Work Text:
The moment your eyes opened, you knew that today just wasn’t the day for you. The ache in your chest was strong, gripping and you wanted nothing more than to fall back into the darkness of sleep to pass the time. It had been one whole year since you had lost your precious baby Abby and the pain was still there - stronger when you thought about her. And last night you had dreamt about her.
The scene of the dream had been strange, going for a swim in water that was both inside a water park, but also a natural lake that people could visit as well as being part of the ocean because at one point you thought there were sharks in there. Which was an even weirder event considering that at some point later in the dream the water had been magically sucked up to reveal your childhood neighborhood. Your brain must have been on overdrive, flipping through different memories and converging them all into one singular event.
And with it, there was Abby. Sitting in her cute little grey cat bed, floating in the water. She stared at you, meowed and even did her little tail shake that you just thought was so fucking adorable. She had felt real, but when you woke up, everything had vanished and a vacant void left in its place.
Jeongin, sweet precious Jeongin, had tried to convince you to stay home, especially after he caught you crying in the shower. But you told him that unfortunately mourning the loss of a pet was not a ‘valid’ reason your boss would allow for PTO, the asshole.
“Do you want me to beat him up? I could get in a few punches for you.”
You laughed sadly, shaking your head. “Sir, you are a ghost, you can’t hurt him.”
“I can too! I just have to want to do it badly enough.”
And that piqued your interest, but not enough to shake off the depressing mood looming over your head. But you did believe Jeongin. If he could actually get physical with the living, you believed he would punch your boss for you because he was just that sweet of a person, even in the afterlife.
“Thanks Innie, but I’m okay. I’ll be okay.” The look he gave you clearly showed he didn’t believe you, but he otherwise didn’t comment. And you were thankful for that.
It was truly times like this when you were thankful your shift was opening. The quietness that greeted you was welcoming, even if you didn’t want to be fully left alone with your thoughts. Because you knew they would eventually make you spiral, they had in the past. The white noise of the A/C droning on gave you something to at least focus on as you walked through the office, starting the coffee maker before making your way out to the warehouse and turning on the lights. Every move you made, the sound was echoing back, hollow, like your heart.
It was really baffling how a little cat had latched onto your heart and made such a solid home there that losing here was still affecting you so long after. When you thought about the entire year that had passed, so much had happened. Four boyfriends, a ghostly tenant who loved to torture you by walking in on you changing all the time. You were sure there was something there by Jeongin doing that, but that was a subject you didn’t want to broach because how the hell would you be able to do anything with a ghost?! Then there was Seungmin, who surprisingly kept in touch with you after that whole cruise fiasco and despite having nearly opposite schedules, you had found time to meet up a handful of times. He was now one of your close friends.
There were so many good things that had happened to you over the past year and yet this pain somehow managed to overshadow all of that.
And god how you hated it.
You weren’t sure how you got back to your desk, or when you even turned your computer on - body moving on autopilot most likely. But you sat there, staring at the screen. You knew you should be working. There was at least one spreadsheet you needed to start and orders you needed to verify and schedule for delivery. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything. So you just sat there, even as the clock struck 8am and employees started filing into the office, filling the once silent building with soft chitter chatter.
“Good morning Chan- oh, he’s not in yet.” You didn’t even wince at the ear piercing pitch of Lucy as she made her way to the cubicles. “Oh, you’re here though. Amazing. And not working. You’re on a roll today, aren’t you Y/n?”
“Not today, Lucy. Please.” Your words were soft, almost void of emotion. You couldn’t deal with her shit today, there was just no mental capacity for it. If it were up to you, you wouldn’t socialize with anyone really. Maybe you should have just called out like Jeongin had insisted.
“Please? Wow, never heard that word come out of your mouth before.” Lucy snorted, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at you. You hated the way it made you feel, like she was analyzing you, and she probably was. Thankfully, she didn’t say anything else. Instead, she scoffed and turned, setting her things down at her desk before leaving, presumably to go to the kitchen for coffee as was her morning ritual. And you were once more left alone in silence.
This time, however, you did manage to get your screens pulled up, opening the CRM (customer relationship management) software and your emails. You were bombarded with a dozen of ‘urgent’ emails and a few ‘urgent’ orders in the CRM program that were showing deliveries not being made. You should technically jump on that and get it sorted, but all you wanted to do was cry. The feeling washed over you so suddenly, maybe triggered by how overwhelming things seemed to be at work and not having an ounce of motivation to do your job, you weren’t sure. All you knew was that a good cry sounded like the best idea.
The tears were falling before you had truly made up your mind and you were leaning forward over your desk, hands covering your face as you sobbed into them. Was it stupid for you to be this upset over a pet's passing? It felt like it. You felt so stupid and weak and pathetic because surely other people didn’t have this sort of problem. Of course, other people probably just had normal pets that had aged to a point where it was finally their time to go. Meanwhile you had cared for a disabled cat who couldn’t care for herself in any way. She made it 3 beautiful years before she finally left the world and left you so utterly broken.
“Y/n?” The voice barely registered over your sobs, distant and almost indistinguishable, but you heard it. You thought maybe it was Lucy coming back to now poke fun at you for crying at work because of course that would be something she would do. Added points if a few of the male workers were around so she could cause some extra humiliation. You wanted to tell her to fuck off and go rot in hell (even if that would cause a handbook violation), but the fight you left as soon as it rose up. You were on a rollercoaster of emotions with only one destination - depression station.
“Y/n.” The voice repeated again, only this time louder and recognizable. “Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” Gentle hands ran over your back and up to your shoulders, thumbs pressing lightly into the back of your neck and rubbing and you let out a horrifying choked sound because why the fuck was Chan at work so early?! It couldn’t possibly be time for his shift to start. You peeked through your fingers, barely able to make out the time on the task bar of your computer through all the tears but sure enough, it was already time for him to be there. “Y/n?” He asked again and you shook your head quickly.
How could you possibly explain to him why you were crying? Why you were upset? Hell, you hadn’t even told him about Abby passing in the first place. The only people who knew were Jisung and Minho, and it wasn’t a story you thought you could relay to Chan at this point. “I’m fine.” You struggled to get out, though you were indeed, not fine. And it was quite obvious that you weren’t fine. So it came as no surprise that Chan didn’t believe you. But it was a huge surprise when his hands left their spot just to pull your chair from your desk and turn you around in it. He knelt before you, staring up at you and you had to look away. You didn’t want this unbelievably handsome man to see you like a sobbing mess. You were sure you looked absolutely horrible. At least your looks would match how you felt.
“You are not fine.” Thank you captain obvious. You snorted at that, or attempted to. It didn’t actually work and only made you choke because your nose was so clogged up that you couldn’t breathe through it anymore. Reaching up, Chan cupped your cheeks, turning your face back towards him. “What happened?” Once more you shook your head, unwilling to tell him the truth. “Did Lucy do something to you?” One would think it was a bit crazy how he would just suddenly assume Lucy was behind it. But she was a Karen after all and had countless times shown her ass. It wasn’t so far-fetched to believe that she would have said or done something to upset you. Again you shook your head and prayed that maybe Chan would get the hint that you didn’t want to talk about it. His brows furrowed, but he didn’t ask any follow up questions. Instead, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug.
The tears fell faster, as they usually did when someone showed you even an ounce of compassion. The soothing hand rubbing your back only seemed to make you cry harder as you clung to him, fingers gripping tightly to his uniformed shirt. You hid your face in his shoulder, tears soaking the material almost instantly. A small part of you felt bad for doing so, but another part of you felt almost relieved. And you knew eventually you would be able to calm down and would probably feel a lot better. You just didn’t know when ‘eventually’ would be.
It felt like a lifetime, sitting in your chair, being held by Chan while you cried. He never once pushed you away or tried speaking to you again. He simply held you while you let it all out, his frame solid and comforting. A place where you could hide while being vulnerable, even though you were at work where anyone could find you. Which, they did.
“What’s going on?” Jisung’s voice rang out, dripping with worry and you could only imagine the sight he saw.
“Don’t know.” Chan answered, voice soft. You could feel the vibrations of his words as he spoke, which lended an even more comforting feeling. One that was familiar but also hard to pinpoint where you had felt it before. Maybe from your past, when you were a kid? “I came in and she was crying. She won’t tell me why.”
“Typical.” You could hear the fondness in Jisung’s voice, but you could also picture him standing there, smirking too. Because yet, this was very much typical of you, not wanting to tell anyone what was upsetting you - not wanting to be a burden. “Y/n, babe, come on. You gotta talk to us.” Jisung was closer now, probably standing behind Chan. “Don’t make me go get Minho.” Oh that was a threat you didn’t want to see happen.
With a struggling sniffle, you finally pulled away from Chan. The shoulder of his shirt had changed colors completely with how wet it was from your tears. You shot him an apologetic look before letting your eyes move to meet Jisung’s. “Oh baby.” You hated how he cooed at you, but loved it all the same. It made your heart flutter to know he cared about you. They both did, which was still hard to believe at times. “Why are you crying?”
“I… last night.” You started, voice thick with phlegm from crying. You tried to clear your throat, but it didn’t work well considering you still had to breathe through your mouth. Whoever created bodies to respond like this when crying was pure evil! A damn clogged nose was going to take you out, who would have thought? “Had a dream last night, about Abby.” You finally managed to force out in a barely there whisper. “Today is… today is…”
“Oh god, baby.” Jisung was taking Chan’s place before you, pulling you in a hug and much to your surprise and dismay, the man pulled you off your chair and down into his lap. You flailed for all of three seconds before grasping at him and melting into his hold. “I’m so sorry.”
“Who’s Abby?” Chan asked, voice hesitant. Obviously he didn’t want to upset you more by asking questions, but he was so out of the loop, he had no idea what was happening. You couldn’t blame him for that. Jisung tensed under you and you could feel him shifting slightly. You whined softly.
“Can I tell him?” You nodded your head. Jisung placed a kiss on your temple then. “Do you remember last year when Y/n didn’t show up for work? And Minho and I left like five minutes after coming in?”
“Yeah…” Chan said slowly.
“We actually took Y/n home that day. Abby was her cat and she passed away the night before.” It was a short and sweet explanation and Jisung didn’t go into any detail of how much Abby meant to you or that she was a special needs cat. But Chan didn’t seem to need that information. You didn’t need to see him to know that he was putting the pieces together. Whatever tension had been between you all melted away with that understanding. No more needing to know. They were there to comfort you and that was more than you could ask for.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be like this.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Chan reached over and rubbed your arm gently. “We’re here for you.”
“Why did you come into work today anyway? You should be home.”
“Because I didn’t want to be a depressed burrito.”
“So you’d rather be a depressed burrito here? Where Karen could see you? Baby, you’re crazy.” Jisung laughed lightly. “You should go home. It’s okay to take a mental day.”
You whined and smacked his side lightly. “Ass, I’m not mental.” You huffed.
“You know what I mean, brat.”
“Ji’s right. You’re not in any shape to work today.” Chan was right. They both were. And while the thought of being at home, alone was scary, it did beat being at work and just crying in front of your coworkers. At least the last time you had a breakdown you had managed to stay in your car.
“Okay. I’ll go home.” Pulling away from Jisung, you wiped at your eyes, trying to dry the tears and whatever snotty mess may be there. You needed to look at least somewhat presentable to make your great escape.
“Good. Here Chan.” Jisung passed you over like you were a toy, but you went willingly into Chan’s arms, leaning against him. “I’m gonna go get Minho.”
“Why?”
“So we can go home together.”
“No, you guys should stay. Don’t miss work because of me.” They did this the last time and you still felt bad that they missed out on work. You weren’t sure if they got the look of shame from the boss like you had when you returned the next day, but if they had, you didn’t want them to experience that again.
“Excuse me? Our girlfriend is in clear distress and you think we’re just going to sit here in our chairs and stare at a screen while listening to Karen scream ‘Channie’ all day? Pfft, as if.” Standing, Jisung dusted himself off quickly. “I’m going to go collect Min and we’re going to get breakfast.” He turned his attention to Chan then. “Text me your orders and we’ll meet you at Y/n’s place.”
“Noooooo, Chan can’t leave too.”
“You thought I was going to stay too?” Chan laughed, but nodded. “Sure thing Ji.” Jisung stood there for a moment, just staring at you with an unreadable expression before he turned and left. You still couldn’t believe how much they cared about you. Sure they were your boyfriends and you were all navigating through your open relationships, but never once have you ever felt like they didn’t love you. But today, today it really showed with their actions.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” Looking up at Chan, you gave a weak smile.
“For this. For… everything.” You didn’t feel like you deserved their love, but you weren’t going to deny it either. You wanted it so badly. It was something you were never going to take for granted.
“Hey, you don’t need to thank us,” He smiled and your stomach did a little flip. “We love you.”
“I love you, too.” And as if to seal the deal, you leaned and kissed him. It was the first time that you kissed Chan in the office. Your relationship with him wasn’t as open as your relationship with Jisung was. But it was agreed upon by all of you because you didn’t need anyone - especially not Lucy - to know how many people you were dating. You weren’t ashamed of them, it was just more of an ease of convenience. Not everyone would be open minded and you didn’t need to justify your relationships to people. You loved them, they loved you and that’s all that matters.
“Let’s get you home, princess.”
You didn’t fight Chan as he stood and lifted you up into his arms. After grabbing your bag from your desk, the two of you made a hasty exit out of the building. And while you were probably going to spend the rest of the day moping about, at least you wouldn’t be alone. And you were actually looking forward to spending the day with three of your boyfriends. Maybe if you were lucky, you could also get Changbin to come over as well and you could spend the day with all four of your boyfriends.