, the excitement of it all. He just hollers along with him, propped up on his toes as Gavin swings their arms in the air.
"Gavin--amazingly--defends his title with that unbelievable feat!" Michael calls out, awestruck, as the rest of them are still shouting.
"CHAMPION," Gavin exclaims, his fingers tightly entwined with Jeremy's.
--
Jeremy tries to get it all off his mind. He really, really does. He's beyond grateful that Gavin's out of the office for the rest of the afternoon, across the lot recording on the Million Dollars, But set. He takes the time away from Gavin to forcibly shove him out of his mind, hunkering down at his desk and clamping his headphones over both ears to signify he does not want to be bothered (not that it's stopped any of his coworkers before). He does his best to focus on the mind-numbing monotony of editing this week's Minecraft video, and Jeremy's relieved to find it works for a while.
It really doesn't help that Gavin is in the video, though. Or that at every dip in conversation or available opportunity, he is desperately flailing for Jeremy's attention.
"Jeremy, come take on this slime with me, we'll build a trampoline!"
"Why haven't I been over your house for a Mario Party night, yet, Lil J?" ("You've literally never invited ANY of us over to your house, Gavin.")
"Lil J--boi, please, no! Help, Lil J, Michael's got me, I'm--NO, AAAGH--SAVE ME, LIL J--! [unintelligible squealing noises]"
"Okay, Jeremy, if you had to be stranded on a deserted island with any member of Achievement Hunter, who would it be?" ("Ryan, obviously. We'd be off that island in less than a week." "That or he'd take the opportunity of a captive victim and no witnesses.")
Gavin's voice in his ear is almost grating. He can't not think about him, about the way he's constantly acting up and then checking for Jeremy's reaction, or asking leading questions and then pouting when Jeremy doesn't answer him the way he'd been hoping. Jeremy's never really dwelled on it before, the way he insisted they should get bevs, just you and me, nobody else, or looked at Jeremy so expectantly when he'd asked--specifically Jeremy--which Achievement Hunter he'd choose to make out with (“with tongue”). It's just... Gavin being Gavin, isn't it? Gavin insisting on hypothetical plans that he'll never actually follow through with, Gavin asking him questions that are supposed to either make him cringe or instill some sort of gay panic. He dishes it out to everyone they work with, so Jeremy is probably just reading too much into the situation. Gavin is his coworker, his friend. They're just comfortable around each other, and that's why Gavin is so affectionate with him.
Still. Jeremy can't stop thinking about how nice it felt to hold hands with him. That-- that was comfortable too, in a way that Jeremy is unfamiliar with. He isn't sure why when Gavin put his hand in Jeremy's, it felt like it belonged there. Like it would be a goddamn tragedy to let go.
Before he can indulge in that memory any longer, a pair of bony arms wraps around Jeremy from behind, thrown over Jeremy's shoulders to effectively jostle the headphones off his ears.
"Je-re-my!" Gavin shouts much too close to his ear, and it nearly gives Jeremy a heart attack, making him jump a few inches off his seat. "Jesus, did I scare you? I've been right here saying your name for like, two minutes!"
God fucking damn. Speak of the British bastard, and he shall come. Jeremy exhales sharply, trying to regain his composure.
"Oh my god, look at you! Lil J, you're cute when you're flustered!" Gavin coos, peeking over his shoulder to get a better look.
Eloquently, Jeremy sputters out a quick, "Yeah well-- you're cute," which is not quite the comeback he was searching for. Gavin laughs, loud and high-pitched like he can't help it, and Jeremy resists the urge to put his head in his hands to hide his face. "Whatever happened to a polite tap on the shoulder?"
Despite now having Jeremy's undivided attention, Gavin doesn't disentangle himself, opting instead to dangle his lanky arms around Jeremy's neck and rest his head on Jeremy's shoulder. The contact is warm, and friendly, but it does nothing to slow Jeremy's quick pulse.
"I'd usually just throw something at you, but the only thing I've got is my phone."
Jeremy rolls his eyes. "So, what's up, Gavin?"
Gavin pulls away, then, allowing Jeremy to spin his chair around to face him as he retrieves his phone from his pocket.
"There's a Ponyta outside!" he announces, turning his phone to show Jeremy the Pokemon Go screen. His Ponyta, proudly named Grobbly Sprongler, blinks at Jeremy from the app. "I hadn't seen one yet, I thought you might want it."
"Much more important than work, huh?" Jeremy can't bite down the smile on his face at the confession of Gavin thinking of him.
"Hey! I've seen you sprinting across the parking lot for Pokemon before!"
"Yeah, for Voltorbs!" Jeremy clarifies.
"Lil J, you have like, seven Voltorbs by now--"
"And I love them all equally!"
Gavin laughs, but wiggles his phone insistently. "Do you want the Ponyta or not?"
Jeremy sighs, standing and setting his headphones on his desk. It's not like he's worried about getting the video done--he'd been distracted and making slow progress anyways. And, well. The source of his distraction is standing right there, waiting on him. "Yeah, alright."
Jeremy didn't think it was possible, but Gavin's smile gets even brighter. "You want me to show you where it is?"
"Sure, Gav." Jeremy's already fussing with his phone, trying to get the app to open when all it wants to do is load indefinitely. Gavin grabs at his free hand easily, leading him out the door, and Jeremy lets himself be hurried along. It takes a second for his brain to catch up, to realize they're--they're just walking through the office like that, and then into the parking lot, hand-in-hand like that's the natural progression of things, like that's something they just do now.
And, well. Jeremy's surprised to find he doesn't mind the new habit at all.
--
The next time Jeremy finds himself alone with Gavin, it's a few days later, in the kitchen. Jeremy wishes he could call it Gavin cornering him--but that implies some sort of resistance or at the very least, reluctance. Instead, Jeremy can't help the grin that spreads across his face as Gavin strolls into the room, doesn't expect the flutter of excitement at the promise of a moment alone with his friend.
"Hey, Gav," Jeremy greets him, eyes entirely on Gavin as Jeremy stirs milk into his coffee.
"Jeremy," he says, a matching smile growing into a flash of white teeth, eyes bright like Jeremy is a lovely surprise. "What're you still doing here?"
"Finishing up some edits," Jeremy laments. It's pushing nine-fifteen, and he's pretty sure he's in for the long haul tonight. Late nights always seem later when the office is so empty like this. Jeremy lifts his mug toward Gavin. "Needed a pick-me-up if I'm gonna make it through this one."
"Ah. You want company?" Gavin asks, and Jeremy's tummy does a tiny, inadvertent flip at the offer. Gavin strolls past him, placing an empty beer bottle into the sink. His arm brushes Jeremy's back as he goes by, probably due to the close quarters behind the kitchen island. That doesn't mean Jeremy's skin isn't tingling.
"Nah dude, Trevor's hanging out on the couch going through community videos. Says he's not leaving until I do, and I won't make you suffer the same fate. Get outta here while you can." As Jeremy takes a long-awaited gulp of his coffee, he's not sure if Gavin's face has gone neutral or if the half-frown on his lips is one of disappointment.
"Yeah, you're right," Gavin says evenly. "I will as soon as I can. We just finished up the Podcast, but I'm waiting on Burnie to finish up on set. He's driving me home, figured I'd grab a drink for the road."
"Open container, Gav? You trying to get the boss-man in trouble?" Jeremy smirks, eyebrows climbing. He swings by Gavin to return the milk to the fridge, and the way Gavin tilts his head toward him, watches him slip by, is definitely Jeremy's imagination.
"A drink of water, you anus," Gavin grins, catching the door of the fridge when Jeremy holds it open for him. He pours himself a paper cup of water from the pitcher as Jeremy sips from his coffee, the two of them drifting into a lulled silence.
Jeremy doesn't quite want to get back to work yet. Gavin doesn't seem too eager to go check on Burnie, either.
When Gavin sidesteps a foot closer to Jeremy to lean against the countertop, his proximity is friendly, but at the same time, magnetic. It's like the closer the two of them shift toward each other, the stronger the pull becomes, the harder it is to pull away. Jeremy finds his body angled toward the other man, shoulder leaned in Gavin's direction. Gavin's gazing across the room, as if he's lost in thought, but his head is inclined towards Jeremy, like he wants to watch him in his peripherals. There's about two steps of distance between them, and the urge to cross it, to make it disappear, is recklessly overwhelming.
Jeremy puts his coffee down.
He feels oddly like he's tumbling into a frontflip that he knows he can't land. Like he just has to brace himself and fall the right way, let the ground hit him because it's flying towards him, fast and unavoidable. But he takes a step toward Gavin, and he doesn't lose his footing.
Gavin's gaze flicks to him, and Jeremy thinks perhaps he's startled, but then Gavin's following suit, setting down his cup and letting himself be pulled forward by the same invisible, impossible force, closing the distance between the two of them.
There's still some space there--but at an arm's length, Gavin has to dip his head to look Jeremy in the eye, and Jeremy can feel something elating and terrifying buzzing in the space between their chests. He's afraid that if he focuses too hard on the feeling, it might escape him, like staring at a puff of smoke too long, scrutinizing until it stretches and warps into something indistinguishable.
Gavin's hand is resting on the kitchen counter.
"Don't... don't work yourself too hard, Lil J," Gavin says, hushed. Always the one to fill a silence.
Gavin is leaning forward in a way that seems instinctual, teetering into Jeremy's space until Jeremy's not sure he has air to breathe anymore.
"I won't," he replies, automatic.
Jeremy inhales deeply. Places his hand on top of Gavin's.
Gavin's eyes widen a fraction, but don't look away from Jeremy's face. And there's so little space left between them--Jeremy leaning upwards, eyes sweeping along Gavin's face in their proximity, gauging his reaction. Gavin lets his hand relax under Jeremy's, hums like he has something to say.
"What?" Jeremy asks, soft, the sound caught in the inches between them.
With Gavin's eyes cast down at Jeremy, they look half-lidded, relaxed. "Your hand is all warm," he murmurs. "From the coffee."
"I-- yeah."
"It's nice."
"Yeah."
Gavin looks like he might say something else, like he's got a couple thousand thoughts threatening to spill from his lips, but Jeremy can't take the tension, can't bear the distance between them.
So he raises up on his tiptoes and kisses Gavin.
It somehow feels at the same time natural, overdue, and extraordinary, the way Jeremy can hear Gavin's sharp intake of breath, can see his eyes dip closed in anticipation. There are a few seconds of uncertainty, but the two of them are swept up in the kiss easily, Gavin parting his lips softly and Jeremy moving gently against them, testing. It's sweet in the way only first kisses are--exploring and near-hesitant, each slide of lips on lips, each shallow breath, a novelty.
Gavin's other hand comes to rest on Jeremy's bicep, like he has to steady himself, and Jeremy feels dizzied by it too--the kiss has gravity shifting towards Gavin and sends his mind whirling and releases a flock of butterflies into his tummy. Jeremy's craning his neck for more, and Gavin's stooping down slightly to press his face close, nose bumping Jeremy's cheek tenderly.
They kiss like that for what feels like ages of surreal, stolen time--until they have to pull away and giggle breathlessly, until Jeremy's hand on top of Gavin's feels like it was meant to be there, until the coffee grows cold and utterly, utterly forgotten.