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Jay let his head fall back against the sofa, letting out a sigh. He intertwined his hand with Nya's, running his thumb along the back of her hand. He looked up at the ceiling, gazing at the pearly white that covered the entire room. As a child, a doctor had told him that the purpose of this color in doctors' offices was to inspire calm and cleanliness, something he'd always thought was nonsense. He would always associate that environment with a moment of tension, of long waits and overwhelming thoughts. All he could do was take a deep breath and hope for the best —or the least worst—, that what he heard next wouldn't be his death sentence. And yet, even knowing the situation, it was hard to deal with the anxiety it caused, with the fear and despair, perhaps even more so than not knowing.
Especially when it wasn't about himself, but about someone he loves.
Perhaps he was wrong to do so, especially while waiting impatiently in the small clinic attached to the monastery's basement, but he couldn't help but search unreliable online sources to find out what might be happening to the person he adored most in the world, his lifelong partner, whom he had found collapsed on the bathroom floor that very afternoon. “Gastroparesis,” “Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome,” “peptic ulcer,” “persistent vomiting for months is considered a chronic symptom requiring immediate medical attention” were just a few of the many results that fueled his panic. She couldn't even stand up on her own, so he had been forced to run through the hallways carrying her in his arms, screaming for help when the rest of the team had left hours earlier on a trip from which they wouldn't return until the next day. Fortunately, in addition to them, P.I.X.A.L. had stayed behind to repair some damages on the Destiny's Bounty following their last mission. But what if she hadn't? What would have become of him if he had lost Nya at that very moment?
He shook his head, letting go of his thoughts and choosing instead to focus on what truly mattered.
“Everything is going to be okay,” he said, noticing that Nya's legs were shaking. “She said it shouldn't take long.”
He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close and kissing her on the forehead.
“Mm-hmm…” she nodded, dropping the cookie package they'd given her after taking several blood samples onto the table in front of them. “I'm not hungry at all.”
“Not even juice? I can go get you a different flavor if you don't want apple. But you have to give your body some sugar or you're going to pass out.”
Nya nodded without saying a word, holding the straw between her lips and taking a sip of the apple juice. She hadn't said much in an hour, not since she'd admitted —her words trailing off as the color slowly drained from her face— that the nausea and vomiting had never actually stopped. That she'd been hiding it for nearly two months with medication to temporarily relieve the symptoms, that she just wanted to feel fit for the missions and nothing more. Jay couldn't help but feel quite guilty upon hearing this, his heart breaking into a million pieces as he witnessed just how far she was willing to go to avoid asking for help. If his attention weren't entirely focused on her and her health, he would spend hours ruminating and questioning his competence as a husband.
“I'm scared,” he finally said, feeling a lump form in his throat.
“It's okay,” “I'm scared too,” he thought, "you'll be fine. I'm here, alright? I'll take care of you no matter what. Maybe it's just a bug that won't leave you alone”—he wasn't entirely sure of that, but it wasn't the time to be honest either—“A good antibiotic will fix it.”
“A bug might certainly be one way to put it,” Nya thought. She couldn't help but replay the last few months in her head and feel a strange tightness in her chest. She'd never had a sensitive stomach, but the night before the morning it all began, she and Jay had gone out to The Crossroads for dinner. When she woke up with persistent nausea and he seemed to have it too, though milder, she never thought it was anything worth paying attention to. When the symptoms didn't go away and she had already assured him she was feeling better, she simply chose to self-medicate and pretend nothing was wrong. Always looking for a temporary solution to her problem, the pieces were starting to fall into place, and she didn't like the result one bit. She couldn't even confess it to Jay, who was sitting beside her, because she feared that the mere act of saying it out loud would make it all come true.
“I don't think an antibiotic is what I need.”
“We can't be sure of that.”
“I just have a feeling it isn't."
Jay remained silent. He sensed —he knew— that there was something she wasn't telling him. His anxiety and sense of guilt grew, fueling his doubts and stoking his fears. He stopped holding her, only to take her hand again, squeezing it tighter than before, but not hard enough to hurt her. She didn't react to the gesture, but she was very weak. He had no idea how to handle the situation, or even what to ask. After so many years together, even after he had fully recovered from his amnesia, he had never seen her in such a state. When something was wrong, she used to throw herself into his arms and cry there, pouring out her emotions with the intensity of a hurricane. Now she could barely meet his gaze, her body cold and her lips purple, showing signs of life only through the few words she managed to utter and that strange but constant electrical impulse he felt emanating from her body.
“I'm sorry,” she said, lowering her head.
Jay looked at her, confused.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said, gently cupping her face and meeting her gaze, distressed and crystalline. “None of this is your fault.”
“It is,” she said, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I don't know how I could have been such an idiot. It never crossed my mind, and it was so obvious.”
“What didn't cross your mind?”
“Jay,” she gripped both of his hands firmly, her expression serious, “I haven't had my period since July. It's September now.”
He felt an enormous weight pressing down on his chest, cutting off his breath and causing a sudden wave of nausea. His fear did not disappear. It simply turned into dread, spreading through his limbs and manifesting as intense cramps. He took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling, trying to relax to instill some sense of security in the midst of the situation, something he knew she needed more than anything.
“Nya, I don't think-”
He was interrupted by P.I.X.A.L.'s abrupt entrance through the door, holding a thick folder in her hands. She hurried towards them, wearing an expression that seemed to reveal she had found something important. She stared at them, gesturing for them to get up from the couch. Still silent, she opened the folder, labeled with Nya's name.
“I'm sorry I'm late, but I need to talk to you,” she said urgently. “I ran all the tests twice, and the results are exactly the same.”
“What did you find?” Jay asked.
P.I.X.A.L glanced sideways at Nya, noticing the anxiety reflected on her face.
“Human Chorionic Gonadotropin. She's eighteen weeks pregnant,” she revealed almost in a whisper, pressing her lips together.
Just a few seconds ago, Nya had held out hope —however faint— that it was all just paranoia. That, as in other occasions, her fear would not extend beyond her own mind, without cause or basis in reality. In her desperation, she even longed for it to be some rare disease, something whose consequences would be limited solely to herself and no one else. But never another human being, one whose fate would be intrinsically intertwined with hers, defining each other in more ways than one. She wasn't ready for something like that.
“No…” she covered her face with her hands. “No, no, no… No! It has to be something else! I can't… I can't…” she exclaimed, letting herself be enveloped by Jay's arms.
“A-are you sure?” Jay stuttered, struggling to keep his composure.
P.I.X.A.L. nodded, sadly.
Jay held back his tears. Not tears of happiness, but of uncertainty. About the direction their lives might now take, no matter which decision Nya chose. They believed that by using protection they would be safe, that taking the necessary precautions would be enough, and they were wrong because —once again— fate was challenging them with something they never thought they'd have to prepare for. He would have to be brave. For him, for her, for them, just as he had sworn from the moment they got engaged, just as he had promised her before saying “I do.”
“What are our options?” He decided to take charge of the situation, running his fingers through her loose hair as he felt his clothes soak through with her tears.
“An abortion isn't an option at this stage,” she said, closing the folder. “I can't tell you how sorry I am, Jay. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear,” she sighed. “I'll be around if you have any more questions.”
“Thanks,” Jay forced a smile, watching P.I.X.A.L. walk out the door and close it behind her.
⊹⊱•••━━━━━━《 ✮ 》━━━━━━•••⊰⊹
Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes into hours. Nya, who hadn't uttered a single sound besides her sobs since hearing the news, rested her head on Jay's lap as she laid back on the sofa. Without saying a word, he gave her the space she needed to process everything, and she appreciated it. Likewise, he used that moment to gather his own thoughts on the matter.
Nya considered herself incredibly lucky to have someone like him. Not just at that moment, but for what was already more than half her life. Someone she could trust when she was already used to dealing with her personal conflicts on her own. Which was ironic, because she'd been cowardly enough to hide from Jay just how bad she was feeling, and perhaps, had she addressed it in time, she wouldn't be begging for it all to be a dream. She wouldn't be silently lamenting in a clinic's waiting room, knowing that now she'd have to carry a pregnancy through no matter what. Not only risking her own health, but also affecting the entire team after one of them lost their elemental powers, handing them over to a person too young to use them with any certainty.
Deep down, she knew it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't help blaming herself for not having realized such an obvious possibility sooner. Every teenager's nightmare, the kind of discovery —she didn't like the idea of calling it an accident— that led many to grow up in a broken home, a source of pain and a prison of suffering that almost never went away. She didn't doubt Jay's ability to be a good father in the slightest, she was even certain he'd be the best of all. Soon, with his help, even she could become just as good. But the fear of the many ways everything could end horribly wrong overwhelmed her.
“I don't know what to do,” she finally said, sitting up. “I never thought something like this would happen to us.”
Jay took her hand.
“We can put the baby up for adoption,” he smiled slightly, hoping to calm her down a bit. “I grew up with adoptive parents and had the happiest childhood. I may never know why my biological parents had to leave me with them, but I've always chosen to believe it was for a good reason.”
Nya didn't smile back.
“But your parents are good people. That doesn't guarantee that it'll be the same in this case. And what about their elemental powers? They could hurt themselves and hurt other people without meaning to.”
“Letters? We could ask them to send us weekly reports with photos,” he paused for a moment. “As for the powers, I have no idea. We can't deny them the right to know they have them —if there's even a way to do that— but using them without control is very dangerous.”
“Exactly. Besides, a few photos wouldn't be enough for me. I'd live in fear that it's all a facade to keep us calm. But visiting wouldn't be an option either. It would lose its meaning and eventually even be traumatic for them.
“I suppose so,” he looked at her tenderly, trying to figure out where she was going with this. “So?”
“So…” she stroked his cheek with a lump in her throat. “Jay…”
“Yes?”
“Would you want to have this baby with me?”
“Are you sure?”
“Are you?”
“I'll be sure as long as you are.”
“I am,” she smiled, taking Jay's hand and placing it on her belly. “I'm still scared, and I'll be scared for a long time, even after the baby is born. But we have each other, and I want to believe that will be enough. And if it isn't, I know we'll find a way to make it be.”
Jay nodded, feeling the electric surge coming from Nya grow stronger and stronger.
“Then of course, I'd love to. It'll be us and the little tadpole against the world.”
Nya laughed.
“Tadpole? Are you serious? Wasn't there anything else in the nickname store?”
“No! And I know you won't change it because deep down, you love it.”
“I know you'll be the best father our child could ever have.”
“I'll do my best.”
“You always have”
“We always have.”