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The Dumbest Dimension Part Two

Summary:

A mall day turns chaotic when an accidental portal drops three visitors from another dimension right into the middle of the shopping corridor. Row suiting up was not on the itinerary but neither was a mall robbery.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"And that's why you always need to have a second outfit on hand because the first one might not be enough or too much." Row walked with shopping bags in his hand from Cold Subject.

"Yeah, you always need a second outfit for that midday outfit swap." Texzia held Levine's hand.

"I don't know. I always just have one outfit and that works for me." Lun put his arm around Row. "Are you sure you don't want me to carry those bags for you?"

"Nope, you're not carrying a thing." Row stopped and put his hand on his head. "Do you feel that?"

"Yeah, what is that?" Lun held his head.

In another dimension, a kid named Dib was using a spell drive to open a portal. What he didn't know was that a kid with green skin was watching him from just outside his bedroom window.

Zim opened Dib's bedroom window. He and Skoodge climbed through.

Skoodge fell into the room with a loud thud.

Dib opened the portal and turned around. "Zim!"

"What?! I can't hear you over the sound of your big head, Dib-pig!" Zim shouted over the sound of the portal.

"My head's not big! And what are you doing in my room?!" Dib held the spell drive close to his chest.

"Give me that device, Dib-stink! It belongs to Zim now!" Zim lunged for it.

Skoodge stood up as the portal flickered to a darker blue. He was suddenly pulled into it.

Zim glared at Dib. "Look what you did, Dib-pig!"

"Me?! How is this my fault?!" Dib felt the portal pull him toward it. He held the spell drive tighter.

Zim extended his spider legs and pierced them into the floor, trying to anchor himself.

Dib was pulled into the portal, disappearing with a yelp.

The floorboards cracked under the strain. Zim's spider legs lost their grip and he was yanked into the portal.

The portal snapped shut.

"What does it feel like?" Texzia looked at Row.

"I don't know how to describe the feeling. It's just a very weird feeling in my head." Row stumbled over to a bench near the Cold Subject storefront and sat down.

Lun sat next to him.

As soon as they were settled, they hugged each other.

"Do you know what's going on?" Row whined.

"Sorry, sweetie, I don't." Lun rubbed his back.

A portal suddenly tore open in the center of the main mall corridor, right in front of the enormous fountain with the holographic water display. The swirling blue energy crackled above the decorative tile mosaic.

A fat alien came tumbling out of the portal and landed with a thud on the polished floor.

Skoodge looked around at the soaring ceilings, the multi-level shopping complex, and the various alien species walking by. "What is this place? Is this a mall?"

"Oh great, it's one of those creatures from that other dimension." Row stood up and stepped in front of Lun.

"Nice view and all, but can you tell me why you're standing in front of me and what that thing even is?" Lun stared at the portal.

Texzia stepped in front of Levine. "It's that creature from the other dimension. It looks like there's more of them and they're now in this dimension."

"That dimension was truly awful." Row shuddered at the memory.

Both Zim and Dib tumbled out of the portal and landed on top of Skoodge.

"Get off me!" Skoodge wheezed from underneath them.

Row's hands glowed blue and he levitated Dib and Zim off Skoodge. He pulled up the hood of his crop hoodie. "No need to fear, citizens! It is just I, Starman, and I am taking care of these creatures so they will not harm this... fair mall!"

Everyone kept walking around, shopping and eating large pretzels. A few people glanced over but quickly went back to their business.

Row sighed in relief as he encased the three of them in a blue bubble. He ran past the fountain, past Stitch & Fit and Bam Bam Burger, heading toward the back corner of the mall near the delivery corridors. There was a maintenance hallway behind the escalators that led to the employee break rooms, a spot where hardly anyone went during shopping hours.

Lun picked up their bags and ran after him.

Texzia grabbed Levine's hand and ran after them.

Dib stared for a moment, then quickly chased after them. "Hey, that's my proof I'm not crazy!"

Row ducked into the maintenance hallway, the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead. He set the bubble down near a stack of empty delivery crates and a "Staff Only" door.

"Let me go, you human pig-smelly!" Zim slammed his fists against the bubble.

"Fine." Row let them fall onto the floor. They landed in front of him with a thump. He quickly formed a band out of blue energy and used it to tie them together. "Talk. How did you get to our dimension and what are you doing here?"

"Unhand Zim! This is an outrage!" Zim thrashed against the energy bonds.

"No, Row will not." Row giggled. "Talking in third person is fun."

"You dare mock Zim!" Zim thrashed around.

"Row dares to mock Zim! Row finds it hilarious!" Row smiled.

Lun laughed. "Sweetie, you sound so funny."

Dib ran up to them, panting. "That's my proof of alien life, not yours! Wait..." He squinted at Row. "I know you. What was your name again? You were with that girl and that other guy."

"I'm Row, and you're the kid that helped us. Dib, right?"

"We're in your dimension now, aren't we?" Dib looked around at the alien architecture, the advanced technology embedded in the walls, the holographic directory signs.

"Yes, you're in ours. It's a lot cleaner, isn't it?" Row smiled. "Also, there are more intelligent people."

Suddenly, explosions could be heard.

"We're taking over the mall, yo, like, radical!" MC Carjacker ran into the mall through the hole he blew in the wall.

Vape Maxer followed MC Carjacker through the hole. "Yo bro, like, I can smell the cash already!"

"Yo chat, like, we're totally robbing this mall, bro!" Dope Money held up his phone, filming.

"Not these idiots." Row looked around. "I might actually have to change into my superhero form."

"You actually brought it." Lun stared at him.

"Why would you need a superhero outfit? I could just stop them in like two seconds." Levine stepped forward.

Texzia put a hand on his shoulder. "Babe, no."

"Nope, but a quick teleporting spell is all I need. Levine, stay back away from the fight and same thing for you, honey." Row's hands glowed blue.

"Don't worry, I wasn't gonna fight. I'll keep these two restrained though." Lun looked over at Zim and Skoodge.

"You will not keep Zim restrained!"

Row's Starman costume appeared in his hand as blue energy swirled around him. The energy dissipated and revealed Row in his Starman costume, his clothes scattered across the floor.

"Good luck, sweetie. I love you." Lun blew him a kiss. He quickly formed bands out of blue energy and restrained Zim and Skoodge again before they could get away.

Starman ran out of the maintenance hallway toward the sound of the explosions. He dodged past panicking shoppers fleeing the explosion site and skidded to a stop in front of MC Carjacker, Vape Maxer, and Dope Money near the jewelry store.

"Yo bro, we're gonna get some sick ice!" Vape Maxer turned toward Starman.

Texzia rushed over to them, nearly tripping over the debris in his platform high-heeled thigh-high magenta boots.

"Yo MC, we got company!" Vape Maxer put down a diamond necklace and reached into his pocket.

"Yo, is that a dude?" MC Carjacker pointed at Texzia.

"Like, bro, I don't know, bro!" Vape Maxer grabbed his arm.

"Yo chat, like, man or woman, we need answers, bro!" Dope Money swung his phone toward Texzia.

"Put the jewelry down." Row formed his hands into finger guns as they glowed blue.

Vape Maxer pulled out a laser pistol and a vape pen. He put the laser pistol in his mouth and pointed the vape pen at Starman.

"Like, totally wrong way around, bro!" MC Carjacker pulled out a laser pistol and aimed it at Texzia. "I don't care if you might be a chick."

Texzia used his magnetokinesis to pull the laser pistols out of their hands. "I'm a man."

"Yo chat, they took our guns!" Dope Money held up his phone.

"Give me back my vape… oh, it's right here in my hand… give me back my radical space gun, bro!" Vape Maxer put his vape in his mouth.

"Where did you even get these? Earth isn't even close to this level of technology." Row aimed his finger guns at Vape Maxer.

"Yo, some man-hating chicks sold them to us! They called us scum, but they still sold us the stuff! I'll pay you not to shoot me though, we have a lot of money, we just kind of steal stuff for fun!" Vape Maxer took a long drag from his vape and blew the smoke in Row's direction.

"First of all, don't blow your smoke at me or I will shoot." Row crossed his arms.

"Were their names Cocaine, Champagne, and Gasoline?" Texzia put one of the laser pistols on stun and aimed it at MC Carjacker.

"Yo, your people are wack! Yeah, those were their names, the chicks looked like porcupines! Don't shoot!" MC Carjacker put his hands up.

Row frowned as he heard police sirens. "Stupid useless cops," he muttered.

"Yeah, we're almost done taking care of the situation and they're gonna act like they did all the work." Texzia crossed his arms. "You want to go to the food court?"

"Yeah, Lun is probably hungry by now." Row looked toward the hole as a cop entered followed by another.

"Yo chat, the cops showed up." Dope Money swung his phone toward the entrance.

Texzia used his magnetokinesis to pull Dope Money's phone into his hand. He looked at the screen and frowned. "Seriously, you're letting them use slurs against us?"

"Well, they're just words. They're not actually gay, right? Because if so, we're real losers for getting beat up by a bunch of gays. You're not gay, right? Yo." MC Carjacker put his hands up as a cop aimed a gun at him.

A news crew came running through the hole as a female reporter screamed into her microphone. "This just in, the police have captured these criminals, proving once again that the people don't know what they're talking about!"

"But we captured them." Starman glared at her.

"Ignore these gays, it's fake news!" she screamed. "This is Foxy News, reporting what they don't want you to know!"

"It's funny, they never say who the 'they' is." Starman walked away.

"Yeah, they never do and they never will. They just want to scare the less intelligent humans." Texzia followed Row.

"I am Lois Harangue and I am here with the boys in blue, the great and sexy amazing police!"

Row ran back to Lun and hugged him.

"Whoa, sweetie, you almost made me lose my focus but I'm happy to see you." Lun smiled.

"Can you untie us please!" Skoodge pleaded.

"Nope." Texzia looked at Levine. "Hey babe, are you hungry?"

"Yeah I am!" Levine walked up and jumped into Texzia's arms. He wrapped his legs around Texzia's waist. "What do we do about these losers?" He pointed at Zim and Skoodge.

A security guard approached them. "Is this your kid? He was interrupting the news and screaming about aliens with his big head and stuff. Honestly, I don't really care but seriously watch your kid."

"Can I get food with you guys?" Dib asked as he was being dragged away by security guards. "My head's not big!"

"Yes to all those questions except the untying question. No on that one. We'll give you food though. Any dietary restrictions?" Lun hid his glowing hands behind his back.

"Even if his head is big, it's rude to point it out. His head is big but again, it's rude to point it out." Row pointed at the security guards.

"Whatever, we're just doing our job." The security guards walked away.

"The mall is saved, so… to the food court!" Row glowed blue and changed back to his clothes and teleported his super suit back into the closet. He ran in the direction of the food court.

Dib ran after him, still holding the spell drive.

Lun untied Skoodge and Zim and formed the energy into leashes. He ran after Row.

Texzia held Levine's hand and they walked in the direction of the food court.

Notes:

This is my second ever fan fiction a part two of my first ever fan fiction.

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