Chapter Text
PART 1 – THE SLEEPWALKING
Snow enveloped the woodland’s branches, its beautiful gloss emphasised in the spotlight of the moon. The huts appeared smaller and more delicate under the mossy frost. Inside, the girls lay, bodies pressed into the unmerciful forest floor. Taissa sat against the back of the makeshift shelter, watching the vapour of her breath dissolve into the thin air. She let her eyes itch against the cold as she forced them wider. Sleep had become a treachery. Across the room, Shauna was slumped against a blanket. Her breath was slow but not slow enough to convince anyone she was relaxed. A knife lay at her hip, always within reach. No one had mentioned it. No one mentioned much anymore. The quiet had become careful. Taissa pressed her hands into the frozen foliage beside her, grounding herself in the sting. Anything to remain awake. Anything to remain in control.
Dark eyes were locked on Taissa, absorbing her vigilant tension and sharp breath. Lottie knew that look so well she felt as if she could draw it in the snow. She recognised it from yesterday and the day before that. Since the day that snow pressed so heavily against the huts and the team was forced to huddle together for warmth. A blast of wind threw itself against the wood, a constant reminder of the dangers that arose with winter. The familiar scent of sweat and ash lingered in the air like smoke. Lottie’s fingers gripped soft fabric, pulling it further towards her chin. Tai wondered how long it had taken for the girls to learn to hold themselves in anticipation. To watch. To wait.
Taissa’s eyes blinked open, her lashes catching falling snowflakes from trees that loomed over her. The silence of the wilderness felt heavy on her chest. Or maybe it was the disappointment. The grief of her carefree summer. The sleepwalking was getting worse. She’d first found herself wandering through the trees the night before last. Snow crunched beneath her frostbitten hands as she lowered herself onto her knees. Tins and protein bars rested beneath her shoulders. A hole of salvation was dug into the ground. She was sleepwalking again. Hallucinating even. Not again. Not now. She couldn’t afford to be a liability. Unaware of how she got here, Taissa stumbled onto her feet. The freezing air cleansed her lungs as she ran towards a trail of quickly disappearing prints.
Blurry vision made it harder to track. Tai told herself it was the ice. The pounding of her heart hammered in her chest as she rushed towards the safety of the huts. As if she could outrun herself. A pair of dark eyes caught hers as she crawled through a small opening. Lottie’s face held something like hope. She sat still, blanket pressed to her chest, gaze fixed on Tai as if she were afraid to crack this precious moment of optimism. Tai froze, chest heaving. Even in fear, she felt the weight of the silent witness.
Outside, the wintry morning seemed to hold its breath, each hollow thud splitting its fragile stillness. Taissa stacked the logs in a steady rhythm, each thump sounding louder than it should. Snow had thawed through the wood, soaking its rough texture. Tai imagined the smoky stench that would cling to her hair tonight. Whatever kept the fire alive.
Akilah crouched next to her, eyes flicking to look up to Taissa every so often, her head tilted in an unconscious imitation. The other girl’s voices dwindled to whispers, mid conversations coming to a pause as Tai assessed her work. Even the wind seemed to hold back, as if waiting.
Shauna stepped forward, her hand brushing against the wood as if to intervene. Tai withdrew the plank from Shauna’s reach and placed it deliberately atop the stack.
“I’ve got it.” Taissa’s voice was stern in the morning breeze.
Shauna lifted her chin, refusing whatever flicker had crossed her face, her fingers lingering a little too long. The moment stretched, thin and brittle. They were watching.
Silence rested in the chilling air, an unfamiliar feeling crawling down Taissa’s spine and into her stomach. Everyone’s eyes were on her, waiting, as if she were time itself, ordering them when to go back to work. Her heart thumped in her chest, echoing through her ears. Taissa held her head high, returning to the pile of logs with shaking hands. Slowly, low chatter blended into boots scuffing through the snow. Akilah’s hands lay on her lap as she analysed Tai’s relaxed features. Lottie peered through the branches, a smile forming across her lips. For the first time in a while Taissa steadied herself, her breath becoming easy. The cold didn’t seem to bite as hard at her skin, numbness in her veins was replaced with a pumping warmth. A laugh echoed through the trees. They were waiting for her.
Taissa was a hard worker. She always had been. There were jobs that had to be done, and doing them seemed to make the day move faster and the hunger less prominent. She waited until the sun was buried beneath the trees until she headed to the shelter. They’d be finishing the last of the meat tonight.
The fire burned protectively in the centre of the room. It transformed the timber hut into a sanctuary amidst the imposing darkness. Girls reached gingerly towards a wooden plate of meat, chewing at their sacrifice, savouring it like words of acceptance. The ration clung to the inside of Taissa’s mouth, building up in the back of her throat. The last of the sustenance had become dry in the few weeks that followed the hunt. Fragments of flesh rested unapologetically upon a blood-soaked board. A board that desired meat as much as a starving wolf. A heavy weight of silence fell upon the shelter, only briefly interrupted by the occasional crackle of fire. Taissa let it sink in – the chilling air, the smoky scent, the guilt. However, the guilt did not belong to her.
“That’s the last of it.” Shauna’s voice echoed through the branches, interrupting a silent conversation she was not a part of. The ghost of a smirk spread across her lips as she scanned the group’s faces for their reactions. They weren’t looking at her. Lottie’s voice was soft, blending into the quiet whisper of the wind.
“What do you think Taissa?” Even the fire hushed. Nat and Akilah leaned closer, their eyes analysing Tai’s face as she swallowed, forcing her scarce meal to snake down her throat. “We’re still here.”
The first step into the snow felt like an intrusion. The feeling made Taissa’s blood curdle, shocking her skin as she glanced back at the blanket of sleeping bodies. She adjusted her head, twisting it like her spine was a metal pole. She waited outside the hut – just long enough to realise that no one was coming to save her from the armour of guilt that was beginning to grow on her shoulders. She began to drag her feet as she paced deeper into the thickening trees. Her body seemed to shake more with each new step she took. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe it wasn’t. Taissa lifted a freezing finger, pressing the nail deeply into her cheek; the only way she could maintain control.
The further Taissa went, the less she recognised the outline of familiar bark and branches. A sudden flap of wings from a tree sent a tumble of snow cascading to the ground. Tai’s heart climbed into her throat, as she shot a weary glance into the darkness around her. She could come back, once it was daylight. Bring a few of the girls with her. No. Van’s scars were a visual reminder of what happened the last time. Taissa couldn’t do that again – not to them. It would be destroyed if she told anyone anyway. Shauna was hungry for blood, not safety.
A metal clunk disrupted the quiet as Tai’s foot hit something. A dull sound underneath the snow. Taissa cautiously dropped onto her knees, letting the ice melt through her trousers. It made her bones ache, but it didn’t matter. Her hands trailed over the frost, dusting away the barrier of snow like dead flies off a window ledge. Tins and plastic packaging boasted a majestic glow as it caught the moonlight. Taissa sat for a moment, taking in the sacred salvation. She let her breath cloud then settle again several times before reaching for a tin and pressing her fingers into the groves. As if etching the feeling onto her hand would save the team from another round of empty stomachs. She gently slid it back into its empty space and spread the porcelain protection of snow over the food again. The air brushed her face as she steadily rose to her feet. Arms rested at her side as she followed the evidence of her crime back to the village. Breathing had become easy again.
Taissa pushed through the flap and into the shelter, letting the cold peel from her shoulders. She reclaimed the fixed posture of her head as she stepped over the carpet of sleeping girls and onto her reserved blanket. Her eyes wandered over her teammates. Their breathing rose and fell, a slow tide around the fire. Taissa froze, her body rigid as she saw a watchful face staring into hers. She didn’t know how long Akilah had been watching. It didn’t matter, she knew now. A shiver pinched at Taissa neck like the guilt a child feels when they get caught listening to a conversation through the wall. But something about the way Akilah watched wasn’t accusing – it was hungry for hope. Her lips stretched into a small smile as she let her eyes close into a peaceful sleep. The wind was her lullaby, batting gently against the walls of the hut. Gen had warned it would pick up tomorrow. Something about a halo around the moon. She was always good at predicting the weather.